Part One: Mrs. Mayberry
Once upon a time, there
was an innocent lovely blonde teacher named Mrs. Mayberry.
She taught at a red
schoolhouse with a little golden bell at the top of it. “Learning is fun,” was
written in bright yellow letters on the side of the building with art of colorful
kites and a rainbow painted on the wall. A sign at the front read “Puppies
Junior School” in the sunlight. There were tall green trees and a playground
off to the side. The golden old-fashioned bell rang for the start of the day. A
blue jay and a cardinal sang from a tree branch as the teacher opened the white
curtains.
The Vivziepop lookalike
woman wrote “Good morning!” in white chalk on the green blackboard.
“Good morning!” She twirled in a dance,
catching her piece of chalk. She wore a white shirt with colorful red cherries
on it and a long blue-gray skirt. A green pendant rested on her shirt. She wore
cherry earrings and round yellow glasses. Her blonde hair was tied back in a
flower-like shape behind her. “Have a bright and sunny day” was written on a
poster with a large smiling sun with big eyes on it. Nearby was a calendar and
an old boxy computer on a desk. A white daisy was in a flower pot. “The word of
the day is harmony,” was written on a schedule posted on a board behind the
children sitting at desks. The orange curtains by the windows had white math
symbols on it. The schedule read “math, history, reading, grammar, science, art
and music” as the many school subjects for the days of the week.
“I hope you all did your
homework!” she trilled.
The children nodded with a dance to their
bodies. One boy wearing an orange shirt spun around in a stool wearing a dunce
cap and he faced the wall. The class broke out randomly into song.
“We
love to do our homework and we love our teacher too!”
The teacher sang, “And when I throw out these fun questions,
you should know just what to do.”
“Okay!” they cheered,
arms in the air.
She wrote on the board 2
+ 6 = 8 and added,
“Two plus six is…”
“Eight!” the class
answered.
“And good behavior’s…”
“Great!” they chimed in.
“And
now it’s that part of the class when we say the time of day and date.”
“It’s nine in the
morning,” sang a blonde boy.
“On January 8th…” added
a black girl.
“The sun is out smiling,”
said a brown haired girl with a bow.
“And it’s your husband’s
birthday!” reminded the dunce boy with his tongue out.
As the class sang “la la
la,” the teacher found herself scrapping her chalk down in a line on the board.
Sweat coated her forehead as the chalk was almost completely broken down. The
singing was a constant drone in her head. Her right eye twitched and she turned
around.
“Oh my stars, stop
singing children! Hush up now!”
The class fell silent.
She put a hand to her
forehead. “I forgot it’s my husband’s birthday! I didn’t get him anything
special.”
The brown haired girl
stood up and said, “Maybe if we call him, we could do a happy birthday
surprise!”
The teacher and kids
gathered around the boxy computer. At the husband’s house, a lone sock fell on
the call screen that read “wifey” on it.
The screen turned on,
and everyone gasped in disbelief.
The teacher’s husband
was in the process of having sex with another lady!
A tie, a bra and a
condom flew against the screen as they straddled naked in their bed.
“We won’t be needing
this,” a voice said as the condom hit the screen with Mrs. Mayberry’s face on
the other side.
The teacher sat at her
desk, looking stunned, her face turning red. The other woman was so young and
beautiful. There was her husband, clad naked and showing off his muscles and
parts to the other lady.
“Oh yeah,” the husband
giggled, “Not there, not there.” They seemed to be also playing with squeaky
sex toys.
With a blank shadowed
look on her face, the teacher suddenly stood up and walked away. If she wasn’t
going to be able to divorce that cheating bastard…
“Wait! Mrs. Mayberry!”
called the brown haired girl. She took hold of the teacher’s hand. “Remember
what you taught us…think before you act.”
Dark thoughts suddenly
festered within the woman and she gripped the girl’s neck before tossing her up
in the air through the roof. She stomped out of the room and shut the door. The
children ran to the window to watch as she got in her old green car and plowed
through a white picket fence. “I love school” was on her license plate. The
children rushed to the computer.
The door to the bedroom
was quickly pulled open.
“Oh shit, sweetie!” said
her husband, caught in the act of fucking the young lady on their master bed.
“What are you doing here?”
“Shut up, Jarold!” A
newfound rage flared in her eyes. A deadly looking riffle was in her hands. She
fired several shots.
The blonde lady shrieked
as Mrs. Mayberry moved closer.
“You scream like a bitch!”
the teacher mentioned to the blonde haired lady.
With a demonic yell, she
brutally shot the younger woman across multiple areas of her body. Thick blood
splattered everywhere.
Her husband gasped. “Oh
god, what have you done?! She had a family!”
“We could’ve had a
family!” the teacher sobbed, in a flood of despair and rage. She picked up a
bullet and shot her husband square in the head. He collapsed to the floor,
dead.
“Oh god, what have I
done?” she asked, frazzled, whipping away the blood from the screen. She saw her
children stare in horror and disgust. “In front you all.” She broke down into
tears, seeing her dead husband in a pool of blood. She spoke her last words
through sobs. “I’m so sorry my children. Don’t forget to work on your
timestamps.”
Mrs. Mayberry knew there
was nothing left for her but jail time and grief. There was only one other
option. With shaking hands, she shot herself in the chest with a yelp. The
children fainted on the floor one by one at the traumatizing sight. The
policeman took the wailing blonde lady to the hospital…and found Mrs.
Mayberry’s body lying next to her husband’s on the blood-stained floor.
