Helluva Boss Episode Three: Spring Broken (Remix)

Part One: Verosika

 

The ground-shaking rock music blared as a gray van rolled along the street at high speed. The front hood of the van was loose and rattled up and down, showing a dark opening. The front headlights looked like a dark grate with a few yellow lights at the very ends. The small license plate at the front read “IMP-666” in black letters. Two red stripes streaked across the side of the van while the bold red and white I.M.P. decal was proudly displayed on the side door.

 

“I love this song!” exclaimed the leader imp, Blitzo. He was wearing his usual work outfit; a navy blue coat with red buttons and a red pin at the front. Above Blitzo hung small red and white flags. In the center was a white toy horse with a blonde mane and tail. With his hands on the wheel, Blitzo belted out the lyrics:

 

“You were the little spicy little demon with the bleach blonde haaaair
Fiendin' for that semen when I caught your stare
Thought it might be love but you went too far
Fucked all of my friends and blew up my car!”

 

“Lit me on fire made me watch rom-coms
Made a secret sex tape and showed it to my mom
You were a bitch kinda generally
Now I'm a wet wild stallion and I'm running free!”

 

“You stepped on my nuts and you tore me apart
Slapped up my booty and tangled my farts
Cut off my dick when you shattered my heart
But it grew back twice as long…”

 

MUSTANG DONG!”

“Oh my god! I just went through puberty twice!” Blitzo wheezed as his voice cracked on the last line.

 

Memories of him and a former lover were already rushing back to him. The song perfectly described Blitzo’s previous love life and though not very pleasant, was still fun to sing to. There were many times in his life where he considered horses to be better companions than his peers. An array of endless horse names and adventures he could conjure up in his head…

 

Blitzo made “horn” rocker symbols with his hands as he nodded his head to the beat. In shotgun, Loona made a face of annoyance as she glanced at her black and white cell phone in her hands. She wore her usual shorts, torn gray tank top and black strings in the shape of a downward facing pentagram below her neck. In the back of the van, Moxxie covered both ears as he sat in the long red seat. He wore his usual dark coat and red bow tie. Millie rolled down her window and smiled as the breeze blew through her wild black hair. She had on her black tank top and torn pants as well.

 

Blitzo drove the van into a reserved parking lot, surrounded by graffiti-sprayed buildings. A worn white banner on one building read “Buck you Flitzo” in bold capital letters. One of the buildings was decorated with a large red eye made of glass. Bizarrely enough, there was a billboard that advertised holy water. Blitzo haphazardly drove through the lot opening. He was just about to pull into the remaining empty space to the right when a pink convertible car beat him to it.

 

“Unholy shit! Fu…” Blitzo yelled, he and Loona both fearful. Blitzo rapidly turned the wheel and the horn sounded. He slammed on the brakes and the van skidded to a stop. The pink car had a red heart with gold trim on the back and a golden border. The license plate read “SUCK-4-LIFE.” The wheels had small white hearts on the dark inside, white rims surrounding them.

 

An angry Blitzo rolled his head and turned off the radio.

 

Oh, you “suck for life,” do ya?!” he asked as he glared at the car. He pulled out his white megaphone and leaned out the window.

 

“Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump!” he yelled through the megaphone. “You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!”

 

A pair of tall high heels lowered to the ground. The shoes were black with pink hearts on them. The figure wore black tight pants with three pink xs on the side. She wore a black and white dress, a black star on the lower half and a large X and O over her breasts. A sparkly light pink fluffy coat covered her shoulders. Her face was dark pink and a black choker was around her neck. She had a pointed tail, little bat wings and curved pink horns with a few black stars on them. Her hair was long and pinkish white, and sunglasses with pink hearts on them obscured her eyes.

 

Blitzo lowered his megaphone in shock at the sight of the familiar succubus.

 

“Oh shit! Verosika?!”

 

The succubus blew a bubble of pink gum before it popped.

 

“Blitzo,” she greeted, arms folded. She had pronounced the “o” on purpose to annoy Blitzo.

 

Blitzo glared. “I should have known you’d be here. I could smell fish for miles. Which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is…”

 

Blitzo fell out through the window, face-planting onto the ground. He quickly stood up, pointing at the ground, “…three Rings down!” He was referring to the Ring of Envy where the oceanic ruler Leviathan resided.

 

“And I should have known you’d be here when I heard the Amber Alerts,” Verosika retorted. She held a white and brown flask bottle in her left hand. It was decorated with a small red and white heart near the top. “I.M.P. is a scam!” and “Swear word” were painted on a nearby brick wall.

 

“Oh yeah?” he asked. “I’m surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you’re still a drunken whore, clutching onto that beelzejuice juice bottle like it’s the last cock in Hell!”

