Sir Pentious and Baxter!

Cold Blooded Hearts

Xirxine Lab

In Episode One

Present day, episode one

Angel Dust spotted a flying metal aircraft, which was firing lasers at nearby buildings. It looked like an industrial rocket ship made with gears and a steampunk style to it. A metal hook hung from the bottom of it. The lasers struck the buildings, which caused bright pink explosions to fill the air.

From inside the ship, a serpent-like villain stood high above over the controls, laughing manically. Down below, some of his deviled egg minions stood and watched. Each of them wore black top hats and pinstriped round clothing colored purple and yellow. They were called Egg Bois.

The room had deep purple walls, cabinets for the minions and decorations of their leader along the wall. The wall’s design resembled snake scales.

The villain was Sir. Pentious. He wore a gray coat with yellow vertical stripes down the front. He had a black tail with yellow stripes and pink eyes all over. He wore a top hat with a moving pink eye and a grinning mouth of fangs. He sprouted a demonic grin of his own, his hood also full of several pink eyes.

Up on the platform, he oriented two levers in his hands, the screen in the center displaying a pentagram design.

“Those other cowardly sinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision. The power of my machines are unmatched! No other demon can compare to the likes of I!”

One egg minion with #23 on his back added, “Gee that was pretty swell boss!”

“Yeah!” another chimed in: #666.

“You really showed them what for!” called a third.

Another minion teasingly ran his fingers up the overlord’s spine. “I like it when you shot them with your ray gun…”

Sir Pentious punched a minion out the window and whirled around in anger. The other minions backed up. “I wish he’d shoot me with his ray gun,” a minion whispered, head lowered.

Sir Pentious rolled his eyes at his masochist minions. He turned back to the controls and grinned. Pentagram circles revealed the areas he had taken over and the other territories ahead. “At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of the Pentagram by day’s end!”

He laughed and bragged some more. “And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!”

As to prove his point, he grabbed a minion in his tail and tightly squeezed him.

Another minion blew a noisemaker and then popped open a blue bottle of a brown drink. The overlord threw the minion across the room as the eggs celebrated down below.

“Hell will be mine,” he declared, “and everybody will know the name of Sir Pe…”

“Edgelord!” yelled a voice.

“Pardon?!” Sir Pentious shot back in shock. “Who said that?!”

He leaned in close to two of his minions, not pleased.

“What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?!”

The minions shook in fear.

“Speak up!” he hissed.

“It wasn’t us, mister boss man!” said a minion.

Just then, an object shot through the glass at the front, creating a small hole. A small red-pink bomb with a black skull on the front, landed on the floor. Sir Pentious observed it for a moment…the bomb looked like a cherry…which could only mean…

The bomb exploded, covering the room in sparkles and thick red smoke.

Sir Pentious coughed and swiped some of the smoke away.

“You looking for a fight, old man?” a female voice challenged.

 Sir Pentious spotted his rival standing proud and casually catching another bomb in her hand: Cherry Bomb.

Towering tall in pink high heel boots, ripped black jeans, a pink crop top with an x on the front, long strawberry blonde hair, a single pink eye with an x that took up most of her white face…a grin of sharp teeth…it was her alright.

“Why don’t you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it…” she declared before catching her bomb. A random barbell of metal crashed into the floor close to Cherri Bomb.

“…more.”

“Oh, you wanna go, missy?” Sir Pentious retorted. He flicked his hood back before opening it. Well, I’m happy to oblige!”

He let out another evil laugh as his minions closed in, holding stun guns, which crackled with yellow electricity.

But Cherri Bomb wasn’t scared. With graceful leaps, she avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. She used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the flying craft. Landing gracefully on the ground, she continued her assault from below.

“Catch me if you can, snake man!”

“Get her!” he bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs quickly running around in a frenzy.

The minions jumped to the ground after her, their boss following suit. Cherri Bomb dodged a blast, grinned and picked up a minion egg. She spun around and threw the minion straight into Sir Pentious’ face. He threw the egg back at her, and she caught it with one hand.

“Thanks for the gift!” she called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. She placed a bomb into it, then threw it back at him...straight to his face. Sir Pentious could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke.

“Why you little…”

Cherri Bomb ducked as another egg sailed over her head.

Just then, a familiar drug-addict white demon stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.

“Hey, Angel Dust!” called Cherri Bomb, happy to have her partner in crime arrive.

“Great to see you too, sweetie!” he greeted.

Another pink explosion filled the air as the fight continued. The ground and area shook from the intense battle.

“Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Cherri Bomb said as she fired a flaming red arrow from a large gun over toward Sir Pentious.

Angel Dust laughed, leaning against volcanic rock as cover. He threw a grenade over his head.

“You kiddin’? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages!”

A pink explosion rocked the streets.

“Where have you been anyway?” she asked. “I thought you up and died or some shit.”

“I wish,” he remarked as he lit another fuse and handed the bomb to his ally. She threw it forward, then ducked behind the rock next to Angel.

Angel continued, “I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some boards are letting’ me stay rent-free if I play nice.” They covered their ears and grinned.

A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh. The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions. Using four arms, Angel Dust fired rapidly from a gun at the minions, making some of them explode.

He sighed, and used one of his hands to gesture. “Y’know, no fights, no pranks, no “problematic language.” Her words, not mine.”

He tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending him into the air and exploding in a yellow yok mess. He waved a spiked club and continued firing his gun. A pot shop stood in the background, with marijuana leaves near the sign.

“These bitches are no fun!” Angel complained in frustration. Splatters of yok landed on his head and face. “I’ve been clean for two weeks!”

“Holy shit!” Cherri Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air.

Angel scooped up yok with his finger. “Well, sorta clean.” He smashed apart another egg minion with his club. “As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder.”

Angel’s shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs as Cherri posed in the background, one of her boots missing. A sign read “50% off meth” above a small super market.

A black chain wrapped tightly around Angel’s waist and chest, sending him flying backwards. Cherri Bomb gasped as her ally was pulled away. Sir Pentious threw the chained Angel Dust hard onto the ground a distance away. He landed with a thud against volcanic rock.

“Oh, harder daddy!” Angel teased with a wide smirk.

Sir Pentious gasped, eyes tearing up. “Son?!”

Angel Dust stared blankly, one eye raised, a look of disbelief on his face.

Cherri Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Sir Pentious’ back. The villain landed on the ground, then hissed threateningly.

“You whores have no class!” he exclaimed, standing up. “In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style.” He straightened his black bowtie with a spring.

Cherri Bomb broke open an egg and tossed the shells aside. Angel stood up, freeing himself from the chains.

“Or the side that ain’t dead,” she added.

“Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something’?” Angel asked, wiggling his fingers.

Sir Pentious hissed. “Oh, well, that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?”

Angel continued, “Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?”

He and Cherri burst into laughter. Even a pink “loser” sign pointed at the oblivious villain. “Ooooh,” said a minion near him. “One hellish burn.”

“I’m going to blow you to bits!” Sir Pentious yelled, pointing at them.

“Hmm! Kinky!” Angel teased.

An advertisement displaying a plate of, sausage, eggs and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read “pussy.” Another yellow sign read, “Sex here.”

“Not like that! Pervert!” yelled the villain. Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust held in laughter.

Angel suddenly pushed Cherri Bomb out of the way, as an egg minion shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angel’s four wrists. He struggled to free himself, the cords stretching.

Sir Pentious chuckled. “Not so cocky now, are we?”

“Y’know, you really need to watch what’s coming out of your mouth,” Angel remarked. “Cocky…cumming, you get it?”

The villain didn’t respond.

Angel sighed. “I’ve been making these sex jokes the whole time!”

A drill poked out from the ground, Angel narrowly avoiding it. A minion held a drill in his small hands at Angel. Two extra arms popped out from Angel’s body, holding his rifle.

