Heavenly Boss: Angelic I's and Christian T's

 

Timmid happily strolled into the E.L.F. meeting room, her white dress flowing, her white hair nearly pulled into a ponytail. Tirred sat bored as usual, while Sunna was busy grooming her paw. Docile had just finished writing on the whiteboard: “Mother Mary’s New Interview, Coming Next Tuesday!” and “10 Reasons Why E.L.F. Beats C.H.E.R.U.B.” and “Why Does Heaven Have Alcoholic Beverages?” and “Why Can’t I Find Anything Else To Draw On Here…If Anyone Mentions Horses Having Sex, I’ll Write Them Up!”

 

“Hello, Timmid!” chirped Sunna. “What are you so excited about?”

 

“I just saw my old childhood friend today!” she trilled. “He talked about giving money to charity and how important it is to abstain from unhealthy sex. Also, he seems to have a great distaste for sharks.”

 

“Interesting,” said Sunna. “I’ve certainly never heard of him.”

 

“Is he a loan shark?” Tirred muttered, half-curious.

 

“No, he’s a care-bear,” Timmid mentioned. Tirred rolled his eyes.

 

Just then Docile’s cellphone rang. “Just a second everyone,” said the head elf, sanding up. “I think I’ve got a new client.” He wandered back to his office.

 

“Thank you for calling Efficient Lifesaving Fellows, saving souls of all ages, this is Docile, how may we bless you?”

 

A female voice spoke on the other end. “There will be no reason for your crew to go down to Earth this time.”

 

“Why not?” Docile asked, confused.

 

“I’d like for you guys to come to my estate to talk business. There is something important that I’m sure will be worth your time.”

 

“Cool,” said Docile. “What’s the address?”

 

“Transportation has already ben taken care of,” said the voice.

 

Soon there was a knock on the front door of the E.L.F. building. Docile led the way downstairs and his crew followed. They found a brown bi-pedal angel bear with white wings and a halo. He was dressed as a butler. Another brown bear wore overalls and a sun-hat. The other bear sat on a seat, holding the reins of a golden carriage. Two giant white doves sat in the front on the street, waiting to take off. The seats inside were covered with red curtains decorated with eagle designs.

 

“At least it’s not horses,” Docile mentioned as he climbed into the coach followed by Tirred, Timmid, and Sunna. They put on their seatbelts and with a “Yah!” from the bear driver, the doves took off into the light blue sky. The carriage soon flew through a portal and the sky turned pink. They were in the Halo of Charity. Tirred and Timmid still avoided eye contact.

 

“Hey Tirred,” Docile mentioned to his subordinate. “Aren’t you from here?”

 

“I grew up in Patience, like Timmid,” mentioned Tirred and pointed. “I live just over there.” They flew over a glorious landscape filled with trees, rivers, and clean pristine buildings. Down below, people were having fun at the Woo-Hoo Land amusement park. There was no pollution and no violence in sight. Several other angels patrolled the area, standing guard like divine police. A sign read: “Welcome to Generosity Town: enjoy your stay!” The carriage continued until it lowered to a stop. “Whoa!” called the bear pilot and they stopped. Tirred got out and the others followed.

 

“Whoa!” Timmid exclaimed in amazement. “Is that…”

 

“Yes, my home,” said Tirred.

 

They stood on the grounds of a marvelous mansion. The walls were made of marble painted red and several rubies decorated the window frames. The roofs were styled like those of German houses and there were two black eagle statues flanking the double gold doors. The lawn was green and there was a fountain of water in the center of the area. The roof over the front door was held by two white Greek columns. The whole area was immaculate.

 

Just then, two slender elves came out from inside. The man had short black hair like Tirred’s, navy blue sclera eyes with teal pupils, black freckles, and dark teal skin. His pointed ears extended past his black round hat on his head. He wore a navy blue suit and green tie and a police badge on his chest. He also wore nice dark pants and shoes.

 

“Hello Tirred,” said the man. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

 

Tirred slowly made his way forward, straightening his teal bow tie.

 

“Hello, father,” Tirred replied. “Everyone, this is my father, Turquoise. And this is my…”

 

“Ex-girlfriend,” Timmid muttered.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Turquoise said, shaking Timmid’s hand. Timmid shyly stepped back.

 

“I heard you guys are all in a business to help humans,” said Turquoise. “I hope you are being careful out there. You know humans can get pretty nasty.”

 

“Well, I personally love those guys,” Docile added, stepping forward. “Look past their flaws and you’ll see saints in progress.”

 

Turquoise raised his eyebrows. “You must be Docile. With the silent ‘e,’ right?” They shook hands.

 

“Yes, that’s me,” he said. “And my assistant Sunna.” She waved in the background.

 

“And this over here is my wife, Blau,” Turquoise mentioned.

 

Tirred glanced at his mother with an apprehensive look. She was tall and slim, wearing a blue German dress and black heeled shoes. Her hair was black, straight, and long, her elf ears sticking out. She had the same eye color, skin color and black freckles as her family.

 

“Helping humans on the job,” Blau said out loud, her face blank. “I’m surprised my son is still not an Exorcist yet.”

 

There was an awkward silence. Timmid got the answer as to why Tirred was quiet about his family.

