"Guardian of the watchtower, spirit of the north, lend me your grounded powers of earth and growth. Stabilize my life, hard work is my oath."
"Guardian of the watchtower, spirit of the east, lend me your airy powers of communication and intellect. Support me in my quest for learning, wisdom for good I shall collect."
"Guardian of the watchtower, spirit of the south, lend me your vibrant powers of confidence and agility. Alight the fiery creative passion within me."
"Guardian of the watchtower, spirit of the west, lend me your deep powers of subconscious and the sea. Wash away my worries and awaken my empathy."
October 25 2018: On Facebook, I defended Paganism from a person who believed that it was associated with Satanism. I explained the difference to them, but they are caught up in their Christian beliefs. I respect all religions and I love to learn about them, even as an atheist. However, I had to make my voice heard in some way, even if it didn't work.
October 25 2018: I performed my first practice ritual in my dorm as a self-experiment (with the door closed). I took a shower and cleansed the floor space with a small broom. I made a circle with pick up sticks and walked around it three times, pointing a knife toward the ground. Then I placed objects in their places as follows: pentacle necklace to the north, knife to the east, stick (wand) to the south and a glass to the west. I called upon the guardians of the elements with the phrases above. Stepping inside the circle, I moved around three more times, this time pointing my finger downwards. Then I closed my eyes and called to a symbolic Universe God and a symbolic Earth Goddess, asking them to help me learn and connect to nature. As I sat down and meditated for 5-10 minutes, I spoke these words three times: "In person, online, near and far, show me who my true friends are." After finishing with no thoughts nor messages, I thanked the symbolic deities and said "the circle is now clear. Merry meet, merry part, and merry may we meet again." Being the first time, it felt very awkward to do, but it did provide me some momentary comfort.
October 25 2018: Someone very close to me said "I'm sorry you are an atheist." Out of all the people in the world, I'm surprised this person would say something like that. They know exactly who I am, even though they grew up very differently. I have been an atheist all my life and only recently have I been interested in studying Paganism and Wicca. Saying they are sorry is like someone saying "I'm sorry you're White" or "I'm sorry you have blonde hair." There is no reason to apologize to someone and feel pity for a natural trait that they have. Some people say I may be "missing" out on religious experience, but I am doing just fine with science and a love of nature like many members of Gen Y.
On October 31 2018, I prayed to my ancestors at breakfast...and could not stop crying. White snow blanketed the ground outside. I sent a personal message to my loved one, (my first Mom) closing my eyes and describing current events in my life. I placed a bowl and a glass of water across from me, but of course, nothing happened. If other countries around the world honor their ancestors around this time, then why doesn't the U.S. do the same?
11-22-18: I "came out of the broom closet" as it were when I wore my Wiccan/Pagan necklace to my family's Thanksgiving lunch. My first grandma looked at it with suspicion, saying "What is that supposed to mean?" I lied and said it was for decoration. My second grandma told me that she studied herbal use and Wicca when she was a teenager, but warned me not to get sucked into it. My aunt and uncle knew about it and asked if I was a witch. I said something about Paganism being an Irish religion and how I liked studying it and they all laughed. I just stood there, confused and embarrassed. They all said that my Wicca pictures were weird as well.
On 12/14/18 I will have my sun, mercury, venus, and jupiter planets all in the same signs as my birth chart. This year is also the Year of the Dog, the same Chinese zodiac sign as my birth year. My birthday and graduation all in one.
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