 

“They let me out because I’m still famous,” Verosika bragged, flipping back her long hair dramatically, “and rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups.”

 

She took a drink from her bottle and wiped her black lipstick mouth with a gloved white thumb.

 

“So, your sister says ‘Hi,’” she smirked, implying a temporary sexual relation with Barbie Wire.

 

Blitzo stomped over toward Verosika. “Why are you parkin’ here?” he growled. “This is the only parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car somewhere else!”

 

Verosika leaned slightly toward him. “Actually, prick…it has my name on it.”

 

She pointed down at their feet, where “Verosika” and a heart was spray painted in purple over the previous black “I.M.P.”

 

Verosika stood up. “I’m doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building…”

 

“No way,” Loona breathed as she peered from the van.

 

“…and they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break.”

 

“A week?!” Blitzo exclaimed loudly. “No, no, you are not parking here for a fucking week!”

 

Verosika removed her sunglasses, revealing pink irises with yellow sclera.

 

“Aw, you mad, Blitzo?” she cooed in a mocking tone. “You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car…”

 

Verosika and Blitzo talked over each other, “…and run three Rings to Wrath and back and max my credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!”

 

Blitzo stomped his foot. “God dammit whore, you will not let that go!”

 

Verosika walked past him, showing a middle finger. “Choke on a sandpaper cock.”

 

Loona lowered her head as she walked by. Blitzo angrily followed Verosika.

 

“Hold on! You better move that pussy wagon right now or I’m gonna…”

 

Blitzo froze as he heard a low growling sound behind him. Towering over him was a beefy dark gray Hellhound man. He wore a torn black jacket decorated with red spikes along the shoulders. A black tattoo of a wolf with sharp teeth and a tongue out was on his left shoulder. He had thick eyebrows, torn pointed ears, a black nose and a scar over his milky left eye. His right eye was red.

 

“You’ll what?” he grunted, showing his sharp white teeth.

 

Blitzo stuttered and looked around, fearfully. “Or I’ll…um…I’ll…I’ll call HR!”

 

Blitzo, Verosika and the Hellhound burst into sudden laughter like a sitcom before they calmed down.

 

“Anyway,” said Verosika, “Meet my new Hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well.”

 

Vortex walked by Verosika’s side as she left. She flipped off Blitzo again before saying, “Ta ta, fuck stain.”

 

“Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that,” Blitzo muttered in annoyance.

 

Just then, Loona kicked open the door and stepped out of the van. “You know Verosika Mayday?!”

 

“Huh?” Blitzo asked. Then he casually answered, “Oh yeah, her, yeah, we dated.”

 

“Was it before or after she became a pop star?” Millie asked in curiosity.

 

Blitzo crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

 

“You dated a popstar?!” Moxxie added as he stepped out of the van.

 

“Okay, why are you all acting like that’s such a shock?” Blitzo asked.

 

“Hellooo. It’s Verosika Mayday?” Loona replied.

 

“It’s you?” Millie said. Moxxie and Millie were surprised that a famous person like Verosika would consider dating someone who was perceived to be far below her league.

 

Moxxie scratched his head. “I just…Is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?”

 

“Okay look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be,” Blitzo said. “I don’t pry into your stupid personal lives.”

 

Loona, Moxxie, and Millie did overlapping yells:

 

 “You do that all the time, sir!” yelled Moxxie.

 

“Come on, you do that,” added Millie.

 

“You totally do that,” Loona agreed.

 

Millie grinned mischievously, her eyelids lowering. “What was sex with her like?”

 

“Millie!” Moxxie yelled, taken aback.

 

“What?!” Millie shrugged. “It’s a pop star! You’d wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.”

 

Moxxie paused in mid argument. “Touché.”

 

“Okay look, let’s just drop it!” Blitzo demanded. “Millie, find a temporary spot for that truck.”

 

He tossed a pair of keys to a gleeful Millie, who caught them and scampered off.

 

“Okay, Loonie, Moxxie, let’s go handle this shit.”

 

In the building, Loona led the way between the imps as the three stepped out of an elevator. The dark brown walls were decorated with yellow webbed cracks. I.M.P. was painted in red on an office door window. The Hellhound nervously stepped forward, hands together.

 

“Do you think they saw me? Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today!” she muttered. Blitzo smiled at her with shining eyes.

 

“Oh you look perfect, Loonie. Like always.”

 

 She flinched away from him, arms crossed as she passed by a water cooler. A look of annoyance crossed Loona’s face at Blitzo baby-talking her.

