Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Helluva Boss Episode Two: Loo-Loo Land (Remix)

 

Part One: Octavia

 

Hundreds of years ago in Hell…Stolas’ Palace

 

 

Before Octavia Goetia was a 117 year old owl princess (Mentally turned seventeen supposedly August 15 2003), she was a cute little child owl living with her mother and father.

 

At night, faint blue constellations illuminated against the exterior of the estate. On the lower jutting wall structure supporting a balcony, Stolas’ sigil symbol also glowed blue in the dark. The balcony itself was spacious and decorated with hanging see-through drapes along the pillars. Spirals and a few eyes were also part of the design above the pillars. Bushes were lined up in rows on an upper row above the balcony, with little rows of coffin-shaped windows behind them in another wall. The borders of the building were decorated with difference phases of the moon in gold. Finally, the double doors on the balcony were stained glass in yellow and orange, with a sun on the left and a crescent moon on the right.

 

Inside the estate, three candles cast a dim teal light in the darkened master bedroom. The spacious room had a white tall couch off to the side and a rotary phone on a nearby dresser. Hanging on the wall was a mirror and several large portraits of Stolas dressed in red robes and a crown. Rows of small red banners hung around the top of the bed and four red curtains with gold royal symbols were draped tight around the bed. The bedspread matched the curtains.

 

“Mommy! Daddy!”

 

A child’s cry from another room roused the owl prince from his slumber. One of his red eyes opened halfway, another one a slit near the top of his dark feathery head. His face was white and heart-shaped. He turned his head to where his wife was sleeping. She was a white owl with long eyebrows that extended past her face. She was curled up in most of the blankets.

 

“Via’s calling us, Stella,” Stolas groaned sleepily.

 

Stella let out a sigh. “You get up,” she replied tiredly.

 

Stolas sighed and rose out of bed, briefly putting his fingers to his head. He opened the door to Octavia’s bedroom. The wallpaper consisted of several columns of moons and stars. Astronomy books lined a shelf while taped drawings on the wall showed stick figures of Stolas and Octavia, labeled “Daddy,” and “Me.” A nearby portrait showed a smiling Stolas giving an overjoyed Octavia a piggy back ride against a blue background.

 

Stolas opened the white door, wearing his red housecoat and a pair of demon face slippers.

 

“Via? What troubles you, my owlet?”

 

Octavia’s room was small, with a bookcase and strings of lights hanging around. A white and pink chest and telescope were decorated with stray feathers. Her bed was decorated with small stars and a pink crown on the white headboard, sparkling curtains on either side. A stuffed cat lay on the floor. A lavender blanket with yellow stars on it was currently quivering on the bed. A small frightened face popped out from under the covers: little Octavia. She wore pink jammies with white stars on them. Her face was white and her eyes were large and pink with white pupils. Three gray feathers stuck out from her feathery head and she also had a little tail.

 

The little girl sobbed and climbed out of bed.

 

“Daddy! Daddy!”

 

She ran into her father’s arms.

 

“I had a dream! A really bad dream!” Her mouth quivered in a whimper.

 

Stolas scooped her up into his arms and yawned.

 

“A nightmare.”

 

He wiped a tear away from her face.

 

Octavia spread out her arms. “I was looking all over the palace and…I couldn’t find you anywhere! You weren’t there!”

 

Tears appeared from her eyes and she hugged her father around the neck.

 

“There, there, Via. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 

He pat her several times on the back and carried her into the room. A blue grimoire with a golden crescent moon on the cover floated into the room in a purple cloud of magic.

 

Stolas sat down on the bed, Octavia in his lap. The book hovered next to him and he waved his hand to turn the pages. Stolas looked at Octavia.

 

“When you’re sacred and you don’t know where I am, you must remember…no matter what happens to me, I will never be far away from my special little Starfire.”

 

He playfully poked her on the nose and she giggled.

 

Stolas waved his hand and magic surrounded it. He moved his hand to the ceiling and created a starry portal above their heads. Octavia looked up with wonder in her eyes. It was then that Stolas started singing his lullaby to her: “You Will Be Okay.”

 

“It always seems more quiet in the dark”

“It always feels so stark”

 

Both of them floated upward through the hole. A brilliant indigo night sky filled with stars was revealed. A small bright sun and a distant ringed planet hovered in the distance. Stolas stood on the surface of a large white moon dotted with craters of various sizes.

 

“How silence grows under the moon

Constellations gone so soon”

 

Stolas’ feet made talon bird tracks on the surface as he carried his daughter.

 

“I used to think that I was bold

I used to think love would be fun

Now all my stories have been told

Except for one”

 

Stolas looked down at Octavia’s innocent eyes as their faces shone from the pinkish light of the nearby star. Octavia was the ongoing part of his life that Stolas continued to live for, day by day. In all the centuries of his long life, no sexual conquests, no battles nor royal duties could compare with the unique experience of raising a child. In a sea of constellations, Octavia was a guiding light to a greater purpose.

 

The ringed planet hovered beside another planet bathed in purple-pink light. A rocky meteor caught on fire and soared toward a molten planet.

 

“As the stars start to align

I hope you take it as a sign

That you’ll be okay”

 

Stolas sat down on a small rock and held his daughter close.

 

“Everything will be okay.”

 

The meteor slowly dipped into the molten planet, turning a fiery orange. The meteor broke through the planet, causing it to break into rocky pieces. Stolas and Octavia sat on a floating chunk of rock as light burst upward from between the gaps of the planet debris.