“And it’s obvious you ain’t catching on.”

He cocked his gun. “I mean, it’s just sad!”

He jumped into the air, freeing himself and firing the gun. The laser hit Sir Pentious, and his gray top hat fell off.

Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel. “So, think you’re gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?”

“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?” He shrugged his shoulders and retracted his extra arms. Sir Pentious lay fuming on the ground.

More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Egg shells and yok puddles littered the cracked street.

Cherri Bomb playfully elbowed Angel. “Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite guy to party with!”

“You know it, sugar tits,” Angel replied.

“You ready to finish this?” she asked. She rolled a bomb from one of her shoulders to her other shoulder, then into her hand.

Angel cocked his gun again. “Born ready, baby!”

The duo charged at Sir Pentious. Everyone yelled. More egg minions fell and Sir Pentious realized he was running out fast.

After several more minutes of battle, Sir Pentious and his remaining minions retreated back to his ship. “This isn’t over, sluts!” he declared at his enemies. “I’ll have my revenge!” The ship hatch closed. The egg minions steered the ship and it rose into the air, almost sending the snake flying out of the craft. He tossed out more minions in response before taking the controls and flying the craft away.

Angel and Cherri Bomb high-fived.

“See you around,” she said.

“Until the next brawl,” said Angel.

Cherri Bomb waved goodbye and blasted music from an Eye Pod (a device made from an actual moving eye. “Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I’m your wild girl. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!” she sang out loud. Angel Dust laughed and continued on his way.

After buying some more amino and pot from the 666 Shop, Angel met with Charlie and Vaggie in a white monster limo. A great day indeed for the promiscuous demon.

Later on, Alastor, Husk, Niffty, Charlie, Angel, and Vaggie, peered out of the hole to see what was going on. Vaggie had her weapon at the ready.

Looking skyward, the group saw a cracked blimp in the air. It had a small random band aid with a sad face on it along the rim. A familiar snake villain popped out of his hideout.

“Ha!” Sir Pentious laughed. “Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet again, Alastor!”

Apparently, he was also rivals with Alastor.

But Alastor simply asked, “Do I know you?”

The snake boss looked disappointed. Then he said in anger, “Oh yes you do! And this time, I have the element of…surprise!”

The villain raced toward his pink velvet chair, sat down and pulled a lever. A metallic cannon lowered to the ground. The cannon fired up with pink energy as pink smoke appeared around them.

“He laughed manically. “I’m so evil!”

Then he added, “I have an Egg army!”

“Well, we have an Alastor,” Charlie responded.

Alastor snapped his fingers, red tendrils of smoke rising from his hand. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp.

A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window.

Sir Pentious looked on in shock as his Egg Bois slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yok. Sir Pentious and another minion were thrown against the wall.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he screamed before he was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb.

“Oh, that hurt!” he cried.

Sir Pentious screamed as he was dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. He was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Bois ran around screaming as black cracks appeared on the floor and walls.

From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.

Four horned shadowy spirits with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins.

The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines.

Red radio waves filled Alastor’s eyes as he circled his fingers and worked his magic. Voodoo symbols appeared all around him as he altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air.

The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim.

Alastor closed his four-fingered hand which began to glow. A red drop of blood fell from his glowing hand. The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!

Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alastor smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five stared in utter terror and shock. (Save for Niffty who had a small smile on her face).

After the group has departed, Sir Pentious climbed out of the crater, hand shaking, tooth chipped, after the group had left.

“Now will you shot me with your ray gun?” asked the minion.

Sir Pentious face-planted on the ground in response.

Humiliating Defeat

Present day

A buzzing static sound came from a device on Sir Pentious’ wrist.

“Boss, do you read me? I just got done watching the princess on the news and I’m on my way to this so called Happy Hotel. Right next to my lab. I’ve already connected it. Apparently, this hotel is intended to redeem sinners and send them to Heaven. Implausible but not impossible. When you’re finished fighting, let’s meet up at the lab…the one away from the hotel.

“Sir Pentious, sir, are you there? I’m on my way there. Over.”

Inch by inch, the serpentine aristocrat heaved himself up and out of the crater. He slowly slithered on with his lower snake body. He had underestimated Angel Dust, Cherri Bomb, and Alastor. He had believed that with his inventions he could take over Hell and disintegrate all his foes with one press of a button.

Now his airship lay in smoking ruins at the bottom of the crater. He could still hear the faraway laughs and taunts of the shadow spirits as they flew off.

“Please, O’ mighty sir…just one blast?”

Sir Pentious glanced down at the Egg Boi and scowled. The egg minions thought of him as some kind of sexy intelligent deity. They praised him, ran around, and admired his inventions at every turn. With more than three hundred of the humpty dumptys constantly being made, it was surprising that the inventor hadn’t gone mad. Sure he would be fond of them at times, even reading them stories about villains taking over the world to help them get to sleep. But mostly they were annoying little tools who wouldn’t shut up. With dozens of eggs at his beck and call, came the cost of being an unofficial part-time parent.

Then again, maybe it was his assistant’s way of getting on his nerves. His assistant was Baxter, the blue anglerfish scientist, who had helped him make the Egg Bois. He had a few underground labs, including one under the Hazbin Hotel. While Sir Pentious conquered territory from above, Baxter lurked below and conducted unethical experiments on other unlucky sinners. He was a loner who didn’t like to be disturbed but he would go out of his lab on occasion.

But the minions had been very helpful at overwhelming demons who had tried to fight back. The eggs would keep them distracted while Sir Pentious would destroy the area with a fury of lasers while letting out an evil laugh. He had blasted one demon to bits after the youngster had mocked his hip outfit with an “ok boomer!” and flipping him the bird. Sir Pentious was mad that his rock star shirt and baseball cap were disregarded so fast. He even had a skateboard and sunglasses for show. But the minions had showered him with compliments, leaving him temporarily satisfied.

Plus, as eggs, the minions were also a suitable source of substance.

Just like the one near him.

Sir Pentious picked up the egg minion in his hands and stretched open his mouth.

Several minions who had tested his patience for long enough became part of his breakfast. He had swallowed them whole and licked his lips. Or cooked them alive in a frying pan, while making the other minions watch. He would say, “This is an example of what happens when you don’t obey my orders.” The rest of the egg minions would fall silent and quickly get back to work.

He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until after the smoke cleared.

He looked at the minion with one eye open and saw the minion holding in a giggle.

“Are…you blushing?” he asked, closing his mouth and facing the minion in his hand.

“I think this is even better than getting shot, now that I think about it,” said the minion, a big smile on his white oval face. “What does your tongue feel like on my hard shell?”

With a noise between a gasp and a yell, Sir Pentious tossed the Egg Boi into the air until he cracked open in a splatter of yellow organs and yok at the bottom of the crater. Sir Pentious’ gray top hat rolled its pink eye.

He scoffed, “I swear, Hell is just mocking me today!” Taped on his back was a sticky note that read, “I’m A Dirty Snake In Da Grass.” The top hat tried not to laugh. Sir Pentious glance down at his device and listened to it. As much as he wanted to see the hotel, he was not in the shape to take that risk. He would be noticed right away, and defenseless without his machines.

In many ways, he was lucky to have his assistant and spy around. He could only hope that he could find useful information for him. His mind was full of himself and his inventions most of the time…which led to him being slightly unaware of the proceedings outside. Forget about the fact that he didn’t know what cell phones or computers were. Being one of the oldest sinners in Hell had pros and cons. Many years of conquering territories and admiring himself…but also having to keep up with the ever-expanding technologies and cultures merging together.

Sir Pentious winced as he made his way back to his hideout on top of a volcano. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, save for glass windows at the very top of the structure. He glanced down distastefully at his outfit, which had been ruined in the battle. His suit would have to be washed and ironed as soon as possible. Even his bow-tie was lopsided. His lower snake belly, though it was thick and tough, was tired from moving over the hard ground.