 

“Mother,” Tirred began. “I’ve been trying for years. They said I’m too short.”

 

“Your boss was an Exorcist,” she mentioned.

 

“Yeah,” Docile added. “But it got to be too much.”

 

“So, you quit.” Her eyes narrowed.

 

Docile shrugged nervously. “Y-yeah. But I started my own business to help humans get to Heaven. I’d say that’s good enough for me.”

 

‘Well, you do you,” she shrugged. “I only care about what my son does.”

 

Turquoise chuckled nervously, glancing at his wife. “You know, how about we all come inside for some dinner? My bear assistants have something special planned for tonight.”

 

Two bears wearing uniforms stood guard by the door, holding angelic spears. Their wings were folded behind them. Tirred looked at a nearby poster hanging from the wall in the shadows inside the manor: “Go beyond human sin…count yourself lucky to be here.” It showed etheric angels with glowing eyes and alien-white faces.

 

“You doing okay, Tirred?” Sunna asked, walking beside him.

 

Tirred folded his arms. “I’m fine,” he said.

 

“You don’t look very…”

 

“I already said I’m fine!” he seethed. “Perhaps you should’ve stayed behind!”

 

“No way,” Sunna glared. “I never leave my friends behind. At least…the good ones.”

 

Tirred rolled his eyes, glaring at Timmid who stared at him.

 

“What’re you looking at?” he asked, making her flinch. “I’m still not talking to you.”

 

“F-fine,” she said, eyes downcast. “I’d say even my cowardly family is braver and more honorable than you, but…”

 

Tirred seethed in annoyance as he stomped toward the door.

 

Docile strolled in and took off his shoes before heading inside. The others did the same. The bears came in last and closed the double doors.

 

0 0 0

 

 

The mansion interior was large and light. There were several large windows that let in sunlight. The wallpaper was red and decorated with designs of angelic eagles, wings outstretched and eyes on them. A cross of spears were under the eagles.

 

Blau strolled over to a bar, where a glass cabinet with glass bottles glowed pink. She took a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33 and poured some for Docile. She also added several ice cubes to his drink. She walked over to the elf and gave it to him. Docile bowed in thanks as he sat on a black leather chair in the living room. Blau walked back to the bar and poured a tall glass for herself. A fireplace emitted pink flames in the living room, the black grate decorated with eagle designs.

 

“So Docile,” Turquoise said. “Is it true that you used to be an Exorcist?”

 

“Yes,” said Docile. “I was also part of God’s choir for a while, but my father Deferent encouraged me to join the ranks.”

 

Turquoise smiled. “That’s very impressive. It’s great to have someone in Heaven with experience and courage.” He sat down across from Docile and they drank their drinks. Timmid and Tirred sat on opposite ends of a couch. Sunna was curled up on a nearby rug.

 

Docile added, “Of course it wasn’t easy. Being an elf in comparison to the other heaven-borns can be a bit of a struggle. Even compared to the formerly human saints, it’s like you’re in the background.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Blau said with a sigh. “This family has been the head of Charity’s divine protective force for many years. Our money is generously donated to several programs: one to help the Exorcists and two, to help fund schools for the saints.”

 

“What do those schools do?” Docile asked.

 

Blau smiled as she sat on a stool. “They explain the many amazing roles that saints and the heaven-born alike can fulfil. There are some roles, for example, God’s council, that the heaven-born are more suited for. But the former mortals can go around and teach angels and new arrivals what it’s like in both worlds. And of course, the Exorcists is a position not for the faint of heart. Heaven-born and former humans alike can apply.”

 

Timmid’s eyes went wide. “Wait a minute. I thought only female angels could serve under Adam.”

 

“There are a lot of females in the army, but with so many sinners in Hell, angels from every class…and either realm of Heaven…are encouraged to apply. Even elves.”

 

Tirred gulped.

 

Timmid spoke up. “D-doesn’t that mean that…the former humans who came to Heaven…are killing the former humans now in Hell?”

 

“Yep,” Blau said casually as she took another sip of her drink. “Man against man…conflict has always been in their nature.”

 

“And…you see nothing wrong with that?” Timmid asked. Docile also looked concerned.

 

“That’s just the way it works up here,” Blau explained. “There are lots of requirements for humans to be admitted into paradise and very few make it. But hey, some like Adam get incredible privileges.”

 

“But their families in Hell…” Timmid began.

 

“Are not their families anymore,” Blau finished. “Saints and sinners don’t mix, after all. Besides…” She drank again. “There is so much to do up here anyway. Drinks to enjoy, charities to fund, sinners to judge…”

 

“Right,” Tirred began as he stared at the various angelic weapons on display on the walls around the rooms. There was a tense silence before a knock on the door was heard.

 

“I’ll get it,” called Timmid. She stood up and walked to the door. She opened it.

 

“Hello, old friend!” smiled Zach the bear.

 

“Oh Zach!” she beamed. “You got here just in time. Come in!”

 

Zach stepped inside, briefly stretching his wings. He was a lavender-colored bear with white angel wings and a gold halo over his head. He wore blue overalls, a white shirt with a red heart on it and carried a flute in his pocket.

 

Tirred rolled his eyes. “Great, the care-bear is back.”

