Beerus and Champa quotes

(in space)

Whis: Heavens.

Beerus: Whis, you can’t just stop like that! I nearly bit my tongue you careless twit!

Whis: Apologies, Lord Beerus. I’ve encountered someone unexpected I’m not sure you want to know.

Beerus: What?

(Vados and Champa appear from a lavender sphere)

Beerus: I’ve heard of people getting lost, but you’re taking it to new heights.

Champa: Ha! Snoozy Beerus is awake for once. Guess there is such a thing as miracles.

Beerus: You want to go?

(Both glare and growl)

Beerus: You’re in the seventh universe, Champa. Surely you know that a destroyer of the sixth universe has no business being here.

Champa: Relax, we were just taking a shortcut. Honestly, why do you feel the need to be such a stinker?

Beerus: Don’t try to fool me with ridiculous excuses. I know you too well for that and you better not have come here to steal our delicious food.

Champa: Ho ho! As if I would waste more time on the disgusting concoctions you call food in this universe. The cuisines in universe six are the finest in all the realities. I would never eat here.

Beerus: Then what’s the real reason you came?

Champa: I’m just on a stroll. I like the view.

Beerus: Look at your belly, Champa. You’re not the strolling type.

(both growl)

Champa: Alright, you want a battle then? Well that’s fine by me. Vados, let him have it!

Vados: Are you sure it wouldn’t be better to fight him yourself my lord?

Champa: He’s not worth my time. I’m too lazy.

Beerus: Hmpth. That should be my line.

Whis: Forgive me, Lord Beerus, but we should be going.

Beerus: Yes, you’re right, let’s move on.

Vados: We have business as well, Lord Champa.

Champa: Alright, twit, I’ll let you leave this time.

Beerus: Nice wanting to spare you butterball.

(Both growl and turn their heads away)

Champa; Come on, Vados, let’s go.

Vados: Yes, my lord.

(Vados and Champa leave)

Beerus: He’s up to something.

Champa: I forget, Vados. How many have we collected so far?

Vados: We have five.

Champa: The last two will be harder. We’ll have to be more careful now. I don’t want Beerus and Whis finding out when we already have them all. (snickers)

(Baseball battle)

Beerus: Did you just call me a wuss?

Champa: Get some studier players. If you’re gonna give up, I win.

Beerus: You’re barbaric team’ll be disqualified!

Champa: You’re the barbaric one!

Beerus: I’m a pillar of intellect!

Champa: Says who, you violent God of Destruction! That’s you!

Beerus: It’s you!

Champa: No, it’s you!

Beerus: No it’s you!

(both rise up into the air body to body as lightning flashes

Champa: No, it’s you!

Beerus: No, it’s you!

Beerus: No, it’s you! (shoves Champa)

Champa: Now you’ve done it! (shoves Beerus)

(Both shove each other fast.)

Beerus: Now I’m…

Champa: …really mad!

(Both clash fists)

(Both kick and punch, causing a tornado and blasts to hit the ground)

Beerus punches Champa in the face)

(Champa punches Beerus in the face)

Champa: This is my…

Beerus: …victory!

(Both yell)

(Both angels) Hold it right there!

Vados: Have you forgotten? It’s taboo for Gods of Destruction to fight each other.

Whis: Are you trying to destroy the universe?

(Both gods sigh in defeat)

Whis: We’ve said that acts of destruction are forbidden. By our umpire authority, we’re calling this game off now.

Beerus: So, it’s a tie?

Vados: No. It’s universe 7’s walk off victory.

Champa: What?!

Vados: Champa-sama, see for yourself.

Beerus: Yamacha, well done!

(Vados leaves with Universe six in a protective cube as the four practice their swings)

Champa: You all, next time, we’re gonna win!

Vados: It looks like he’s forgotten his original aim. (smiles)

(Xenoverse 2)

Beerus: You’re a sorry excuse for a God of Destruction. You don’t know anything, do you? The proper topping for a fried egg is ketchup!

Champa: No way! A properly-made fried egg is sprinkled with sugar!

Beerus: You can’t sweeten everything that goes in your mouth! Are you a child or something?

Champa: Like you can talk! Splash a bit of ketchup on something and it just tastes like ketchup! You have no taste!

Beerus: You idiot! How dare you say that about me!

Champa: You’re the idiot! Only idiots call people idiots!

Beerus: Ha! You just proved that you’re the idiot! You said ‘idiot’ three times!

Champa: Quit counting how many times I say idiot, you idi…Er, jerk!

(both growl)

Whis: Lord Beerus, no fighting now.