 

“Oh shut up da…” Loona began before seeing a look of adoration and wide eyes on Blitzo’s face. She had almost said, “dad.”

 

“Urgh!” she caught herself and shoved him aside. “…Blitzo!” She checked her face in a small hand mirror, a wolf design on it. She then bumped into a long furry arm.

 

“Oh. Whoa,” she breathed. Glancing down at her was none other than Vortex. Redness crept up to her cheeks and she wagged her tail. Blitzo briefly smiled at Loona before gasping in shock. He dashed between Loona and Vortex protectively, arms out.

 

“Hiiii big man,” he said. “Where’s your bitch bag of an employer?”

 

“She’s in her office,” said Vortex in a low voice. “There wasn’t room on the second floor so they rented one here on this one. It’s cheaper.”

 

Vortex mentioned toward a room down the hall, across from the I.M.P. office. Three neon hearts stood right above two blue double doors. A large pink “V” and a pink “M” were painted on the door windows, standing for Verosika Mayday (and Vivienne Medrando, creator of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss!)

 

“Oh come on!” Blitzo yelled in frustration.

 

Vortex chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders. “Sorry man,” he said before walking away.

 

“Oh no you don’t, bitch,” Blitzo muttered.

 

“Sir,” Moxxie began. “How about you let me go in and try to reason with her. I don’t really listen to what’s classified as “pop genre” music, so her status to me is name recognition alone, her music is a bit derivative of…”

 

Blitzo tuned out Moxxie’s rambling.

 

“Moxxie!” he spat. “Shut the fuck up!”

 

“All righty then,” Moxxie replied, pushing open one of the blue doors and going inside. Electronic music briefly sounded from inside the room. The room had been converted into a dimly lit recording studio, with mixing consoles, effects units, microphones and separate booths. The neon pink border of light just under the ceiling gave it a club-like atmosphere, as did the rows of beer bottles on the counters. The silhouettes of Moxxie, Verosika and her gang of demons were visible from a large glass window.

 

“Hello Miss Verosika was it?” Moxxie asked, his eyes golden and glowing. “I work for Imp and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned because…”

 

A woman succubus with a bob of hair pointed at Moxxie. “Aw, look at the little one. He’s got a wittle bow tie!” The gang snickered.

 

“Please don’t condescend me, ma’am,” Moxxie replied. “I…”

 

A male incubi leaned uncomfortably close to Moxxie. “Wanna kissy, little guy?”

 

Moxxie repulsively stepped back. “A…A kind offer, but…I’m married.”

 

Verosika stepped forward as her hungry gang surrounded Moxxie. “Hey, why don’t you send a little message from me back to your limp-dick boss?”

 

Verosika and her gang hissed with sharp shadowy mouths over Moxxie. They morphed into monstrous dark forms with razor sharp teeth and glowing red eyes. The imp screamed “Don’t touch thaaaat!” Blitzo raced over and pressed both hands on the window pane in terror.

 

“Moxxie, do not let her access any of your holes!” he cried.

 

Moxxie raced back into the hall, his back against the closed doors. He was shaken and battered, with red lipstick kisses all over his face. He had almost been sexually assaulted.

 

“I…I gotta go lie down…now,” he stuttered as he walked away and collapsed.

 

Blitzo fumed, veins popping in his yellow eyes. “Oh this won’t stand!”

 

He boot-kicked both doors open, gaining the attention of his ex and her crew: Josh, Coco, Apple, Kat, Milky, Kiki, and Ace. There were other succubi and incubi with reddish pink skin, horns, pointed tails and small bat wings. A white-haired man wore a black collar with a black upside down cross around his neck. He wore a black short sleeved shirt with a red logo that read “burn forest burn” on it. His taller male partner wore a ripped black tank top with a circled X on it. His hair was black and he had a black goatee. Two demon women partners sat together as well. The first had long dark hair and wore a fishnet top and leggings. The white-haired succubi next to her wore short revealing overalls. Verosika stood poised in the middle.

 

“Alright, (censored)! That’s it!” Blitzo yelled, marching over toward Verosika. “If you’re gonna be shitty to my employees…” he pointed a finger at her, “…then I challenge you to a fucking…challenge!” He leaned his head back in frustration. “Fuck, I said that twice.”

 

The woman with long dark hair, Kiki chuckled. “Is this imp boy starting a demon duel?”

 

“I think he is,” Verosika replied with a snicker. She bent over toward the imp. “What’s the game then, Blitzo?”

 

“Every year, you STD spreaders go topside for easy pickings while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!” Blitzo responded. He grinned, “So I bet…you succu-bitches can’t fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day.” He briefly made a hand gesture of a gun.

