Fish Into Fire

 

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, April 15 1912

 

Well…fuck my life.

 

Or death, rather.

 

I briefly remember struggling for breath, everything going black, then I blink and see a strange crimson sky. After seeing a whole bunch of monsters, pentagrams and a lot of red, I conclude that this place is Hell.

 

But…how am I still aware and moving? Shouldn’t I be dead? Or am I partially dead? I appear to be a blue anglerfish hybrid with female features for some strange reason. Gray-blue skin, three cyan freckles on the sides of my face, short dark blue hair swept back. Pointed cyan teeth, cyan sclera with light red irises. I’m wearing a dark grey laboratory suit with yellow buttons, dark grey gloves and boots. I also have a dark top hat with an esca attached to it. My esca is very helpful as an extra light in the dark. My Czech German accent is still here thank goodness.

 

My birth name, Berdina von Fischer won’t do, and neither will my changed name, Brenner.

 

Since I’m a new creature in a new life, I am now Baxter.

 

I don’t know how I got here, but I’ll have to figure that out later. Right now, I have to find a place to stay…starting with that raging river over there.

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, April 15 1912

 

…on second thought, jumping into the river of fire and despair was a bad idea. There are a ton of brutes around here, looking at me like I’m a fish on a platter.

 

Um *pants*…how fast can I run on land?

 

Fuck off you cretins! Get away from me, get awa….*yelps*

 

*end transmission*

 

 

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, April 15 1912

 

*shudders*. Okay, after getting mauled and tossed into the river, I have somehow been respawn onto the street. I’m now in one piece while over there, that demon with the spear in his head lies completely dead. Very bizarre.

 

I just heard from a group of hellhounds talking that there is a yearly event called the Extermination. Happens every year from December 31^st to January 1^st, the new year. Apparently there are exorcists, dark vulture-like angels who arrive from Heaven to mercilessly slaughter as many demons as possible. They say that their angelic weapons can kill demons instantly, no matter what type they are. I wish I could get my hands on one of the weapons for experimentation, but apparently, they’re incredibly expensive.

 

Still trying to get the hang of Hell’s “souls” currency. It seems to be similar to the US dollar. Very different from my usual deutsche marks. At least everyone in this strange world seems to be less separated by cultures like on Earth.

 

So far, that cardboard box over there in the alley serves as my home. I’ve made a few make-shift weapons and gadgets from scraps of metal nearby. Dumpster diving isn’t much fun but it’s better than looking nervous and neurotic every time you go into a bar. Surprisingly enough, hell rats make for a decent snack. Maybe I’ll analyze their organs if I have time.

 

It is both fascinating and terrifying to be here. It is very much like Darwin’s survival of the fittest statements. Some demons have wings and can fly and breathe fire. Others have a ton of eyes, teeth and sharp claws like dinosaurs that allow for advantage in fights. And there are several with special abilities like super speed, agility and magic too. Still trying to figure out the general hierarchy of this place.

 

Fortunately, my past life memories and skills in science and inventing still remain intact. I bet I’m one of few who can breathe underwater.

 

Now I need to get a job and a safer place before a gang finds me and I become even dirtier than I already am. My fins are metaphorically crying for water…despite that drowning caused my death.

 

*end transmission*

 

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, April 17 1912

 

If you ever decide to become a fisherman in Hell to earn some extra money, don’t. This elderly cyclops man was sitting on an old canoe and spotted me. He said, “Hey fish boy! 20 souls per hour if you can help with this old thing!”

 

I was nervous about being back on a boat, but decided to give it a try. The paddles were heavier than I thought as we rowed out to the middle of a boiling hot lake. I put bait onto the hook and held the rod like he showed me. I felt a tug at my fishing pole and reeled it in.

 

But it wasn’t a little fish I got…it was a killer whale with three red eyes and a scaly long blue tail. We paddled as fast as we could, the old man enjoying himself and screaming, “Woo hoo! Haven’t that this much fun in years!” Then the creature flipped the boat over and we both went tumbling into the water. While the man was fighting off the beast, I almost ran into kelpies and electric eels under the water. Unfortunately, the old man was soon mauled by the beast…and it was coming for me next!

 

Still terrified at dying again, I screamed out loud, bubbles rushing from my mouth. My body glowed teal and I felt myself transform. Soon I was a grayish blue anglerfish with sharp teeth, my lower ones longer. I swam much faster this time and was able to reach shore. I leapt out of the water, taking a gaping breath and was able to transform back to my humanoid form before landing in a heap on the hellish black sand. Spitting out sand and standing up on shaking legs, I stared at my hands in amazement. That’s when I realized that I had turned into my more powerful demon form. I figured if I could do it, then other demons could as well.

 

My theory was conformed after I saw several red demons temporarily grow in size, growing teeth, spikes and becoming taller.

 

Perhaps if I don’t find a job, I’ll have to work by myself.

 

Just for kicks, I later transformed again and swam to a lower, darker part of the lake. I spotted some smaller silver fish waving toward me. They seemed transfixed by the light on my head.

 

*chuckles* Perfect.

 

 

The fish got close enough, almost tickling my nose when…

 

Chomp!

 

Still as tasty as the fish I had when I was fully alive. I went back up to the surface, transforming back with some more effort. Now at least, I had a better place to retreat and catch food. (Though why I still required food and water when I was dead was beyond me.)

