Part
One: Millie Finds Her Way
Blitzo shoved open the
door to the I.M.P. office, a grumpy look on his face. His face was muddy and
his clothes were dirty and torn, with lavender-colored leaves from bushes.
Moxxie and Millie had been talking to a client at their desk when all three
froze to stare at Blitzo.
“Sir, what happened to
you?” Millie wondered out loud.
Blitzo slouched past the
Hel-9000 fax machine printer and past the picture with a stick figure Blitzo
with a gun and a pink pony.
Moxxie stood up. “Sir!
There’s a client here who wants to…”
Blitzo ignored him and
stomped straight into his office, slamming the door.
Millie chuckled
nervously, turning to the visitor. “I’m sorry, you were saying?”
Their client was a tall
aquatic sinner demon with a torn short white shirt and a green piece of a
yin-yang symbol as a necklace. He had gray skin, finned fingers, and dark-teal
long hair that looked like seaweed. He had dark long pants, dark shoes and his
chest glowed teal blue and watery. One of his eyes glowed neon green, his teeth
sharp. Formerly on Earth, he had been a regular man with white skin and long
dark hair.
“Well, it’s just that
I’m sure one of the other camp counselors killed me. I’m just not sure which
one,” he said with a shrug, hands out.
“How could you not
know?” Moxxie asked, raising an eyebrow.
The aquatic demon
continued. “I was out on the lake when my boat started to sink. Someone had
drilled holes in it. The counselors are the only ones with keys to the
boathouse, and they’re the only ones who knew I couldn’t swim. It had to be
them.”
“Hmm, we don’t typically
do investigations,” said Moxxie, “I’ll have to check with the boss.”
Moxxie opened Blitzo’s
door. “Uh, pardon moi, sir.”
Blitzo glared at Moxxie
as he flipped through address files on a rotary.
“Not now, Mox.”
“Sir, there’s client
that needs us to investigate his death and we don’t usually…”
“No tiiime,” Blitzo
replied.
Moxxie rubbed his neck.
“But sir, we really need the cashflow, and I was thinking maybe…”
“What part of ‘NO. FUCKING. TIIIIIME.’ do you
not understand?!” Blitzo yelled, facing Moxxie. “Just handle it yourself.”
“You want me to
lead? On a hit?”
Blitzo seethed and slammed
his hands on the desk. “I swear on all that is evil, Mox, if you aren’t out of
my office in negative three seconds…”
“Yooou GOT IT, SIR!”
Moxxie slammed the door
and then turned back around to Millie and the client.
“We’ll take the case!”
he beamed. “And I’ll be handling this investigation personally!” He jabbed a
thumb to himself.
“Honey, are you sure?
What about Blitz?” asked Millie, gesturing to the door.
“Honey, honey, please.
Blitz put me in charge this time.”
“He did?!”
Moxxie narrowed his eyes
and Millie quickly added, “Oh! I mean, he…HE DID!”
“Right!” said Moxxie to
the client. “And this is going to be the cleanest, most well-prepped, most
surgical hit we’ve ever had! Don’t worry, sir! We’ll find your killer and give
him what’s coming to him. And/or her…or they.”
Moxxie and Millie later
stood by a police investigation whiteboard where Moxxie had posted up pictures
of fliers, boat outlines, and strings leading to different pictures around the
white board and the walls. Moxxie peered closely at his work while holding an
I.M.P. file folder. One flier had a picture of a magnifying glass and black
footprints.
“Mox…” Millie began.
“Are you sure this isn’t a little…much?”
“It’s my first lead,
Mils, it has to be…perfect.” Moxxie said “perfect” in an accent. “Now in front
of you, you’ll find a comprehensive guide to your cover persona. Memorize it,
we’ve got a lot of work to do.”
They used the grimoire
to make a portal to enter Earth.
0 0 0
Near a cabin in the
woods, several kids were running around, laughing as they squirted each other
with water guns. A fat boy walked holding a bag and wore the camp t-shirt with
a “C” in a green triangle as the logo. Three preteen girls were sitting at a
wooden picnic table. A camp counselor lady with brown hair stood wearing green
shorts and a shirt with a whistle around her neck. On a wooden sign with wooden
mountains on the top was “CAMP IVANNAKUMMORE.”
Millie and Moxxie stood
off to the side with their human disguises. Moxxie wore a short dark blue tube
top, torn pink pants, a heart collar, and magenta high boots. He had fake
eyelashes and a wig of white ponytails covering his horns. Millie wore shoes,
dark gray pants, fingerless gloves, a black shirt with a yellow lightning bolt
and a circle on it, plus a wig of long dark hair and a yellow beanie hat.
“Okay, Millie, one last
time for safety,” Moxxie said. He straightened up and pulled back his top, his
claws covered by fake pink nails.
Moxxie spoke in a girly
teenage voice, “I’m Moxxine, the hottest, most popular girl at my school, and
you are?” He examined his nails.