 

Zach walked up to Tirred and smiled. “How’s my grumpy little elf buddy?” he teased, playfully pulling at Tirred’s cheeks. Tirred swiped the bear paws away. “I’m not your buddy!”

 

“Oh, sure you were. Remember you, me and Timmid, how we used to shoot arrows together at camp?”

 

Timmid smiled. “Archery class was one of my favorites.”

 

“I always beat you,” Tirred mentioned.

 

“Yeah, but Zach beat you at everything else,” she giggled. “Your canoe flipped over, and your s’mores got burned to a crisp.”

 

Tirred scowled. “Don’t remind me! Plus, his size gave him a huge advantage!”

 

“How about a celebratory bear-hug for our reunion!” smiled Zach. Zach squeezed a smiling Timmid and an annoyed Tirred before dropping them.

 

“Welcome back, Zach,” Turquoise smiled. “It’s great to see you again. And I always appreciate you promoting our family business.”

 

Zach smiled. “Just doing what I do best.”

 

“Tirred in the judicial force,” Docile smiled. “Imagine that. Next time I’ll call your parents to arrest you if you get in trouble.” He laughed playfully, much to Tirred’s annoyance. He saw a framed picture of Turquoise shaking hands with an angel with a flaming head and a sword by his side. Another one was a family picture of a baby Tirred standing next to his parents. His father’s hand was on his shoulder while his mother stood off to the side.

 

Just then, a maid elf came into the room. “Dinner is served.”

 

0 0 0

 

They all sat down at a long dining room table, where an array of German meals were placed in front of them: sauerbraten roast beef stew, bratwurst, reibekuchen fried potatoes, and kirschtorte sponge cake with liquor, chocolate and cherries. Tirred stared at his food, not hungry. Timmid picked at her potatoes. Sunna and Docile enjoyed their food, while Blau drank some more. A vase of red, orange, and yellow flowers was at the center of the table.

 

“This is kinda awkward,” Docile mentioned.

 

“I suppose you want to know why you’re here,” Turquoise said.

 

“Yes,” Docile said. “We save people on Earth, right? We bless them and give then chances to come here. We don’t normally do contracts for locals so, if you want to do business with us…”

 

“We don’t want to do business with E.L.F.” said Turquoise. “We’re here to do business with our son.”

 

“Me?” Tirred asked.

 

“Yes,” added Blau. “I summoned E.L.F. to make sure you’d show up. Because…Zach over here will be helping us out.”

 

“Why him? He’s annoying and cheery!” Tirred narrowed his eyes.

 

“Ever since you left, your mother and I had to pick up the slack. Not only do we fund charities, but we also have to help out the former humans here who’ve…lost their way,” Turquoise explained. “I think Zach’s loving presence will help encourage some of the saints to change their ways and remain marvelous obedient citizens.”

 

“But he can’t even handle a spear!” Tirred protested.

 

“That’s why we have you,” Blau deadpanned. “To make sure nothing goes wrong.”

 

Tirred stared at his plate again.

 

“But why waste our time over it?” Docile asked.

 

“And what does this have to do with Tirred?” Timmid asked.

 

“Tomorrow, there will be a special ceremony,” Turquoise said. “Zach and Tirred will head to Samael’s stadium to help pass judgment to troublesome folk. No punishment or anything, just to give some feedback. Then all of you will be free to go once it is over. I’m hoping that Tirred will finally get a chance to be an Exorcist if he succeeds. To become a steadfast, unwavering warrior, one must not falter in the faces of wrong-doers. Sometimes killing is necessary for the greater good.”

 

“Thou shall not kill except when God wants us to,” Tirred rolled his eyes with a scoff. His father glared at him.

 

“So… it’s jury duty?” Sunna asked, as she finished her meal.

 

“Sort of,” said Turquoise. “No need for him to stress out. No pressure at all!”

 

Docile wondered. “Maybe he wouldn’t be stressed out if he didn’t have to constantly wield weapons and be with a person that’s too nice for him.”

 

“Thank you, sir,” Tirred said to Docile.

 

“You’re welcome, son,” said Turquoise. “I’m glad to know you’re up for the responsibility.”

 

“I was taking to Docile,” Tirred said. His father glared at him.

 

“Look, son, being able to do what is necessary to keep our world in order, along with weapon use is essential experience for being an Exorcist. It’s what you wanted for years, right?”

 

Tired nodded, sullenly. The desire was engrained in him so deep, he constantly believed it.

 

“Then, there you go,” his father said with a smile. “I know tensions have been high tonight, so I think you all should get some rest. The servants will show you to your rooms, they’re all prepared. Docile and the rest of E.L.F. will stay here, tomorrow.”

 

Timmid was about to protest, but Sunna encouraged her to move forward.

 

The group headed out of the dining room and up the stairs.

 

Docile wondered out loud as they reached the top of the stairs, “Why does your dad want us to stay here?”

 

Tirred sighed. “It’s my dad. He doesn’t want strangers around when family business goes on.”

 

“But you’ve been with us long enough,” Docile said.

 

“Yes,” Timmid said. “As much of a jerk as you are, we always stick together. Who says we can’t hang back to make sure it goes alright?”

 

“I suppose you can try,” Tirred began.