 

“And if the Seven Rings collapse

Although the day could be my last

You will be okay. When I’m gone you’ll be okay…”

 

Octavia yawned and nestled into her father’s feathery chest with a small smile on her sleepy face. Stolas knew that even a powerful demon like himself could not live forever. Angelic weapons could kill both Hell-born and Sinners in Hell. The higher class Hell-born could respawn like the Sinners but unlike the dead previous humans, the Hell-born aged slowly and could die of natural causes like mortals.

 

Stolas was a part of a powerful ancient clan of demons, one of the first in Hell. The Ars Goetia brothers in arms were very numerous and powerful…desirable targets for enemies. The family living for so many centuries did not lessen the potential sadness that permanent death would bring.

 

Like any good parent, Stolas wanted what was best for his child; to pass down some existential knowledge for her to remember later on.

 

“And when creation goes to die

You can find me in the sky”

 

Seven planets and the moon they were on were pulled toward the pink sun, creating powerful impacts. The planets turned ashen black before everything burst into an explosion of light. Stolas’ vocalizing face was illuminated by the large pink smoke from the galactic explosion.

 

Tears pooled in Stolas’ eyes as the portal closed behind him, now back in the bedroom. A red and gold metallic model of a solar system hung from the back wall. Stolas lifted the starry blanket and draped it over a sleeping Octavia.

 

“Upon the last day

And you will be okay…”

 

Having finished the lullaby, Stolas walked toward the door, looking at his daughter lovingly again before closing it. Octavia slept peacefully in her bed like a happy chick in a nest.

 

0 0 0

 

Stolas’ palace, Dec 9 2020, present day

 

Octavia jolted awake suddenly, her pink eyes angular with constricted white pupils. Her hand rested by her face. Her eyes narrowed in anger, her fist clenched as piercing yelling from another room echoed off the walls.

 

Her parents were having yet another fight.

 

Octavia knew that her regal mother, Stella was pissed that Stolas had fucked the imp Blitzo behind her back. Octavia often worried that Stolas would go on some honeymoon with that creature and leave her behind with Stella. Stella wasn’t cruel but she was sterner than Stolas was. Octavia didn’t know which was worse, her father’s childish attitude laced with a perverted nature…or her mother’s cold critiques of Octavia’s behavior. Stella loved her but expected her to mold into the royal role she was given from birth. Stella was more concerned with tea parties, fashionable attire and her appearance than Octavia’s many thoughts.

 

Currently, Octavia was just a typical emo/goth teenager who had to deal with a lot of shit going on. 

 

Octavia’s room was currently different as well. More spacious, it had a couple of slanted windows between purple drawn curtains that let in some light. A solar system mobile hung from the ceiling in the center of the room. A mirror hung on the wall along with several banners with suns and moons on them. A long couch in the style of white feathers sat off to the side, complete with comfy cushions and pillows. There was a smaller purple telescope as well. Her bed still had the sparkling starry drapes and above that, were hanging purple drapes with a small moon on it and a large pink eye at the very top. Her bedspread was midnight blue with crescent moons on them and the chest by her bed was plainer than before.

 

Octavia sat up in bed, with her feathers ruffled, quite literally as well as figuratively. With a grumpy look on her face, Octavia inserted earphones into her ears and held a blue phone in her hand, decorated with a yellow crescent moon. Octavia got dressed in her usual pink shirt with stars on it, black pants, shoes and a crown on her head.

 

A playlist of songs appeared, the majority of them were by My Chemical Romance and some were by Lilith. An icon with flames and a sad face appeared on the screen and she pressed the play icon. Pop music played in her ears as a person sang: “My World is Burning Down Around Me.”

 

“My world is burning down around me

My deep despair is what surrounds me, (yeah)

 

The dark decay

I feel so sad

It’s black and gray

I hate you, dad

 

You’ll never change

You’ll only lie

It’s all the same

 

My world is burning down around me

My deep despair is what surrounds me, (yeah)

My world is burning down around me

My deep despair is what will drown me, (yeah)

 

It’s not a phase

It’s not a phase

It’s not a phase

 

It’s not a phase

It’s not a phase

It’s not a phase

 

Mom, I swear, it’s not a phase

My world is burning down around me

My deep despair is what surrounds me, (yeah)

 

My world is burning down around me

My deep despair is what will drown me, (yeah)”

 

The screams grew with intensity as she got out of bed and walked down a hall lined with Venus Fly Trap plants of different colors. They were arranged in a pattern of brown, magenta and purple. One poor potted planet crashed to the floor in front of Octavia. She stepped over the mess as she continued listening.

 

She could hear the vehement arguments form her parents as she walked into the spacious kitchen.

 

There was her mother, Queen Stella in a white dress with the top part of her outfit a light pink. A crown was on her head and light gray feathers fanned from her head like long hair.

 

“I can’t believe you slept with an imp, in our fucking bed!” she screeched.

 

“It was unexpected!” Stolas replied. “I didn’t have time to go to a motel!”

 

Stella seethed in disgust. “A motel?! Like a fucking plebian?!” (Roman word for commoner)

 

Stella screamed in rage.

 

“You want to fuck this one too?!”

 

In a fury, Stella grabbed a small white dressed imp butler and violently tossed him at her husband.

 

Stolas flinched, holding up his hands. “No! Of course not!”

 

Stella pointed a condescending finger at him. “You are a god damn embarrassment! I’m not spending another moment looking at your pathetic, imp-sucking face!”