Millie spoke in a low
voice. “Your boyfriend Millerd, I like sports and fucking bitches!” Millie made
thrusting movements.
“Hmm, you know these
kids are a bit younger than I was expecting. Maybe lose that last part,” Moxxie
mentioned.
“Check!” Millie said in
her boyish voice.
“Alright, I think we’re
ready,” said Moxxie.
“Hey, Mox!” Millie
spoke, pointing ahead. “Check out that shady looking fella over there.”
Moxxie and Millie spied
a blonde man with glasses glancing around by the log cabins. He side-walked
near the bushes.
“I think that’s our
guy.”
“Ahem, Millie,” said
Moxxie in a girlish voice, “I hardly think pointing out the first guy you see
is the proper way to conduct an…”
Millie peered through
her binoculars. “No that’s definitely him. That bag’s full of money and drugs
and what looks like a drill one would use to poke holes in a boat.”
Sure enough, the man
scooped up the fallen money and needles and hurried off, a drill in his hand.
“But-but that’s all
circumstantial at best! We need to methodically eliminate all suspects until we
can be sure…”
“Now he’s looking around
and heading into that locked boathouse we heard about!” Millie declared.
The man headed inside,
peering around to make sure no one was there. Next to him were missing posters
of the drowned counselor. “Missing: last seen next to the lake. If you have
information please call (xxx) xxx-xxxx.” Another set of red eyes in the cabin
glared outside.
“That would be the
perfect place to…”
She glanced at Mox
before sighing. “Fine, Mox, we’ll do it your way.”
Moxxie grinned. “With my
sleuthing skills and your killer eye, we should have this wrapped up in no
time. Now we just have to find the kids with the most influence.”
Moxxie spotted the three
teen girls sitting at the picnic table.
“Oh, target acquired,”
he said in a girly voice. He headed off.
The girl with long
orange hair began, “So he snorted a whole line of ground up mints, and tried to
convince us he was high. Can you even believe him?”
The girls laughed and
Moxxie walked toward them.
“Ground up mints, you
say? Derek must be a riot.”
“Who the fuck are you?”
asked the leader girl.
“I’m Moxxine, the
prettiest girl at my school. A more mature preteen who likes boys, hot cars,
fancy jewelry…”
Another girl scoffed,
“You call yourself the prettiest when you probably spent three years in a
tanning bed.”
“It’s uh, natural?”
Moxxie added.
“Yeah, you wish,” said
the orange-haired girl. “That botch job looks like it cost five bucks in an
alley behind Walmart.”
The other girls
snickered.
“Have you seen anyone
doing drugs around here?” Moxxie asked.
“Other than you maybe? I
don’t think so,” said another girl.
“Get lost you fucking
freak!” they all said, pointing off to the left. Moxxie slouched off.
Meanwhile, a volleyball
rolled and stopped in front of Millie.
“Hey!” waved a blonde
girl to Millie at a volleyball court near the lake.
Millie smiled and
decided to play along. She carried the volleyball in her hands and headed down
to the campers.
The girls at the picnic
table watched as Millie passed the ball to her teammate, a dark-skinned boy.
“Oh my god! Who is
that?!”
“Look how beautifully
tan he is!” said the leader. The dark-skinned girl blew bubblegum and stood up
to get a closer look.
“What?!” Moxxie called
in disbelief.
The boy bounced the ball
in the air.
“I got it!” called
Millie in her boyish voice. She leaped into the air and spiked the ball over
the net…
…hitting a blonde boy in
the face and sending him crashing to the ground. Everyone gasped as the boy lay
in a crumpled Yamcha-like pose in a cracked crater. The coach jumped from his
stand and held the wounded boy in his arms.
“That was...” he began…
“…the best spike I’ve
ever seen!” Tears were in his eyes.
The kids cheered and
lifted Millie into the air.
“Please, I need medical
attention…” the boy began.
“First Aid is for WINNERS!”
the coach mocked.
All the girls admired
Millie.
“Oh my god, he is so
fucking HOT!” sighed the red-haired leader girl.
“Oh! Ya know he’s my
boyfriend…” Moxxie began.
“FUCK OFF, TROLL!” another
girl barked before the girls walked off.
Later, Millie happily
leaped from a cliff and jumped from side to side onto wooden boards. She leaped
onto a wooden high bar- twirled at rapid speed and shot into the air…
And in a fiery comet,
smashed the blonde boy into the ground. Everyone cheered louder.
“Mox! Did you see? I
broke the record on the course!”
“Mhmm. I saw.” Moxxie
smiled forcefully.
“Can you believe this?
Everyone LOVES me, they’re cheering, they even posted videos of me online!
Look!”
Heart emojis popped up
on her phone after the replay of Millie smashing the kid into the ground.
Millie’s phone was red with flame designs on it.
A Millie icon appeared
over the bold white lyrics as Millie sang karaoke style, amazed and also unsure
of all the rockstar fame she was getting.
“EVERY DAY!
