Prior's Poems (pure original)

Writing is such fun

Thoughts emerge from the deep blue

I love haikus too

Wired Differently (12-13-17)

Just an ordinary day, in every way

Onward to a casual meet and greet

To my peers around a table, I start to walk

I smile at them as they start to talk

An accepting group, so easy to fit in

I sit down and sport a genuine grin

Though eye contact was intimidating before

Maturity results in no fears anymore

Disney, school, ice cream cake,

Those several topics I can easily relate

My lingering thoughts soon pound in my head

Curiosity, excitement, anxiety, and dread

Facts and fictions that long to be said

But I hold them down and listen instead

I contribute with the topics I know

Communication easier as I go

The topics diverge in the blink of an eye

My previous knowledge now gone dry

Anime, politics, business, dates

No interest, no knowledge, don’t have what it takes

To continue to speak as the talking reaches a peak

I withdraw, close out, efforts meek

My peers talk more, I soon feel left out

But I know the basics of what the topics are about

To an average person, my silence seems amiss

But after many years of listening, I’m used to this

In my head, my feelings are clear

But for others I speak a voice they cannot hear

They see me differently from the looks on my face

Impossible for me to match their pace

“Are you angry?” they ask to me

“Where’s your common sense?” when I flee reality

They say I should care about my looks

But how, when I prefer to read my books

“You’re a woman now. Grow up and act your age.”

I can’t when I’m trapped in a mental cage.

Perhaps I’m not the pretty girl you envision me to be

Or a brave tomboy, wild and free

I am only myself, plus my disorder label

My feet on the ground, yet my surroundings unstable

Helping others is a constant goal

Though parts of me feel missing like an empty hole

Not a savant, not in need of extra care

Just average on the spectrum, who knows where

My written words stronger than ones I’ve spoken

Pressuring standards help me feel broken

Autistic means self, lost in one’s mind

But my self appears in others, when I’m kind

We call the condition Aspergers after the man who studied the condition

But I am not a man and neither are females in omission

Many females are misdiagnosed, assumed to be crazy

For those in need, one must not be lazy

For people are unique, wired differently in their brains

Ignorance and assumptions equate to invisible pains

Those with autism do not belong in a box

Yearning to break free as society adds more blocks

Separating individuals like a wall

Benefits the privileged but not for all

Oceanic Consciousness (3-15-17)

My mind wonders like an endless ocean

With only me understanding its dark depths, splash, splash

It is constantly flowing, the perfect temperature, the atmosphere just right

Yet I never know the quality, the feel of other oceans

The thoughts and languages foreign

Always hesitant to step into new waters in life

But all around me

Waves bring me the nutrients of love, empathy, and encouragement

A school of family, friends, and mentors swim around me

Protect me from predators of anger and despair

Far off into the distance

Toxins of hate, confusion, judgement

Pollute my mental pool along with other oceans

Sputter, sputter

I am drowning in my own waters

A sense of hopelessness and doubt in an overwhelming world

I am safe from the horrors above, so why escape?

Like the rays of the sun shining translucent colors in the water

The fish brush against me saying “keep going. We are here to help you, so don’t give up.”

A surge of confidence flows through my gills, and I help them along

On our way up to reality

Splash splash

I see other creatures like myself

Their empty eyes staring as they are pulled into the maw of despair

Some desperately struggle to break free of themselves, too weak against a cold current

Other fish let themselves fall, too immersed in themselves to care

Some fish cannot be saved from themselves

From sharks and orcas only concerned with their bodies and their taste of hopelessness

From the materialistic bait hanging in front of their faces on fishhooks

Soon trapped in money, fashion, glitz and glamour

Oblivious to the living beings around them

I swim with my loved ones, in a pattern only I know

The movement of a different swimmer

Splash, splash

We break through the surface

Onto the strange land of adulthood

It will take some getting used to

Learning the language of politeness, professionalism

But it’s the only way to survive and thrive

With my family, I feel alive

Land or sea, body or mind

I reach out to those in need

I don’t know if I can take this world above

But I will slowly go step by step, on my new feet

As tempting as it is, to get lost in my own siren song

I can conquer each day when I am not alone

I glance back one last time

With my human hazel eyes

At my ocean that I can return to

I smile and say “Sea you later. I have people to help, places to go.”

I join my loved ones and we start another journey

They say that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it won’t succeed

So do not judge one on events and thoughts beyond their control

For all of us are part of one big ocean, constantly pulsing with energy

Fallen Fan

Dedication and celebration

Melodic music flowing in my ears

Uplifting me, higher and higher

Into the realm of the mind

Tunes and art play vividly in my head

Enamored with a diverse YouTuber

Wanting more

Wanting more

Buying music, watching videos, comments

Temporary pleasure

Works for a while

Life is fine and full of light

Until my place is gone

I fall…

I fall…

I fall…

All the art and writing over the years

All for naught in the sense

For soon a man in mystery

Cuts me off from his fan pages

Closest fan to an enigmatic man

There’s nothing I can do now

So render me invisible

Years go by

Confidence grows again

From afar I meet another man

His music and charm hypnotizing

Endless supply of creativity

Leaves me

Wanting more

Wanting more

Intoxicated by erotic thoughts

We willingly expose our vulnerable selves

From across the sea

Give and take of the senses

Forbidden freedom exhilarating

Until the recent time

We soon move on

I fall…

I fall…

I fall…

Months go by

Digital friendship still stands strong

But pain is inevitable

They are content together, him and her

Though I’m politely pushed aside

Should’ve stopped myself before it got too much

For my fragile, self-absorbed mind

I berate myself

For such foolish actions

Immaturity of adults brought me confidence

But it was my downfall, also

Hey, messy emotions are a no-go

Take things slow, hun

But learn to let it all go

Besides, what was the harm in flirtatious fun?

Before I didn’t know

Through temporary temptation I chant

No, no, no, no

What does it mean to truly be an adult?

Perhaps some things aren’t for me

In this crazy world

There’s nothing I can do now

So render me second best

From a temporary guy in school years gone by

To a fat college creep, whose personality became cheap

From an affectionate earthly friend, too busy, too fast

To a political admirer, airy interests clash

An enigmatic creator blocked me twice, feelings cold as ice

Another fueled my desire, his hair red as fire

Potential partners, faraway friends

To stay in touch or make amends

They have tried, they have failed,

But with family and peers, I shall prevail

If only for time to make the memories fade

Soon erased by fate’s sharp blade

Romance, sex, relationships are fleeting

Thus I cherish the bonds I have

Online or in-person meeting

I must stay close to the peers I trust

 Let the worries and toxicity turn to dust

Days pass by

Bringing me closer to life and death

Online on the line between real and fantasy

Then back into reality, off on a line

Through everyday life

Slowly must move on

But there are times I remember when…

I rise…

I fall…

And begin again

Nothing I can do now

Except reflect upon myself

So render me ever-changing


Two college friends/lovers I don't see anymore, blocked by TNG earlier and now I made a mistake I partially regret...(1)
Sexting w consent can be addictive and fun but it comes with a great cost. When the person mates with someone else: crushing withdrawal after it ends. Remaining good friends is important but I hope others know what to expect in FWB.