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, 1926

 

I’m having trouble keeping track of how long I’ve been here. Months? Years? I don’t know. And I don’t even feel older or different either. It’s like I’m stuck in a time loop or something, where the laws of psychics don’t seem to apply as much. There is obviously gravity and everything, but also magic and supernatural phenomena everywhere I look. I have a bad feeling that time on Earth just keeps going on without me. Interestingly enough, this world seems to parallel my old home world. Now I frequently see war propaganda posters that weren’t there before. World War One references in the newspapers all the time.

 

I recently discovered that sinners and the Hellborn have vastly different constitutions. I was able to get samples from several dead bodies from the last extermination. Turns out that sinner blood is red like mine and hellborn blood is black. Not sure what color angel’s blood could be, but I hypothesize that natural angels have golden white blood. Sinners can regenerate while the hellborn age very slowly. It’d probably be the same for the saints and the heavenborn. Still not sure why this is.

 

This man with a gas mask head, Tom Trench recently died in the trenches during World War One. He had been fighting for the Soviets on the front lines, using deadly gas and gruella warfare tactics against the enemy. From what I heard, he had been a former Russian news anchor with some kids of his own before he was drafted. Now he’s helped create 666 News (on radio and TV) and is frequently seen in the newspaper too. He died from the deadly gas and now had a gas mask for a face in irony.

 

Now I’m beginning to realize that demon’s looks alone are part of their bizarre punishments. I drowned on a boat as I experimented on humans and anglerfish. Now, ironically I am a fish. It’s like the powers above mocked me and said “Oh you drowned in life? Now you’re a fish monster because why the fuck not? Hahaha!”

 

How do I know all about him? He and I met briefly in the streets and he noticed I was making a prototype device for shooting out deadly gas. He asked me what it was and frantic, I stuttered “B-back off!” and blasted some at him, which obviously had no effect. Instead of flipping me off or running away, he just stood there. I rolled my eyes and asked, “What do you want?”

 

“I just want to talk,” he said. “I’m curious about your projects.”

 

So I told him about it all.

 

“I’m…sorry about your loss, of life,” I began. “I died a decade or so before you.”

 

“The Titanic sinking, yes?” Tom Trench asked.

 

“I wasn’t on the Titanic but yes, I drowned on a boat. Mein Gott, has it really been that long?”

 

“Time flies when you’re dead,” he said.

 

We discussed our experiences and the properties of chemical weapons.

 

“You are very talented in your work,” he said at last.

 

“Danke,” I replied.

 

“Say…usually I don’t care much for fellow sinners but…how about I help you get your devices more recognized by the public. You and I could be featured in nuclear weapon commercials! More money for me, of course!”

 

“Nein!” I spat. “I detest the spotlight in any form.”

 

“Well, if you say so,” Tom Trench said. “But if you need any extra help, there is another sinner who’s also good with inventions. You’ll know when you see him.”

 

“Will do,” I said.

 

“Stay safe out there,” Tom Trench said as he left. “I’m off to go find a hot dame to nail!”

 

“Disgusting,” I muttered, turning away. Now to find that intriguing inventor he talked about.

 

*end transmission*

 

 

Baxter’s log: Pentagram City, Hell, 1929

 

This ”intriguing” inventor I found two years later called himself Sir Pentious. He was this melodramatic snake demon with a cobra hood with pink eye patterns. He wore a top hat with an eye and a grin of its own on his head. He had a bow tie, a yellow shirt with an eye on it, and a gray coat with yellow vertical stripes on it.

 

Sir Pentious was very eccentric and frankly annoying. He would blabber on and on about taking over the world and killing demons with his inventions. He had been an aristocrat in London who had profited by scamming other people and inventing machines during the Industrial Revolution. He died in 1888 due to a machine malfunction in a blizzard. He enjoyed tea, cats, causing chaos and pretending to be hip. He only cared for steampunk technology and didn’t care to change. Pathetic.

 

I know all this because I happened to meet him for better or worse.

 

 

Sir Pentious was almost to the nearby repair shop. His airship in the lake was not only burnt beyond repair, but he had lost crucial weapons and tools on the ship. He, too, would’ve died a second death had he stayed in the ship too long.

 

“Someday…Hell will be mine,” he muttered to himself. “Lucifer, the princess, Stolas…they’ll all bow before me as they witness my mass weapons of destruction. Sinners everywhere will fear my name, even Satan himself will shake. I won’t give up so easily. After all, in war, the side with the most style is the winning side.”

 

He observed his tattered clothing with a sad look on his face. “So much for style.” Even his top hat frowned and dropped slightly.

 

Just then, he heard a scuffling sound coming from an alleyway. The eye on his top hat widened. He froze and sniffed the air with his tongue. It smelled...fishy.

 

He inched closer to the source of the sound, careful not to get too close.

 

“Low-class scum,” he muttered. “I should do them a favor and dispose of them.”

 

He took out a small gun from his belt and aimed it at the narrow lane of shadow.

 

“Show yourself and say your prayers!” he called with a click of the weapon.

 

My luminescent glow of yellow eyes appeared from the darkness.

 

“Back off!” I growled.

 

Sir Pentious scoffed. “Hah! Those are your last words?”

 

“Back off, I say!”

 

Sir Pentious fired his gun and I hit the ground with a brief thud.

 

Moments later I stood up again. A green blast from my shrink ray flashed through the darkness, shrinking Sir Pentious’ gun on contact.

 

“What the…” he gasped as he dropped the mini tool in shock. It clanked to the ground.

 

A white blaster with a rounded end was pointed at his face.