AS I WALK AROUND CAMP
ALL OF THESE GIRLS
FOLLOW ME AROUND
I DON’T KNOW WHY?
OR WHAT COULD IT BE???”
Millie smiled as she got
into a group photo. The campers held out their phones for selfies around her.
Millie danced with a girl with red hair.
A blonde girl came up
close to Millie, wearing a cap with her face on it, a shirt with her face on it
and a “MIL #1” orange cardboard glove showing a pointed finger on a hand.
“HEY MILLERD!
HAH!
WILL YOU TAKE A SELFIE
WITH ME?!”
Her eyes bulged and her
mouth foamed.
The crowd followed
Millie and held up a banner that read “Millerd!” on it as they strolled by the
cabins. One blonde boy replaced the American flag with a white flag with
Millie’s disguised face on it. Millie posed on a picnic table.
“AH-WA-OH!
I’M A REGULAR JOE
AH-WA-OH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW
AH-WA-OH!
I’M SIMPLE AND PLAIN…
WHY DO ALL THESE GIRLS
KEEP SCREAMING MY
NAME???”
“MILLERD!”
Millie paddled a canoe
and two girls stared admiringly at her. (Moxxie’s canoe tipped over and sunk).
“MILLERD?!”
“AH! MILLERD, I LOVE YOU!”
Millie led a hike and
stood on a log, pointing forward. (Moxxie fell into a pit.)
Millie happily sat with
two girls by a campfire. (Moxxie’s s’more stick caught on fire and he
frantically smashed it around on the ground.)
Millie smiled as she wore
gold sunglasses, a white Greek-style outfit and a golden laurel on her head.
She relaxed on a lounge chair as girls fanned her with leaves. One fed her
purple grapes.
“I’M SO ORDINARY
JUST A COMMON DUDE
BUT THEY’RE ALL UP IN MY
DMS
THEY KEEP SENDING ME
NUDES?!?”
Even the blonde naked
man in the picture stretched out to kiss her, much to her disgust.
“I’M NOTHING SPECIAL
I’LL TELL YOU IT’S TRUE”
The comments appeared in
the eight million + viewer video of Millie being awarded seven gold star
medals, a trophy, and a Grammy award.
“I LOVE YOU MILLERD!
<3”
“I’M NOT OKAY!”
(Flame emojis)
“OMG DESERVED”
“millerd is the best
uwu”
“CLICK HERE FOR PRIZE
scam.ly”
“I LOVE YOU”
“HE ATE!”
“Sub 2 my channel”
“Hermoso” (heart emoji)
“LOOK AT HIM”
“ILY MILLERD”
“he’s so hottt”
“I love him, I LOVE HIM”
“MILLERD: Sub 2 me pls”
“SLAY KING” (crown
emoji)
The blonde super fan
girl leaned over and yelled,
“BUT MILLERD, OVER HERE!
I BAKED A CAKE FOR YOU!” She held a brown, orange, and white
cake with a figure of Millie in her guy disguise on top.
Later as the sun set, an
airplane flew overhead with a flag of Millie’s face on it. Her face was also on
several blimps in the sky. With a microphone, Millie sang on stage under a
large “MILLERD!” banner and more campers took selfies and videos on their
phones.
“AH-WA-OH!
I’M A REGULAR JOE!
AH-WA-OH!
I WANT THE WORLD TO
KNOW!
I’M SO SIMPLE AND PLAIN
I WISH ALL THESE GIRLS…
WOULD STOP SCREAMING MY
NAME!”
“OH MILLERD! LOVE YOU,
MILLERD!” called the blonde fan girl.
Millie stood proudly on
stage, glad to feel appreciated after feeling in competition with her brothers
and sister.
0 0 0
TUESDAY: Moxxie climbed
to the top of a pine tree, looking for the drug counselor through binoculars.
He got hit with a volleyball and fell down from a tree.
WEDNESDAY: Millie led a
team of campers canoeing across the lake. Moxxie searched for the suspect,
wearing a mask and snorkel. Unfortunately, he got thrashed around by a shark similar
to the one from the Harvest Moon Festival.
THURSDAY: Millie
successfully shot her arrow through a red apple on a boy’s head as the sky
turned a beautiful pink and purple. Moxxie peered through binoculars in a bush,
dodging the arrow…but soon screamed as he was being attacked by a black angry
bear.
FRIDAY: Posters were
passed around, reading, “MILLERD: CAMP IVANNAKUMMORE, July 17th at
7PM.” The coach/lifeguard handed Millie the poster and he winked at her with a
finger snap gesture. Millie beamed in excitement.
0 0 0
“OHH MOXXIE! THAT WAS SO
FUN! No wonder you sing all the time!”
Millie twirled and
laughed as she held a golden bouquet of white daisies in her hands.
“Not exactly a low
profile…” Moxxie leaned against a cabin wall, eyes downcast.
“I know…but it’s kinda
nice having people cheer for me for once, ya know? Instead of…”
She dramatically ripped
the bouquet and opened her jaws, “…screaming in PAIN and HORROR!”