 

Stella stormed out of the room, tossing and breaking more of Stolas’ beloved potted plants as she yelled.

 

Stolas sighed in exasperation before turning to look at his sulking daughter who was sitting at a table with a box of cereal.

 

Good mooorning, Octavia!” he greeted. “Did you sleep well, my owlet?”

 

“Was that a serious question?” she deadpanned as she drank coffee from a mug.

 

“Mm-hmm…” Stolas began as he walked to an old fashioned white refrigerator with the royal crest on it. He opened the door and took out a slab of zebra meat on a plate. In a corner shelf was a can of soda and a cartoon of chocolate milk. In a zip-lock bag were three white dead mice for a later snack. (They were owls after all!)

 

“What’s that you’re listening to?” he asked, with a snap of his fingers.

 

“This song is called “My World Is Burning Down Around Me.” It’s by Fuck You Dad. It’s a band.”

 

“Ohh…how charming…” Stolas chuckled bemusedly, hurt by what he heard. He shut the door and fed the meat to a large white potted plant in a small alcove off the kitchen as he pet it. The satisfied plant closed its three eyes. A starry calendar hung on a nearby wall.

 

“So…you two done screaming for the day?” Octavia asked with a sip of her coffee.

 

“Um…” Stolas began as Stella let out another scream of anger along with a shattering of another object.

 

Stolas walked over to Octavia, who had a box of Robo Fizz’s Greed Seed cereal next to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “You know what I haven’t done in a long, looong time? I haven’t taken you to your favorite place in all of Hell! Why don’t we go to Loo-Loo Land?” He mentioned to a portrait of Stolas, Stella and a happy child Octavia in a dress at an apple theme park.

 

“I’m not five anymore,” Octavia muttered.

 

“You always were so happy when I took you to Loo-Loo Land! What do you say we go there again, have a day, just the two of us!”

 

“I’d rather kill myself,” she deadpanned.

 

“There we go!” Stolas beamed, bypassing her comment. “Anything but staying in this house.” He lifted a finger. “Now, I’ll arrange our security.”

 

He picked up a white rotary phone carried on a platter by the battered imp servant.

 

“Security for a theme park?”

 

“We are rich, and we’re hot. People want our money and our bodies!”

 

“Our money, maybe,” Octavia said under her breath. Stolas rotated the dial a few times.

 

“Speak for yourself, Princess. Now, I’m calling the only man who can fuck me!”

 

Octavia looked with disgust, cereal falling from her hand. “What?”

 

“Who can protect me! Us,” Stolas said. “Being part of the Goetia family is rather valuable, you know.” The imp collapsed.

 

Octavia groaned and pulled her hat down over her eyes.

 

At the I.M.P. office, there was a picture of Blitzo wrapped in a towel with the words “#1 Bitch” on it, with the word “BOSS” in red over the letters. A paper crown rested on one corner of the picture frame.

 

Blitzo played with crude representations of Moxxie and Millie made of office supplies. “Millie” was made from a stick and clips while “Moxxie” was made from an eraser.

 

“Oh, Blitz, you’re such a good boss!” Blitzo impersonated Millie. “Yeah, I really want you sir,” he impersonated Moxxie. “Me too!” he said as Millie. “Let’s three-way!” he said as himself before lowering the office puppets to his crotch. The screaming ringtone of his cell-phone interrupted his pansexual fantasy.

 

“What?!” Blitzo yelled angrily into it. He lounged in his chair, legs propped up as he drank iced coffee from a bloodstained mug. A poster with SpindleHorse on hind legs with “Wild and Free,” hung from the wall.

 

“Why hello, my big-dicked Blitzy!” Stolas spoke lustfully.

 

Both Blitzo and Octavia forcefully spit out their coffee. Blitzo slammed his “Boss Bitch” mug onto his desk.

 

Blitzo spoke angrily, “What…”

 

Octavia said, “The…

 

Blitzo: “Fuck…”

 

Octavia: “Dad?!

 

“Language! Everyone!” Stolas shouted out loud before speaking into the phone again. “I have a special request...”

 

“Aw G- Look,” Blitzo mentioned, “I just had a chemical peel, so you’ll have to find someone else’s face to plant that feathered ass!” He was in no mood for another intimate session.

 

“It’s for my daughter.”

 

A session with Stolas’ daughter? “Ah, well make sure she washes it.”

 

“Oh! No! No, no, no!” Stolas cried taken aback. “I’m taking my daughter to Loo-Loo Land and I was hoping you brave little imps would accompany us!”

 

“We’re assassins, not bodyguards, ‘kay? Don’t invite us to shit unless someone’s gonna die.”

 

“I’ll pay you.”

 

“With what?”

 

“Money.”

 

“Done!” Blitzo yelled in confirmation, accidentally smashing his phone against the desk. He glanced in annoyance at the shattered pieces before producing a white megaphone with a painted monster mouth on it. He put the crown on his head.

 

“M and M, get in here! We’re goin’ to Loo-Loo Land!”

 

Moxxie opened the door to respond. “Loo-Loo Land?” he asked in concern. An excited Millie smashed her head through the glass window of the office door.

“Loo-Loo Land?!” Her eyes were shining.

 

“Loo-Loo Land!” Blitzo yelled excitedly through the megaphone, his long snake-like tongue flickering.

 

“Shut the fuck up!” Loona yelled from another room.