 

“Do you mind?” I spat. “I’m trying to work on zis project ‘ere.”

 

“Who are you?” Sir Pentious asked.

 

“Lass mich allein.”

 

“What?” Sir Pentious asked. He peered behind me and saw a pot on a portable stove, vials of colorful liquids beside it. The water inside was neon green and bubbling.

 

“Es gibt keine Ruhe für die Intelligenten.”

 

Sir Pentious growled. “What are you saying?”

 

I ignored him, keeping my shrink ray aimed at Sir Pentious. Sir Pentious remained in place.

 

“What are you making?” Sir Pentious asked.

 

I scoffed. “Like I’d tell you.”

 

“How very uncouth of you,” remarked Sir Pentious. “Is that how you greet a gentleman?”

 

“This is Hell, no one cares. I certainly don’t.”

 

“I’m Sir Pentious, and you will treat me with respect.”

 

“I’m Baxter and I don’t give a flying fin. Auf wiedersehen.”

 

I sat down and began to pour some more liquids into the pot: light blue, a hint of orange, some yellow, a few drops of pink.

 

When the mixture was ready, it emitted some sparks. I let out a crazed laugh. “Oh yes! There it iz! My first successful poison in Hell. This should keep any intruders at bay for now.”

 

I stood up and narrowed my eyes.

 

“Why are you still here, snake man?!”

 

Why was he still here?

 

 Indeed, that was a reasonable question. Any moment would’ve been ideal for the supervillain to leave and continue on with his afterlife. But Sir Pentious became curious. He had seen dozens of sinners during his time. Most of them were drug addicts, murderers, porn enthusiasts, thieves, and a majority of demons who did their own things. There were several other demons, those that preyed on children or were cruel to animals…no one associated themselves with them…at least the sane ones didn’t.

 

Yet in all his years spent in Hell, Sir Pentious had not seen another inventor.

 

Deep down, the snake got this feeling…a random need for some form of solidarity. Finding another demon with a similar passion for inventing…the idea itself eased the somewhat uncomfortable sense of loneness that sometimes crept up.

 

Or, alternatively, he’d have fun competing with another brilliant rival.

 

Why was he still here?

 

It was a question that Sir Pentious soon answered.

 

“I was curious to see what you were doing.”

 

“Well, unless you are blind, I’m making a modified poison from the spine of a pufferfish. But I won’t hesitate to use it on you if I must,” I warned.

 

Sir Pentious laughed this time. “You? All puny and short, dried like a raisin? You have the brains but you have no weapons for it.”

 

I waved my shrink ray in front of him.

 

“Well, there is that, but wouldn’t it be more effective to shoot the poison out of a gun? Perhaps from different barrels at the same time?” he asked.

 

“I can make weapons, ya know,” I replied, stirring up the mixture. Green smoke swirled out from the pot. “Robots, A.I., substances are my specialties. At least, in the near future. Besides, the poison would need to be contained, modified for that purpose.”

 

“No one can make inventions as great as mine,” Sir Pentious bragged. “Be glad you’re not fighting me over the next territory. Now…I really should get going. Gotta fix my ship from that awful attack with Stolas.”

 

“Where? Back to your hidey hole? To lick your wounds?”

 

He stuttered a bit, trying for a comeback.

 

“Pretty much!” the snake answered, crossing his arms.

 

I meticulously poured the new substance into small glass vials with lines on them. They were sealed shut with beer corks. I packed up my things into a small black bag.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Back home.”

 

“Home? Is it a lab?”

 

“Sadly not.”

 

I glanced over at a lake not consumed by flames.

 

“You live in a lake?”

 

“Yes. I can turn into an anglerfish…a blue one with a cyan esca. Sharp teeth that can drag people down. Like snake men.”

 

Sir Pentious scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. “Please, science scum. You’ll never find me in my cave lair. Though…it is a bit cramped in there.”

 

“As is my place,” I replied. “One can’t exactly do experiments under ze water.”

 

“You’re smart. Make a lab up on the surface.”

 

“Easier said than done,” I scoffed. “You’re nothing but an egocentric old sot. Go jump into dat volcano and get out of my sight!”

 

Sir Pentious glanced over at a tall pyramid shaped hunk of rock, standing tall in the distance, where I was pointing.

 

I turned to leave. Sir Pentious gripped onto me and I slapped his hand away, baring cyan fangs.

 

“Touch me again, and you’ll die ze death of a thousand stings.”

 

“Same to you if you ever touch me.”

 

“Ha! Your threats are hot air. Light, forgettable, utterly pathetic.”

 

“Why…I beg your pardon!”

 

“Ya heard me, reptile-ape demon. Ya done talking?”

 

“Never.”

 

Sir Pentious stared at me, the short scientist who looked so out of place in comparison with many other demons…and suddenly giggled. I raised his eyebrows. “Vat is so funny?”

 

“You must be a witch with that cauldron you had.”

 

I stomped my foot. “And you…crazy old school villain. Where’s the mustache and black hat? Got any sidekicks to do your work for you?”

 

“I can do all my work on my own, thank you very much,” the villain replied.

 

Sir Pentious paused in thought. Could he really, though? He had no army, no allies. No one but himself to blame after every failure. It was a 50/50 chance that he would succeed or fail at any given day. Perhaps the addition of a…servant or a slave…could tilt the odds in his favor.

 

He slowly turned around back toward me. “Or perhaps…I could have someone do work for me? Baxter, was it?”