 

“You can do it,” Sunna encouraged. “Get plenty of rest.”

 

Tirred gave Timmid a soft look as if he wanted to talk to her more. But she just turned her head away.

 

E.L.F. went to their separate rooms.

 

0 0 0

 

 

 

The next day, Tirred and Zach got up early and headed with Blau and Turquoise to the stadium. Tirred and Zach were dressed in their best black suits for the occasion. The stadium was silver and shaped like a golden moon. They walked through the doors and came to a wide arena.

 

As soon as they entered, Tirred had a strange feeling of dread. Zach, meanwhile, was fascinated by the room and the crowd.

 

“So many kind people here,” Zach exclaimed. “I can’t wait for the ceremony. Aren’t you excited, buddy?”

 

Tirred tried to keep his teeth from chattering. Zach didn’t know what really went on in these walls, but Tirred always remembered.

 

There were angels sitting on comfortable benches in a semi-circle. Within the walls were torch decorations on either side: golden angels playing trumpets and pink flames dancing in the trumpet openings. On the white marble floor was a design of justice scales made from real gold that decorated the floor. Sitting at a podium were council members that looked like white etheric aliens with glowing white halos on top of their heads. Several archangels were seated to the left, including the blonde haired and pale faced Michael.

 

Samael himself was seated at the highest seat, a spear in his hand, hair blonde. He was God’s harshest judge and thrived on giving out various punishments. He stood proudly in his red suit, badges glinting in the firelight. He glanced at Tirred and winked. Tirred felt like he was going to vomit.

 

Tirred felt a hand tug his ear, hard. Out of the corner of his eye, he felt someone by him. A whisper from his mother into his ear, made him freeze. There was a stench of alcohol that reached his nostrils.

 

“Don’t mess this up, Tirred. You should’ve stayed with this family in the beginning. One step out of line, you’ll be begging for the Lord’s mercy. Understand?”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

Tirred nodded with a whimper and his mother let go of his ear. Turquoise kept walking along, oblivious. The elves took their places behind Samael in a row of seats. Sunlight shone through a decorative hole in the ceiling.

 

The courtroom grew quiet. Several Exorcist angels stood guard, their faces hidden by horned black LED masks with hideous demonic grins.

 

“Is everyone ready?” Michael asked.

 

“Yes, sir,” one of the angels said. Another angel began to magically write down the proceedings with a feathered quill on a scroll, hovering in the air.

 

“Welcome one and all, heavenly hosts,” Michael began. “Today is another fine day to welcome our new citizens and arrivals who are about to enter our world. Today’s jury consists of the leader, Lord Samael, me, Archangel Michael…” He listed more names and ended, “…and finally, our esteemed elf family members of the court, Turquoise Sirname, Blau Sirname, their son Tirred Sirname, and new recruit Zach Trueman.”

 

Zach beamed as the elves looked sullen.   

 

“Successful completion of this session will enable Tirred Sirname to begin his Exorcist training in a week’s time after filling out the necessary forms.”

 

Tirred stood stunned, his dream coming true at last. His father patted him on the back and his mother smiled at him.

 

“Two groups will arrive,” said Michael. “The ones from the left portal will be new arrivals from Earth.” He pointed toward a green swirling portal. “Those who pass the qualifications will transform into their animal angelic forms and ascend the golden stairs to our world in triumph.” He waved his hand and a golden staircase appeared, leading up to the hole in the ceiling. “The other gold portal over there,” he pointed, “will consist of current saints and Heaven-born arriving in need of correction and assistance. God’s word will be the final call. The newly departed will be the first to arrive.”

 

“Let this session commence,” Samael called, banging his staff on the floor.

 

0 0 0

 

Timmid, Sunna, and Docile soon woke up to find that Tirred had already left. They were about to go outside, when a bear in a suit and hat blocked their way.

 

“No leaving until the ceremony is over,” he said in a gruff voice.

 

“Why?” Timmid asked.

 

“Non-family members not invited.”

 

“But Zach’s not part of his family,” Docile said.

 

“I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.” The bear waved a paw, mentioning for them to scram. They wandered back to their rooms.

 

“Is it just me, or am I getting a bad feeling about Tirred?” Timmid asked.

 

“You worried that he’ll mess up as usual?” Sunna asked.

 

“No, not that.” She sighed, fingering her hair. “Well, sort of. I know that I broke up with him and don’t really want to see him again. But…I just have this feeling he may be in danger.”

 

Docile shrugged. “I don’t see how going to a courtroom could be dangerous. There are many of them that help with greeting new souls to Heaven and giving people a chance to correct their wrongs here.”

 

“But didn’t you hear Turquoise last night?” Timmid asked. “They are going to Samael’s courtroom specifically.”

 

Docile’s face fell. “Samael? He’s usually only there for bad punishments. You know, for angels that disobey the rules and don’t want to repent.”

 

Timmid stuttered. “W-what kinds of punishments are we talking about?”

 

“Probably the whips and chains ones that I’ve been through,” Docile said. "And reciting the Bible a hundred times. There are no penances that get worse than that…”

 

0 0 0

The new souls soon arrived in single file through the green portal.

 

“Ronny Mash,” Michael called. The spirit of a brown-haired man glided forward.