 

Verosika and her gang burst into laughter. Blitzo glared in determination. Verosika and the others stopped laughing. “Oh, you’re serious?” Verosika asked. She leaned in and spoke to Blitzo in a low whisper, “Game on, bitch.”

 

0 0 0

Later at I.M.P. headquarters, Blitzo stood in front of an easel full of paper and a large whiteboard flanked by bat wings near the top. There was a large bar graph drawn on the board along with horse drawings. On the left hand corner, Blitzo had written, “Potential Horse Names: ‘Grape Fiesta’, ‘Paperclip’, and ‘Soap’, -32.”  Moxxie, Millie and Loona sat in their usual spiked chairs around a long table to listen.

 

“Alright, shut your assholes, here’s how were gonna do this shit!” Blitzo announced.

 

“First, we find a fuck ton of clients…”

 

The animated childish drawings on the paper showed Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie and Loona standing together. A crowd of imps and clients surrounded them and gave them hugs and piles of money.

 

“We portal up…”

 

The Blitzo drawing snapped his fingers and the I.M.P. figures fell down to earth.

 

“We have our fun murder time as per usual…”

 

The I.M.P. figures used guns to kill the human figures around them.

 

“We pile all the bodies into a big fuckin’ canoe…”

 

Drawing Blitzo tossed the dead humans into a canoe that read “S.S. Cum Gutter.”

 

“We push said canoe into some water. We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles and shit, and maybe a goose, too! Fuck it!”

 

Animated drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and a goose ate at the bodies on fire. A large octopus sea monster snapped the boat and everything up in its mouth.

 

“They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet…”

 

The I.M.P. figures cheered, while the Loona one wore a party hat and blew a noisemaker.

 

“We rub it in that sloppy bitch’s drunken whore ass face.”

 

The Verosika drawing burst into tears on her knees as the I.M.P. figures flipped her off several times.

 

“Do you have any questions?” Blitzo asked as the real meeting continued.

 

“Uh yeah, why was that nonsense?” Moxxie deadpanned.

 

Blitzo walked over to him. “That wasn’t a question.”

 

“That wasn’t a plan,” Moxxie retorted.

 

Blitzo put a hand around Moxxie. “I’m sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It’s not my fault you’ve got a smooth little brain upstairs.”

 

“A what now?” Moxxie asked, eyebrows raised.

 

“I’m calling you slow, Moxxie. God, why don’t you learn to take criticism, you talentless baby dick troll?!” He pointed his finger into Moxxie’s chest several times as he spoke.

 

An angry Moxxie stood up on the table. “Well why don’t you take an art class?”

 

Blitzo grabbed Moxxie by the collar and threw him back onto the chair. “Why don’t you see how expensive they are?!”

 

Loona interrupted the argument, still holding her cell phone. “Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?”

 

Blitzo crossed his arms in disapproval. “Absolutely not. I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of freaks up there who’d drool all over you!”

 

All four characters glared into the camera, breaking the fourth wall.

 

“Well, I can blend in with humans easy enough,” Loona explained. “Just let me tag along.”

 

“Wait, say that again,” said Blitzo.

 

“I can blend in?” Loona reiterated.

 

“You have a human disguise?” Millie asked.

 

“Yeah. Don’t you?”

 

The three guilty imps nervously looked at each other, eyes darting from side to side.

 

“You three have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time, without human disguises?!” Loona asked in disbelief.

 

“Okay, new plan!” Blitzo called, rapidly scribbling on a piece of paper. He placed the paper on the easel, showing Loona surrounded by human figures with tiny hearts around them.

 

“Loonie can help lure the humans to us and we’ll take care of the rest. Okay how about that?”

 

“Flawless logic,” Millie smiled in agreement.

 

Moxxie held up a clawed finger. “I think you’re missing the biggest issue, sir. Isn’t it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren’t just going up to massacre!”

 

Blitzo smirked in response. “I got that covered, Mox.”

 

Not long after, Blitzo stuck a flyer onto a pole. It read “Spring Break Victim 50% Off!” It had a drawing of Blitzo, a dead victim and little cartoon horses.

 

Blitzo strode to Moxxie. “Now, we wait.”

 

Moxxie shook his head. “Sir, there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled bad grammar flyer!”

 

Both Moxxie and Blitzo paused and looked over to see a line of a dozen creatures looking in curiosity at the flyer under the Pride Ring’s blood red sky. They arrived in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some of them were imps and others were sinners. There was a pink fluffy monster with black eyes, an orange fly trap plant wearing librarian glasses, a fox with thick white hair, a humanoid dog with pointed ears and a hook for a hand. Next to a teal lizard lady with dyed hair stood a tall man wearing a blue suit with a deer skull for a head. Even Travis, a gray owl demon, was there.