 

 “Me? Have you gone mad, Sir Pentious? I work for no one but myself. I dedicated my life to research and science…and in this strange realm, I’ll continue to do so.”

 

“Let me help you then.”

 

“I don’t need any help. Especially not from you.”

 

Sir Pentious glanced around. “So you’ve lived hidden from society for how long?”

 

“Well if you must know, I’ve kept mostly to myself since I appeared here.”

 

Sir Pentious clicked his tongue. “No labs, no friends, not much of a hideout. Don’t you want your work to be recognized more? If you’re as talented and…eccentric as I think, you could instill fear in those around you. I’ve done it for years.”

 

“Like I’d want any of that drama. Conquering territories…utter childish nonsense!”

 

“Hey! That sure beats moping over books in seclusion all the time,” Sir Pentious added, having noticed the physics books that I had tucked in his bag.

 

“And anyway, why can’t you make labs?” Sir Pentious asked.

 

“Because the other demons perceive me as weak whenever I’m nearby. I have to go up to the surface to buy food and tools. I guess I could make labs underground, instead…oh but maybe that won’t do...”

 

“I’ll make the labs for you. You’ll have a place to stay to conduct your so called experiments.”

 

“I told you before I don’t need your help. Plus, I don’t trust you.”

 

“Of course you don’t. I’d expect nothing less from demon commoners. But in exchange, you’ll need to help me with my machines.”

 

“I can easily do that…if I had agreed to help you in ze first place!” I laughed.

 

“No sense of style, no life, what a shame,” Sir Pentious said, letting out a sigh. “Live like a fish underwater for all I care. No resources, no recognition. A sad life for a mad scientist.”

 

I just stared in disbelief, words lost on my lips. My scowl couldn’t hide the uncertainty in my eyes.

 

 Sir Pentious continued. “Have fun taking risks on the surface and trying to defend yourself against other sinners. Tally ho!”

 

Sir Pentious turned to leave.

 

I gripped tightly on my shrink ray. I told himself that now would be a good opportunity to shrink the showy bastard from behind. But I hesitated.

 

How much longer could I last on the streets, moving from wet to dry environments for so long? Everyone else had jobs, friends, and even families. Not that I wanted to go out and socialize…I’d rather drown again.

 

But I had to find a way to get some stability in this afterlife.

 

Perhaps I could even knock this inventor off his pedestal.

 

“Wait!” I called.

 

A sly grin formed on the snake’s face as he slowly turned back around.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’ll…I’ll help you with your machines and everything. Just…help me get somewhere for me to live on land...but not far from the water. And I do want my work to be known…but not who or where I am.”

 

“Fair enough. I do have some conditions.”

 

“As do I,” I stated.  Both demons squared up. Sir Pentious spoke first.

 

“I’ll need an army to help me conquer territory.”

 

“And I’ll need some subjects to experiment on.”

 

Sir Pentious spotted a nearby blue demon with six arms and red eyes. He dashed over to it and paralyzed it with a bite. He dragged the demon’s limp form over to me.

 

“Ugh, not now, you imbecile. When I have the proper equipment to use.” I paused. “But I must say, your reflexes and speed are impressive.”

 

“Why thank you.”

 

I glanced up at a flickering sign that read “Snake N’ Eggs Café, where all your eggs are deviled!” In neon lights, a green snake stood with an egg in its mouth. Neon white circles of eggs appeared to roll behind the snake.

 

An idea formed in my head.

 

“Hmm…I think I have an idea for your army. Snakes like to eat eggs and from eggs hatch more snakes.”

 

“So make more snakes from eggs?”

 

“Well I could, but the birthing process would take a while.  And though you’re a snake demon, the DNA of sinners is slightly altered in comparison to the Hellborn. Missing chromosomes from ze sinners don’t allow for reproduction, not mammalian nor reptilian procreation…”

 

Sir Pentous growled, “Speak English, fish geek.”

 

I paused. “You can’t give birth and make eggs. Which means we’ll have to artificially create the eggs.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yes…why not try…bringing the portable womb to life? Replace the yok with organs and label each one on the posterior shell with numbers. Find real eggs, enhance their sizes for a greater circumference ratio. Nourish each egg in growth containers, clone them, wait for them to come alive, repeat the process…”

 

 

Sir Pentious stared blankly.

 

“Weren’t ya listening?”

 

Sir Pentious raised an eyebrow.

 

 “Eggs!” I exasperated. “Grow and nourish eggs, bring them to life, and they’ll do everything you ask!”

 

“Oh right,” Sir Pentious replied. “Living eggs. For food and my army. This could work…”

 

“Brilliant. Got 1,000 souls?”

 

 

“I can see you don’t. How long have you been wearing that outfit, huh?”

 

Judging by the stench from it, it had been a while.

 

“You need cleaning up. New clothes, new look, perhaps a new home.  Everything will fall into place, I assure you. You can come into my lair…after we negotiate.”

 

He held out his hand.

 

I stepped back. “N-n-no way in Hell am I making any deals with you, let alone going with you. I can pick up some things while I’m here.”

 

“I need my army made now.”

 

“Not until I have my labs completed and you being my first test subject.”

 

“I need the egg army to…protect and help us while the labs are being created.”

 

I paused. “Well I…erm…” I looked around and spotted a palace with several red apple trees in the gardens. 

 

“Hahaha!” He suddenly laughed. “I might as well kill you now!”