 

“Welcome to modern purgatory,” Samael said. “Let’s check your profile.”

 

A list of the man’s actions and qualities appeared behind him, on a transparent wall of slithering silver energy.

 

“Let’s see…born in New York, died half an hour ago, had a wife Layla Lee, two nice children…”

 

He then was asked questions.

 

“Have you displayed the virtues of kindness, charity, loyalty to your spouse, faith in God and selfless service?”

 

“I have,” Ronny said.

 

Scenes flashed on the energy screen of all the good things he did in life. The archangels nodded in approval.

 

“Now for your sins…” said Samael.

 

Ronny’s bad deeds appeared on screen, and he turned away in embarrassment.

 

“Well, it looks like you had a one-night stand with a guy while drunk, skipped church for a year, did the usual swearing words…”

 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

 

“Remember,” Michael said. “You have a chance to repent.”

 

After reciting from the Bible, Ronny stepped into a circle of white flames. A red “P” was on his forehead.

 

“These flames will purify you of your sins,” Michael says.  “If the ‘P’ vanishes, that means God has accepted you.” The other angels took careful notes. “Angel groups, you may begin your discussions.”

 

Tirred and his family then met with another group of angels and talked amongst themselves.

 

“Ronny may have cheated on his wife, but he was drunk and not in his right mind,” said an angel.

 

“Did he confess his actions to his wife?”

 

“Yes, he did, and apologized.”

 

“Took a while, but it’s better than nothing.”

 

“Why did he skip church?”

 

“It was just an accident.”

 

“But he kissed a man…”

 

“Again…not in his normal state of mind…”

 

“Love is love. There are plenty of gays here.”

 

“Gays who have to hide their actions.”

 

“Why wouldn’t there be gays here? Hell’s population is literally 95% non-binary.”

 

“So, it makes sense that Heaven’s population should be straight, traditional, opposite and plain boring!”

 

“At least schools here are perfect.”

 

“If you follow all the rules and wear neat uniforms 24/7. There really doesn’t need to be North-Korea level worship of God and Jesus all the time.”

 

“Would you rather be in Hell and face school-shooters every day? Jeez, I thought Earth was bad enough nowadays, those poor souls...”

 

“Can we all get back to the topic, please?!”

 

Tirred’s family, as usual, called out the group’s final decision. “We think he’s innocent.”

 

“Let’s see the verdict,” said Samael.

 

The room grew tense and quiet in anticipation. Tirred gulped as the soul stood in the circle of white flames. After a few moments, the red “P” vanished and the flames cleared.

 

Samael banged his staff. “He is granted entry.”

 

The room clapped and Ronny sighed in relief. His soul floated up and after being engulfed in rainbow light, he hovered in his new angelic form. The crowd gasped in amazement as Ronny became a sentient flying lion with wings and a halo.

 

“Choose your eternal name,” said Michael.

 

“My new name…is Lionheart!” called the soul and everyone cheered.

 

Angels escorted him up the golden steps through the portal in the roof. Tirred sighed in relief.

 

The next soul was a blonde woman who had died from suicide.

 

“Kelly Mainford,” Samael said. “Let’s see your profile.”

 

Images from her life appeared on screen as the angels took notes. She had donated to charities, done well in school, and gotten married.

 

“Let’s see the sins,” Samael said. “Hmm…no attending church, being unfaithful to your husband…”

 

Kelly grew fearful. “I had to leave him. He was being very violent with me.”

 

“Using drugs…being a prostitute, oh my, you know, G-O-D…”

 

“My husband stole all my money, so I had to make more!”

 

Samael narrowed his eyes. “Not to mention being violent toward others, almost killing a man…”

 

“He was trying to take my children away!”

 

“Enough. Step into the circle.”

 

Kelly did so and a “P” appeared on her forehead. After a few tense minutes, the “P” was still there. The flames began to grow hot around her, hurting her. The crowd murmured and gasped.

 

Samael had a glint in his red eyes. “I’m sorry, Kelly, but it looks like you won’t get to go up to Heaven today.”

 

“W-What do you mean?! This is madness!”

 

“Take her away.”

 

She pleaded. “No! Stop, you can’t do this!” Exorcists grabbed hold of both her arms, unfazed that she was a spirit. The dragged her through the silver energy wall, the “P” vanishing. Kelly saw she was out in space, staring at stars and the eye of God above. Then she looked down…at a large portal with a red sky below it. Sulfur and brimstone reached her nostrils.

 

“Stop, please! Don’t take me from my family! I’m innocent!” Tears flowed down her face.

 

“Watch your back next time you see us,” one of the Exorcists said with a low cackle. “Feel free to choose a name worthy of your sins.”

 

She screamed in a panic and struggled against the Exorcist’s grips in vain. They shoved her backward and she screamed as she fell. Gravity rapidly pulled her down and her body morphed and contorted in the darkness. She had soon turned into her demon form…a gray she-wolf, before she landed in a heap on the Hell streets of Pentagram City. The Exorcists laughed malevolently and stepped back into the divine courtroom.

 

 

0 0 0

 

Docile froze and gasped in realization. “…unless you’re talking about banishment to Hell.”