“Don’t forget what we’re
here to do, Millie,” Moxxie reminded her, clapping a fist against his other
hand.
“I haven’t. I’m just
waitin’ until you’re ready. Have you been able to eliminate any suspects?”
“No.”
Millie held up two worn
daggers. “If you want, we can off the guy right now! I think he’s alone in the
cabin…”
She wandered forward.
“No!” Moxxie pulled her
back. “I have to do this right.”
Moxxie swore under his
breath as “BITCH” was spray-painted in black on his tent nearby.
0 0 0
Later that night by the
campfire, Millie did an epic banjo solo. She leaped over the fire and posed on
her knees as everyone cheered.
(EPIC BANJO SOLO)
(MILLERD IS REAL COOL)
(WOW, YOU GONNA CRY,
MOXXINE? CRINGE.) (NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, MOXXINE)
Moxxie raced off and
cried in an outhouse. Millie walked in the dark to the outhouse. Moxxie pulled
out stickers and thorns in his pants.
“Moxxie? You okay?”
“GO AWAY!” Moxxie
sobbed.
“Moxxie, what’s going
on?”
“I’ve been having the worst
luck imaginable! First, I try to eliminate any suspects and make it a perfect
methodical mission. But everything is going wrong. I can’t find the guy! And
all the girls hate me…and they all love you!”
“What’s wrong with
that?”
Moxxie cried.
“Hey, you’re the best
assassin/musician/preteen girl I know,” Millie encouraged.
“And investigator?”
“And investigator.”
Millie reached through
the crescent moon window and touched Moxxie’s nails. “I know it’s been tough.
Just keep playing to your strengths.”
“Okay,” said Moxxie.
“Thank you.” Moxxie came out of the outhouse, facing Millie. Millie smiled.
“I have good news! Look
Mox!” She held the poster in her hands, showing it to him. “They want me to
perform on stage tomorrow tonight for the local news! These videos have made me
some kind of human celebrity!” A pink bird flew happily around Millie’s head.
Millie then gasped as several red-eyed crows attacked Moxxie around his head.
He swatted the cawing birds away until they flew off.
Moxxie’s anger and
frustration finally bubbled to the surface. “I’ve heard enough from you! And
I’ve had enough of this place! Most of all, the attention you’re getting all
the time is annoying!”
“Mox, what are you
talking about? There’s no reason to be jealous of me!”
“Well, I am, alright?!”
Moxxie sobbed again. “Being the son of a mob boss, you get used to the
attention. And instead of focusing on the mission, you get distracted by
swooning fangirls and dance for views!”
“What?! I only let the
mission go this long, so I could do it YOUR WAY!” Millie retorted. “We could’ve
completed this mission faster if you had just listened to me and let me finish
off the guy in the beginning!”
“It was my first lead
mission! I wanted it to be perfect!” Moxxie spat back.
Millie stomped toward him.
“Well don’t blame me for it! It doesn’t matter how many views I get. What
matters is how I feel about myself!”
She wiped tears from her
eyes. “And for once, I feel like I’m…I’m important! Like I’m someone to be
proud of! Not just some country girl blending in with her siblings.”
She stomped forward.
“And I had hoped that my husband would support me better HALF as much as I’ve
supported HIM this week! I’m not just your momma, you know!”
“Millie…I didn’t mean…”
“SAVE IT, MOX! Finish
the job, go home if you want, I’m having my moment to shine, with or without
you!”
Millie raced off in the
dark, the Millerd flier floating to the ground.
“Oh crumbs…”
0 0 0
Later that night, the
same night Blitzo entered the human world…
Millie peered through
the red curtains at the crowd cheering for her.
“You ready to go on,
champ?” asked the coach/lifeguard, holding a clipboard and holding out his pen.
“I guess…”
“Great, now get out
there and put Camp IVANNAKUMMORE on the MAP!”
He lowered his
sunglasses over his eyes and posed. More campers and kids cheered, wearing
merchandise shirts and hats. The blonde super fan girl held a sign that read
“MARRY ME, MILLERD!”
Millie took a breath and
stepped onto the stage. More fans cheered, two of them were crying and hugging
each other, waving a Millerd flag. A cameraman stood near the top off to the
side. Millie flinched as a spotlight shone on her.
“Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls!” called a girlish voice. Moxxie rose up onto the stage from the
floor and held a microphone. “ARE YOU READY FOR A SHOOOOOW?!”
The crowed booed and an
African American girl yelled, “GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE!” Another girl
flipped him the bird on both hands. Another yelled, “KILL YOURSELF, NERD!”
Moxxie continued. “I am
very proud to introduce to you…someone with abilities never before seen on this
Earth…”
Millie held her hands to
her heart, smiling at Moxxie.
“Someone with the raw
athletic skill of an Olympian…” Moxxie looked at her and smiled. “The voice of
an angel…the acrobatic techniques of an indentured twelve-year old Russian
ballerina…”
Millie waved her hands,
saying “enough!”