 

I fired the shrink ray, but Sir Pentious moved out of the way. With the flick of his long black tail, he knocked me down and kicked the weapon away. I quickly stood up.

 

“In that case, I’ll call the princess. I’m sure her and her father and mother would love to hear how you terrorized towns and killed so many people in turf wars!”

 

This time, Sir Pentious froze for a moment. One mistake and Lucifer could easily destroy him.

 

“Oh yes, Lucifer won’t be happy. But who knows, you might even survive his punishment…when you’re sent to the void!”

 

Sir Pentious looked ready to strike. “You’re not underwater anymore, good sir. You’re in my domain and you’d best remember that. By the way, how do you even know about my victories?”

 

“I read the daily paper. Now then, it’s over, snake man.”

 

I made a dash for it, only for Sir Pentious to stick out his tail, causing me to trip. I fell with an “Oof!” Sir Pentious’ shadow loomed over me.

 

Sir Pentious grinned. “Very well then…we can discuss this later on…”

 

Before I could make another move, Sir Pentious opened up his hood. The pink eyes glowed and hummed. The effect was mesmerizing. I could not look away, no matter how hard I tried. My cyan eyes dilated and my body swayed. A loud hiss and a blur of rapid movement. A sharp prick raged from my cyan hand.

 

Venom could not kill demons necessarily. It only made them sick, drugged or paralyzed.

 

Sir Pentous hadn’t sunk his teeth in too deep…but it was sufficient enough to make me gasp and double over on the ground.

 

I made a mental note on the use of hypnosis on future subjects before my mind went fuzzy. Sir Pentious’ maniacal laughter was the last thing I heard.

 

*end transmission*

 

 

 

Baxter’s log, Pentagram City, Hell, 1929

 

I remember slowly opening my eyes, finding myself on a bunk bed inside of a cave. The cave was filled with weapons, tools and inventions in progress. Up on the wall was a recently made blueprint of a hideout and a volcano. The small workspace area had no windows. I was free to move around, but the doors nearby were heavily locked.

 

I walked over to a desk. A note was tapped to it and bold words were written on it.

 

“Geek fish,

You will be safe from other demons here. Do not try to escape, for I know the ins and outs of this cavern. You’ll find a variety of tools to use and trays of food and water by your window. You may not leave until my egg army has been successfully made for me.

-         Sir Pentious”

 

In just a few weeks, I had helped create the Egg Bois for Sir Pentious. The number of eggs eventually grew until he had an army of them. I also repaired his airship as well, thankful when it was all done.

 

The newly formed eggs rolled out of upright white chambers, when the doors hissed open. Each incubator and hatch could hold a dozen eggs. Indeed, the capsules that held the growing eggs were modeled after egg cartons. In the capsule, the eggs had been growing and suspended in yellow-tinted water surrounded by round glass coverings. Like regular eggs in a carton, the biological ones were slightly separated in rows.

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!” I cackled, as the eggs climbed out of the artificial wombs with their small arms and legs. “THEY’RE ALIVE!”

 

“We get it, Frankenstein,” Sir Pentious replied, also boring a sinister grin.

 

Right away, after the eggs were born, the eggs surrounded Sir Pentious and cheered.

 

“Welcome Mr. Bossman! We’re not worthy!” they praised.

 

Sir Pentious smirked but looked confused when I laughed.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t get too used to it,” I chuckled. “We both made them so they would be obedient but…I may have tweaked their personalities a bit. To make things more…intimate.”

 

“What?!”

 

Several eggs nudged against Sir Pentious and one of them ran his little black hand suggestively along his jacket.

 

“You’re gonna make a great dad,” I remarked.

 

“Well…well done,” Sir Pentious sighed, genuinely impressed, after he hissed at the eggs to back off. “Now, follow me.”

 

“Where are we going?” I asked.

 

“To construct your labs of course.”

 

I was momentarily shocked. Did I hear him right?

 

“So…you’re not gonna…ya know…”

 

“Kill you?” asked the snake. “No, not yet. You’re useful enough, and quite frankly, very intelligent, savant even.”

 

“No one has ever said anything like that. You sure you’re not lying?” I grinned.

 

“Of course you nowhere near as sophisticated as me, but you’re reliable enough.”

 

“Bullshit! I’ll prove to you that I’m the better creator in this inferno.”

 

“Heh, we’ll see about that.”

 

My wonderful first lab was soon finished a few weeks later (the building process would’ve taken far longer in the human world.)

 

“Well, there you have it,” said Sir Pentious.

 

“Thank you so much,” I beamed.

 

“You’re free to go,” said Sir Pentious. “But please…do come back and help me out sometimes. I’m not doing this for you, you know. Just stay the fuck out of my way.”

 

“I’ll be alone in my lab most of the year,” I replied.

 

 “For your hard work, I’ll spare destroying you.” Sir Pentious hissed.

 

“I guess…you won’t have to be my test subject after all,” I decided. Then he thought, “At least for now.”

 

*End transmission*

 

 

 

 

Baxter’s log, Pentagram City, Hell, 1933

 

The Radio Demon is a formidable foe. I heard he died a few days ago after he got shot in the head by a deer hunter. Ironically enough, he came back as a red deer demon. Now he frequently wreaks havoc in Hell, toppling overlords with dark magic and broadcasting all his mass murders.

 

In an ideal world, I could capture him and extract his powers for my research purposes. Maybe incorporate some of it into my physiology.

 

Alas, he’s far too dangerous, so I’ll just lay low.