A set of double doors lay behind a large black hunk of rock, unnoticeable to many passerby. He tapped it in a rhythmic pattern with his clawed fingers and the boulder moved off slightly toward the right.

After typing in a passcode on a keypad next to metal double doors, he walked up and a long scanner appeared from a small hatch inside the rocky wall. It hovered by his face and registered his yellow eyes.

“Match recognized,” chirped a robotic voice, before the scanner retracted back into the hatch. The set of doors opened.

Whirring and the sounds of rapid footsteps came from above. The floor was black onyx with several cracks and holes in it due to machinery parts that had fallen to the lower level in the past. The place smelled of mechanical machines, old furniture, and of course, eggs. The walls were purple with little golden curves shaped like snake scales. There were a few small lamps in the walls. Sir Pentious walked over to an old fashioned pulley-like lift connected with ropes and stepped onto the slab of square wood.

“Pull the lever!” he ordered a nearby Egg Boi. Two levers stood side by side, each with a red top part.

“This lever?” the egg asked. He pulled one. The pulley and Sir Pentious rapidly descended until it hit a floor covered with dark spikes.

“WRONG LEVER YOU IMBECILE EGG!” Sir Pentious yelled.

He pulled his hood free from the protruding spikes, blood spurting from his smaller pink eyes. The Egg Boi pulled the other lever and this time, Sir Pentious and the hole-covered slab of wood were slowly raised upward. The snake gave the egg a heated glare before he disappeared above.

He reached the top and opened the wooden doors in front of him.

A large dome had glass windows that allowed a view of Hell and the red sky outside. An overhead screen with a glowing red pentagram showed a map of Hell and Sir Pentious’ occupied territories. Adjoining doors in the far wall led to a small kitchen, a bathroom and a bedroom. Metal and concrete pipes of various sizes intercepted in a haphazardly pattern close to the stone ceiling. Along the wall were gold framed portraits of Sir Pentious in various poses. In one, he was smirking while holding his wrist out, fingers pointed downward somewhat spread out. In another portrait, he stood with a cigar in one hand and a newspaper in the other. The headline read: “Sir Pentious Seizes Control of Styx, St. Peter Central, Brimstone, and portion of Pentagram City.”

The Egg Bois cheered and darted around when their boss returned.

“Welcome back, boss!” greeted one egg wearing pinstriped clothing identical to the one Sir Pentious was wearing.

“The takeover, how was it?” asked another one who popped up nearby.

“Oh, you look badly beaten,” remarked a third. “Perhaps a bubble bath is in order?”

“I don’t need a bath!” Sir Pentious snapped. “I just need to have a plan.”

“You sure, sir?” asked the egg with a grin. “I brought a rubber duck for the occasion!”

The egg held up a yellow plastic duck in his tiny hands, the ducks eyes demonic red, with small horns sticking from the top of the duck’s head. He began squeezing the toy with childish laughter. Sir Pentious swatted the egg minion aside with his tail.

He walked over to a desk made of snake skin. The desk had various tools organized in metal boxes: wrenches, screwdrivers, drills, pencils. An ashtray hung out on the top of the desk, extended slightly past the desk. He opened a drawer. A bunch of folders were inside, all with “Evil Plan” labels on the front. He sat down on a leather chair, took in a puff of smoke with his cigar and reviewed the contents.

“Cause mass hysteria with swarm of robotic snakes, check. Send egg army to infiltrate Vox’s studio, check. Lost a lot of minions that time. Hypnotize Katie Killjoy so she can mention my conquests on the news…easy enough. Apprehend Vox…not started. Poison Angel Dust, not started. Open up a coffee shop for fellow villains…also not started…”

Sir,” said a group of Egg Bois nearby, startling him. Sir Pentious burst into a coughing fit, circles of smoke floating from his mouth. “What?!”

“We are pleased to inform you that the territory near the West side of the Pentagram is now open for the taking.”

Sir Pentious cleared his throat looked at the map on the screen to the open area littered with egg shells. “That’s the area I was just at! The place where I fought that striped freak and his punk friend.”

“That’s the place!”

Sir Pentious grinned with a row of sharp fangs, rubbing his hands together. “Excellent! Send out the drones!”

The Egg Bois rushed down a slope shaped like a snake tail and configured with controls and buttons. Hatch doors opened and metallic drones armed with missiles and cameras whirred and flew out into the distance. The sounds of explosions and screams could be heard.

Sir Pentious chuckled. At least one good thing had happened today. Seeing the denizens get trampled beneath his inventions would give him a thrilling sense of dominance. During those times, he felt more like an overlord, despite not officially being one.

If he weren’t so tired, he’d burst into song. He let out a sigh as he stared at the mess of metal, screws, and weapons around the room. He had to get to work…it would at least keep his mind occupied and perhaps come up with another more devious plan.

For the next couple of hours, Sir Pentious worked on modifying a large tank that could ram through buildings and other demons who were around. The canons could shot out blasts and emit noxious gas. Of course, the gas wouldn’t kill demons; it would temporarily leave them gagging so he could either defeat them or sneak around them. Wearing protective face covering, he fused wires together as sparks flew from a tool he used. He narrowed his eyes at empty vials and flaks left over from Baxter’s last visit. There was also a partially finished fish robot underneath the arched desk.

“Blimey, Baxter, you always forget to take your things with you! Worthless junk.”

His first instinct was to chuck the robot and useless vials out the window.

But that would lead to a broken window…

And the possibility of being spotted…

And an angry assistant…

But why should he care about what Baxter thought? The fish man could just replace those items just like that. Besides, he was working for Sir Pentious, so Sir Pentious’ feelings were more important anyway. Outbursts were the norm in Hell.

Pushing aside his hesitant feelings, the snake resumed his work.

Next he worked on different types of guns that could shot venomous darts to paralyze demons.

At least he would have worked more on them without the Egg Bois pestering him.

“Hey boss, is it true that slutty spider flirted and teased with you during that battle?”

“Were you beaten by a red deer lord?”

“When will you sing us a villain song?”

“Do you really have a son? Is that Baxter guy your son?”

“Will Uncle Baxter teach me how to fish for victims someday?”

“Dad,” asked a little egg, “I need help using the bathroom.”

“Ugh,” he sighed lifting his mask and turning around.

“Do you fried chicken fetuses not know the meaning of “Do Not Disturb?!”

“I don’t think so,” said Egg #666, holding a red marker. He had crossed off “not” on a nearby Do Not Disturb sign.

“Why don’t you ask your hen mommy for help,” Sir Pentious told the little egg. “Oh wait, you don’t have one.”

The small egg burst into tears. “But…you’re my mom and my dad.”

Sir Pentious waved a hand. “Ask someone else, I’m busy right now as you can see.”

The little egg sighed in disappointment and grudgingly wondered away.

After Sir Pentious had some tea and washed up in the bathroom (his broken fangs would thankfully grow back) he traveled back to the pit to retrieve the broken airship parts, quickly and quietly. He made it back to his hideout and got to work.

The Eggs pestered him with more questions and even worse, poking and touching him. He hated being touched, and this resulted in many Egg Bois being slammed or flung against the wall.

“Clean up that yok mess,” he ordered the other eggs before going back to repairing.

“Egg 66 stole my toy train,” Egg 99 complained after a moment.

“I did not,” #99 shot back.

Sir Pentious’ hammering and drilling did nothing to block out the Egg Bois insistent, obnoxious wailing.

“You did.”

“Not me.”

“Yes you!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

The eggs rolled around in a fight, rolling into other eggs and knocking them to the floor.

One egg held up two top hats. “Which one looks better on him?” she asked. “This black top hat or this lavender one?”

“I think he’d look great in a dark cape and long black mustache,” said another egg.

“I think he looked like that in his other life,” said the female egg.

