(HalusaTwin) Lucifer and Michael at the bar AU

Art by Ady https://twitter.com/ady_lainne

Lucifer: Why hello brother.

Michael: Hello Louie.

Lucifer: Oh it’s that time of the year again, isn’t it?

Michael: Yes it is.

Lucifer: The Purge. The only time I get to see you.

Michael: Yes, but you know the rules.

Lucifer: Yes I know. Though, please take that thing off your head, it’s distracting.

(Michael wears a black death angel mask with horns, a creepy face and bloodstains

Michael: Louie, I’m at work.

Lucifer: Come on, spend five minutes with your big brother. Let’s have a drink.

Michael: You know I don’t drink.

Lucifer: Oh yes. The angel thing isn’t it? Well that’s fine. I can only drink about one or two, then I’m on the floor. You know, it’s an angel thing.

Michael: Yes, quite.

Lucifer: Please take that thing off.

Michael: Louie, don’t distract me.

Lucifer: Five minutes. Take the boobs off your head, let’s have a chat.

Michael: Boobs? Fine. I’ll remove it for your benefit.

Lucifer: Thank you.

(Michael removes it)

Michael: Here we go. Better?

Lucifer: Yes. I can see your face. That is better. So tell me, what’s been happening in the other realm?

Michael: Not much really. Just same old stuff. Angels playing games, singing songs. Gabriel being as annoying as ever.

Lucifer: Oh really? Tell me, how’s Raphael?

Michael: He’s fine. A little bit down, after you left.

Lucifer: I did not leave. Not by choice, you know this.

Michael: Yes I know. I’m partly responsible.

Lucifer: Yes and how do you feel?

Michael: You know how I feel, brother. I tried to talk you out of it, you and your ridiculous ideas.

Lucifer: It’s not ridiculous. It was necessary.

Michael: How are you doing down here, thriving in Hell?

Lucifer: All the questions. Well, actually I’m having a lot of fun. Doing as I wish. I have the power in this realm. I’m like a god. The only problem is it’s full of these sinners.

Michael: But I thought you liked that sort of thing.

Lucifer: No. You remember fighting me. It’s because of these sins that I’m down here. My jealousy as it were, and pride, that Father favored these mortals over us.

Michael: Yes, well we’ve been over this, haven’t we?

Lucifer: Yes we have, many times. But people get the misconception that I am evil. I’m not evil. I punish evil…although I do find the richest satisfaction from doing so.

Michael: Yes well…that is kinda evil.

Lucifer: Well I suppose in its own right, but who’s going to do it my way? Bael? Ha, don’t make me laugh.

Michael: Yes well, how’s the family?

Lucifer: Oh family’s doing fine. Lilith isn’t talking to me at the moment, and Charlie…well, she’s… she has a strange venture of her own, trying to save sinners.

Michael: Well I wonder where she gets these wild-eyed ideas and thoughts from, hm?

Lucifer: Are you implying she gets that from me? Come on, I only had one crazy idea.

Michael: Just the one? Please, brother. Don’t fool me.

Lucifer: Oh yes, you know me too well. Well how’s your family? Oh that’s right, you don’t have one.

Michael: That’s a bit sharp, Louie.

Lucifer: Well, I can’t imagine what it’s like for yourself. Not being able to express your love.

Michael: Yes, but there’s rules in Heaven, isn’t there?

Lucifer: There’s rules down here too…only they’re my rules. I get to do as I wish. Perhaps you should come down here more often.

Michael: Do not try and tempt me, Lucy, I know what you’re up to.

Lucifer: I told you once before, don’t call me Lucy. It will catch on. People will start calling me it.

Michael: Oh right, Louie. You prefer that, don’t you?

Lucifer: Yes I do and I don’t know why people keep calling me Lucy. Do I have a girlish look about me or something?

Michael: Well, you are angelic, so maybe that’s why.

Lucifer: Well, there’s not much I can really do about it. Anyway, so it’s lovely to have your visits. It’s a shame it’s only for one day. You should stay for longer. I think we could rule Hell together.

Michael: But I thought you had a partner in crime?

Lucifer: Yes but she’s not talking to me. I could use a good right hand man, and shoe shine.

Michael: I beg your pardon. What do you hate me for?

Lucifer: Oh yes, that’s right, you are Father’s right-hand man.

Michael: Yes well since your departure from Heaven, someone had to take up the mantle. And who better than me?

Lucifer: That sounds like pride to me.

Michael: No, no, I’m just saying I have the ability and besides, you just wanted your ability when you decided that angels were more important than humans.

Lucifer: Let’s not go over this argument again. I stick by my rules. I can’t help it if you can’t see my vision.

Michael: Well, I suppose I should get back to work. Hell’s not going to purge itself is it now?

Lucifer: Quite. Maybe one day I’ll join you. Might give some of these sinners a piece of my mind and my sword.

Michael: Yes, how is the MorningStar?

Lucifer: Still sheaved since I destroyed Bael. But you see, gathering dust now, just an ornament in the hallway.

Michael: Wow. That’s how you treat your prized weapons?

Lucifer: I have no need for it down here. I can do everything with my mind. Now that I’ve been down here, I’ve gained more abilities.

Michael: I see.

Lucifer: Yes. My hours are unshackled. No one else governs me. I do as I wish. Thirst, consume.

Michael: Nope. I shall not. I’ll only be down here once a year to clean up your mess.

Lucifer: Fine. Thank you for, you know, digging that one, though.

Michael: And I’m sorry, but, take more care.

Lucifer: I can’t help it. These sinners are just, you know, so impure. But they just ended up down here. Well, it was lovely to have you down here, but I suppose I should let you get back to work.

Michael: Yes. I have a lot of work to do. Anyway, always a pleasure. Never assure.

(puts mask back on)

Lucifer: That sounds like it was assured.

Michael: No, no. I do enjoy our visits, but I must get on.

Lucifer: By the way…

Michael: Yes?

Lucifer: You have red on you. Oh I see, sort of a dead joke.

Michael: Funny as ever, Louie. Well, take care. Say hi to the family.

Lucifer: Yes. Say hi to Father. That’ll brighten the gods.

Lucifer: Right, well I should bid my adieu.

Michael: Yes, me too. Arrivederci.

Lucifer: Arrivederci belle.

Story by HalusaTwin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx2EHCHCykw&t=36s