Strike of Knowledge (Part 7)

Chapter 7: Perfect Poison

I slowly opened my eyes as sunlight entered the room. Catlin was curled up beside me under the covers. Once again, fate threw some unexpected things at me, but this time, I was very glad it did. Catlin stretched her arms and legs and looked at me. “Good morning,” we said at the same time and giggled. We hugged and kissed some more then slowly got out of bed. “I have to get dressed and go to class soon,” I said, remembering my Computer Science class. “I think we should also shower first,” I said. Catlin gave me a naughty grin as we gathered our belongings and raced to the bathroom.

Several days passed and to my great relief, I wasn’t caught by any of the teachers. In fact, once I heard that there would be a substitute teacher for sociology, I was more than willing to attend. I could only hope that Stonewall was losing her case in suspending me and that Jason’s reputation would go down. I encountered Flynn again at lunch and he introduced me to his friend Samantha, who had short blue hair. We exchanged numbers and he told me to come by the music club anytime.

Everything was going well for a while. Then I noticed strange things about Catlin. Whenever she was texting on her phone, she would move it away whenever I tried to look at it. I knew that it was rude to stare at someone else’s phone, but she acted as if I would try to steal it from her. I even saw her jump a little when I picked up her phone that had fallen on the floor. Catlin claimed that she had private texting conversations with her uncle that she didn’t want anyone to see, but my mind wondered whether there was more to it.

What was most peculiar was that her desire for sex seemed never ending. Don’t get me wrong, I felt like I was on cloud nine for the first several interactions. Yet, even for me, it got old fast when she asked me to do it every other night. When she got frustrated with me, she would often claim that she needed to smoke and left the room. One time that it happened, I pressed my ear to the wall that separated us and I thought I could hear sobbing on the other side.

When I introduced Catlin to my new friends from the music club, she was polite and friendly to them. However, when I started to hang out with them more, Catlin got irritated. She remained silent whenever I would talk to them during meals. I also noticed that she crossed her arms when I was helping Samantha with her Music Theory assignments. I tried to include her, but she would only talk to me when we were by ourselves. I didn’t know whether she was jealous or if this was her way of coping with her childhood abandonment, but her possessive personality was starting to bother me.

The bad part was how hard it was to resist her seductive charm. This would be many a man’s dream; for me it was unnerving. Even though each day was different, she would always get her way with me at the end of the day. Whether it was doing the thing, or apologizing or just giving her endless compliments, she craved attention. For a while, I went with it because…I didn’t want to lose her. I couldn’t lose her; we had been close friends since high school and she was there for me when Wendall and my parents were not. Surely no other woman could match her beauty.

Sitting alone in my room with no classes to go to, my emotions overtook me. For the first time, I could understand how my mother must have felt being with my father. To love someone unconditionally, then find out how unpredictable they could be because of past hurts or instilled beliefs. The worst part was the fear, the uncertainty of whether they should be a part of someone’s life…or if they needed to leave for good. At that moment, I felt like a coward, allowing myself to be stuck in relationships I had little or no control over. I wasn’t confident enough to take action and speak my mind.

Then, for some reason, Ashley popped into my mind. I remembered how I told her that she could do anything she put her mind too. I encouraged her to help mom stand up for herself…and she went above and beyond. Picturing her smiling face and determination in her eyes, I knew that if she were here, she would have said the same thing. My inner strength was deep inside me…I just had to find it.

“Cat?” I asked, this time knocking on her door. She opened it, smiling her usual playful smile. “You’re here early! Want to have a steamy snuggle session?” “We need to talk,” I stated, keeping my face blank. Unfazed by my response, she let me in and shut the door. “Don’t worry, Wanda is in class, so no more awkward moments,” she said casually, twirling in her red dress. She made herself comfortable on the couch, spreading out her legs and posing like a model. At one point, I would have found it sexually appealing, but in that moment, she was similar to a middle schooler playing a drama queen. She beckoned me with her finger but I refused to budge. She noticed how different I was acting and sat up. “What’s wrong, baby?”

