With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, a fire blazed to life with a whoosh in a small circular fireplace. A dark figure fell into the flames, the head poking out and one dark claw resting on the side. He Radio Demon walked over and picked up the figure with his hand. A large yellow eyeball opened up, taking in the curious faces of Angel, Charlie, and Vaggie.
With a poof and a squeak, the smoke and ash cleared and the demon was revealed.
“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor introduced before letting go. She landed on her feet. The short cyclops demon wore a bright pink 50’s dress with three white polka dots near the top and a poodle off to the right. Her arms and legs were stick thin. Her short hair was fiery magenta with one portion of it yellow. Like other demons, her teeth were razor sharp.
“Hi! I’m Niffty!” she greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends! Her pupil grew smaller and darted in circles.
“Why are you all women?” she asked. “Have any men here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude,” she added quickly.
She briefly picked up Charlie, while Vaggie angrily pointed her spear at her. Angel flinched back in surprise. Due to his feminine appearance, Niffty thought Angel was a woman.
She darted behind an overturned couch. “Oh man, this place is filthy!” she exclaimed. She lifted up a couch cushion and spotted a spider dangling from a string of web. She chomped on the spider and continued talking. “It really needs a ladies’ touch, which is weird, because you’re all ladies, no offence.”
She rushed toward stained glass windows with a dust ruffle.
“Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…” She darted around, removing cobwebs. She ran forward and poked at a piece of cloth with a sewing needle, then continued to clean the room. Alastor grinned in amusement and wondered away while the others stared in disbelief.
The blue piece of cloth which looked like a bug was, in fact, one of many Voodoo like critters that Alastor summoned. Or, in this case, he had stabbed it with a sewing needle before Niffty picked it up and delightfully gobbled it down before continuing her work. It was Alastor’s ways of rewarding her for both being polite and being a source of entertainment.
Later on, Niffty had finished tidying up the room. She walked into the lobby and happened to find Alastor pulling Vaggie and Charlie close and remarking, “This is going to be very entertaining!” Pricks of jealousy stabbed through her mind. Ever the hopeless romantic, Niffty had an obsession with men for as long as she could remember. In her life as a human, she had fantasized about meeting the love of her life and going on various adventures with him. But working as a maid and chimney cleaner to make ends meet in America wasn’t particularly ideal. There were the additional problems of discrimination against women and the Japanese. Indeed, the Pearl Harbor military strike happened in her human lifetime, traumatizing her and her family for many months. If that wasn’t enough, Niffty had been molested by her conservative uncle. That event became one of her angst-filled poem themes she kept in her hot pink notebook.
Things went from bad to worse, when as a young teen, she died in a house fire, after a bad incident while serving an upper class European-American family. It occurred in the 1950s.
Niffty soon ended up in Hell, but could only witness events while living in fire. Fortunately, Hell was full of fire and brimstone, so the servant demon could wonder around. From afar, she admired all the powerful overlords, eventually working for Alastor after he charmed her and offered her a deal. To gain a physical body and meet new friends, assist the Radio Demon. She eagerly accepted.
Sewing, cooking, cleaning, reading and writing were Niffty’s favorite hobbies. She did all of them when she was a human and still enjoyed them in Hell. Additionally, she could speak some Japanese.
When Niffty was cleaning the room, she could see concern in the eyes of Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie. She figured that they weren’t used to seeing a demon so hyperactive, with strokes of a chaotic nature thrown in. (With being summoned by Alastor several times, she was bound to pick up a few of his traits).
Niffty watched from a distance as Alastor changed Charlie’s outfit and shoved Vaggie aside. She briefly looked down at her dress and admired the poodle design. Every time Alastor looked at it, disgust would reach his red eyes, but Niffty also sensed some deeper discomfort. It was amusing during the few times when he let his guard down like that.
Back when she was human, short with black hair, Niffty would often slip into other characters to practice her acting. Dressing up and “being” other characters was a fun experience, and practical, too. In her spare time as a human, Niffty would sew costumes for herself and even play instruments such as the piano, harmonica, and saxophone.
In many ways, she was similar to Alastor; almost always smiling, energetic, enjoying the thrill of theater. It was so easy for Niffty to get immersed in the realm of fantasy and romance.