“And a body that JUST.
DOESN’T. QUIT.”
A few boys looked at
each other, confused and disgusted at Moxxie’s butt.
Moxxie turned around and
cleared his throat nervously. “The best and most supportive person I’ve ever
known, and the love of my life. My wife…uhhhh boyfriend….Millerd!”
Millie sighed in relief
as Moxxie headed her the microphone.
“Thank you,” said
Millie.
“Knock’em dead, baby,”
Moxxie grinned.
“Speaking of…” Millie
added, as she spotted two figures heading toward a cabin with a bag.
“You sure?” Moxxie
asked.
“Go get’em baby,” Millie
smiled. They touched their heads and nuzzled.
Moxxie smiled as he
pushed his way through the crowd, who glared at him. Millie did a
Squidward/sexy look with her face and the crowd exploded with cheers. The show
began.
Millie juggled four axes
in her hands, much to the crowd’s amusement. She threw an ax into a target.
Another ax hit a tree, which sent a beehive falling…
…into the blonde boy in
the ground, who screamed in futility.
Millie then sat on a
stool, holding a red triangular electric guitar in her hands. She began her
song and stood up in a pose. She did a “rocker” hand signal as columns of
sparks blasted upwards from the front of the stage.
Millie began her 80’s
style rock anthem.
“OOOOH YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER!
WAOOOOH!
OOOO! YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER!”
Millie played a set of
red drums, then yelled “YEAH!” as she strummed her guitar.
“A TALE AS OLD AS ROCK
AND ROLL
WHEN YOU WIN, YOU’RE THE
BEST
YOU WORK UNTIL YOU REACH
THE GOAL FROM WITHIN
THAT’S THE TEST! WOAH!
WOAH!
YOU FIGHT UNTIL YOU
REACH THE TOP
TO RUB IT IN THEIR FACE!
WOAH! WOAH!
YOU LOVE SO HARD, YOUR
FLESH EXPLODES!
AND YOU WIN THE FUCKIN’
RAAAAAACE!”
She slammed the guitar
down on the stage as white fireworks boomed.
She then spun black nun
chucks in her hands.
“OOOOO! YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER!”
Millie did a fighting
pose as an explosion boomed behind her. A girl screamed as her hair caught on
fire as the crowd did rocker signs and cheered.
“OOOOO! YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER! WOOOAH!
“A HEAT SO HOT IT BURNS
YOUR HOLE LIKE A FIRE WHEN YOU PEE!”
Millie breathed fire to
light a torch and held a sword in her other hand. She swallowed the sword and
it went down her throat point-first. She dropped her torch and dive-bombed into
the crowd of kids. They all held her in the air as she strummed her guitar
again.
“THE INNER FLAME INSIDE
YOUR SOUL MAKES YOU CRY…VICTORY!
YOU FLEX YOUR CHEEKS
UNTIL IT HURTS
YOU BUST OUT OF YOUR
JEANS! WOAH! WOAH!
YOU BLOW YOUR LOAD ON
ALL YOUR FOES!
AND DROWN OUT ALL THEIR
SCREAMS!”
Millie jumped back on
stage.
“OOOOH! YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER!” Two streams of fire shot off to the left of Millie
as she played. “WOAH!”
The coach smiled with
his arms folded…until he got incinerated by the flames.
“OOOOH! YOU’VE GOT THE
POWER! WOAH!”
More fireworks shot into
the air and a red and yellow rocket flew off into the distance.
Millie smiled and posed
on the stage, arms outstretched as the audience applauded. She bowed, before
she saw Moxxie walk up to the stage, blood staining his wig. She walked over to
him.
“Looks like you did it,”
she said, referring to the death of the drug counselor killer.
“No…you did it,” Moxxie
added, lifting her hands into his.
“I’m so proud of you,
Millie,” Moxxie smiled. He looked to the side. “And I’m sorry I let you down.”
Millie picked him up in
a hug and twirled him around. “Just don’t do it again, dummy!”
They kissed hard on
stage until someone shouted, “Get a fucking room, high school sweethearts!”
Moxxie and Millie
laughed and raced off into the bushes for some sexual privacy. The last thing
they needed was to be infamous online for a scandalous public display of what
many would assume to be incest.
0 0 0
Back at the I.M.P
office, the whiteboard was covered in various drawings. “DIE” was written over
a drawing of Loona killing the goat demon who had given her the shot at the
vet’s office. “Days since last fuck up: 0” was written near small pony
drawings. “Productivity brainstorm: CUM” was written off to the side.
“Gonna be honest,
Moxxie,” said Blitzo, not too bad for your first solo mission.” He sipped hot
coffee from a blood-stained white mug with “BOSS BITCH” on it.
Moxxie’s eyes sparkled
and he gasped. “Reeeeally siiiir?”
“Nooo, no not really,”
Blitzo deadpanned. “You’re a fucking disgrace.”
Moxxie slumped in
disappointment as Millie glared at Blitzo. Loona was fast asleep on the table.