“You didn’t answer my question, sir,” said Egg A 113, “did you really get beaten up by the Radio…”

“We don’t speak his name!” Sir Pentious yelled in a high voice.

The fighting Egg Bois rammed into the tank, causing it to wobble. The tank leaned into a worktable, sending wheels, weapons, blueprints, and tools crashing to the floor. The tank fell to the ground, its weight causing it to crash through the onyx floor. The vehicle plummeted down through the lower level and into a large puddle of lava.

Sir Pentious hissed in anger, breathing heavily. All the Eggs fell deathly silent.

He grew in size, his hood extending outwards, pink eyes turning red. Even his gray top hat increased in size, turning into a small snake. Sir Pentious was as large as Boa Constrictor in his full demon form. His eyes glowed red and more sharp fangs grew from inside his mouth.

His low demonic voice was mixed up with the sounds of turning gears and clanking metal.

“What did I tell you fools about bothering me when I’m working?!”

The Eggs shivered. “We’re s-sorry, boss!” several called out.

“Yeah, we didn’t mean it!”

“You did, though,” said an Egg, elbowing another minion.

“I don’t care who started what!” he hissed. Green fire sprouted from his mouth, frying some Egg Bois. “Those to the left have ten seconds to start cleaning up this mess. Those to the right have ten seconds to go to your incubators before I eat you all.”

“But, wouldn’t your stomach explode?” asked an egg. “It would be kind of fun to see what in there…”

“SILENCE!” he bellowed, causing the room to shake. “Get to work and get out of my sight. NOW!”

The eggs scurried off as Sir Pentious reverted back to his regular form. Downstairs in a small area were rows of circular incubators, each covered by round glass barriers that could open and close. The holes filled up nearly every inch of the metallic wall in every direction. Inside the incubators were beds of straw, golden light, and vents to provide warmth. The eggs climbed up stairs attached to snake-like structures up to their assigned holes. Many of them soon curled up and feel asleep to the sounds of hens clucking and steampunk music emitting from nearby speakers.

Sir Pentious loved steampunk technology like gears, trains, airships and others, while Baxter preferred science, robots, computers, and modern inventions. While Sir Pentious relied on weapons and warfare, Baxter relied on research and data. Baxter deemed Sir Pentious’ inventions as outdated junk. In response, Sir Pentious perceived Baxter’s work as complicated and boring. Baxter may have been an expert in physics and science but he didn’t have the classic sense of style that Sir Pentious possessed. Baxter sat around, while Sir Pentious moved around.

Surely everything about Sir Pentious was cooler, he thought: his attire, his animal-like traits…and his name as well. Sir Pentious…a pun on serpent. Why would his assistant settle for a simplistic name like Baxter? Why not Angler-Inventor or Einstein Fisher? Or even Dr. Reducto?

But still, Sir Pentious couldn’t have created so many Egg Bois on his own. Not when he was busy claiming territory or fixing his machines.

Which reminded him that he needed to make a new airship and weapons.

Several hours later, Sir Pentious had completed the stun guns that shot venom darts. The exterior backbone of the airship was done but there were still many empty spaces. In fact, only the front part of the airship had been thoroughly repaired and worked on. Never mind the interior, weapons and engines…they would have to wait for now. An old grandfather clock in a corner let out a chime, signaling it was midnight.

“Guess I better go to bed,” he said groggily. He pressed several switches that locked more doors and a metal shutter that covered the glass windows. He wandered to the bathroom and did indeed take a bubble bath in the old claw foot tub, the rubber duck floating in the water. Sir Pentious’ top hat remained in his head.

Thankfully there were no Egg Bois around to disturb him.

Save for one, #666.

He had been spying on Sir Pentious when he had undressed and threw his suit down a chute to be washed. The inventor’s lower half was that of a black snake but his top half was more human-like. He looked similar to the mythical Naga, part snake part man.

The top hat growled and narrowed its eye, staring at the Egg in the corner.

“What is it?” Sir Pentious asked. The top hat turned around in midair, baring sharp teeth. It was then that the snake spotted the stalking egg.

His mouth opened in a vicious hiss and his hood extended out from his head.

“ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SPYING ON ME IN MY BATHROOM?”

Water splashed everywhere onto the white and black tiled floor. A gold toilet and sink stood nearby.

Smartly, the egg dashed out of the room.

“IF I EVER CATCH YOU AGAIN, YOU’LL BE MADE INTO AN OMLETE!”

Sir Pentious sighed in frustration, throwing the rubber duck across the room. It bounced and squeaked, eyes glowing. He sunk back into the water, long tongue flicking out. He stared into the water, the bubbles gradually clearing away. Staring at the liquid made him think of someone else that could aid in his plans.

“Of course!” he thought. “Going through all my old plans and I didn’t think about my assistant. I wonder what the little rascal has got for me this time.”

Sir Pentious got out of the tub and changed into his red pajamas, long pants and a shirt with pentagrams, gears and hazardous symbols on it. A nearby tea mug read “Hell’s #1 Villain” on it (though an Egg Boi had scribbled on the word “Dad” in black sharpie.) He sank into bed, admiring the large wall portrait of himself across the room. He was standing proudly with one of his airships in the background, rows of burning buildings nearby. The Egg Bois were cheering and standing beside him, one was on his shoulder and another got close to the old camera. Said old camera was tucked into his closet among the rows of suits, ties and fancy shoes.

Sir Pentious turned on the old fashioned TV and Katie Killjoy popped up on the screen.

“...and in other news, claimed king Sir Pentious recently got twisted in knots after a brief scuffle with the infamous Radio Demon.”

Several Egg Bois “Ooohed” from outside the door.

“Get to bed, you sacks of unborn chickens!”

“Indeed,” Tom Trench added.  “Even the inventors have their limits…especially when it comes to overlords. He’s certainly no overlord.”

“I am too!” Sir Pentious yelled. “I’ve conquered the Eastern side of Pentagram City and I’m still not done! Plus I have an egg army. But no magic…yet. But then again, I don’t need any. All I need is my super intelligent mind!”

“Edgelord!” called Cherri Bomb who blew raspberries at the camera.

“That classless whore!” he exclaimed. “I’ll made her explode using her own bombs.”

Tom Trench gave her several winks while Katie glared.

“Get out of my studio, punk!” she demanded.

“Newsflash, bitch!” Cherri declared. “This is Hell! I go where I want, whenever I want. You’ll be seeing me during the next turf war!”

She threw a bomb onto the ground and vanished in the pink smoke. Katie coughed while Tom Trench mentioned, “She’s the bomb for sure. I could blow her mind!”

The gas mask news anchor got slapped by Katie. “You fucking would, Tom! You perverted little bitch.”

“Bah!” Sir Pentious spat in anger, raising a fist. “That Alastor ruining my plans to destroy that place of junk and that slutty spider. The nerve of him!”

Katie appeared back on screen. “Meanwhile, Hell’s princess has decided to pursue her passion project after all.” The screen cut to the Hazbin Hotel, a building with an old ship, a carousel and other odd structures attached to it.

“Look there she is, all high and mighty with that sweet smile on her face.” Katie’s voice was laced with disdain and sarcasm.

Sure enough, Charlie was standing underneath the circus stripped red canopy in her pink tuxedo and black pants. Her lips were black and her yellow eyes shone with excitement.

“Welcome to the Happy Hotel!” she said to three demons. “Vaggie will be with you shortly to discuss rooms and rules.” She held open one of the stained glass doors with an apple on it.

“Vaggie! We have three new guests coming in!”

“What? Already! Please don’t tell me they have creepy shadow powers.”

“Nope!” she called.

“Fuck everyone,” Husk called.

“I’d be glad to,” Angel replied.

“You’re a horrible sick spider,” Alastor remarked.

“I second that,” said Vaggie.

“I’ll go get their rooms cleaned!” called Niffty.