 

0 0 0

 

Part Two: Loo-Loo Land

Loo-Loo Land was a knockoff apple themed park located in Mammon’s Ring of Greed. The sky was green instead of red like it was in the Ring of Pride. Indeed, there were Seven Rings in this Hell ruled by Archdemons and named after the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy, Lust, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, and Wrath. Only sinners could dwell in the Ring of Pride; it was Lucifer’s punishment since he hated mortals. Lucifer, Satan, Leviathan, Mammon, Asmodeus, Belphegor and Beelzebub were the Archdemons…but Lucifer was the Ringmaster of all of them!

 

A wide array of attractions spun, lit up, whirled and roared to life, some of them reaching toward the sky. There was a large Ferris wheel with a large blue star structure in the center. A star flyer swing ride spun demons on swings, while a towering red roller coaster contrasted against the blue sky. A brick tower displayed an eye with pointed ears on the top of it. A white and red stripped circus tent stood between two tall pillars with red painted caramel apples on top as part of the design. Two smiling red apples wearing straw hats were the pillars that flanked the entrance. A teal sign with blinking lights around the border read “Mammon’s Loo-Loo Land” in white, the last “o” hanging lopsidedly. A cardboard cutout of Robo Fizz had an extended hand in an arch holding a welcome sign. A sign read, “Legally he has to say this,” and another sign said “Not affiliated with Lu Lu World.” Another sign read “Money please!” by a ticket booth.

 

A dark gray van pulled into a parking spot and Moxxie got out. He walked with a serious expression on his face, wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses like his imp colleagues. A bold red I.M.P. decal was spray painted onto the van door. Moxxie slid open the door.

 

There was the hunched black silhouette of Stolas, his four red eyes glowing menacingly in the dark. He got out of the van, a happy tall owl wearing red shorts and a white Loo-Loo Land shirt. There was a brief silhouette of Octavia, her two eyes glowing violet. Octavia seethed in annoyance as she peered out through the door. Blitzo and Millie came along as well, getting up from the red seats. Stolas put on an apple hat with big eyes and excitedly mentioned for his daughter to come along. Octavia covered her face with her black hat before following.

 

In a black suit and sunglasses, Blitzo strolled by Stolas with a serious expression as they walked by a booth that sold apple Loo-Loo hats. By a clock with a black crown on it that read 7:30 AM, was another booth with “Balloons Attack” on it.

 

“Now remember, this is work and work only,” Blitzo reminded Stolas. “Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?”

 

“Hey, dad, do we have to…” Octavia complained before Blitzo cut her off.

 

“Okay, yeah, hold on right there, sweetie.” He turned to Stolas, holding an accusing finger at him. “If you try fuckin’ my little ass in that park, I swear to…”

 

Stolas leaned down and playfully tapped and booped Blitzo on the nose. “You are so cute when you are serious!”

 

“I am literally going to be sick,” Octavia deadpanned.

 

“Oh crumbs!” exclaimed Moxxie, rummaging through his small gray bag. “I knew today would be a lot! What do you need?”

 

Moxxie fished around in the bag, retrieving pill bottles. “Antacids? Ibuprofen? Morphine?”

 

With a sharp toothed grin, Moxxie showed Octavia eight hypodermic needles with a glowing green substance in them.

 

“That was figurative, old man,” Octavia replied, arms crossed before walking away.

 

“Oh, right,” Moxxie chuckled sheepishly as he casually tossed the needles into a baby stroller by the cotton candy booth. A red baby imp wearing a bib with a pentagram on it stuck out his tongue and cooed as he reached playfully toward the deadly looking needles.

 

“But she said it was ‘literal,’” Moxxie muttered under his breath.

 

On a wall of a Plush booth were Robo Fizz posters and several taped signs that read: “Not Lu Lu World! Stop showing complaints,” “Does Lu Lu World have a sex robot? No! Stop asking!” “I would never do that to my BFF Lucifer.” “Everyone is so mean to me.”

 

Millie took off her sunglasses and beamed. “Wooow! I haven’t been to this place since I was a tot!”

 

An R on an “Apple Core Roll” sign fell off and squashed a poor teen imp below it. Moxxie flinched.

 

“It hasn’t changed a bit! Oh! Look! It’s Big Woobly!”

 

Near a gray Extermination booth with exterminator plush heads stood a blue animatronic T-Rex dinosaur wearing a shirt with a planet on it. It had yellow lopsided eyes. Three imps stood to watch it. The malformed dino suddenly opened its mouth and let out a fierce demonic shriek.

 

“That is…deeply upsetting,” Moxxie mentioned. Millie pulled him toward her. “Oh come on! It’s fun! You’ve never been here?”

 

“No,” said Moxxie. “Theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots,” he shivered.

 

The park’s apple mascot suddenly appeared behind Moxxie. It was a large red apple with a big row of teeth with several holes in them. The top of the apple was green and a black top hat rested on top of the costume. The eyes were big, the black pupils shaped like Pacman symbols. The mascot also wore gloves.

 

“Well hey there!” the mascot called in a goofy southern accent.

 

Moxxie screamed in fright as the imps both turned around.

 

“I’m Loo-Loo! Welcome to Loo-Loo Land!” said the mascot, spreading out his arms. “If y’all get hurt here, just try and sue us!” The mascot stood on an apple design on the ground as the animatronic head fell onto another imp. Stolas and Octavia stood near a carousel with monstrous looking horses and a small triceratops dinosaur. Some of the horses had bat wings, painted eyes all over their sides and fiery shaped manes.

 

Stolas’ eyes glowed with childish excitement, while Octavia stood embarrassed. “Look! Via! It’s Loo-Loo!”