Part
Two: Meet Barbie Wire
Back in the Sloth Ring,
the sky a pale pink, Blitzo peered around a corner of the St. Ann’s (Satan’s)
hospital. A thick canopy tree with giant yellow eyes in the leaves and a wavy
purple trunk stood in the background. Seeing the coast was clear, he darted
past a window. He wore his usual work outfit with a dark suit, dark boots and a
torn dark blue cape trailing behind him. He raced across the grounds and
climbed up a white downspout and inched his way, carefully sideways to the
windows on the second floor. In the sky were floating trees on rocks and a few buildings.
Blitzo peered inside and spotted silver Venus fly trap plants.
He lifted up the window,
straining to get his horns through it…
“Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on…”
He rolled haphazardly
inside…
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, SHIT!”
…and landed on a heap on
the tile floor. A poster with a happy cloud on it with a thumbs-up read “Enjoy
your stay!” There was a nearby bookshelf, a pool table, a few red cloud-shaped
couches, and Venus fly trap plants filled the room. Overhead was a chandelier
of glowing lavender orbs, the lights producing a soothing atmosphere.
Blitzo was hoisting
himself up when…
ZAP!
With a yell, the imp got
tasered in the back. His butt stood up in the air.
“Well, if it isn’t the
deadbeat,” scoffed a voice from behind him.
Blitzo stood up,
brushing himself off. “Well, if it isn’t nurse pussy-face,” he responded.
The demon nurse stood
with a hand on her hip, wearing a teal uniform. She had a nametag, and a pocket
with the upside-down cross logo on it with a heart pencil and pen inside. She
was heavyset, with floppy ears, pink skin, short dark hair and pointed black
horns with white stripes. Her eyes were teal, her eyebrow thick and she had
lipstick and a sideways mouth with sharp teeth. Like other denizens in Sloth,
she had a candle at the top of her head and a pointed tail.
“You ain’t gettin’ in
here,” she said to Blitzo, folding her arms. “How many times do I have to sodomize
you with a taser before you take a hint?”
“As many as it takes to
get me off, now enough with this foreplay, where’s Barb?”
“She checked out months
ago, but that ain’t none of your business,” said the nurse.
“Wait, what?” Blitzo
asked in shock. “How? This is…wh-where the fuck did she go?”
“Yeah, like I’m gonna
tell you, ass clown,” she barked, holding up the taser in warning.
“You know I kill people
for a living, right bitch?”
“Oh, I’m so FUCKIN’
scared,” she sarcastically responded.
“Ugh, fine,” Blitzo
scoffed, stomping over toward the window.
“Blitz, she’s got a job
now, a life,” mentioned the nurse. “Don’t fuck it up by finding her.”
Blitzo rolled his eyes
as he climbed out the window. “Oh, that’s nice, why don’t you take that advice
and shove it right between your pussy liiiipppps!”
Blitzo screamed as he
fell to the ground. Amazingly, he survived.
0 0 0
Blitzo stomped in
frustration into his office at I.M.P Headquarters, ignoring his employees. At
his desk, Blitzo was talking on his cellphone and browsing on his red laptop.
The logo on the laptop was a glowing white demon head. “RIDE ME” was written on
Blitzo’s cellphone cover. There were two ads on the screen: one showed a pink
succubus with her bare butt showing over blue flames. “Lusttinder (Tinder page
for the Lust Ring, an app made by Asmodeus), “You’re right, your husband’s cock
IS too small, find a bigger one NOW!"
And the other ad on
Gaggle/Google: “CLICK ON THIS AD AND GET $100M! I’M NOT FUCKING WITH YOU DUDE,
FOR THE LOVE OF SATAN JUST CLICK IT!”
Blitzo spotted Barbie
Wire’s profile page. It had no profile picture and it read: “BARBIE WIRE:
currently looking for work! Just got outta rehab. Previous Experience in a
circus (performer). 217 followers. Barbie hasn’t posted recently. Experience:
Acrobatics, Endurance, Stealth, Improv, Labor.”
“Why the fuck wouldn’t
she tell you where she was going?! I mean did you even ask?! Wait hold on, I’m
getting another call…hellooooo!” He paused. “Oh good, did you find…really?
Where? Thanks, and I promise if we ever get a contract on your children, we’ll
make it quick and painless…BYEEEE!”
Blitzo raced past his
employees.
Meanwhile, In the Sloth
Ring, Blitzo entered a room where pill bottles were stored on shelves. The
wallpaper was pink and decorated with designs of hearts, pills, and health
crosses. The double glass doors had a pill icon on them. The white-haired
incubus was scrolling on his phone when Blitzo slipped up to the desk. He held
out his phone with a picture of his sister on it.
“Hi, I’m looking for one
of your employees. Her name is Barbie. Does she work here?”
“Wait, what? Who are
you?” the incubus glared.
Blitzo grabbed him by
his shirt and slammed him against the wall.