Charlie turned back to the visitors outside. “You’re just in time! Alastor finished making jambalaya for us! What are your names?”

“I’m Mimzy,” said a plump woman with pale skin, large hips, big breasts and short blonde hair. She wore a pink dapper dress and a headband with a feather in it. “I work at a jazz club in the city and I also sing at performances.”

“I love singing too!” said Charlie. “Have you met my friend Alastor yet?”

Mimzy’s eyes dilated. “Oh believe me dearie, I have.”

She walked inside before Charlie could ask what she meant.

“Crymini,” said a teen hellhound dressed in leather and ripped jeans. Rock music blared from skull earphones. “I like rock, metal, and looking at porn,” she said. “Don’t expect me to change those behaviors.”

“O-okay then,” Charlie smiled nervously as Crymini stepped in. “Be like Angel, I suppose.”

The last person had the appearance of a blue bipedal angler fish. He wore a dark lab coat with black gloves. Yellow goggles covered his eyes.

“I’m Baxter,” he said. “I’m a scientist and I prefer being alone. I just need a quiet place to…do some research for the time being.”

“Excellent, welcome then,” said Charlie as he stepped through the doors.

“By the way, why does it say “Hazbin Hotel” on the roof?”

“Baxter, it doesn’t say…” Charlie looked up and sure enough the words had changed.

She turned into her fiery demon form before slamming the door.

“WHO CHANGED MY NAME FOR THE HOTEL?!”

Alastor merely whistled a cheery tune.

“And there you have it,” Katie said. “A Hazbin Hotel for a bunch of Has Been freaks…all run by Charlotte! Stay tuned for more nightly news, reruns and more.”

Sir Pentious turned off the TV and lay down. All the work that needed to be done, the inventions to create, the plans to make…it would take some time for sure. But not if he had extra help.

Thankfully, no one else had noticed the recording device that Baxter kept behind his fin-like ear…a device used specifically to report to his boss…Sir Pentious himself.

Sir Pentious moved his hand to a similar device on his wrist.

“Blubberfish,” he hissed. “What’s going on over there?”

A European accent mixed with watery sounds came through. He appeared to be whispering. “Not now, boss. Too many subjects in proximity to exchange words.”

“Say what?”

“Can’t talk, now.”

“But you just did…”

Sir Pentious heard the hotel residents talking among themselves while Baxter sat and paid them no mind. He was very good at blending in for a few minutes before moving back into the shadows. After gathering more intel, Baxter stepped into an elevator and pushed the button for the basement. The doors opened again into darkness.

The vast basement had stacks of crates, rats, and old pieces of junk. Extra pieces of furniture lay here and there. Against a brick wall were skeletons attached to black chains. Bare round lightbulbs hung from the ceiling.

Baxter maneuvered around the chairs, crates, clutter, and cobwebs until reaching a small metal elevator in a right hand corner on the other side. He typed in a code on a keypad. Gently, he leaned forward and placed his esca into a small hole below the set of numbered buttons.

An affirming beep sounded and the metal doors opened. Baxter stepped in and the doors closed. He felt the elevator descending before coming to a stop. The doors slid open again, letting in cold, stale air.

He walked along the dark narrow stone passageway, his esca lighting the way.

Soon he came across double doors with handles shaped like tridents. He opened them.

Teal fluorescent lights hummed and flickered from the ceiling. The lab was filled with machines, bubbling chambers, and rows of vials and flasks. Shelves in the metal walls held books, cages, and the occasional fish hook. A work desk had a computer, some white colored modern microscopes and blueprints stacked neatly on the table. Several cages held white and black rats in them, another held a few guinea pigs.

But that was nothing compared with the marine life.

Tanks held anglerfish, tuna, angelfish, and one under constructed for a shark. Fish-bones hung from hooks along a mantle. Other doors to the far end led to a bathroom and bedroom, oceanic themes present in the overall architecture.

The windows showed giant eels, sharks, fish and other sea creatures swimming in a large lake. Seaweed and coral swayed in the water as the scaly monsters swam past. Baxter felt at home being surrounded by the ocean. All the creatures among him, yet he was also protected and safe in his orderly bubble made of metal, glass and waterproof material.

Someday, he and the sea life would bring floods to the harsh heat of Hell. All the chaos and ceaseless chatter would be washed away in a sea of salt water and flame. Yes, his work would be recognized…and the results would lead to a steady success. Those he despised and those lost in their ignorant ways would ensure a similar fate to his…only he would get to enjoy his orchestrated spread of chemicals, diseases, fear, and psychological warfare.

Science was infallible…unmatched…even greater than magic and authoritarian power.

He would be the one to bring a New World Order.

Dexter Ryan Solace was his full human name…in Hell he was simply known as Baxter.

He led out a maddening laugh before getting to work. The sounds of explosions and roars echoed and vibrated.

But his laughter eventually fell into sudden silence when he listened to his boss’ last message.

“You are to gather intel for me so that hideous place and its inhabitants can be…thoroughly dealt with. You may poke and prod anyone left as you wish. Under no circumstances are you to genuinely befriend anyone at the hotel and forget about your mission. And whatever you do, do not anger the Radio Demon. We’ll be meeting soon...little Geekfish.” 

Back in Sir Pentious’ lair, Sir Pentious sighed and fell into bed. It wasn’t easy being a supervillain sometimes.

“Dad,” whimpered a small voice.

Sir Pentious turned around. He stared into the large fearful eyes of an Egg Boi.

“I had a nightmare and I can’t fall back asleep. Can I sleep with you?”

“How about no.”

“Please?” the egg begged. “At least let me tell you what it was about.”

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

“A big mean owl had us for dinner? And by us I mean us eggs and…um…”

“Me? Nonsense!”

“I-it’s true. He was a scary owl with a crown on his head and he said he was very hungry…”

Sir Pentious rolled his eyes. “Fine. But just for tonight.”

“Oh thank you!” The egg jumped onto the bed and rolled to the pillow next to his boss.

“Sir, I can’t sleep either.”

“What the…”

Another egg boi had arrived.

“My bed of hay was too uncomfortable. And I need a drink of water.”

“You’re an egg,” Sir Pentious noted, warning in his tone.

“Can I stay with you?”

Sir Pentious grumbled. There was no escaping these guys.

A third egg. “Sir, can I come in?”

A fourth egg. “Why does egg 66 get to sleep with you?”

“Can you read me a bedtime story?”

“Oh, tell us about your killing spree adventures!”

“Number 6, move out of the way!”

“I’m number 9, you fool!”

“Sorry, you looked alike.”

More eggs rolled in by the dozens. They crowded onto the bed and some hopped onto the snake’s lap.

“For Satan’s sake!” Sir Pentious groaned. “Go back to bed.”

But the eggs would not budge. Some of them talked while others fell asleep.

Sir Pentious blocked out the noise and uncomfortable sensations of hard shells pressed against him.

He had to meet with Baxter.

Partnership

1913, Hell

Sir Pentious slithered along the streets on Pentagram City, trying to keep his head up and tall. His clothing was torn in several places and there was a gash on his scaly dark gray chest. Demons gawked at the sinner who would usually scare off anyone he saw. But this time, several demons mocked and sneered.

“So claimed king of all Hell, ha! What’d you get beaten by this time?”

“Old man…not so pompous now are you?”

“Fuck you!”

“Snake can’t catch a break!”

Sir Pentious hissed in anger, his eyes glowing red. The demons backed off and fell silent. The eyes in his hood glowed, catching the attention of the demons. The demons began fighting each other minutes after staring at the hypnotizing orbs.

 He walked away and wondered toward the repair shop.