 

“I have a question,” Octavia stated, holding up a finger.

 

The mascot leaned in close to her. “Well ask away, little girlie!” The mascot bounced around, an eyeball hanging out as he made “a-hyuk, a-hyuk a-hyuk!” sounds.

 

“Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer’s far more popular Lu Lu World?” Octavia smirked as Stolas looked at her with a pleading frown.

 

The mascot paused. “No?”

 

Octavia narrowed her eyes and scoffed. “This place reeks of insecure corporate shame.”

 

Stolas chuckled in embarrassment before leading Octavia away. “Why don’t we go check out the rides?”

 

“That chick’s creepy, huh?” the mascot asked.

 

“Ah, wait till her dad tries to diddle your holes,” Blitzo deadpanned.

 

“What’s that mean?”

 

“Don’t talk to me!” Moxxie called in suspicion, poking a finger at him. “I know you’re a pervert under there!”

 

Moxxie and Millie left. The mascot hung his body in dejection as he sighed “Yeah.”

 

Moxxie and Millie headed down a pathway while a sweating Moxxie stopped to catch his breath. “You really like this place, huh?”

 

“I love this place!” Millie exclaimed. “My parents would bring me and my siblings here, when they could swing it, money-wise.”

 

 An imp wearing loose clothing and a baseball cap pushed a wheelbarrow full of money into a nearby toy shop. A nearby sign on a brick wall showed a Robo Fizz doll and the words, “New! Fizzy Buddy! He laughs, he sings, he swears! Tell your parents to buy me! Over 100 lovable phrases! Posable! Only 48% asbestos.”

 

The two imps approached a window where apple plushies and apple shaped novelty cups with Ls on them were sold for $29.

 

Moxxie mentioned, “Yeah, the prices do seem rather criminal. I mean, that much for a novelty cup that you use one time?”

 

“’Cause it’s Loo-loo Land!” Millie said excitedly. Blitzo walked over, slurping from a straw in a novelty cup. He wore a hat with an apple on it and two can holders and straws attached to it. Loo-Loo Land brought back memories of him and his sisters doing jokes and performing at the circus.

 

“Listen to your hoe, Mox,” Blitzo said, mentioning behind him and bumping him with the cup. “How ‘bout I take the first watch while you two…” he winked, “have a little fun.” Stolas held up a white shirt with an apple on it to Octavia who frowned.

 

“Ohhhhh!” Millie cried. “We gotta do my favorite ride!” She picked Moxxie up and carried him as she ran.

 

“Oh yeah? Wh-Which one?”

 

Millie and Moxxie raced over to The Lawsuit roller coaster, the carts were red with the front displaying a green grin.

 

“Oh crumbs!” he cried in terror.

 

The ride plunged at a sheer 90 degree drop while on fire. A lone rider hung on for dear life and screamed as the ride plunged into a tunnel in the ground. The mascot posed by a height rules sign. Later on, Moxxie threw up in a trash can as an angry vomit covered imp family glared at them. Even the red three eyed dragon from the petting zoo glared at Moxxie.

 

Stolas happily carried a balloon in his hand while Octavia slouched on. They walked by a stand that read “Funnel Cakes: Eternal Suffering” with popcorn and a sausage on a fork. Blitzo snuck around like a secret agent with his sniper rifle. He appeared on a teal-green tent roof of an “Ice Cream Bugs” stand. Blitzo slid with his rifle and knocked over cups at a “Hot and Cold Drunks” stand. The imps glared at him as he toppled backwards onto the ground. A nearby blaster game was titled “Stop that Soul” and showed a frowning sun and cardboard angels in clouds with xs over their eyes. Another sign read “Hax Away.”

 

Five grinning imps with knives and weapons peered out from an alleyway at Stolas, itching to kill him and steal the prince’s money. Blitzo slid along the floor, then glared at the imps, causing them to scatter away. Blitzo aimed his sniper again, near a game where imps could knock out mechanical clown’s teeth at “Teeth Off!” There was a game where one could toss balls into skulls and a ring toss with real spikes to toss them onto.

 

 Stolas tilted his head upside down and stroked Blitzo’s horns from above.

 

“You know, it’s quite thrilling to see you on the job, Blitzy.”

 

“Save it, bitch. I’m working.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes. “You both need to get a room.”

 

“Hey!” Blitzo called. “I am not a day-hooker!”

 

A nearby imp mother and her baby glared at Blitzo.

 

“What? I just said I’m not one, prude!” He flipped her the bird. A nearby film sign read “Pirana.”

 

Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie walked along a line of booths, one read “Muppet” and one read “Knock a Bottle.” Millie suddenly beamed and pulled Moxxie toward another vendor. A smug imp wearing a yellow hat and a red shirt spotted them.

 

“Hello, hello!” he called. “Step right up and win a thing!”

 

Millie’s eyes shone as she gasped and pointed upwards. “Oh, look Moxxie! A thing!”

 

The “thing” was a purple stuffed animal wearing pink overalls with stripped imp horns. It had a yellow beak, an upside down cross on it and a tag with “Thing?” on it.

 

Moxxie looked at her with a grin. “Oh, you like that thing?”

 

“Yessss!” Millie exclaimed, drawing out the word. “I don’t know what that thing is, but I want that thing!”

 

Moxxie straightened his bow tie with a smug look. “Finally something I can handle.”

 

He walked up to the vendor, took out some money and handed it to the carnie. “Okay! One game, please!”

