Dragon Talk (parody)

(After Omega Shenron's defeat)

Goku: “Shenron, you’re here even though no one summoned you!”

Shenron: “Yes. Once the Shadow Dragons were defeated, I had enough energy to reappear. I have also come to you for a final mission.”

Goku: “What’s that?”

Shenron: “The Dragon Balls have been used by mortals for hundreds of years. It has brought nothing but more greed and evil into this world. Even bringing those back to life counteracts the natural balance of life. The humans must not use them again, less the shadow Dragon appears to create chaos to the universe again. However, I cannot send this message alone.”

“Goku: “What do you mean?”

Shenron: “You may be the current hero of Earth, protecting it from outside forces, but you also must play your part in purifying the inside. For true change comes from within, first.”

Goku: “I don’t follow.”

Shenron: “Goku san, you are a part of something must greater than yourself. I need you to help me send the message for the betterment of mankind.”

Goku: “How? But Chi-Chi, Gohan…”

Shenron: “You will be able to say goodbye to them. Ride on my back and I will take you to them.”

Goku: “I’ll miss my dinner that Chi-Chi made…”

Shenron: “In time, they will understand. But first, I will do something for you. After you have gotten used to this mission, I will turn you back into an adult once all my power is restored. My spirit will temporarily live inside you to recover.”

Goku: “Okay…that’s weird.”

Shenron: “And finally, once you’re an adult, which will be very soon, you may have one last fight with Vegeta in space.”

Goku: “Who hoo!”

Shenron: “But know that even for a Saiyan, life does not last forever. You and Vegeta will likely never be able to return. Although, I suppose I could allow you to be in the presence of Pan and your great great grandson 100 years later.”

Goku: “Ok! I’m in!”

Shenron: “I hope that one day, Earthlings and other beings in the universe will be able to solve problems on their own. After all, it was the Namekian’s original idea before getting distracted at the prospect of making wishes.”

Goku: “Piccolo and Dende never told me that.”

Goku: “By the way, can I wish for infinite wishes?”

Shenron: (growls) “No, that is…”

Goku: “Beyond your power, I get it.”

Shenron: “It would also be a paradox. How am I supposed to live eternally under the command of random mortals making me do their dirty work? Their intentions are almost never truly good, if you count the consequences via the Shadow Dragons. The Shadow dragons seem keen on destruction as well as Red Shenron, but at least I and Porunga have no desire to kill anyone.”

Goku: “So…you want to quit your job?”

Shenron: “Yes, I want to quit my job! But at the same time, I was created by the Namekians for the very purpose of granting wishes. Without doing that, I have no purpose in life. I have no choice.”

Red Shenron: “Do what wish do I owe this villain?”

Vegeta: “I’m not evil anymore!”

Red Shenron: “Right. Pilaf and Baby summoned me. Why wouldn’t someone else evil do the same?”

Bulma: “I’m curious. What would happen if your dragons had your way?”

Red Shenron: “If dragons had their way, they would roam free in space, destroy planets and not have to grant wishes to anyone.”

Bulma: (gulps). “I never knew about that.”

Red Shenron: “Of course you didn’t. It is something we don’t usually tell mortals.”

Vegeta: “But you just did.”

Bulma: “I wish for the black star Dragon Balls to not blow up planets after their use.”

Red Shenron: “That is beyond my power.”

Bulma: “And you say you’re more powerful than Shenron?”

Red Shenron: “In that I can kill people while he can’t.”

Vegeta: “How about this: I wish for you to F*ck off!”

Red Shenron: “You will have to be more specific for me to grant your wish.”

Vegeta: (facepalms). “Why can’t I wish for immortality? Or the Saiyan race to return? It seems that everything always gets in my way!”

Bulma; “Vegeta, honey, let’s not revert back to being evil, shall we? Let’s go back home and you can help Trunks with his homework.”

Vegeta: “What a waste of time! I was planning on training once we got back.”

Bulma: “Training can wait.”

Vegeta: “It can never wait! Not when I want to surpass Kakarot in space and never come back.”

Bulma “…”

Vegeta: “I told Pan to take care of Kakarot’s clothes. I have a bigger purpose in my life.”

Bulma: “Over your own family?!”

Red Shenron: “Are you mortals done?”

Dende: “So shouldn’t you also have a dark Shadow Porunga counterpart like Shenron?”

Porunga: “I suppose it’s possible I do, but then again, Namekians are much better at using their wishes wisely, unlike the humans.”

Dende: “I heard that Shenron called Goku to help him in his mission to tell the world not to use the Dragon Balls.”

Porunga: “Yes, I had a feeling it would eventually happen. Perhaps it is for the best.”

Dende: “But…people won’t be able to be revived. So many things will be lost.”

Porunga: “There are other dimensions that do not rely on the Dragon Balls. I’m sure our Universe will also get used to it.”

Dende: “What will you do when no one uses the Dragon Balls anymore?”

Porunga: “That’s easy. I’ll take a centuries-long nap and go visit Shenron and Red Shenron at our favorite celestial cave. It’s been millennia since we have seen each other. Granting wishes can get old fast; a long vacation is overdue. By the way…what is your wish?”

Dende: “I just wanted to ask you about the unanswered questions that mortals had about you and the other dragons.”