Indeed, he had been beaten badly by a formidable foe: Stolas the Gnostic owl demon king. After razing several towns and sending the survivors away in fear, Sir Pentious, confident as ever, wanted to take his conquests to the next level: royalty. Sir Pentious had created a gigantic airship with cannons that destroyed several buildings and killed many denizens in the process. Demons were hard to kill but not impossibly so. The snake’s bombs and firepower made sure of that.

Unfortunately for him, Stolas wasn’t very happy that his kingdom was being invaded by an outside force. Worse still, the snake demon didn’t appear to want to “show him respect and spend an intimate night to satisfy his hunger.” Thankfully, Princess Octavia and Princess Charlie were hanging out safely at Charlie’s palace.

Stolas flew outside, right in front of Sir Pentious’ ship.

“Prepare to meet you end, bird-brain!” Sir Pentious cried with a maniacal laugh as he fired up a canon. The canon blasted into Stolas’ wings, which he used as shields.

With an ear-piercing screech and a flap of his wings, Stolas blew the airship away from the palace, sending it into a nearby lake of fire. Sir Pentious yelled in pain as the airship crashed with a splash. Owl guards soon surrounded the airship in the air, holding swords.

“Show yourself and put your hands in the air!” they called.

Sir Pentious climbed out of a hatch and stared at the guards. Anger was evident in his eyes, but he always had something up his sleeve. With a slow forming smirk, he opened up his hood, the many pink eyes glowing and pulsing with energy. The guards stood dazed in midair, allowing the serpent to slip away over the lake and out of sight. One white owl guard flew and blocked his way, but Sir Pentious took him down with a venomous bite. The guard yelped and doubled down in pain as Sir Pentious vanished.

What a foolhardy move that was.

Now Sir Pentious was facing the music for his ego.

He was almost to the repair shop. His airship in the lake was not only burnt beyond repair, but he had lost crucial weapons and tools on the ship. He, too, would’ve died a second death had he stayed in the ship too long.

“Someday…Hell will be mine,” he muttered to himself. “Lucifer, the princess, Stolas…they’ll all bow before me as they witness my mass weapons of destruction. Sinners everywhere will fear my name, even Satan himself will shake. I won’t give up so easily. After all, in war, the side with the most style is the winning side.”

He observed his tattered clothing with a sad look on his face. “So much for style.” Even his top hat frowned and dropped slightly.

Just then, he heard a scuffling sound coming from an alleyway. The eye on his top hat widened. He froze and sniffed the air with his tongue. It smelled...fishy.

He inched closer to the source of the sound, careful not to get too close.

“Low-class scum,” he muttered. “I should do them a favor and dispose of them.”

He took out a small gun from his belt and aimed it at the narrow lane of shadow.

“Show yourself and say your prayers!” he called with a click of the weapon.

The luminescent glow of yellow eyes appeared from the darkness.

“Back off!” growled a voice.

Sir Pentious scoffed. “Hah! Those are your last words?”

“Back off, I say!”

Sir Pentious fired his gun and the figure hit the ground with a thud.

Moments later the figure stood up again. A green blast flashed through the darkness, shrinking Sir Pentious’ gun on contact.

“What the…” he gasped as he dropped the mini tool in shock. It clanked to the ground.

A white blaster with a rounded end was pointed at his face.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to work on zis project ‘ere.”

The figure’s accent was European, Germanic.

Slowly, the figure stepped into the light. He wore dark shoes and a long gray lab coat with yellow buttons down the center. He had the teal blue gray face of a female anglerfish, with upward facing fins for ears. He wore black rubber gloves. His hair was dark blue and short, swept back, with little light blue dots off to the side. His eyes were cyan with red pupils and his rows of sharp teeth were also cyan in color. Over his eyes were yellow protective goggles. On his head was a small gray top hat with an esca light hanging down.

Currently, the fish’s forehead had a smoking hole in the center. For demons, cuts, wounds and scratches could heal up relatively quickly, perhaps even faster than humans. (They were undead in a world designed for sinners). But they still hurt like Hell.

“Lass mich allein.”

“What?” Sir Pentious asked. He peered behind the figure and saw a pot on a portable stove, vials of colorful liquids beside it. The water inside was neon green and bubbling.

“Es gibt keine Ruhe für die Intelligenten.”

Sir Pentious growled. “What are you saying?”

The fish demon ignored him, keeping his shrink ray aimed at Sir Pentious. Sir Pentious remained in place.

“What are you making?” Sir Pentious asked.

The scientist scoffed. “Like I’d tell you.”

“How very uncouth of you,” remarked Sir Pentious. “Is that how you greet a gentleman?”

“This is Hell, no one cares. I certainly don’t.”

“I’m Sir Pentious, and you will treat me with respect.”

“I’m Baxter and I don’t give a flying fin. Auf wiedersehen.”

Baxter sat down and began to pour some more liquids into the pot: light blue, a hint of orange, some yellow, a few drops of pink.

When the mixture was ready, it emitted some sparks. Baxter let out a laugh. “Oh yes! There it iz! My first successful poison in Hell. This should keep any intruders at bay for now.”

He stood up and soon narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you still here, snake man?!”

Why was he still here?

 Indeed, that was a reasonable question. Any moment would’ve been ideal for the supervillain to leave and continue on with his afterlife. But Sir Pentious became curious. He had seen dozens of sinners during his time. Most of them were drug addicts, murderers, porn enthusiasts, thieves, and a majority of demons who did their own things. There were several other demons, those that preyed on children or were cruel to animals…no one associated themselves with them…at least the sane ones didn’t.

Yet in all his years spent in Hell, Sir Pentious had not seen another inventor.

Deep down, the snake got this feeling…a random need for some form of solidarity. Finding another demon with a similar passion for inventing…the idea itself eased the somewhat uncomfortable sense of loneness that sometimes crept up.

Or, alternatively, he’d have fun competing with another brilliant rival.

Why was he still here?

It was a question that Sir Pentious soon answered.

“I was curious to see what you were doing.”

“Well, unless you are blind, I’m making a modified poison from the spine of a pufferfish. But I won’t hesitate to use it on you if I must.”

Sir Pentious laughed this time. “You? All puny and short, dried like a raisin? You have the brains but you have no weapons for it.”

Baxter waved his shrink ray in front of him.

“Well, there is that, but wouldn’t it be more effective to shoot the poison out of a gun? Perhaps from different barrels at the same time?”

“I can make weapons, ya know,” Baxter replied, stirring up the mixture. Green smoke swirled out from the pot. “Robots, A.I., substances are my specialties. Besides, the poison would need to be contained, modified for dat purpose.”

“No one can make inventions as great as mine,” Sir Pentious bragged. “Be glad you’re not fighting me over the next territory. Now…I really should get going.”

“Where? Back to your hidey hole? To lick your wounds?”

He stuttered a bit, trying for a comeback.

“Pretty much!” the snake answered, crossing his arms.

Baxter began meticulously pouring the new substance into small glass vials with lines on them. They were sealed shut with beer corks. He began packing up his things into a small black bag.

“Where are you going?”

“Back home?”

“Home? Is it a lab?”

“Sadly not.”

Baxter glanced over at a lake not consumed by flames.

“You live in a lake?”

“Ya. I can turn into an anglerfish…a blue one with a cyan esca. Sharp teeth that can drag people down. Like snake men.”

Sir Pentious scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. “Please, science scum. You’ll never find me in my cave lair. Though…it is a bit cramped in there.”

“As is my place,” Baxter replied. “One can’t exactly do experiments under ze water.”

“You’re smart. Make a lab up on the surface.”

“Easier said than done,” Baxter scoffed. “You’re nothing but an egocentric old sot. Go jump into dat volcano and get out of my sight!”

Sir Pentious glanced over at a tall pyramid shaped hunk of rock, standing tall in the distance, where Baxter was pointing.

Baxter turned to leave. Sir Pentious gripped onto his arm. Baxter slapped his hand away and bared cyan fangs.

“Touch me again, and you’ll die ze death of a thousand stings.”