 

The carnie rolled his eyes and handed Moxxie a clown-like blaster with his tail. Moxxie pulled the trigger with one eye shut and the cork projectile hit the bullseye on the cardboard smiling apple’s behind. Millie clapped in the background. Moxxie made a “ricochet” noise and blew the black powder smoke clear of the gun.

 

The carnie just grinned. “Strike one, little man!”

 

Moxxie stared in disbelief. “But I hit it!”

 

“Hmm, I don’t know what to tell you, buddy. The target, see? It didn’t go down. So yeah, no go, bro.”

 

Moxxie slammed another dollar bill onto the counter, picked up the gun and fired again. He hit the bullseye but the cardboard apple stayed in place again. He slapped the pistol in annoyance. “The Heaven’s wrong with this thing?!”

 

The carnie smirked. “Oh man, a real shame I tell ya. Whaa, whaa!” He pretended to cry and rub his eyes.

 

Moxxie hissed in anger and slapped another bill on the counter. “Another!”

 

Again and again Moxxie tried to hit it, but the carnie rigged the game, not making the apples go down. Soon, the carnie was holding 600 souls of Moxxie’s money, the dollar bills had Robo Fizz on them. He rolled one bill up into a cigar and put it in his mouth.

 

“Wow! Man, you’re really starting to make this sad. You know, if you suck, you suck! Guess you won’t win your honey here a prize.”

 

 Moxxie seethed in anger.

 

“Let me try!” Millie said, taking the blaster from Moxxie. She fired it and the cork flew far off between the apples. The carnie grinned mischievously, and pressed a foot pedal, making an apple target go down.

 

“Oh, look at that! Lucky shot, baby,” the carnie said. He wiggled the rolled up bill against Moxxie and dropped it. Millie laughed and clapped.

 

Moxxie yelled, “Are you kidding me?! You…you…charlatan!”

 

The carnie pressed his hand into Moxxie’s face. “Hey, uh get lost pipsqueak, I’m talkin’ to the lady.”

 

He leaned toward her and made a purring sound, causing her to flinch back in disgust.

 

0 0 0

 

Meanwhile, Stolas pulled Octavia close with a gasp, letting go of his balloon.

“Oh, look, Via! You used to cry such tears of joy at this show!”

 

Stolas mentioned to a large circus tent with promotional signs of Robo Fizz on either side. A mother imp tried to drag her crying child toward the tent.

 

“Oh no…” Octavia breathed, her white pupils constricting. A flashback of when she was a young girl came back to her. She was pushed against the stage by other cheering imp children. Robo Fizz was a robotic imp jester who posed on the stage with his arms spread out. An animatronic band was behind him. A neon sign above read “Fizzarolli and Friends,” with the “R” burnt out which made it look like “Fiends.” Robo Fizz sparked and cackled, wiggling his fingers and leering over a crying Octavia. Off to the side, a scowling Blitzo was dressed in clown makeup and attending a food cart.

 

Back in the present, Octavia and Blitzo muttered at the same time: “I hate that fucking clown!”

 

Meanwhile, Stolas happily waved as he was being held captive in the air by the gang of imps pointing weapons at him.

 

“Oh Blitzy! I need my bodyguard, please!” Stolas smiled unconcerned before another imp jumped up and put a purple cloth sack over the owl’s head. Another imp grinned and held Stolas’ wallet. One imp jumped, trying to skewer him with a pitchfork. Blitzo turned around and fired his rifle, shooting the imp in the torso. Black blood splattered against the cloth sack over Stolas’ head. The imps dropped him and quickly scattered away. Blitzo carried Stolas into the tent and set him down on a wooden bench before leaving. Octavia sat next to him, rolled her eyes and removed the blood-soaked cloth from Stolas’ head. The owl blinked, wondering where he was.

 

Two spotlights merged into one on the stage and Robo Fizz flapped open the curtains. He wore a jester outfit and his horns were covered with stripped cloth and little bells hung from the ends. A happy face and sad face pin were by his shoulders along with a string of lights as a necklace. His pants were stripped and he wore gloves. His shirt had small white broken hearts near the bottom and his eyes glowed an eerie green.

 

Six lit up arrow signs pointed to him and read: “Fizzarolli,” “Robot property of Mammon,” “Look at him go!” “Yes! Love 2 c it!” “Wow!” “He.”

 

Robo Fizz held up a sign with “Lu Lu” crossed out in red with “Loo-Loo, the better one,” on it. He also briefly held out a red and gold contract signed by Mammon: “This is a statement regarding the unfair accusations that my theme park “Loo-Loo Land” is trying to profit off my friend and ruler Lucifer’s park Lu Lu World. This is false. These allegations are baseless and untrue. You are all just dicks. Fuck right off and stop saying that, alright? They are legally distinct. I checked. Signed Mammon.”

 

 

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Implings!” he said in his showman voice. “It’s me, the Robotic Fizzarolli! Shipped from Mammon’s factory to bring you a wonderful show celebrating Loo-Loo Land (spelled with O’s to avoid lawsuits!) H-H-H-H-Hit it!”

 

He snapped his fingers. Rows of spotlights lit up and he began to sing. The curtains opened and Robo Fizz’s Five Nights at Freddy’s band played. An open clown mouth served as the stage backdrop. Robo Fizz rapidly pointed at a boy imp and a girl imp and made his rounds toward Stolas and Octavia. He moved back to the stage just as Blitzo aimed his sniper at him in warning. The band played on a rising structure shaped like a cake, decorated with eyes and sharp spikes.

 

 

“Loo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!

Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!

Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man

Loves Loo-Loo Land!”

 

An animatronic bear and a smaller rabbit meshed together played a red banjo with a pentagram on it. A lopsided dinosaur played a guitar decorated with flames. A green frog with large human teeth played the Robo Fizz head drums and a brown dog played the triangle. The two speakers on either side were shaped like weapons and had skulls on them. “Fizzarolli and Friends” sign glowed at the top.

 

“Loo-Loo Land! Loo-Loo Land!

Everything is beautiful in Loo-Loo Land!

Ugly children holdin’ hands

In Loo-Loo Land!”

 

Robo Fizz briefly pulled a crowd of imps into a hug before spinning around and tossing them aside. They crashed back into the stands. He hugged the animatronic dinosaur which fizzled and slapped the bear and rabbit, which squirted black ink at a nearby imp.

 

He poured gasoline onto a pile of “cease and desist” papers, causing them to go up in flames.

 

“Everybody’s friendly, and nobody is mean

No copyright infringement’s ever seen!”

 

In an imitation of Princess Charlie, Robo Fizz then posed on top of a piano. He stood on top, hand over his heart in the spotlight.

 

“I have a dream…”

The backup singer added (“He has a dream…”)

“I’m here to tell…”

(“He’s here to tell…”)

“About a magical fantastic place called Loo-Loo Land!”

 

He spun his body around and landed in a pose with arms and legs spread out. Octavia watched with disgust and boredom.

 

“Loo-Loo Land, Loo-Loo Land!

Everybody sing along with the Loo-Loo band!

Every girl, every boy, every woman, every man

Loves Loo-Loo Land!”

 

The show ended with a pyrotechnic display. Green flames ate up one of the curtains and Robo Fizz laughed manically as he did a final pose up front. Octavia leaned her head back and pounded her fist on the bench in annoyance. Stolas cheered and rapidly clapped.

 

“Ohhohohoho! How delightful!” he hooted. “Haven’t had this much fun since the last Harvest Moon Festival…” Octavia hid her face in her hat again.

 

Behind Stolas, an imp armed with a wave-shaped keris sword rose from beneath the seats, ready to stab him. The imp’s head was quickly blown apart by Blitzo at the back seats.

 

“Oh! My, what aim you have, Blitzy!” Stolas praised.

 

“Ugh! I can’t do this anymore!” Octavia shouted in fury.

 

“Octavia!” Stolas reached out in concern as the owl teen stormed off. Stolas chased after her as Blitzo followed suit. Robo Fizz cackled as he spotted the imp dashing along.

 

“Mu ha ha ha hoho-oh! Is that Blitzo my sensors spot up there?” He emphasized the silent “O” in his name. “I bet the kiddies are still running away from you, huh?”

 

He spun his head around in loops and cackled.

 

“The ‘O’ is silent now!” Blitzo stopped and yelled.

 

Robo Fizz mocked him some more and did wild dance-like poses. “A-awwww, just like your audience always was when you to-told your lazy jokes here!” He laughed.

 

Blitzo tossed his sunglasses aside. “I make more money killin’ people than you do being a cheap-ass robo ripoff of an overrated sell-out jester!”

 

Robo Fizz glitched. “Oh ho ho! Someone’s salty! Real or not though, people love me! Does anybody love you…”

 

His face turned dark and his eyes glowed menacingly, grin stretched wide, “Blitzo?!”

 

“No. But I’m really good with guns now!” Blitzo took out his sniper. “Dance, bitch!”

 

Blitzo slammed a new magazine into his rifle, switched it to full-auto and opened up on Robo Fizz, who cartwheeled out of the way of the rounds. He rapidly spun like a wheel up the stairs to where Blitzo was. He coiled himself around Blitzo like a snake, before using his momentum to launch the imp out of the tent.

 

“Ohhhh! Fuck meeeee!” Blitzo yelled.

 

Outside, Wally Wayford, an imp with a southern accent was selling lit torches from a cart. There were two posters of Robo Fizz, the first was “Fizzarolli and the Handy Dandies.”

The other showed Robo Fizz with handcuffs:  “Robo Fizz Personal Companion. Gives and receives. Ribbed for your pleasure. Real tentacle action. Ten speed vibration. BDSM feature. Machine Washable.”

 

“Torches, I say, I say!” Wally said in a southern accent. “Get your inconvenient torches here!”

 

Blitzo landed on the cart with a yell, which scattered the green torches everywhere.

 

“Oww! I say ow!” Wally screamed.

 

The flames lit the big top of fire. The emerald flames rapidly spread to all corners of the park. The burning melting animatronics fled the tent as Robo Fizz cackled with demonic glee at the chaos.

 

Back at the blaster game, Blitzo had crash landed through the roof and into the pervert carnie just in time, saving Millie.

 

“Sir?!” asked Moxxie, surprised.

 

“Oh hey guys!” a dazed Blitzo replied. “You should probably go and uh…make sure Stolas is okay! I got some…unfinished business to take care of.”

 

Blitzo stood up and drew a brown flintlock pistol and fired. Robo Fizz swayed creepily toward Blitzo, a red eye showing on his burning grinning face, green flames behind him. His metal arms and body were revealed. The impact spun Robo Fizz’s head around…but the jester was unharmed by the shot.