 

Blitzo elbowed Moxxie with a smug grin before strolling over to the other demons. “Now, who’s first?”

 

 

Part Two: At The Beach

 

The beach in the human world was alive with humans from everywhere. Men, women and children happily walked around, relaxed under umbrellas, or had snacks. Several surf boards stood up in the sand by a decorated teal wall with a wavy orange design taking up the center. The crowd was positioned between a wooden dock and a makeshift stage. Two women wearing sunglasses got comfortably close and kissed each other in the shade. A muscular dark skinned man talked with a red haired woman while a blonde guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap shook a bottle of pills into his mouth. Above the beach lay a small row of shops. One sign read “Pawn Paradise.” One sign read “hotel” in red letters while another sign read “Sea cream” with a teal ice cream cone structure next to it. Another sign read “Pico Puncho Pizza” and another read “Dagon Juice” and had a green fish with a sailor’s cap on it.

 

In the shadows under the dock, the I.M.P. crew emerged from algae-covered rocks.

 

“Now remember, we can’t be seen, alright?” Blitzo reminded them. “And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off them. You got the list, Loonie?”

 

Loona skimmed the list in her hands and gave it a sniff. “Got it.”

 

She dropped the paper, stood up and walked into the light. A rush of swirling blue magic enveloped her before it vanished.

 

Loona was now in human form. She opened her red eyes and brushed her thick light gray hair with her hands. She wore her same dark crop top and high black shorts but she now had white skin, two bars in her right ear and a partially shaved head. She had gray eye makeup on and a black choker around her neck. Her pale midriff, arms and legs were visible.

 

All three imps stared in amazement.

 

“Ohhh Loonie, look at you!” Blitzo breathed. “You look downright awful!”

 

Loona glared at him.

 

Blitzo wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m so proud.” He pointed ahead. “Now fetch!”

 

Loona peered in front of her with a hand over her eyebrows to help block out the light. Her target humans were outlined in red in her vision. Loona smirked and strolled over to a tall dark haired muscular man wearing sunglasses. She moved a finger toward his chest and gave him a flirtatious grin. She mentioned behind her to a private alleyway. Loona led him into the alleyway and leaned casually against the wall. The man reached out to grab her in lust but was immediately shot in the head by Blitzo spying on the roof. He gave Loona a thumbs up.

 

Later on, a blonde man ran to Loona in an alleyway with a hungry lustful look on his face. He was caught in a noose by Blitzo. A random “music band” poster hung on the wall. On a rooftop, a brown haired man leaned in to kiss Loona, but Millie knocked him off the roof with a kick. The man fell into a green dumpster that Moxxie slammed shut. Loona walked with a fat man down the sidewalk and a flower pot crashed fatally into his head. Blitzo killed a woman with a knife, Millie killed a white haired woman with a spiked baseball bat, and another woman got shot in the head.

 

Blitzo and the gang put the bodies in bloodstained dark trash bags, closing them. In the background, Millie happily jumped on another body.

 

“That’s nine kills in the bag!” called Blitzo. “I’d like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many…”

 

The imps froze when they heard a voice through a microphone. It was Verosika Mayday on stage, in her human form. Her shadowy silhouette in the clearing smoke resembled her demon form. She had blonde hair, tan skin and wore black leggings and high heels. She wore a pink skirt and a matching frilly top that revealed her right shoulder. She had a small black heart on her right cheek. The background lights were pink, giving the appearance of moving hearts. “Verosika Mayday” was on a pink banner overhead. Verosika appeared on two screens on either side of the stage, showing moving hearts of red, pink and white for the background. Six pink spotlights shone on her.

 

“All right spring breakers! Y’all ready get fucked up and make some bitching bad choices?!”

 

The crowd cheered in affirmation. A white teen boy with short blonde hair tore off his shirt and yelled “Verosika!” He had her name written in pink on his bare chest.

 

Verosika sang her song:

 

“This is your final boarding call.

All aboard

Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown”

 

“V-time, free time, baby relax

Self-care, no hair, Brazilian wax

Hardtop succu-bus to the beach

Catch some rays while catching some D”

 

“Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown”

 

“Hot dog, hot bod, sausage and buns

Threesome, fivesome, having some fun

Back to my place, welcome to Hell

Sun’s out, hormones out, how does it smell?”