 

Sunna and Timmid gasped. “What does that mean?”

 

“It means that Tirred will either have the chance to become an Exorcist or…experience something bad we don’t want to know about.” Docile said.

 

“We have to save him,” Timmid declared, panic in her eyes. “I sensed something off about his parents. No wonder he’s been such a bully! Only I’m allowed to mess with him!”

 

“But how will we get past the guards?” Sunna asked.

 

“Hey!” bellowed one of the bears, reaching for Sunna, “Get back to your roo…”

 

The bear was pushed backward by a kick from Timmid. The bear flew backwards and hit the wall with a painful grunt. Sunna and Docile stared at Timmid in disbelief.

 

“T-that’s how,” Timmid said, determined.

 

More stomping was coming closer to them.

 

“Let’s go,” Docile called. They got into position and fought the other bears. Sunna dodged their swipes and scratched their big feet with her claws, sliding underneath them. Docile grabbed a spear from the wall and twirled it at another bear goon. Timmid did flips in the air as she kicked the back of a bear’s head.

 

“Don’t kill them!” Docile warned. “Just knock them out!”

 

“Will do,” Sunna said, as she hissed at another growling bear. She grabbed a bottle of Heaven’s Light 33, smashing it against the bear’s head. The goon crumpled to the ground as the glass shattered. Docile kicked open the front door and the others followed. They raced across the grounds until reaching Zach’s purple car. The license plate read “TDDYBR” and the car was clean inside. There were heart, rainbow and star bumper stickers on the back and front of the car.

 

Docile sat in the front, Timmid to the side and Sunna in the back. They put on their seatbelts. Docile finagled with the radio stations, pressing a button. The stations read, “MICHAEL’S MUSIC,” “STATION 777,” “HEAVENLY TUNES,” “GOD’S COVANENT CHOIR,” “GOSPEL SONGS” “EVANGELICAL HARMONIES.” Finally Docile found the perfect station: “PATIENCE’S #1 CHURCH HITS.”

 

The crew soon raced down the highways to the stadium. They soon reached the building. They got out of the car, racing past more bear guards, and dodging several Exorcists. Docile led the way into the building, running down the halls.

 

0 0 0

 

This time, the other portal wavered, and a Heaven-born angel stepped through, flanked by towering Exorcists. The angel was a small white female sheep wearing a green dress. She cowered as she was pushed forward, her white wings fluttering.

 

“Honey Baa,” Michael said. “Heaven-born. Friend of the worker bees and a fellow cherub. She’s been faithful, obedient, and compassionate for years…until now.”

 

The crowd murmured as Samael read her crimes.

 

“After Exorcist General Sir Adam patrolled Cherub Towne, Honey Baa took it upon herself to punch, kick, and swear at him along the path.”

 

The angels murmured again.

 

“Honey Baa, what say you?”

 

“I say, I’m not guilty.”

 

Samael shook his head. “Repent now and you’ll be forgiven. Why did you attack Adam like that? You know violence is strictly forbidden.”

 

Honey Baa wailed and pointed into the stands. “Adam is a selfish arrogant prick! No one else seems to care what he’s doing, but I saw him with my own eyes. He pushed my colleagues around and lifted up my dress from behind!”

 

Lute and Adam snickered from their golden thrones. Adam’s eyes and sharp teeth glowed yellow from the darkness as he spoke. “Lord Samael, she’s delusional! I did no such act.”

 

“I know what you did!” Honey Baa spat. “You also choked my best friend Maria the other day.”

 

“She’s a former human,” Adam said. “And she was trying to enter God’s palace to request contacting her husband from…down there. Former humans still come from sin, so I had to teach her a lesson. Cherubs should know their place. And elves, too.” He looked in disdain at Tirred, who seethed, eyes wide.

 

“And to think I used to admire you and your fighting against sinners,” Tirred thought in disbelief. “But even I don’t treat women and sinners like you do.”

 

“Everyone knows that only the Heaven-born can even get a small glimpse of God’s abode,” Lute added, sharpening her curved sword.

 

“I think she should get on her knees and apologize for spitting in my face,” Adam said with a smug. Samael nodded in agreement. “Go ahead, Honey Baa...”

 

But the trembling defiant Honey Baa crossed her arms. “After Adam assaulted me like that? Fuck no!”

 

More murmurs.

 

Samael cleared his throat. “Well, Honey Baa, for disrespecting Adam, you have sealed your fate…”

 

“No!”

 

Everyone turned to Zach.

 

“Excuse me?” Samael barked, turning around. “Zach, how rude of you to interrupt this judgment!”

 

Zach stood up. “No! Listen to her! She just explained to you that Adam assaulted her. She was just defending herself! Are you really gonna send her to Hell over that?”

 

Samael seethed. “Violence and swearing is not permitted here. And any act against Adam is an act against God.”

 

Zach stood his ground. “I don’t believe that God would want someone so prideful and heartless to represent Him. Jesus would definitely be appalled.”

 

“You know nothing of Jesus,” Samael said. “You’re just a bloke of a bear lucky enough to be part of your esteemed elf group. Now cease your behavior or join her!”

 

“Zach,” Turquoise said, sadly. “There is nothing you can…”

 

Zach brushed Turquoise aside. “I will not let you take her away! This is injustice!”