 

“Oh what a mouth!” Blitzo exclaimed as Robo Fizz caught the bullet in his mouth and spat it out. Blitzo grimaced as Robo Fizz rolled at him again. Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo jumped out of the way as the jester hit the booth, destroying it in a large explosion. Shrapnel and several white imp head prizes flew through the air on fire. The piece of a stuffed animal hit a young imp boy on the head, leaving him unconscious. The photographer then snapped the picture of the imp family.

 

“Goddammit Nathan!” the fat father yelled to the fallen boy. “You ruined another bloody photo! Why were you even born?!”

 

Stolas wandered around other booths: Aim and Fire Shoot Apple, Happy Ducking, and a bomb themed Knok Knok game. One was called Eggs in the Basket, Poison Apples sold caramel apples decorated like slimy skulls and a dunking game was called Drown the Sinner. 

 

Stolas then gasped. “Octavia?”

 

“Just leave me alone!” she fired.

 

Octavia ran into a fun house shaped like an elongated head of Lucifer. The face was white with the blushes on the cheeks and the eyes were green and snake-like. The steps were positioned onto a long tongue and the fun house entrance was shaped like Lucifer’s fanged mouth. A top hat and an apple reading “Fun House” was at the top. Stolas followed her inside as two grinning imps held rope and weapons close behind.

 

The neon purple interior was filled with eyes, tubes, swinging pendulums, mirrors and disembodied hands. Stolas went further into the room and looked around. A sign reading “Smile” had an arrow pointed down at a tunnel. A shadow appeared behind Stolas as a random imp jumped onto his shoulders.

 

“Um, I think I’m supposed to be body-guarded right now!” Stolas said, annoyed.

 

The imp covered Stolas’ mouth with his shirt sleeve, but was shot in the head, falling to the ground. Moxxie and Millie appeared in the entryway, Millie had just shot the imp.

 

“Ugh. That’s better,” Stolas said, brushing his sleeve. “Where is Blitzy? He’s my knight in shining armor, not you littler ones.” Even his apple hat got an annoyed expression on it.

 

The imps came over to him, Millie hugging the thing stuffed animal. “He’s…uh busy.”

 

“Being a fool,” said Moxxie.

 

“What kind of fool?” asked Stolas.

 

“The “everything is now on fire,” kind,” Moxxie replied.

 

Stolas left the imps, dodging two swinging pendulums, and headed down a tunnel into an adjoining room filled with eyes on the wall. He then spotted Octavia sitting in one of four apple-themed rail cars, crying.

 

“Octavia…” Stolas breathed. He took off his apple hat and it fell to the floor, the goofy face now a sad face, reflecting Stolas’ emotional state.

 

Stolas scooted next to Octavia, leaving a bit of space between them. “I take it you are…not having fun.”

 

“I didn’t even want to come here!” Octavia protested, arms folded.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I…I thought you loved it here.”

 

Octavia glared at her father and sniffed. “When I was a kid and my parents didn’t hate each other, and my dad didn’t flirt with some…weird red dickhead the entire time.”

 

Both owls looked downcast.

 

“I’m sorry, Via,” Stolas said. “I’m sorry for…everything happening right now. I know it’s a lot but I…uh…I should have listened.”

 

Octavia sobbed. “I just want to go home, but home doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You ruined it.” More tears fell from Octavia’s eyes as she shook her head and wiped more away with her arm.

 

“You need to understand, you mother and I…” He stroked the back of his head, nervously. “I just…I felt…she’s always been…I haven’t been…” He stuttered, “…we weren’t in…” He buried his head in his hands, “I’m sorry, I-I-I don’t have the words.”

 

“Are you going to run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where…I can’t find you?”

 

“What? No!” Stolas pulled her close. “No, no, never. I’d never do that. Never.”

 

Both of them embraced in a tight hug for several quiet moments.

 

“I think it’s time to leave this place,” Stolas said. Octavia smiled a bit through her tears. Despite his mistakes, her father loved her dearly. It wasn’t too hard to forgive him. Stolas lifted her up into his arms and continued, “You were right. You are too old for it, anyway.” He walked through an apple shaped opening.

 

Stolas carried Octavia out of the Fun House as an imp grinned manically in the space above the drop-ceiling. The imp dropped down and flicked open a switchblade behind him. Stolas immediately turned around, his red eyes glowing brightly. The frightened imp was turned to stone on the spot, then was knocked over by a pendulum.

 

As dusk feel outside, the park was reduced to pandemonium. Millie tried to shoot Robo Fizz who wildly rolled around. The red dragon picked up Robo Fizz, tossed him into the air before catching him and swallowing him whole. On the dragon’s back, Moxxie gaped in terror.

 

Stolas and Octavia left the park gates.

 

“So, what would you like to do now?” Stolas asked.

 

Octavia smiled. “Oh, can we go to Stylish Occult? They sell weird taxidermy there.”

 

“Hmm,” Stolas said reluctantly, but then said “Okay.”

 

Octavia let out a small laugh. “Thanks, dad. You’re okay sometimes.”

 

Stolas smiled down at her, his face bright against the starry sky above. It was nice to get a compliment from her. “Thank you Via. Thank you…”

 

A massive explosion rocked the park, sending green flames shooting up into the air. The I.M.P. imps hurtled through the air, screaming before all three landed in front of the owls. All three were covered with smoke.

 

“Way to ruin another good thing, sir!” Moxxie strained at Blitzo.

 

Worth it!” Blitzo replied, holding up a shaking finger. “That slutty toy clown had. It. Comin’!”

 

Moxxie and Blitzo then fell unconscious.

 

 In the darkness, Valentino’s hairless black dog Queef sniffed the unconscious Millie, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her still form away…


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