“Someone who’s gonna get
reeeal creative if you don’t tell him what he wants!” Blitzo barked. He slapped
the incubus on the face with his pointed tail. “Where is she, fucknut?”
Blitzo pressed harder.
“I know you know! It only gets worse from here, asshole!”
The incubus raised his
white hands. “Okay! Okay! She’s out on a pickup!”
Blitzo lowered him.
“Where?”
“In the Lust Ring!”
So Blitzo traveled to
the Lust Ring and slammed a smaller incubus against an alley wall. “Have a Robo
Fizz personal companion!” was advertised on a flier. Another poster read in
neon pink letters, “Welcome to the LUST RING! Have an eXXXtraordinary stay!”
“It’s here man, I
swear!” cried the small incubus to Blitzo.
Blitzo raised his
flintlock pistol threateningly and held it under his chin. “Open it!”
The long black-haired
incubus raised his hands and pulled out a large crystal on a ring. It was a
magical Asmodean crystal, used by succubi and incubi under Asmodeus to travel
to Earth to torment humans. The incubus pointed the crystal and a diamond
shimmering portal appeared to a forest on Earth.
“Thanks, chump,” Blitzo
grinned. He tossed the incubus away (he fell into a dumpster) and jumped
through the portal.
0 0 0
Moxxie peered over the
bushes and spied on two figures entering the cabin and closing the door. Moxxie
turned around and made his way through them. He stumbled downward and landed on…
“What in the…SIR?!”
…the back of his boss.
Blitzo shoved Moxxie off
him.
“MOXXIE?! What the fuck
are you doing here?!”
“Trying to finish the
job you gave me,” Moxxie replied.
“Christ on a stick, you’re
still working on that? It’s been like a fucking week. THIS is why I don’t trust
you with dick, Mox,” Blitzo remarked.
Moxxie followed Blitzo
and both of them snuck up to the cabin. They pressed their back against the
wall.
“And what exactly are
you doing here, sir?”
“Apparently helping
finish your botched job,” Blitzo glared. “But mostly I’m looking for my sister…”
Knowing the killer camp counselor
lurked inside, Blitzo kicked down the door. There was a small green boat in the
middle of the water. Near the “Missing” fliers were packs of drugs stacked on
top of each other off to the side. Sunlight shone through the holes in a cloth
over an opening.
Sure enough, the
counselor was there, looking like a surprised innocent white nerd. He had dirty
blonde short hair, glasses, a small beard, and wore a camp cap, brown shorts,
brown boots, and a green shirt.
But he was not alone. A
slender woman stood behind him, wearing a short torn black sleeveless jacket
and a torn dress with red and white stripes on it. She wore dark tall boots and
a gold watch on her right wrist. Her fingers were claws and some white lines
and Xs scarred her light brown arms. The woman’s hair was a reddish brown with
two large ponytails that curled inward like horns. Blitzo spotted the black
Mammon circus mark on her forehead, crossed out by a white X. It was the same
mark that Blitzo, Fizzarolli and his family had on their foreheads.
As soon as he spotted
the crossed-out mark, he knew who it was.
“BARBIE?!” Blitzo asked in
shock.
“BLITZ?!” Barbie Wire cried,
equally surprised.
“You know her?” Moxxie
asked.
“Do I know her? That’s my
sister, fuckface!” Blitzo replied.
“What the fuck are you
doing here, shithead?!” Barbie barked.
“I should be asking you
the same thing!” Blitzo fired back. “You check yourself out of rehab, no call,
no note…and I have to track you down to this shithole with…” he paused, looking
at the man. “…who the fuck is this?”
Barbie put a hand over
his face. “No one, he works for me. And who’s the little twink here?” She
looked at Moxxie.
Blitzo covered Moxxie’s
face with his hand. “No one…he works for me.”
“Sir! That guy’s the
target!” Moxxie called.
Blitzo smirked and folded
his arms. “Oh shit, Barb! Looks like your little boy toy got himself into some
trouble.”
“The fuck are you
talking about?” Barbie asked.
“He killed our client
and now our client wants to kill him back,” Moxxie explained. Blitzo nodded.
Barbie turned to the man
in anger. “You fucking WHAT?!”
The man shrugged. “He
found out about your drugs.”
Barbie waved a hand. “I
don’t want to fucking hear it, kid!” She turned to Blitzo and Moxxie, pointing.
“Look, you’re not killing my supplier!”
Blitzo put a hand to his
head. “Oh fuck…supplier of what? You’re not back on that H-8 are you?” Blitzo
pointed an accusing finger. Moxxie pulled out a worn dagger.
Barbie rolled her eyes. “FUCK
NO, it’s just heroin!”
“Oh thank, Satan,”
Blitzo sighed. “So now you’re peddling heroin? What’s the point? That shit
barely gets rid of a headache.”
The three individuals
stepped closer toward the middle of the space, save for the man who hid behind
the drugs.
“It’s honest work, okay?”
Barbie said. “And I thought it would be sure to keep me as far away from you as
possible.”
