Krampus (Hazbin Hotel)

 

Hazbin Hell-i-days:

New Year: Extermination End

 

Feb 14: Day of Self (Better than Valentine’s Day)

 

April 11: LaVey Day

 

April 30: Magician Day

 

June 6 6/6: Lucifer’s Birthday

 

Harvest Moon Festival

 

Oct 31: Halloween/Samhain

 

Nov 1: Day of the (un) Dead/Sinner Day

 

Nov 25: Curse-giving Day

 

Dec 25: Kramp-mas

 

T’was the night before Christmas when all throughout Hell

 

Many creatures were stirring and celebrating as well

 

Wearing wooden masks and lighting bonfires all around

 

Demons laughed and ate slabs of meat abound

 

 

Soon after dusk, the city grew still

 

Denizens wandered home, leaving many a great spill

 

Many demon children felt twinges of fear

 

For they knew, on this night, Sir Krampus would be near

 

 

On the other side of town lay the Hazbin Hotel

 

A not too shabby place and a unique dwelling in Hell

 

Stockings were hung by the fireplace with care

 

A tree lit up the room, ornaments here and there

 

Razzle and Dazzle slept soundly in the lobby

 

Dreaming of eating donuts, their enjoyable hobby

 

 

Upstairs in the rooms, clients sleep in their beds

 

While visions of musicals played in their heads

 

And I stood on the balcony, watching the red sky

 

Wind blew through my hair as clouds rolled by

 

 

From the Pentagram moon came a flash and a blur

 

Could it be an Exterminator? I wasn’t sure

 

The figure flew closer, my eyes going wide

 

But as the princess of Hell, I don’t easily hide

 

 

I stood my ground and saw a stellar sight

 

That would give mortals quite a fright

 

In a gush of flames, riding a sleigh of black

 

I saw a horned figure and was taken aback

 

A hunched goat-like man held the reins tight

 

His eyes burning red in the dim winter light

 

I grinned widely and let out a brief cheer

 

There was no doubt that Krampus was here

 

 

With bellowing roars, black rams all came

 

And Krampus waved his whip and called them by name:

 

“Now, Lasher! Now, Crusher! Now, Ripper and Maul! On, Brimstone! On, Balam! On, Paimon and Paul!

 

Land down on the building, do not stumble and fall! Dash away, dash away, dash away, all!”

 

 

 

The thumps of hooves and the loud commotion

 

Was enough to stir the sleeping demons into motion

 

Waking up, they all wandered from their rooms

 

Chatting excitedly like a bunch of loons

 

 

Vaggie, Alastor, Baxter and Husk

 

Niffty, Mimzy, Crymini and Angel Dust

 

They arrived in the lobby, then stepped out the door

 

And grumpy Husk growled, “Fuck! What for?!”

 

 

“Krampus is here, guys!” I said with a squee

 

“He’s got gifts for you and for me.”

 

Krampus got out of his sleigh with no slip

 

He placed the whip back to his hip

 

 

Krampus was shaggy and covered with black hair

 

Long curved horns with bloodstains here and there

 

In a sack were captured demon kids, sacred

 

With chains and birches, he always came prepared

 

 

Krampus wore a robe with Satanic symbols engraved

 

The designs depicting naughty imps enslaved

 

His sharp fangs glinted among his black maw

 

Hs fingers bent with many a sharp claw

 

A bow tie and dark powers were his extra features

 

To spread annual joy and suffering to creatures

 

A shaggy dark beard hung down from his face

 

He looked around and grinned, “Neat place.”

 

 

 

Inside we all went, Krampus leading the way

 

“What a strange fellow,” I heard Vaggie say.

 

Then Alastor: “Why that’s an alternate St. Nick!”

 

Then Angel snickered, “Sure I can’t suck your dick?”

 

As Niffty darted and dusted the halls

 

Krampus put treats in our stockings by the walls

 

Spicy candy, slabs of meat at that

 

And a bottle of cheap booze for Husk the cat

 

Porn mags for Crymini and mangas for Niffty

 

For an imposing figure, Krampus worked swiftly

 

A magenta dress for Mimzy and vials for Baxter

 

And for Angel, handcuffs with pink fur

 

A new set of daggers for Vaggie to use

 

A radio and top hat left Alastor amused

 

Razzle and Dazzle enjoyed themselves too

 

Consuming devil’s food cake and goat’s blood too

 

 

 

 

Krampus guzzled down the schnapps with joy

 

Then he began to punish the captured girl and boy

 

He whipped at their skin and nibbled at their toes

 

And roared at them until in fright, they froze

 

“That’s a little bit harsh,” I say, feeling amiss

 

He answered back, “This is my job, miss!”

 

As everyone enjoyed their gifts with glee

 

I soon asked him, “What about me?”

 

 

Krampus just grinned and headed for the door

 

But soon dropped a scroll by my feet on the floor

 

I picked and up and asked, “What’s this for?”

 

But he soon vanished, I was confused once more

 

 

I unraveled the scroll and to my surprise

 

A list of my clients was in front of my eyes

 

Their sins and their goals all written down

 

But there was more to it, I soon found

 

 

I looked on the back and a message read

 

“Don’t give up hope, potential’s in your head.”

 

And hidden in the folds I did see

 

Into my hands landed the black Sinner’s Key

 

 

I clutched the object and had to smile

 

I felt like I could go another mile

 

With my hotel, I had a long way to go

 

But if I didn’t try, I’d surely never know

 

 

All of waved as Krampus hopped into his sleigh

 

“Ha ha ha!” he cackled and was soon soaring away

 

He then bellowed back as he sped through the night:

 

“Scary Krampus for all and to all a good fright!”

 

 

Gruss von Krampus!