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log, Pentagram City, Hell, 1960

Vox is quite a powerful overlord, perhaps more so than the Radio Demon. His head is a TV and he controls all of Hell’s television thus far. This got me thinking…is he a kind of cyborg? Does he still have a heart and organs or are parts of him made of metal. Blood vessels replaced by wires, cells by gears, all incorporating together via magic electricity. Does his nervous system merge with mechanical electricity and he can somehow use his own energy to manipulate particles, and molecules around him?

 

I’ve been too scared to ask. Maybe someday, I’ll catch him off guard.

 

But for now, I help manage Xirxine labs with Annie and her assistant A.I. cat. Time to see how long this fiery dragon demon can withstand a bath of ice. Reminds me of the good old days of experimenting on Jews and the poor and any naïve person who volunteered to come to my lab in Germany. Got to perform a lobotomy at 3:00 and test an erosion chemical at 6:00. Bye for now.

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log, Hazbin Hotel, Pentagram City, Hell, 1975

 

Trying to replicate this angelic spear piece I found on the street. If I can make a weapon that can kill demons and angels alike for good, I’d be super rich and be able to take over this dump in no time.

 

Alas, it’s harder than it looks. I have to wear protective goggles and gloves or else I may cut myself and risk serious infected scarring. May have to stick with laser guns and shrink rays until I can find more suitable weapons like angelic rifles.

 

These weapons could defeat those tyrannical angels…or destroy us all. A real game changer I must delve further into! Hahahaha!

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log, Hazbin Hotel, Pentagram City, Hell, 1996

 

Science and solitude’s all that I ask.

A violent reaction inside of a flask

My slice of heaven that sent me to hell

Who gives a shit as far as I can tell?

Boling, bubbling, music to ears

This is my game, no blood sweat or tears!

 

I surround myself with these walls, Keep a controlled environment.
The outside can destabilize where peace is a requirement.

There might be more to what I shut out, things that I can analyze.
A venture into the unknown or I can just relax inside.

Peace and stability calms my mind.
Allows me to work, discovery’s mine.

Innovation is the game to bend the rules that were set forth
My so-called "Inhumane" methods were truly necessary of course

Man of science misunderstood, beneath this coat there’s still some good.
I'm not perfect. Still productive, Lady science, you’re so seductive

Peace and stability calms my mind.
Allows me to work, discovery’s mine.

Leave me be to my own device
In a world overflowing with sin and vice.

 

I must admit. There’s flaws in my design.
Cracks in my foundation that’ll grow overtime.

You see I’ve had this feeling something isn’t quite right.
Repressed, ignored, and stifled, I’ve refused to bring to light.

I must find a solution, find a way I can proceed.
To keep this ship from sinking "ugh" change is what I need.

So far only one comes to mind but I strictly forbid it.
It won't stay under the rug forever. C’mon just admit it.

No, there has to be another way around.
To preserve my ways, a better resolution can be found.

I simply have to apply myself, ideas I can try
For an audience validation I can program this AI.

 

*A fatal error has occurred*

You've got to be kidding me….
Its just another mechanism to hide from society.

 

It's clear scientific greatness cannot be confined
Cause greatness without witness is out of sight out of mind.

 

What good is data if it's never published, never seen? Without public application what is there to achieve?

 

*end transmission*

 

(By the way, the songs are by Ryan Solace on YouTube, check them out, he’s super talented!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baxter’s log, Hazbin Hotel, Pentagram City, Hell, 2020

I know. It’s been, what, decades since I last did a log? Time doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

 

With modern technology like cell phones and the Internet now, my projects and inventions are more complex and diabolical than ever! I have made artificial intelligence, grown creatures in tanks and petri dishes and concocted various potions for the overlord Velvet. My specialties are, of course, making chemicals and weapons. Still have my prized shrink ray, now upgraded. Tiny things are so much better to study…

 

*Proceeds to eat a small trapped demon under a microscope*

 

Alright, where were we?

 

I now have two labs; my old one and a new one underwater that is connected to Charlie’s Hazbin Hotel.

 

Yes…I saw the princess talk about her hotel on the news. What a ridiculous notion for her to think that she can redeem sinners and send them off to Heaven. It’s as plausible as dividing a number by zero. I swam by the docks in anglerfish form while Charlie sang and put her hair in the water. What a joke.

 

However, I was curious about her little project, and I needed a proper place to stay. So I came along with two other sinners, a punk hellhound named Crymini and a fat flapper lady named Mimzy.

 

I don’t care about anyone here, really. Especially not that horrible white spider guy (died in 1947 by drug overdose) who often looks at me like I’m some delicacy. He makes flirtatious jokes and pokes me and says “What’s this?” when he snoops around the upper part of my lab. (Sadly, Charlie says no shrinking is allowed). One time, he threw out a week’s worth of work when I put my petri dishes in the fridge for proper storage. The nerve of that furry bitch!

 

The gray moth girl hates men in general, so I don’t want to be at the end of her angelic spear.

 

Niffty also flirts with me and will rudely kill any rats around whenever I try any experiments with them. She’ll clean around me and say in a sultry voice, “Wanna go for a swim, Baxter?” Creepy much?

 

I may like men and women alike from time to time, but mostly their anatomy. No way in Heaven or Hell, I’m going to get intimate with anyone. One thing Alastor, Sir Pentious and I have in common: we hate being touched and require space for our work.

 

Alastor is dangerous and I do not wish to be fish food.