“Same to you if you ever touch me.”

“Ha! Your threats are hot air. Light, forgettable, utterly pathetic.”

“Why…I beg your pardon!”

“Ya heard me, reptile-ape demon. Ya done talking?”

“Never.”

Sir Pentious stared at the short scientist who looked so out of place in comparison with many other demons…and suddenly giggled. The scientist raised his eyebrows. “Vat is so funny?”

“You must be a witch with that cauldron you had.”

Baxter stomped his foot. “And you…crazy old school villain. Where’s the mustache and black hat? Got any sidekicks to do your work for you?”

“I can do all my work on my own, thank you very much,” the villain replied.

Sir Pentious paused in thought. Could he really, though? He had no army, no allies. No one but himself to blame after every failure. It was a 50/50 chance that he would succeed or fail at any given day. Perhaps the addition of a…servant or a slave…could tilt the odds in his favor.

He slowly turned around back toward Baxter. “Or perhaps…I could have someone do work for me?”

Baxter put his hand up to his chest, eyebrows furrowed. “Me? Have you gone mad? I work for no one but myself. I dedicated my life to research and science…and in this strange realm, I’ll continue to do so.”

“Let me help you then.”

“I don’t need any help. Especially not from you.”

Sir Pentious glanced around. “So you’ve lived hidden from society for how long?”

“Well if you must know, I’ve kept mostly to myself since a year ago when I appeared here.”

Sir Pentious clicked his tongue. “No labs, no friends, not much of a hideout. Don’t you want your work to be recognized more? If you’re as talented and…eccentric as I think, you could instill fear in those around you. I’ve done it for years.”

“Like I’d want any of that drama. Conquering territories…utter childish nonsense!”

“Hey! That sure beats moping over books in seclusion all the time,” Sir Pentious added, having noticed the physics books that Baxter had tucked in his bag.

“And anyway, why can’t you make labs?” Sir Pentious asked.

“Because the other demons perceive me as weak whenever I’m nearby. I have to go up to the surface to buy food and tools. I guess I could make labs underground, instead…oh but maybe that won’t do...”

“I’ll make the labs for you. You’ll have a place to stay to conduct your so called experiments.”

“I told you before I don’t need your help. Plus, I don’t trust you.”

“Of course you don’t. I’d expect nothing less from demon commoners. But in exchange, you’ll need to help me with my machines.”

“I can easily do that…if I had agreed to help you in ze first place!” Baxter laughed.

“No sense of style, no life, what a shame,” Sir Pentious said, letting out a sigh. “Live like a fish underwater for all I care. No resources, no recognition. A sad life for a mad scientist.”

Baxter just stared in disbelief, words lost on his lips. His scowl couldn’t hide the uncertainty in his eyes.

 Sir Pentious continued. “Have fun taking risks on the surface and trying to defend yourself against sinners. Tally ho!”

Sir Pentious turned to leave.

Baxter gripped tightly on his shrink ray. He told himself that now would be a good opportunity to shrink the showy bastard from behind. But he hesitated.

How much longer could Baxter last on the streets, moving from wet to dry environments for so long? Everyone else had jobs, friends, and even families. Not that he wanted to go out and socialize…he’d rather drown again.

But he couldn’t live as a hermit…even in Hell. He had to find a way to get some stability in his afterlife.

Perhaps he could even knock this inventor off his pedestal. Then he could be in the spotlight behind the scenes as it were.

“Wait!” Baxter called.

A sly grin formed on the snake’s face as he slowly turned back around.

“Yes?”

“I’ll…I’ll help you with your machines and everything. Just…help me get somewhere for me to live on land...but not far from the water. And I do want my work to be known…but not who or where I am.”

“Fair enough. I do have some conditions.”

“As do I,” said Baxter.  Both demons squared up. Sir Pentious spoke first.

“I’ll need an army to help me conquer territory.”

“And I’ll need some subjects to experiment on.”

Sir Pentious spotted a nearby blue demon with six arms and red eyes. He dashed over to it and paralyzed it with a bite. He dragged the demon’s limp form over to Baxter.

“Ugh, not now, you imbecile. When I have the proper equipment to use.” He paused. “But I must say, your reflexes and speed are impressive.”

“Why thank you.”

Baxter glanced up at a flickering sign that read “Snake N’ Eggs Café, where all your eggs are deviled!” In neon lights, a green snake stood with an egg in its mouth. Neon white circles of eggs appeared to roll behind the snake.

“Hmm…I think I have an idea for your army,” Baxter said. “Snakes like to eat eggs and from eggs hatch more snakes.”

“So make more snakes from eggs?”

“Well I could, but the birthing process would take a while.  And though you’re a snake demon, the DNA of sinners is slightly altered in comparison to the Hellborn. Missing chromosomes from ze sinners don’t allow for reproduction, not mammalian nor reptilian procreation…”

Sir Pentous growled, “Speak English, fish geek.”

Baxter paused. “You can’t give birth and make eggs. Which means we’ll have to artificially create the eggs.”

“Oh.”

“Yes…why not try…bringing the portable womb to life? Replace the yok with organs and label each one on the posterior shell with numbers. Find real eggs, enhance their sizes for a greater circumference ratio. Nourish each egg in growth containers, clone them, wait for them to come alive, repeat the process…”

Sir Pentious stared blankly.

“Weren’t ya listening?”

Sir Pentious raised an eyebrow.

Baxter frowned held out his hands like he was grabbing onto something circular. “Eggs,” he exasperated. “Grow and nourish eggs, bring them to life, and they’ll do everything you ask!”

“Oh right,” Sir Pentious replied. “Living eggs. For food and my army. This could work…”

“Brilliant. It costs 1,000…um, what’s the proper term for currency here?”

“Souls.”

“Oh right. Souls. You got that much?”

“I can see you don’t. How long have you been wearing that outfit, huh?”

Judging by the stench from it, it had been a while.

“You need cleaning up. New clothes, new look, perhaps a new home.  Everything will fall into place, I assure you. You can come into my lair…after we negotiate.”

He held out his hand.

Baxter stepped back. “No way in Hell am I making any deals with you, let alone going with you. I can pick up some things while I’m here.”

“I need my army made now.”

“Not until I have my labs completed and you being my first test subject.”

“I need the egg army to…protect and help us while the labs are being created.”

Baxter paused. “Well I…erm…” He looked around and spotted a palace with several red apple trees in the gardens. 

“Hahaha!” He suddenly laughed. “I might as well kill you now!”

Baxter fired the shrink ray, but Sir Pentious moved out of the way. With the flick of his long black tail, he knocked the scientist down and kicked the weapon away. Baxter quickly stood up.

“In that case, I’ll call the princess. I’m sure her and her father and mother would love to hear how you terrorized towns and killed so many people in turf wars!”

This time, Sir Pentious froze for a moment. One mistake and Lucifer could easily destroy him.

“Oh yes, Lucifer won’t be happy. But who knows, you might even survive his punishment…when you’re sent to the void!”

Sir Pentious looked ready to strike. “You’re not underwater anymore, good sir. You’re in my domain and you’d best remember that. By the way, how do you even know about my victories?”

“I read the daily paper. Now then, it’s over, snake man.”

Baxter made a dash for it, only for Sir Pentious to stick out his tail, causing him to trip. He fell with an “Oof!” Sir Pentious’ shadow loomed over him.

Sir Pentious grinned. “Very well then…we can discuss this later on…”

Before Baxter could make another move, Sir Pentious opened up his hood. The pink eyes glowed and hummed. The effect was mesmerizing. The scientist could not look away, no matter how hard he tried. Baxter’s eyes dilated and his body swayed. A loud hiss and a blur of rapid movement. A sharp prick raged from his cyan hand.

Venom could not kill demons necessarily. It only made them sick, drugged or paralyzed.