Beerus: He’s got a defective tongue, so a contest of cuisines only gets twisted!

Champa: You’re impossible! Let’s settle this with some baseball!

Beerus: That almost came to blows last time!

Champa: Hmph. Then it sounds like we have a solution!

Beerus: Oh, you wanna thrown down?

Whis and Vados: Absolutely not! (Both slap their respective Gods in the backs with their staffs)

Vados: Fried eggs, huh? How about a bit of chili oil?

Beerus and Champa: Huh?

Whis: Oh yes. I‘ve heard that yakinuku sauce is also quite good.

Champa: Hey…

Beerus: Yeah, I’d like to give that a shot!

(Both nod at each other and fly away)

Whis: Good grief.

Vados: Oh the two of you are simply impossible.

Whis: Indeed. We have to find a way to get a handle on the situation.

(at Beerus’s planet)

Champa: (punches fist into his hand and snickers) Time to knock on his door nice and loud.

Champa: Take this! (screams)

(fires up purple destructive energy in his hand, but is soon overwhelmed by the metal doors exploding. The door flies over his head, almost hitting him. Vados protects herself in an energy sphere.)

Champa: Hey! What the hell…ahh!

(Beerus shadow flies out from the smoke, revealing Beerus in his light colored nightgown in the air. Champa had dirt on his face)

Beerus: I know you’re out here. Goku! Vegeta! Where are you numbskulls hiding?!

Champa: Yo! Beerus!

Beerus: There you are! (fires orange and yellow ki blasts, Champa dodging and yelling)

Champa: Hey! What’d the hell you do that for? Hey! Knock it off, will ya?! (releases sonic scream in the air, Beerus shielding his face)

(Goku and Vegeta hide behind a rock)

Vegeta: What was that?

Goku: Maybe Lord Beerus has some kind of new attack.

(Whis appears)

Beerus: Huh?

Champa: (pants heavily) Well that’s one hell of a way to greet someone, isn’t it, Beerus?

Beerus: You look Saiyan

(Champa snickers)

Beerus: Who are you?

Vados: Your face, my lord. (hands him a hand towel)

(Champa wipes his face and glares)

Champa: Why you… It’s me you fool! It’s Champa!

Beerus: Oh. So it is. Well, what’d you want? (flies over)

Champa: What? I told you to see for yourself. You know it’s dangerous to just go popping off like that without warning. A number of those blasts almost hit me!

Beerus: Well, I only regret that my aim was a little off.

Champa: Such Insolence! Listen here, you brat.

(Whis sighs)

Champa: Do you treat all your guests this rudely?

Beerus: To be a guest, you have to be invited.

Champa: What did you say?!

Beerus: It’s sad I didn’t even realize it was you.

Champa: And then you panicked and acted out of fear. Ha, don’t try to play tough now!

(inside the tree)

(Champa slurps from a giant smoothee full of lavender berries, a green lime slice, and yellow sticks coated in purple sauce) Ha ha!

Vegeta: ‘Who is this guy?’

Champa: Hey what’s with those guys? Are they disciples of yours?

Whis: Yes, something like that I suppose. Though at this point, they are really novices who wiped out after 50,000 pushups.

Champa: Hmm

Vegeta: (whispers) Say doesn’t he kind of look like Lord Beerus?

Goku: Yeah, like Lord Beerus ate another Lord Beerus.

Goku: So, hey! Who are you then? You look like Lord Beerus, only a lot fatter.

Vados: My my, aren’t you the rude one. May I present, Lord Beerus’ twin brother, Lord Champa.

Goku: Whoa, they’re twins? You’re kidding me.

Vados: Please show some proper respect. He is a destroyer after all.

Vegeta: He’s a what? You are saying there are two destroyers?

Vados: Well not in this realm. Lord Champa is the destroyer of the sixth universe.

Vegeta: You suggesting there’s a sixth…

Goku (interrupts) Say, who’s stronger, you or Lord Beerus?

Champa: Hmpth (smirks)

Vados: Now now, mortal, there’s no need for you to ask such a thing. Given their physiques it should be obvious.

Champa: Hey, now, not cool!

Beerus: (yawns) So what did you disturb my sleep for? I’ll send you flying if it’s something insignificant.

Champa: Should I tell you? I came here to give you a taste of despair that will leave you speechless.

Beerus narrowed his eyes.

Champa: Hey Vados, bring that out.

Vados; Sure, at once.

(waves staff over the table and a red round container with an egg inside appears)

(Vados presses a blue button on the top and a slot opens up. The machine doors pen to reveal beige and blue colored eggs, six total.)

Goku: Aren’t those just some eggs?