 

Husk is a drunken, gambling bore, but it’s still kind of fascinating that he’s a cat who lived so long in his human life.

 

Mimzy loves Alastor, jazz, dancing and sweets. Meh.

 

Crymini is violent and loves swearing and rock music. Not my thing.

 

As for Charlie herself…she’s surprisingly nice. She’ll check upon us to see how we’re doing. Though I hate going to her “meet and greets.” I’d much rather work in my lab, alone, in peace. I still have dreams of someday conquering this place and making everyone my experiments if possible. Endless people and creatures to examine here! Heheheheh!

 

*end transmission*

 

 

 

 

 

Baxter’s log, Hazbin Hotel, Pentagram City, Hell, 2020

 

My name is…was Brendia von Fischer, later changed to Brenner. I was born in Lower Saxony, Germany in the 1900s. I was born to Dr. Myron Fischer (after Myron Reducto) and Maria (means star of the sea) Fischer. All my life, I’ve been fascinated by the workings of the world. Biology, science, psychics, chemistry, all of it. When I was little, I would race around with my mother and father and often stop to examine insects in the yard.

 

My life grew less peaceful as the years passed. At a young age, I was struck by lightning when I climbed up a tree. Thankfully I survived, but I developed stuttering and some OCD. This led to frequent bullying in school. Knowledge and books were my solace during those tough times. I enjoyed the Frankenstein novel the most.

 

I was born with a female body but I never really saw myself as a woman. Although I would often try on male clothing in private and enjoy dresses, my parents insisted I remain “true” to my gender. Yes, I am what modern folk would call “transgender” and “bisexual.” Some even call me “autistic.” Of course, I didn’t know of it at the time, the terms did not exist. This also explains my female anglerfish features.

 

“Girls can’t do science and math,” the other children would mock as they teased me in class. But my parents, being upper middle class and emphasizing on education, helped me pass the majority of my classes.

 

“You need a good education to get a good job,” my parents would say. “And then you’ll have to find a good husband to care for you and have children.”

 

Care for me? I didn’t need nor want anyone to pity me.

 

My mother liked to study germs and other small things…she’s what got me into microorganisms. She wasn’t much of a lovey-dovey mother…I was lucky to get hugs once a week. My dad was similar, except more into oil and mechanical inventions.

 

My uncle and aunt emphasized the importance of solitude, even if it meant pushing aside friendships.

 

“The pursuit of knowledge always requires sacrifice,” they said. “To do big things means to go at it alone.”

 

So that’s what I did. I studied a wide variety of topics, mainly focusing on marine life and fish. I enjoyed learning about the ocean and how different of an environment it was. Things seemed…smoother and calmer in the water. I especially enjoyed the habits of the anglerfish and other deep-sea predators.

 

Famous inventors such as Robert Wilhelm Bunsen (creator of the Bunsen Burner), Nicholas Tesla, Albert Einstein, Haber Bosch, Fritz Haber, and L.F. Haber were my role models. The lightning strike may have caused me to stutter and be neurotic, but it may have altered my IQ for the better. Separating myself from my family and friends, I began taking hormones that gave me a more masculine physique. (Hormones I found myself) I also changed my name to Brenner, becoming a man with white skin, short dark wavy hair and sea blue eyes. (I may have broken some rules to do it, but I don't regret it).

 

Before long, I was accepted into Kaiser Wilheim Society for the Advancement of Science in 1911 as a young adult. Fritz Haber (1868-1934) was the Father of Chemical Warfare. I got to meet him and he introduced me to various chemicals to be used against the Allies, including chlorine gas.

 

Thanks to Haber and some other brilliant scientists, I went down a long path of human experimentation. I was hooked. I soon didn’t care how unethical they were…it was knowledge for the greater good. I experimented on and dissected animals. I put humans in cells for long periods of time and dunked them in ice baths to see how they would react. Sometimes Jews, criminals, the insane or even children would be brought in for experimentation. I oversaw lobotomies, gas exposures, lab rats in mazes and many other hidden things. I even managed to get a good standing with the Nazis…progress was all that mattered. My family, lover and former friends fell by the wayside.

 

One fateful day in 1912, the same day the Titanic sunk, I was off on a journey to the New World, the supposed land of freedom. I was on a mission to report on the chemical weapons in North America. (Plus, I had to get away from all the naysayers and the police who suspected me.) As I was experimenting on anglerfish on the deck, huge waves and a sudden storm hit. I was knocked off the boat by a force and fell into the water. I was rescued, and taken into a lower room. Some jealous fiends locked me in just as water burst through a nearby hole. I banged on the door and screamed, but it was no use. I was trapped. The boat sank down after it hit the cliffs…and I drowned with it.

 

I drowned like a fish out of water…or a human into water.

 

So now here I am in Hell; inventor, mad scientist, evil genius. I heard of Sir Pentious, Loopty Goopty and Lyle Lipton whirling around in Hell with their evil robotic weapons.

 

Perhaps I should pay them a visit.

 

*end transmission*

 

Baxter’s log, Hazbin Hotel, Pentagram City, Hell, 2020

 

I cannot believe I didn’t discover this breakthrough earlier!