 

“I hereby sentence Zach to fire and brimstone…!” Samael began.

 

Just then, the double doors burst open and in barged E.L.F.

 

“Objection, Your Honor!” Docile yelled, pointing his angelic spear forward. The other E.L.F. members posed in fighting positions.

 

Samael growled as the crowd whispered and stared at the elves. “Oh, what now?!”

 

“Tirred!” Timmid called, racing to him.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Tirred asked.

 

“Rescuing you,” Timmid said. She gasped. “Zach!”

 

Zach ran over to Honey Baa in the center of the chamber, knocking the Exorcists back with his meaty paws. He narrowly avoided a spear. “Fly away from here, Honey Baa, I’ll hold them off!” Zach yelled.

 

“What is that bumbling bear doing?” Tirred wondered aloud.

 

Zach punched the two Exorcists some more. He watched as Honey Baa flew back through the portal in the ceiling.

 

“That little bitch!” Adam scoffed. He mentioned to more Exorcists. “Seize those filthy elves!”

 

The angels tried to calm everyone down. “Order! Order!” Michael barked to the fighters who ignored him. Tirred stood up to join his crew, but Blau gripped his arm. “Don’t you dare, Tir. Remember your family comes first.”

 

Tirred watched as Exorcists closed in on Docile, Timmid, Sunna and Zach. They could defeat them, but would they be able to escape the courtroom before more showed up?

 

Timmid was about to punch an Exorcist when another Exorcist tossed Zach to the side like a limp doll. The bear stood up but was soon pinned down by dark clawed hands. They dragged him forward to Blau and Turquoise, awaiting instructions.

 

Turquoise stared in silence. Blau stared at the bear in disgust. “Our family prides itself on honoring Lord Adam and Heaven’s protectors. Zach, your immature and reckless actions today have demonstrated your disloyalty. You let a criminal and angel-turned sinner escape. And there is only one place for the unfaithful.”

 

Blau glared at her husband, and he fearfully nodded.

 

Zach sobbed, then stared long and hard into their eyes.

 

“I’d rather go to Hell than serve the likes of you, anymore. Blau, I saw you mistreat my friend. I should’ve known something was up with you. I love Heaven too, but I refuse to honor a general who only knows the opposite of what God stands for. His violence ruthless acts makes hell’s demons tame in comparison.”

 

“Well then,” Blau said with a sneer. “It looks like you’ve been demoted from care-bear to scare-bear.”

 

Timmid screamed in protest as Zach was dragged away toward the silver energy wall.  

 

“Goodbye, Zach,” Blau said dismissively.

 

“Zach!” Timmid cried. She, too, was held in place by an Exorcist.

 

The portal opened, revealing dark space and the portal to Hell below. From behind the “X” of the Exorcist’s speaks blocking the way, Tirred saw the pleading face of his annoying, but caring former friend.

 

“Timmid! Tirred! Tir, please help me!”

 

The bear’s brown eyes begged for help, his paw outstretched, wings beating frantically. Tirred gasped, frozen to the spot in despair.

 

“Tirred, please!”

 

He was dragged further and further away.

 

“Zach, I…” Tirred began.

 

In the background, Tirred saw the Exorcists carelessly toss the screaming bear down into the portal. His wings burned to ash as he fell. A tear fell down Tirred’s cheek. Up in the stands, Zach’s parents sobbed into each other’s hairy lavender arms.

 

Docile froze too, memories racing back to him. He saw the desperate dark teal face of his mother Lilta in the courtroom. Docile was a little elf, his father, Deferent, somberly holding him back with his arm. Lilta’s long black hair flowed in the breeze, as the portal in the silver transparent energy wall was opened. She wore a long blue dress with black sashes on it, the opposite of Blitzo’s imp mother, Tilla.

 

“Sins: protesting for the rights of demons and sinners to stay alive in Hell. Disobeying officials in church. Claiming that elves are as legitimate as the canon cherubs and angels. Supporting gays, rebels, heretics, and addicts.”

 

Samael banged his staff onto the floor in judgment.

 

“Mommy!” little Docile cried.

 

Lilta raced toward her husband and son. She hugged them both, and they each cried. She gave Docile and extra-long hug before she was grabbed from behind by two Exorcists. She struggled and removed her necklace form her neck with one hand. She strained and reached forward, dropping the necklace into Docile’s small hands. It was a teal circle with a smiley face on it.

 

“Mommy!” Docile cried, as his mother was moved further away. He last saw her pleading face before she vanished through the energy wall.

 

0 0 0

 

Tirred stood in shock after racing forward to the center of the room. “What have I done?” He had failed to save his friend…and he failed to show him the love he deserved. Zach had been nothing but kind (and annoying) to him, and now it was too late to save him.

 

“Tir,” said his father, coming behind him. He showed him an Exorcist spear in his palms that glinted in the light. “Now is your chance to begin your training and go back to your seat. I’m sorry about what happened to your friend. But you must finish your judgments and accept all outcomes. Can you do that for me?”

 

Tirred stared long and hard at the spear. This was his moment., his dream come to life. Had he known his family would help him become an Exorcist, he would’ve returned long ago. But he never found real forgiveness from them. But now…he would be forgiven by his family. He would finally make them proud. Tirred would prove to Heaven that he was a worthy warrior, even though he was an elf.