Moxxie waved his knife. “And
you teamed up with genius here because…?”
“Do you have any idea
how easy teenage humans are to manipulate?” Barbie smirked, mentioning to her
partner.
“Heeey! No, I’m not!”
the man protested.
Barbie turned to him,
widening her eyes. She moved her butt seductively, showing her black underwear,
and spoke in a babyish voice.
“Oh Jimmy-wimmy, can you
pwease keep loading up deez druggie-wuggies for me?”
Jimmy blushed, raising
his eyebrows. “Heh, sure Barb. Whatever you say.”
“Sir…” Moxxie fumed to
Blitzo. “I’ve spent a week on this…” He held up his knife. “I’m finishing it,
one way or another…”
Barbie stepped forward,
sharp teeth bared, her eyes briefly glowing white. “DON’T YOU DARE!”
The four of them then
got into a brawl. After briefly noticing the fireworks outside, Moxxie growled
and leaped toward Jimmy with his weapon. Jimmy flinched as Moxxie was thrown
into the water by Barbie’s long pointed tail. Barbie pressed a button on her
Asmodean Crystal and she morphed into her demon imp form. Her skin was red and
her horns were black and curved with small white stripes.
“Come on Blitzo,” she
mocked, using the “o” in his name on purpose to annoy him, “…Haven’t you fucked
my life up enough already?!”
Moxxie reached out a
hand and crawled out of the water toward Jimmy. Barbie pulled him back with her
tail and he fell into her. He landed some fists near her face. The frightened
Jimmy hoped over the drugs and raced toward the door. He frantically pulled on
the knot holding the cloth and flinched back as Moxxie’s dagger hit the spot
where he had been.
Barbie was chocking
Moxxie and Blitzo was choking Barbie as they struggled to free themselves. Moxxie
fell to the ground and Barbie held him down with a hand. She punched his head
before Blitzo removed her hand. Moxxie crawled away from Barbie and raced
toward Jimmy. He leaped off the boat and lunged for him. He punched him in the
face before Barbie raced over and attempted to start the boat. Moxxie knocked
her off to the side and moved Jimmy’s head toward the deadly motor blades of
the boat. Barbie knocked Moxxie down with a hard punch to his head. Blitzo
retaliated by pulling his sister up in a headlock.
Moxxie attempted to
catch Jimmy again, the man screaming in fear. Barbie tackled Moxxie to the
ground in midair. Moxxie stood up, accidentally stepping onto Blitzo’s head. Barbie
leaned back and pulled hard at Moxxie’s wig. Jimmy shivered with fear further
back. Blitzo’s eyes were swollen and he took tired breaths. Moxxie choked Jimmy
again as Barbie growled and jabbed him in the face with her elbow. Eventually, Moxxie
was thrown against the wall, eye makeup melting around his eyes. He pulled his
knife from the wall and stalked toward Jimmy once again, teeth barred. As Jimmy stepped back, Barbie cut in front of
Moxxie, landing punches of her own while dodging his knife. She also shoved
Jimmy aside. She punched Moxxie in the face, holding his wrist and he jabbed her
in the abdomen. The knife fell and he grabbed it. Moxxie was about to grab him when
Barbie tackled him from behind. Barbie held Moxxie down as Blitzo shoved Jimmy
into the water.
Not too long after,
Barbie choked Blitzo near the steps. Moxxie had a cut on his forehead, staring
with menace at Jimmy. With a bloodied mouth, Jimmy pleaded for mercy. Barbie
tackled Moxxie again before he could reach him. All three imps growled and
tugged at each other, while Jimmy crept up the steps. He grabbed a package of heroin
and threw it into the imps. Their eyes turned black and they roared primal
roars. Jimmy stood on the boat in fear. In a split second he spotted the
firework rocket heading toward him through a window…
BOOM!
Jimmy’s head exploded
and the imps got rained in blood.
“SATAN FUCKING DAMMIT!”
Barbie bellowed in rage. “Thanks a lot, Blitzo, I’m out of a job! FUCK!”
She stomped off.
“Barb, wait!” Blitzo
cried, wanting to make amends. “I want to help you…let me help you. Please? You’re
clean now, right? Let’s grab dinner, we’ll catch up and we’ll talk about…”
Barbie let out a forced
laugh and turned back to her brother. “You don’t fucking GET IT!” She jabbed
her finger into his chest. “Just cause I’m outta rehab, doesn’t mean I wanna
see you. I NEVER WANNA see you EVER!”
Barbie marched off and
pressed her Asmodean Crystal. A shimmering diamond portal appeared, leading
back to the Sloth Ring. She stepped through it and peered out.
“Next time you wanna
find me Blitzo…DON’T!”
She vanished and the
portal closed. Blitzo stood heartbroken and Moxxie had his head in his hands.
Blood covered the floors, walls, and the imps. Blitzo couldn’t believe after
all the time he spent searching for her, she had vanished again. What had he
done to hurt her so horribly?