Sir Pentous hadn’t sunk his teeth in too deep…but it was sufficient enough to make Baxter gasp and double over on the ground.

Baxter made a mental note on the use of hypnosis on future subjects before his mind went fuzzy. Sir Pentious’ maniacal laughter was the last thing he heard.

Baxter slowly opened his eyes and found himself on a bunk bed inside of a cave. The cave was filled with weapons, tools and inventions in progress. Up on the wall was a recently made blueprint of a hideout and a volcano. The small workspace area had no windows. Baxter was free to move around, but the doors nearby were heavily locked.

He walked over to a desk. A note was tapped to it and bold words were written on it.

“Geek fish,

You will be safe from other demons here. Do not try to escape, for I know the ins and outs of this cavern. You’ll find a variety of tools to use and trays of food and water by your window. You may not leave until my egg army has been successfully made for me.

-          Sir Pentious”

In just a few weeks, Baxter had helped create the Egg Bois for Sir Pentious. The number of eggs eventually grew until he had an army of them.

The newly formed eggs rolled out of upright white chambers, when the doors hissed open. Each incubator and hatch could hold a dozen eggs. Indeed, the capsules that held the growing eggs were modeled after egg cartons. In the capsule, the eggs had been growing and suspended in yellow-tinted water surrounded by round glass coverings. Like regular eggs in a carton, the biological ones were slightly separated in rows.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Baxter cackled, as the eggs climbed out of the artificial wombs with their small arms and legs. “THEY’RE ALIVE!”

“We get it, Frankenstein,” Sir Pentious replied, also boring a sinister grin.

Right away, after the eggs were born, the eggs surrounded Sir Pentious and cheered.

“Welcome Mr. Bossman! We’re not worthy!” they praised.

Sir Pentious smirked but looked confused when Baxter laughed.

“What?”

“Don’t get too used to it,” he said. We both made them so they would be obedient but…I may have tweaked their personalities a bit. To make things more…intimate.”

Several eggs nudged against Sir Pentious and one of them ran his little black hand suggestively along his jacket.

Sir Pentious fired back with yells as Baxter laughed some more.

“Well…well done,” Sir Pentious remarked, genuinely impressed, after he hissed at the eggs to back off. “Now, follow me.”

“Where are we going?” Baxter asked.

“To construct your labs of course.”

Baxter was momentarily shocked. Did he hear him right?

“So…you’re not gonna…ya know…”

“Kill you?” asked the snake. “No, not yet. You’re useful enough, and quite frankly, very intelligent, savant even.”

“No one has ever said anything like that. You sure you’re not lying?” He grinned.

“Of course you nowhere near as sophisticated as me, but you’re reliable enough.”

“Bullshit! I’ll prove to you that I’m the better creator in this inferno.”

“Heh, we’ll see about that.”

Baxter’s lab was soon finished a few weeks later (the building process would’ve taken far longer in the human world.)

“Well, there you have it,” said Sir Pentious.

“Thank you so much,” said Baxter.

“You’re free to go,” said Sir Pentious. “But please…do come back and help me out sometimes.”

“I’ll be alone in my lab most of the year,” he replied.

“You can’t stay down there forever,” he countered. “For your hard work, I’ll spare destroying you.”

“I guess…you won’t have to be my test subject after all,” said Baxter. Then he thought, “At least for now.”

Sir Pentious held out his hand. “Until we meet again?”

Baxter shook it. “Until we meet again.”

Green light suddenly flashed around them, the light emitting from their clasped hands. Baxter yanked his hand free and yelped like he had been shocked. Indeed, streams of electricity traveled along Sir Pentious’ hands before fizzing out. Sir Pentious let out a sinister laugh as the green light and blowing force around them vanished.

“You, my friend, just fell for the oldest trick in the book! You unknowingly just made a deal with me. Congratulations, you work for me now!”

“You traitor!” Baxter spat. He was half tempted to turn into a giant cyan blue anglerfish with a long body, sharp teeth and tail, his full demon form.

But Sir Pentious would only knock him out again.

“There’s nothing you can do now,” he said. “We now collaborate with each other. You’re my assistant and spy…and slave if you don’t behave.”

“Why can’t I be in charge?”

“I initiated the deal,” said Sir Pentious. “I’ve been here longer. Plus, you’ve got your labs made soon, all of your required equipment.”

Baxter swore in German.

“With my army and my machines, Hell will eventually belong to me! And you’ll get to see the fruit of my…er…our labors. See you around, Baxter.”

With that, the villain laughed and left, leaving Baxter dumbfounded.

Exterminators Attack

Hell, December 31^st 1913

Sir Pentious and Baxter evade the Exterminators and learn about their weapons. When the Extermination is over, Sir Pentious and Baxter bond over slaughtering demons and taking over land. They also discuss their inventions and even make stuff together.

Radio Demon Arrives

Hell, 1933

Sir Pentious and Baxter witness Alastor emerging from the shadow world, bathe din power. He almost kills Baxter when Baxter tries to study him but Sir Pentious distracts him enough to allow Baxter to escape. He is able to hypnotize/hold off Alastor for ten seconds before he is brutally knocked unconscious by him. Baxter hides until the radio static fades away, then quickly retrieves Sir Pentious and heals him in his lab.

Alastor and Sir Pentious fight over Sir Pentious’ claimed town and the snake loses, barely managing to escape.

Annie and Kipzie

Hell, 1966

Later on, the white lab coat woman becomes Baxter’s assistant. She takes notes on a clipboard beside a demon with wild hair. She counts the number of casualties while the lion demon picks up weapons and sells them on the black market. Her name is Annie and she can turn into a snow owl demon. She worked at the Xirxine labs, performing tests on unfortunate individuals. But soon, she worked with Baxter, but allowed him his privacy. Annie and Kipzie work in one lab on the surface, which directly connects to Baxter’s underground lab beneath the hotel. (Annie is from Zoophobia and makes a cameo in episode one). Kipzie is her white and black robot hybrid cat, who is very smart and believes himself superior to those less intelligent.

Story of a Snake

London, 1800s/1888

Birthday March 8 1848 (Stamper’s birthday is March 8 1983)

Died October 8, 1888 (all the eights!)

Human name/s: Sangui (snake, Latin), Daedalus, (cunning in Greek)

Aristocrat, white face, long black hair, cunning eyes, thin chin, inventor, bisexual. Had pet cats. Drank tea. Died after a machine crushed him, leaving him stranded in a blizzard.

Died in 1888 in his 40s.

Fish out of Water

Germany, 1912

Died 1912 Birthday: May 2 1890 (supposed voice actor Vincent Tong birthday May 2 1980)

Human name: Dexter Ryan Solace (Dexter from Dexter’s laboratory)

Named after Ryan Solace, the fan voice actor who made Baxter’s Science Serenade)

Scientist, white face, short black hair, sea green eyes, wears a white lab coat and goggles. Performed unethical experiments on people. Wanted to kill off the dumb and ignorant, spreading disease/chemicals etc. Loved the oceans but also fished a lot and harmed marine life. Lurks in the shadows like the anglerfish. Died like “a fish out of water” on a boat and drowned while on the way to a new life in the U.S.

Hazbin Misfits

Present day, episode 2

The scene starts with everyone eating Alastor’s jambalaya. The other misfits arrive at the hotel and adventures ensue. Even Alastor’s parents are also seen.

Baxter befriends the other residents, being closest to Niffty, Crymini and Mimzy. But Baxter suspects that there’s more to Niffty than her cheerful demeanor would suggest. He starts to develop small affectionate feelings for Crymini, but little does he know that Sir Pentious has feelings for him. He has nightmares about Sir Pentious burning Hell and the Hazbin Hotel, and watching him devour a helpless Crymini as the egg bois surround him. (But Baxter is thankful that he is not Alastor and knows that he is worse than Sir Pentious.)