 

After torturing several demons earlier, I noticed something interesting. My first subject was an imp I captured after it wandered near the hotel, making too much ruckus for my liking. A simple hydrothermal needle knocked him right out. I didn’t want Charlie to hear his screams too much, so I cut his words short…literally! As expected, the imp’s blood was black. I analyzed the blood and cells under a microscope. The DNA of the hellborn looked different from a human’s and aged much slower. The cells would break down twice as slowly as a human, explaining their long lifespans. Alas, the cells were also rapidly decaying, as the imp was dead. (The body was food for my anglerfish in a tank). The second subject was another hellborn that had lived for a hundred years. She was rich but not rich enough to escape my grasp or the restraints keeping her on the table. Her blood was also black.

 

Then my third test subject was a sinner demon who looked like a hellhound. (it wasn’t Crymini, don’t worry). I had expected her blood to be black like the other hellborn. Instead it appeared red with flecks of black. This made me wonder, if she had been human once, why was she a hellhound? Hellhounds and imps were hellborn creatures. Were there sinner imps who experienced the worst of the worst?

 

Nevertheless, I killed her and studied her blood and cells. To my amazement, the cells didn’t decay or age like the natural process. The cells remained the same for weeks. Blood that was red and human like mine. (Angelic blood must be golden white.) Also to my shock, the hellhound regenerated her body, even while dead. She would wake up and gasp, wondering where she was, her body fully healed.

 

I would kill her in many ways, but after a few hours or so, she would wake up again and growl. 

 

Finally, after the hound swore at me and made crude sex jokes about my mother, I had enough. I performed a lobotomy and burned her on the spot. I took the ashes outside and dumped them into the water, further away from the hotel.

 

“We’re practically immortal,” I breathed. I had strongly suspected it much earlier, but to have it confirmed in my experiment was mind-blowing.

 

Then after much thought, I had a hypothesis that could elaborate on one of Hell’s darkest secrets.

 

It is known that sinners, or the former humans who did bad things on Earth, cannot leave the Pride Ring. They are forced to stay in this area where they are subject to the exorcists’ wrath every year. As far as I knew, the dark angels only killed in the Pride Ring where the sinners were. I wondered why that was the case.

 

Then I began to wonder why sinners were stuck here in the first place. Based on the legends, Lucifer fell from Hell after disobeying God. He had been jealous and angry that God had favored his human creations over his own angelic children. To Lucifer, humans were primitive scum. Lucifer soon desired the throne for himself but was banished to hell along with the other fallen angels. God created Heaven, Earth, and Hell and likely had Lucifer rule a place filled with the very humans he hated.

 

Or perhaps, sinners did not have the physical constitution to withstand the environments of the other Rings. After all, they were essentially aliens and foreigners to the other hellborn and the elite. The hellborn travel to the other Rings via magic elevators called the Hellevators. The flying Hellevators travel through portals in the different colored skies, taking them to their destinations. There are other Hellevators that go underground. For me personally, I’d love to explore the oceans in Envy, to meet Leviathan and see if Malantis really exists. All the creature collecting and experimentations and brainwashing I could do!

 

But I believe I found out the real reasons why sinners are placed under lock and key. It is because of…

 

 …their vast numbers and their unique ability to regenerate!

 

Think about it. I bet Lucifer and the overlords are scared that sinners will eventually decide to rebel against them. It makes sense; sinners get treated like scum by the elite and imps who get treated even worse, are highly skilled tricksters. The Seven Deadly Sins each rule their Ring and to have hundreds of humans creating more chaos throughout Hell, it would be bad news for them.

 

All the sinners…mistreated by both those in heaven and the leaders in hell alike. Sent to Hell after their deaths for making mistakes in life. Having their animal-like demon forms to remind them of their past sins and a mockery of their deaths. Regenerating after many painful deaths just to endure more suffering…and to instill worry of every looming extermination. Basking in pleasant illusions of drugs, sex, violence and sin, only to feel like there is something missing. Never feeling fully alive like before, having their family members separated from them in Heaven, for eternity! And for what? Not adhering to divine social standards!

 

It also leads to the current issue I’ve heard; humans now know that demons exist.

 

Humans must’ve known that angels existed, because they’re constantly seeking bliss and immortality. They think they can do whatever stupid thing they want…and they never realize they’ll go to Hell until it’s too late. If they knew demons existed…they’d go on a rioting rampage! Not to mention that Heaven is a gated elite community that only allows the ”perfect” to enter. Lucifer allows his own people, the sinners to be slain by the former human saints. Man versus man!

 

Hence why the exterminations continue to reduce Hell’s population in the first place…to rid Hell of regenerating sinners so they don’t break the centuries old systems put in place by God and the authorities. Plus, the angels in Heaven don’t want foreigners messing up their orderly lives. And Charlie’s plan to rehabilitate sinners with her hotel could change everything. Oh and I.M.P.s murders of stupid people on Earth using Stolas’ grimoire doesn’t help things either.

 

But the black Sinner’s Key could allow for Charlie and the other sinners to travel to other Rings and discover the truth once and for all! (If Alastor doesn’t use it for his own schemes first!)

 

Man did I come up with all that? I really am a genius! Hahahahaha!

 

And look! My angelic weapon prototypes are a success! A harpoon, dagger, rifle and a laser gun. I’ll be a huge asset to Hell in the future.

 

Now I have plenty of work to do. If I am to make Hell my personal laboratory, everything must be in its place, everything! I’ll become the greatest evil genius in Hell and I’ll take over this inferno as well. Turn it into my oceanic sanctuary where I can probe and analyze as I see fit.

 

The sinners and demons around me…they’ll all be so tiny…tiny, tiny, TINY!

 

*Maniacal mad scientist laughter*

 

*end transmission*