After all, fantasies were better than hell-filled lives of low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Even now, Niffty was putting on a happy face after dusting off the old grandfather clock in the corner. (It always seemed to stay dirty no matter how hard she tried to clean it). With more demon guests supposedly arriving, she would have to prepare some meals soon. Cooking was fun most of the time, but being pressured to serve fast without any form of gratitude from customers, was tiresome.
Although Niffty wouldn’t admit it to anyone, she had an awareness of the social structure of Hell, based on her observations hidden within flames. When putting her mind to it, Niffty could be quite manipulative. In fact, she wasn’t hesitant to concoct plans by herself for her own ends. It gave her something to think about while her hands were busy.
When Niffty was cleaning the room, she could see concern in the eyes of Vaggie, Angel, and Charlie. She figured that they weren’t used to seeing a demon so hyperactive, with strokes of a chaotic nature thrown in. (With being summoned by Alastor several times, she was bound to pick up a few of his traits).
As Alastor sang his reprise, Niffty happily looked at her new outfit conjured by Alastor’s magic: a black and pink dress with a round hat with daisies on the top. Alastor pulled the residents into a hug as Voodoo spirits appeared from the darkness. Niffty admired the show, briefly wishing she had powers like that.
There was a quote that Alastor used that stuck with her: “The world is a stage, and a stage is a world of entertainment.”
If only she could create that worldly stage for herself.
Alastor kicked a skull away and Niffty rushed to clean up the pieces with a broom and dustpan. A boom rattled the hotel and blew out the windows. Niffty, mesmerized, soon witnessed a door flying straight into her face. Knocked back by the force, she knew that no human could survive that.
Niffty soon appeared outside with the rest of the group, watching as Sir Pentious arrived with his blimp. She watched with a small smile on her face as Alastor wrapped the blimp with black tentacles and causing everything to explode.
“Well, I’m starved!” Alastor exclaimed to the shocked group. “Who wants some jambalaya?”
Niffty darted around Alastor, a big smile on her face. Despite resenting being ordered around by him, she still blushed whenever she got close to him. She skipped up to the hotel with the others, imagining what Alastor’s soft red and black hair would feel like in her dainty hands.
Niffty headed to the kitchen to prepare jambalaya for the group. She was used to making this New Orleans cuisine for Alastor several times a week when she was summoned. (It did get pretty boring in the fire.)
Niffty poured a tablespoon of oil in a frypan and then cut up slices of chicken and sausage. She removed the tails from shrimp and used another cutting board to chop green onions. Stirring in the tomatoes, meat, and vegetables, she added all the hot sauces: hot pepper, Cajun, and Worcestershire.
Finally, she added rice, chicken broth and the shrimp on top. Before long, she brought out five hot steaming plates for the group at the bar. Husk was drinking the remainder of his booze on his stool, still pouting at not being able to win his prizes. Vaggie looked around at the bar in disgust, clearly appalled that alcohol wasn’t going to be removed from the hotel. Angel Dust lounged on a pool table, drinking a Shirley Temple in a glass while sucking on a straw. Charlie was chatting with Vaggie about new plans for the hotel.
“Oh, this is exciting!” she smiled. “Now that we have a maid and a person to welcome the guests, I’d say things are looking even better.”
Husk scoffed. “Fuck that bullshit. Thanks to that talk show clown over there…” he mentioned to Alastor leaning smugly against a nearby wall… “…I’m stuck here doing a stupid charity job. If I had my bets, I’d say I’ll go insane spending several more hours here.”
“Oh don’t be such a sourpuss,” Charlie said. “Alastor said you’d make a great addition to the hotel.”
“Stuff your mockery, princess. You know how annoying and deceitful he is. I’d fare better being chased by hellhounds than being stuck here with him.”
“Just give him a chance, Husk,” Charlie said. “You’ll see that even the most sinful among us can be redeemed.”
Husk rolled his eyes. “With your singing and cheer? Good luck with that.”
Charlie glared at the cat demon, Vaggie holding her back.