Champa; Not just any eggs. These are boiled eggs of the newly discovered Don Don bird.

(eggs hover over to the two brothers, egg drops into Champa’s hand after gold band breaks off)

Champa: They are tasty enough to leave anyone speechless.

Vados: Their nutrition value is ok too.

Champa: You guys can try it as well. Here, have a taste.

(eggs hover over to Goku and Vegeta)

(Beerus breaks the egg sell and eats the white egg and yellow yolk.)

Vegeta: ‘It looks and tastes like a normal egg.’

Goku: It’s good!

Champa: Right? It seems the sixth universe is still the heaven of delicious food!

Beerus: (Chews and swallows) Hey Whis, bring it out.

Whis: Sure, one second.

(Wave staff until four cups of hot ramen appear along with forks, chopsticks and an hourglass)

Champa: What is this thing?

Beerus: (grins)

Champa: Perhaps we have to eat it after adding the sand of the hourglass? (laughs) That sure is a first!

(sand drops down)

Whis: Now, go ahead.

(Goku and Vegeta slurp up noodles)

(Vados and Champa slurp up noodles, eyes widen)

Vados: (smiles) This is so…

(Champa slurps up the remaining noodles and drinks from the bowl, licking his lips)

Beerus: So, how is it?

Champa: (smiles and then puts on a serious face) Well it could be better.

Beerus: You say that, but you even finished the soup.

Champa: ‘It’s ready just by adding hot water and yet it’s so good!’

Vados: (looking through her staff orb) Alas, so that’s what happened there.

Whis: It would seem that the sixth Universe’s Earth was plunged into foolish conflict, which wiped out its entire population.

C: (gasps and groans in shock)

B: (laughs) Well it’s downright tragic, Champa! I guess you don’t have any Earthlings left in your lousy universe! Meaning no one to make those dishes for you!

C: (growls)

C: (gasps and grins with a laugh, getting an idea) say, Beerus, let’s have a contest, ha?

B: A contest? What exactly are you proposing?

C: I mean a fighting competition obviously! And if I win, we trade Earth’s with each other.

B: Really? You want to fight me? (laughs)

C: (growls) Let me finish what I was saying!

B: Oh come on now. You said “fighting,” not “pie-eating” right?

C: You watch your dahm mouth, you stroudy punk!

B: (glares)

(both lift themselves onto the blue table and march toward each other)

B: We’re twin brothers, and both of us are destroyers.

C: So then why is it that we always seem to be at each other’s throats like this?

(room starts cracking apart)

Vegeta: Oh, what now?

Goku: I don’t like where this is going. Hey. Hey, wait for me Vegeta!” (Goku follows Vegeta)

(Gold ball falls down and shatters on the floor)

(both brothers land fists at each other, pausing at their faces, then start throwing fast punches)

Goku: So awesome!

Vegeta: Uh, Kakarot…

(ground starts cracking below them, the circle growing wider from the center of the room, angels stand calmly above it)

(Both brothers kick at each other, only to be blocked by the two staffs of the angels

Whis and Vados: That’s enough!

(Beerus and Champa lower their legs and turn away from each other, fists clenched)

Vegeta; No, no, stopt…

(Both Saiyans fall through the floor with yells)

B: Why’d you interrupt us?

C: Yes that was just rude.

W: I’m sorry, but we couldn’t stand idly by while and allow one destroyer to engage another in combat.

V: The two of you must know that your combat would inevitably lead to the rather inconvenient annihilation of both the sixth and seventh universes.

Vegeta: They talk about it like it’s no big deal!

B: Seeing as you were the one to suggest we fight each other in the first place, Champa. This is all your fault.

C: No, this is your fault for not letting me finish what I wanted to say! I wasn’t proposing we simply fight each other. This will be between contestants we choose from each of our universes.

C: Hmm, let’s see. How about we have teams of five? So to begin with, we’ll each send out one competitor. Then whoever wins that first fight will move on.  Now continue facing off like that one on one until the final team’s captain is defeated.

B: Amusing idea, but why should I? What would I gain from such a silly contest? And besides, even if you won, how do you plan to swap Earths? There’s simply no way something like that is possible.

C: Oh but it is. You see, recently, I’ve devoted a lot of time and effort to collecting wish orbs.

Vados: (scolds) Lord Champa!

C: Shut up! (turns back to Beerus) Look these magical spheres I’ve gathered can do anything your heat desires. Yes anything would obviously encompass swapping our Earths. Now, I currently have six of them on hand. So I only need to find one more orb. And then I will have all of them in my possession! And if the Universe 7 fighters win, then I’ll give six of them to you.