I took a deep breath and looked at her. “There are lots of things that are wrong, Cat. What is bothering me most is how you are behaving. I noticed that you don’t talk to me and my friends when we are eating. For some reason, you think that texting me ten times a day is great way to strengthen our relationship.”

“I’m sorry about that,” said Catlin, looking hurt. “I didn’t know that what I was doing was wrong.”

I explained with a groan, “I texted you multiple times, politely asking you to let me have my space, yet you didn’t.”

“I wanted to make sure you were doing alright,” Catlin added.

“You know how many woman say ‘I don’t need a man in my life. I can do things on my own?’ Well, it is the same with men; not all of us need a woman to support us. Or other ways around for gays and lesbians.” I quickly added that part, thinking of Wendall. Pray to Mother Nature that he was doing alright.

 “And what is the deal with you wanting sex all the time?” I added curiously.

“It is the way I am,” Catlin stated. “And there is nothing wrong with that.”

“It is all fun and games until someone gets hurt,” I quoted. “There is always too much of a good thing.”

“But you liked it! Admit it!”

“Give me a break!” At this point I was standing up, pacing back and forth. “Of course I did. What I don’t like is you clinging onto me with every step I take. I may be your friend, but I have a life of my own.”

Catlin winced when she heard that I called her ‘friend.’ “So… is that it? You only think of me as just a friend, not a lover?” I opened my mouth but she interrupted. “Well that explains everything! How you have been ignoring me as much as possible. How you have been eyeing Samantha every time you see her.”

“Samantha is just a friend,” I said, but Catlin wasn’t buying it. “You men just think you can get away with cheating and ignoring girlfriends. Always looking for something to inflate your masculine egos! Never once thought about how the women feel, how much they struggled in the past and still do in the present!”

“This isn’t about feminism,” I growled. “This is about you and me as equals. I get that women have gone through more hardships than men in general and it is true that I will never understand what it is like for you. But you are going to have to get a hold of yourself, or this relationship will go downhill.”

She walked sultry to me and said “As long as you are with me, there will be nothing to worry about.”

As if on some twisted cue, Catlin’s cell phone buzzed on the table. “Who’s that?” I asked. “Oh, sorry, that’s my mom,” she said. No one would be that nervous in that situation if they didn’t have something to hide. My eyes narrowed. “You have not seen your mother since you were abandoned.” “My uncle, it’s private!” she raised her voice, but it was too late for her to fix her error. She was also too late in retrieving her phone before I did.

I skimmed through flirtatious texts between Catlin and a friend. Just before she snatched it away from me, I read the name: Nicholas. Nicholas was a good basketball player at college and from what I heard from other students, he loved sports, acting, cooking, and lots of intimate moments. Everything from before fell into place. Catlin had texted this guy back at the arcade, and every time she went out for a break. “You were cheating on me, weren’t you?” She protested but I held up a hand. “That explains everything,” I retorted.

I looked at her directly. “You never truly loved me. All you cared about were the intimate moments. And when you didn’t get enough attention from me, you wanted it from someone else!” “I do love you with all my heart,” Catlin pressed. Her legs were shaking and her eyes were getting watery. “If you truly did love me,” I explained, “then you would have respected my personal space. But more importantly, you would have shown respect for yourself.” “I completely respect and love myself!” she argued. She put her hands on her hips, trying to look intimidating, but I wasn’t having any of it.

“You will never leave me, Josh! I am your closest friend and lover.” I almost choked on the next words that came out of my mouth. “I’m sorry, Catlin, but I am afraid…I’m afraid I will have to.” She gasped in shock. “You are leaving me?” “Right now. We’re done,” I deadpanned. “Impossible, you can’t seriously be saying that! After all I did for you those years? Hey, don’t you dare walk away from me!” I walked out of the room and into the hallway. “Listen to me you son of a…” I slammed the door and ran as fast as I could to my room. My head was pounding, my breathing heavy, my vision blurry from my tears. I ran into my room and curled up into a ball, crying my eyes out. I didn’t care how messy I looked or how loud my sobs were. Once again, fate had reared its ugly head at me. Like with many people in my life, fate had become another being that I could not trust.