“I, for, one, welcome our new Hazbin overlord,” Angel remarked, from the pool table. “He’s classy and has those cute furry ears…”
Vaggie stomped over to Angel and grabbed him by the collar. “Don’t let him hear you say that!” she hissed. “You’ll be vaporized in an instant.”
“Geez, calm your tits, Vag,” he replied, backing up and hopping off the table. “Though his eyes and smile are kinda creepy. I wonder how it would feel for him to make work of me with those claws of his…”
He sighed in content and sucked his straw again.
“Fuck you,” she spat in revulsion. “You have a messed up death wish.”
“You mean, a double death wish?” he asked with a laugh. “Double Hell, here I come!”
Vaggie growled and stormed back to the bar table.
Niffty came into the room, holding up the plates of food.
“Ah Niffty!” Alastor exclaimed, moving from the wall. “What perfect timing! Jambalaya, just how I like it.”
Niffty placed the plates in front of the five individuals. Another plate of dead voodoo looking rats appeared off to the side, Niffty eagerly gobbling them down, much to the shock of Vaggie, Angel, Charlie, and Husk. Alastor winked at her, causing the maid to blush, a rat tail hanging from her mouth. She slurped it up and ran off with a nervous giggle.
“Such a sweet little darling, isn’t she?” he mentioned. Charlie smiled nervously while the others remained silent.
“Well, dig in everybody! This food won’t eat itself. Unless you’d like me to demonstrate…”
He wiggled his fingers while Husk, Vaggie, and Charlie rapidly shook their heads.
“Aww, come on,” Angel murmured, almost to himself. “It’s been a while since I’ve watched vore…”
“I’m gonna be sick and I haven’t eaten yet,” Vaggie groaned. Husk, too, was picky about the mesh up of food in front of him. Charlie, and Angel, however, dug in in delight. Angel ate with four hands.
“Oh, Alastor! This stuff is marvelous,” Charlie exclaimed. “So spicy and full of flavor. I haven’t had spicy food like this in a while.”
Alastor laughed. “It’s my mother’s special recipe. She made it so well, it almost blew her straight into Hell. Ah, memories of times so swell. I figured you’d like it. A charming belle, eager to try new things.”
“Rhyming asshole,” Husk scoffed, staring at his empty green bottle.
Angel sat on a bar stool with his tongue hanging out, red from the heat of the sauces. His eyes were shining.
“Wha…what are you doing now?” Vaggie asked, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.
“The tingling feeling of the heat, seeping into my taste buds. Fantastic. I’d love more of this from that musical strawberry pimp.”
“Angel!” Vaggie seethed under her breath.
Angel shrugged. “What? That’s what he looks like to me.”
Vaggie tentatively tried a taste of it, as if it were spiked with poison.
“Not too bad…” she began. Then the heat of the sauces kicked in.
She swore in Spanish under her breath then rushed off for some water.
Alastor was already almost finished with his meal. “It can be pretty intense for some people.”
Vaggie came back and glared at Alastor. “Are you trying to kill us?”
“Did you not hear what I said earlier, dear? If I wanted to hurt you all, you wouldn’t be here right now.”
“How do I know you won’t try to kill us in the future, huh?” she asked, pointing her weapon.
“You know it’s rude to have weapons present at dinner,” he added.
“What? You afraid of this or something?” she continued, holding it out.
“Vaggie!” Charlie called, lowering her friend’s arm. “There no need to get into a fight like this. Alastor’s been nice to us so far. At the very least, he’s trying his best.”
“Trying his best?!” Vaggie asked. “He’s nothing but a talk-show pervert lord.”
Charlie turned to Vaggie and thought for a moment. “Are you jealous that I danced with Alastor?”
“No!”
An awkward silence.
“We were just having fun,” Charlie said. “It was his way of livening things up for the Happy Hotel. You were more than welcome to join us.”
“I’d rather fall from grace again than dance with that son of a bitch.”
“Wait…” Angel Dust asked. “What do you mean by ‘falling again’?”
Vaggie paused. “None of your business!” she snapped.
Niffty sat in the corner, giggling at their confrontation. Oh how she loved seeing people embarrassed when their dark secrets and thoughts came out.
“You girls done?” Alastor asked. He wiped his mouth with a napkin.