 

“Pack your bags

Sun’s out

Take a vacay babe

Take it straight to Bonetown”

 

Verosika performed her song on stage and took a drink from her bottle. “Fuck you Blitzo” appeared on the screens as Blitzo seethed. The humans made out with others around them. The humans kissed, hugged, and some gave each other anal. One dark woman succubus showed a love-struck man a popsicle with semen-like saliva on it. She grinned and threw herself onto the human male. An incubi with dark hair in human form smiled and snapped his fingers at a blonde man…his sunglasses fell off his surprised sunburned face. Several more succubi and incubi grinned and snuck up on the humans.

 

Blitzo was furious. “God dammit, that bitch started her godish mating call! Now she’s gonna win all those sex maniacs. We gotta pick things up, guys! He on the list, Loonie?”

 

Blitzo mentioned to a vomiting long haired blonde man in boxer shorts.

 

Loona appeared distracted, not even looking at him. “Huh? Yeah I think so.” Loona was staring at a tall muscular black skinned bouncer by the stage: a human Vortex.

 

“Good!” Blitzo called.

 

The blonde man looked up at Blitzo in a stupor.

 

“Whoa, what are you? A leprechaun? Hahaha!”

 

Blitzo raised a sharp black and red ax. “Oh yeah, pretty cool, huh?”

 

Blitzo smashed the man’s head open with the ax, causing blood and brains to splatter.

 

“But you sure as shit ain’t gonna tell nobody.” He looked over. “All right, next one, Loonie, come on! Wait where…?”

 

Blitzo rapidly glanced around, but Loona wasn’t where she was a moment before.

 

“Where’s my baby?!” he cried in a panic. Millie pointed toward the stage. “Look!”

 

Loona nervously made her way through the crowd, avoiding a French-kissing couple and tossing aside a bra that landed on her head. A squealing fanboy ran toward Verosika but Vortex punched him into the ground, head first. He dragged the teen away in the distance as Loona watched. A male incubus appeared as a white skinned human with short white hair. Putting both hands on her shoulders, he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her. With a roll of her eyes, Loona landed an uppercut on his chin, causing him to fall.  

 

“Now, who wants a piece of this?” Verosika called as she took one last gulp.

 

She tossed her flask into the ocean, creating a small golden portal. A fish appeared, which rapidly grew in size.

 

Loona walked sideways over toward Vortex.

 

 “Hey, you,” she tried.

 

“Hey,” Vortex replied. “You’re the hound working for my boss’s freaky ex.”

 

“Yeah. Sorry if that’s weird.”

 

“It’s cool,” he shrugged. “Her beef ain’t mine. I’m not paid enough to care.”

 

Loona laughed nervously. “Yeah. Yeah.” She pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m Loona!”

 

“Okay.” In her giddy tone he repeated, “I’m Vortex!” Both chuckled.

 

“That’s hot,” Loona said with a grin. Then her face turned red and flustered. “I mean like literally you know because vortexes, you know, they give off heat. Probably. Right?” She pointed both fingers in a snap, trying to act cool.

 

Vortex chuckled lightly. “Uh, yeah. I guess. But my friends call me Tex.”

 

“Oh yeah? I wish I had friends. I mean no, I mean, I don’t. I…I don’t have friends.”

 

Just then, Blitzo arrived, moving himself between them.

 

“Am I interrupting something?”

 

 

“Nah man. Just having a conversation,” Vortex replied.

 

Blitzo narrowed his eyes and wagged a finger at him. “’Conversation’ leads to HPV!” Loona clenched her fists in frustration.

 

0 0 0

 

Meanwhile, Moxxie and Millie hid behind several metal beer barrels.

 

“And… we lost him,” Moxxie declared. “Huh, it’s looking like it’s up to us handle this list.”

 

Millie’s face shone in excitement. “Hell yeah! Team M and M, getting shit down, making the money!”

 

Moxxie and Millie ran off holding hands in the sunset and killed more people. A sign read “Senpai, notice me.”

 

 

Loona pinched her nose. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Loona said to Blitzo in concern. “You’re gonna get us all into shit.”

 

“I just wanted to see what was so important that you’d be distracted from your job.”

 

Loona angrily pulled Blitzo away from Vortex.

 

“What, I can’t have a break?”

 

Blitzo yelled at the top of his lungs. “We have a parking spot on the line!”

 

“Hey dude,” Vortex mentioned as he walked over. “Why don’t you chill out?”

 

Blitzo wagged a finger. “Why don’t you stay out of it?”

 

He turned back to Loona.

 

“Okay, this is our business!” He pointed to the ground and in his tail was a drawing of Blitzo killing a person, a horse followed by an equal sign and dollar signs. “Literally!”

 

Loona clenched her fists and briefly leaned forward in anger. “Oh fuck Blitzo! Why can’t you stay out of my face for like five minutes?!”

 

 “Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!”

 

 “Oh what does it matter? You’re not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!”