 

He glanced to see Docile, Timmid, and Sunna about to be escorted out of the courtroom by the alien angels. Timmid gave him a sad, heart-breaking look. He was about to lose her for good.

 

“Tirred,” Blau said, hand on his shoulder. “I talked to the Exorcists and they will help make you taller and stronger. Take the spear and do your duty. You will see many more faces of sinners you will punish. You may as well get used to it. You know I only want what’s best for you. You’ve wanted this for years. Leave E.L.F. Make up for lost time and expand our business again.”

 

“Hurry, Tirred, so the session can resume,” said his father.

 

“Best for me?” Tirred wondered.

 

He saw his friends again, almost to the door. Tirred glanced up at Adam’s face, his formal idol. In the angel’s eyes was the look of a bully excited to test a punching bag.

 

“Do it, Tir,” Turquoise urged.

 

Tirred looked at his parents, breathing out years of repressed fear and pain.

 

“Or best for them?”

 

After what he witnessed, after he had watched his friend’s banishment, he knew that could’ve easily been him. Or Timmid. He now realized just how self-centered and bloodthirsty the Exorcists were…and how cruel and ignorant he had been to E.L.F. And his family business depending on him becoming…a sinner-killing monster.

 

He had a new family, a true family…and he wasn’t leaving them behind.

 

Tirred stepped back. “No.”

 

“What was that?” Turquoise asked, eyebrow raised.

 

“No. I’m sorry, sir, but I-I’ll have to decline your offer.”

 

“You wouldn’t…” Blau glared.

 

Tirred turned around and faced Michael. “Lord Michael, let E.L.F. go. Let me go with them. I won’t bother anyone else again.”

 

“Address me properly, boy,” Samael spat.

 

“Sorry, your Mishonor, sir. Can I choose how you’ll punish me next?”

 

Samael’s eye twitched as a couple angels snickered.

 

Michael seemed to consider this. He waved his hand and the angels let go of E.L.F.

 

Tirred smiled in apology at Docile, who smiled warmly.

 

“It’s okay, Tirred. Let’s go home.”

 

“Docile…”

 

Abruptly, Tirred was grabbed from behind and pulled through the energy wall.

 

“Tirred!” Docile yelled with a gasp.

 

Timmid screamed and Sunna hissed at more Exorcists. Tirred struggled against the grip and soon found himself staring at outer space. His captor flew forward with him. Then Tirred yelled in fear as a red sky appeared below his feet. He was hanging by his collar above the portal to Hell…but he wasn’t held by an Exorcist.

 

Tirred felt a hand slap hard across his face, another hand gripping his collar. “You are more of a disgrace than I thought! If you won’t continue our legacy, then there is no more use for you!”

 

Tirred shook in despair as his mother’s eyes bore into his soul, her fingers tearing into his wings. Tears filled his eyes. Sparks from the portal reached his shoes. One of his black shoes fell off and descended down into the fiery depths. His mother’s fingers slowly loosened their grip…

 

Blau was then forcefully pulled back by her long black hair. She fell backward and rolled onto the narrow ground near the energy wall. Tirred struggled to pick himself up onto the small stone ledge. Timmid flew over and grabbed his hand. Tirred smiled in thanks as she rescued him.

 

“Not our son, you bitch!” His father’s voice. “Are you insane?!”

 

 Turquoise wrestled his wife on the narrow stone pathway, no longer fearing her outbursts.

 

“Get off!” she yelled. “He’s gonna ruin everything!”

 

“Get out of here, Tir!” called his father, looking at him. “Don’t cause any more trouble, you hear me?!”

 

“Y-yes sir!”

 

Tirred nodded and raced back through the wall with Timmid. The Exorcists carried Tirred’s parents back through the energy wall.

 

Michael stood up. “This court is temporarily adjourned. We will meet back after lunch. All members of E.L.F. may leave in peace. Now. And Turquoise and Blau may leave to their home at once. Do not barge in and bother this court again.”

 

Samael protested but Michael cut him off. “The decision is final.” He took Samael’s staff and banged it like a gavel.

 

The elves left through the open doors, escorted out by the alien angels. Tirred turned and saw his mother’s vengeful face fade into the background.

 

0 0 0

 

Back at E.L.F. headquarters, the bears and carriage had taken them back.

 

Timmid and Tirred hugged each other and sobbed in front of the building.

 

“I’m so sorry, Timmid.”

 

“That’s okay, Tir. Next time, just tell me if your mother’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

 

Docile and Sunna joined the hug. “I’m glad everything ended up okay,” Sunna said.

 

“So can we…uh…get back together?” Tirred asked.

 

“Don’t push it,” Timmid warned. “Your parents may be jerks, but you still have to make up for it.”

 

Tirred planted a small kiss to her cheek and revealed a small smile. “How about that? For saving my life?”

 

Timmid blushed. “Well…I guess that’s a start.”

 

0 0 0

 

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Blau threw a dagger at the family portrait, and it landed into Tirred’s forehead. Turquoise sat helplessly in a chair with an Exorcist guard behind him, with a worried expression.