“Yes,” Charlie said, taking a deep breath.
“I’m out,” Husk muttered, heading toward the back to search for more booze. After stumbling, he heaved and vomited the contents out. Then he groaned and promptly passed out on the floor.
Charlie gasped, hands covering her mouth. Angel stared in shock. Vaggie face-palmed with an “oh, no.” Alastor turned his head backwards to look at the giggling Niffty. He tilted his head and Niffty’s giggles fell flat. Without a word, she rushed over and helped Husk onto a nearby couch before cleaning up the mess.
“Well, that was a satisfying supper!” said Alastor breaking the silence. He got up and held out his arm to Charlie. “Now, how about you give me a tour of your hotel and I can provide you guys with some entertaining dad jokes?”
“How wonderful. I’d love that,” Charlie replied. She turned to Vaggie. “I just want to make sure that my friend is okay.” She looked at Vaggie with concern.
“I’m fine, Charlie,” she said with a sigh. Charlie looped her arm with Alastor’s and held out her hand to Vaggie. Reluctantly, Vaggie took it and the group headed off down the hall.
“Say,” Alastor said as they walked. “The graveyard’s getting overcrowded, don’t you think?”
“What?” asked Angel.
“What graveyard?” asked Vaggie, her eyebrows raised. She shuddered at the thought of Alastor posing in a graveyard of his murder victims.
“You know, the one where people are just dying to get in. Hahaha!”
“Oh, I get it! Good one, Al!” said Charlie.
“Ha ha,” Angel said with sarcasm. They arrived in a larger room with tables and a stage off to the side. Alastor turned to shadow, then materialized in front of the microphone.
“Uh, nobody asked for this,” Vaggie said. Charlie, Angel, Niffty, and Vaggie took their seats.
“Let’s just see how it goes,” said Charlie. “Jokes will surely remind demons of the good things in life.”
“Besides drugs?”
“Yes, Angel.”
“Besides dancing in the nude?”
“Yes, Angel.”
“Besides steamy sex?”
Charlie sighed in frustration as Angel laughed.
Alastor tapped the microphone. “Testing, testing, is this thing on?” The mic made a screeching sound that made the viewers cover their ears.
“Apologies for that,” he said. He chuckled and summoned a black tentacle from the ground. It tossed the metal microphone to the side before vanishing. His own vintage microphone appeared in front of him.
“Thankfully mine always works.”
“You ready?” Alastor asked, speaking into it. The microphone came to life, and the being inside it rolled his eye.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He cleared his throat as a spotlight shone on him. “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?”
“Yeah, what about him?” Angel asked in a bored voice.
“He won the no-bell prize! Ahhahaha!”
Charlie smiled. Niffty said “ha…ha…ha…” bored too.
“What did the buck say to his traveling doe? ‘Come home soon, dear.’”
“Yeah, you’d know all about deer, wouldn’t you?” Angel remarked. Charlie laughed, and even Vaggie let out a small smile.
“Hey, Charlie,” said Alastor.
“Yes?” she asked with a faint blush.
“Can February march?”
“I don’t know. Can it?”
“No, but April may!”
Charlie broke into fits of laughter.
“This is torture,” Vaggie said.
“Boo! Get off the stage!” Angel called.
“How many more jokes do we need?” asked Alastor.
“Zero!” booed Angel.
“Well, I was going to make a joke about paper, but no, it’s tear-ible!”
“Uh, god damn it,” Vaggie groaned. “I’m glad Husk doesn’t have to witness this.”
“What’s a demon’s favorite dessert?”
“Your mom!” yelled Angel.
“No, it’s actually devil’s food cake. Hahaha!”
Charlie giggled some more. “The hotel residents will love these!”
“Yeah, sure,” Niffty deadpanned, walking away.
“Hey Vaggie?” Alastor asked.
“What?!”
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”
Vaggie’s eyes went wide, her face beet red. “Why…you…”
“Don’t worry, crawling up from Hell hurts like hell!”
“Why not have the best of both worlds?” Charlie asked. “I’d love to visit Heaven someday.”
“Foreshadowing…” Angel said in a stupor.
Niffty smiled sinisterly in a dark corner. Her plan was coming into motion.
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