 

“It still counts!”

 

“Well it shouldn’t! I didn’t need you then, asshole! I don’t need you now!”

 

A tense silence followed. Both of them crossed their arms, their backs to each other. Both faces showed hurt expressions.

 

As a young pup, Loona had been left to fend for herself by her real neglectful parents. She had lived a life of meth addiction, syphilis, sex, fighting and insecurity with no real friends. Blitzo was perhaps the first person to truly care about her. He took her in as a teen and adopted her…and she had worked at I.M.P. ever since. Loona already felt bad at what she had just said. But there was no taking it back.

 

She stuttered, trying to say something.

 

“Uh, Blitzo…I’m…”

 

“Enjoy your break, Loonie,” he replied coldly. “I’m gonna go kill something.”

 

Loona sighed sadly as he left.

 

“Damn, girl. That was savage,” Vortex remarked sympathetically. He placed a large comforting hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

 

Loona blushed heavily, forcing a smile.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. He’ll get over it. He usually does.”

 

“I’m glad you could stick up for yourself, at least,” Vortex mentioned. “Hmm. Takes guts.”

 

“Thanks,” Loona smiled.

 

0 0 0

 

Meanwhile, Moxxie looked to the left and right from behind the beer cans on a table. Beer can and bottles were everywhere. Moxxie ducked back behind them, watching as Millie loaded her crossbow. The two imps smiled and kissed.

 

A man with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a tie-dye shirt that read “Kool” threw down a beer can. “Wooo! Yeah! Party!” he yelled. “Let’s do this!”  The man pointed both fingers in the air and then promptly flipped the table, sending the imps flying. Moxxie landed on the ground as the beachgoers stepped back.

 

“Eww!” exclaimed a red haired woman in disgust, pointing down at him. “Oh my god! It’s a fucking possum!”

 

Moxxie tried to scurry off, but a man picked him up. “Oh, crumbs!”

 

“I got it!” called the guy with “Kool” on his shirt, holding up Moxxie in the air. A muscular blonde man held a large beer barrel. The first guy tossed Moxxie inside while the second one closed the lid. “We put him in the keg,” one of them said. The other people cheered as Moxxie was carried away. “Beer is awesome!” they cheered. While he was inside, he gulped down the beer around him. The people tossed the barrel and played catch with it before leaving it behind.

 

Millie dashed from behind the beer cans, arriving at the barrel Moxxie was in. The barrel wobbled, surprising Millie. She placed her ear to it before tipping it over. Moxxie spilled out on his back with the remaining beer.

 

“Moxxie!” Millie cried.

 

“Millie! Hi! Hey!” Moxxie slurred, rolling onto his back and looking at her upside down. “Hey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss ‘em!”

 

He made smooching noises before Millie picked him up.

 

0 0 0

 

Suddenly, a large gush of water rose up from behind them. A dark shadow passed over their faces, darkening the sky. The humans glanced up in shock. Even the demon gang and Verosika looked on in fear and surprise. A woman pointed upwards and several people ran off. A giant foot crushed a man lying on a turtle towel. Blood splattered everywhere and onto the crowd of humans. Another woman screamed and the humans ran for their lives. Blitzo was in the process of chocking a drinking man from behind, when he, too, stopped to look.

 

A giant black Leviathan fish monster had risen from the ocean!

 

The fish had large teal eyes, fins, white whiskers and dozens of blue sharp teeth. The beast let out a fierce, ear-shattering roar.

 

“Oooh! Fish!” Moxxie grinned stupidly in his drunken haze.

 

Like a deadly vine, a long spiked tongue wrapped around Moxxie and pulled him toward the fish.

 

“Hehe! Weeeee!” Moxxie grinned.

 

Millie watched in horror as Moxxie was wrapped up above the large maw before the fish snapped its jaws shut.

 

Millie got into a fighting stance. She glanced to her left and spotted a fat man drinking and wearing sunglasses. She stabbed him with a knife and tore off a piece of his towel. With her knife in her mouth, she lit the cloth on fire over a vodka bottle, creating a Molotov cocktail. Millie tossed it toward the monster, sending the fish stumbling and crashing down into the sea.

 

Wasting no time, Millie swam toward the monster and cut upwards along its scaly body with her knife. Using all her strength, she pried open the monster’s mouth. Moxxie was punching the monster’s uvula, still wrapped up in the tongue.

 

Millie reached for him with her hand. Moxxie reached too, then gave her a high five. Millie grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him up. She used her other hand and foot to support herself on the monster’s teeth. She pulled as hard as he could, but Moxxie wouldn’t budge.

 

Just when she lost her grip, she slashed her knife across the tongue, slicing a piece off. In a roar of pain, the monster spat Moxxie out. Moxxie spread out his arms, enjoying the feeling of flying. Back on the beach, a man flinched as the tongue piece landed on the ground. Moxxie landed in Blitzo’s arms. The man cheered before Blitzo shot him with a gun. Moxxie cheered drunkenly.

 

Back inside the monster’s mouth, Millie rapidly punched at the tongue, trying to get out. The monster roared in pain and anger, slashing around as Millie wrestled with it.

 

“I love that woman!” Moxxie declared.

 

Blitzo smirked. “Oh she totally pegs you, doesn’t she?” Indeed, Millie was dominant in the bedroom and Moxxie loved it.

 

Millie leapt into the air, knife aimed downward. She fell back inside the mouth…then sliced off the fish’s head from the inside. A gush of blood flowed out from the monster before it landed with a final thud into the water. Millie walked back to shore and dropped her knife, exhausted.

 

Blitzo and Moxxie cheered. “Oh yeah, way to show off, Mils!” Blitzo called.

 

“Is Mox okay?” Millie panted.

 

Blitzo glanced at the drunken Moxxie. “Oh yeah, he’s fine,” he casually said before dropping him onto the sand.

 

Millie raced over and held Moxxie in her arms.

 

Moxxie grinned at Millie with a doped expression. “This is funny. I’m soooo… drinky.”

 

Millie just laughed and hugged him.

 

Blitzo scowled and crossed his arms. “Okay, this is too wholesome for my liking.”

 

“Blitzo!” Verosika called, pronouncing the ‘O’.

 

“Oh perfect,” he said sarcastically. He turned around to the human-disguised gang of seducer demons. “That must be the whores!”

 

Verosika was flanked by four succubi and an incubi disguised as humans. “That was handled rather…obvious, don’t you think?” She grinned a smug grin.

 

Millie held up Verosika’s flask. “I don’t think this belonged to any of us.”

 

Millie tossed the flask to Verosika who caught it with one hand. She dropped it into one of the succubus’ hands.

 

“Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world,” Millie added with a grin.

 

Even Moxxie laughed out loud, pointing at them. “Oh Satan! You all be so fucked!”

 

Verosika briefly looked concerned, then sneered. “Yeah, well you three nasty ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises!”

 

Moxxie fell to his knees and face-planted into the sand. He lifted his head up. “A human called me a possum! I am not a possum!” He face-planted again.

 

Blitzo stepped forward and moved Moxxie out of the way with a foot. “You know, we could keep this little B movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space.” Blitzo smirked in anticipation.

 

Verosika, not wanting to get in trouble, relented with a sigh. “Fine.”

 

Blitzo raised both arms in the air and laughed in triumph. “We fucking won!”

 

“Fuck yeah!” Millie cheered.

 

“In your face, bitch!” Blitzo taunted Verosika, who scowled.

 

She glared at Blitzo one last time. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Tex!”

 

Vortex stood with Loona not too far from the empty stage. “Well…guess it’s time to bounce, but hey, if you’re ever down to party, I’ll give you a ring sometime.”

 

Loona smiled in excitement. “Really? I mean, heh, yeah. Yeah.”

 

“Yeah. My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy hound parties.”

 

Her smile fell. “Nice. Can’t wait for my first one.”

 

“Let’s get you some friends, girl.”

 

Vortex gave her a playful punch before following Verosika. Loona looked downcast at seeing Vortex leave and being reminded of her confrontation with Blitzo. Loona felt instant dejection; Vortex already had a girlfriend and he wasn’t coming with her. Now she would go back to doing her usual secretary work. With Hell being “every demon for themselves,” it was hard to make true friends, especially if one was of lower class and lost in dark thoughts all the time. Loona could not deny to herself that she often felt like a lone wolf.

 

Millie carried Moxxie and jumped into the portal.

 

“Come on, Loonie tooney!” Blitzo called to her. “Let’s go back and park our fat fucking car in our fat fucking space!” He ran off into the portal.

 

Loona followed Blitzo and fell through the portal on her back.

 

Blitzo mockingly gave Verosika double middle fingers through the portal from behind her. Verosika growled in anger after noticing. She and her gang made their way up the stairs and onto the street.

 

A policeman yelled through a megaphone, “Put your hands up, you sick deviants!”

 

The gang huddled in fear as guns were trained on them. They were surrounded by police cars, a SWAT team, men on horses and a helicopter. A clown and a mime robot were also with the police.

 

Verosika sighed in defeat. “Alright, sluts, get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.”

 

Her gang members groaned in disgust at the thought of doing oral with prisoners as they raised their hands in surrender.