The blonde lady Martha
stared lovingly with a brown uncovered eye at her new muscular husband Ralphie
wearing an orange plaid shirt. He had brown hair and an athlete/superhero
build. Their two children stood by her bedside as she recovered. The room had
bouquets of colorful flowers in every corner. Camera flashed as news reporters
talked to her.
“How does it feel to
have survived such a crazy bitch?” a newswoman asked.
“I just hope that sick
woman finally found peace,” Martha drawled in her hospital bed.
Her husband comforted
her, head lowered.
“You are so brave,” the
reporter commended to Martha. “Here’s $2 million dollars!”
The woman’s face lit up
as she was handed a large golden check. “Oh thank you!” She smiled at the
cameras with her husband like she was a movie star.
The stereotypical
America family lived in a house near the woods and by a lake. Martha dressed
like a housewife with a long polka dot skirt. Her daughter had brown pigtails,
a lavender shirt with a tie, and a red skirt with boots. The younger boy had a
beaver-skin cap, a white shirt, brown pants and camouflage boots. On the
outside, they were the perfect typical family.
“You’re a hero,” said
more news people as she stood elegantly at a VNN (Vivienne News Network)
podium.
“You’re a hero, girl,”
admired a brown skinned jogger with short blonde passing Martha by. Martha
basked in the attention and wealth she received. Who knew that getting shot at
would change her life for the better.
“My mama’s a hero!”
declared the son.
“She is a hero!” The brown haired casher
agreed down to him with a wide grin as the family went grocery shopping.
“Ooooh…You’re a hero!”
moaned Martha’s husband as he thrust his penis wildly in and out of her as they
made love in their bedroom. Their walls were covered with pelvises and
newspaper clippings of Martha under “local hero” headings.
“You’re a hero,” smiled
an old praying priest who stood by her at one church meeting.
Even worse for Mayberry,
a new class of children cheered, “You’re a hero!” to Martha when she taught a
“How to deal with trauma 101 class.”
“Oh you’re a hero!”
another man groaned in the bedroom as he wildly gave her anal.
0 0 0
Mrs. Mayberry woke up
staring at a crimson red sky. Her form had completely changed… Mrs. Mayberry
was now a purple demon with stripped curved horns on her head, and wearing
rectangular glasses. She wore a pale red shirt with x stitches on it, along
with an eye where her pendant was. Her hair was long and white and pulled back
with a black bandana. She wore a dark skirt with an upside down cross on it and
heels. She also had sharp yellow teeth.
After finding a place to
live and shying out of sight from shady strangers, Mrs. Mayberry had the chance
to continue her career where she left off. So she did. It took some learning
and adaptation to Hell’s culture but fortunately it was pretty simple.
Mrs. Mayberry was soon
hired at “Pentagram Penitentiary Place,” one of the top public schools in the Pride
Ring district. It was a large school for grades K-12. The name of the school
was in black letters surrounded by a red downward facing pentagram over the
black front doors. “All grades in one place!” read the slogan. The building was
of red-orange brick with three rows of low cracked windows facing the front.
The outdoor playground consisted of rusted basketball hoops, a jungle gym, dark
asphalt and a swing set that made squeaky sounds every time it was used. The
slide was high up and made of metal, so that it was always painfully hot for
the young demon children to slide down. A barbed wire fence with swirls of wire
at the top surrounded the prison-like school.
A bunch of middle
schoolers were bouncing a demon skull around and tossing it into the basketball
hoops. Little preschooler demons rough-housed on the grass-less ground,
laughing. One small green dragon kept making burping sounds, emitting orange
sparks much to the delight of his peers. A dinosaur used his tail for a black eyed doll
girl to use as a jump rope. There was even a little scary-go round that furry
bird-like kids went on to test their flying…and they’d often spin out of
control in the air. One white bird crashed against the fence and slid down with
a flop.
“Loser!” taunted a bulky
blue cyclops kid wearing a baseball cap. He spat on the bird’s upside-down head
and laughed with his goons. An older demon with a rhino’s horn was
spray-painting teal blue penises on the walls.
“Watch your back!” the
rhino called out in mockery to a centaur who fired an arrow from a bow,
startled. The green lizard demon tied to the target glanced down at the arrow
that had almost gotten him in the crotch. He sighed with relief, only to have
an ax lodged into his head, thrown by an orange goat bipedal teenager.
Nearby were two purple
demons with silvery snake hair sitting on a concrete window ledge, wearing
blouses, sequined navy skirts and shoes. They were listening to music from
their Eye-Pods. One of them was painting her nails and the other took a drag
from an e-cigarette. Every kid had a number temporarily tattooed on their
necks. An E, an M and an H were before the numbers, for elementary, middle and
high school. K or a P next to the E stood for kindergarten and preschool.
A loud buzzer rang at
the top of the roof, signaling class starting. The children were lined up in
front of their respective teachers. Mrs. Mayberry stood in front of her line of
preschool demons.
After singing a song
about a demonic turtle drowning in a bathtub with the class, she counted each
child as they made their way to homeroom. They all filled in and sat at their
wooden desks. The demonic alphabet was listed on a nearby poster with
translations into English and other languages.
“Good morning!” Mrs.
Mayberry trilled in the windowless classroom, scrapping her chalk against the
blackboard before catching it with a twirl. “I hope you all did your homework!”
The kids fearfully
nodded.
“Hmm, I don’t think you
did, EP-04,” she scolded a demon boy wearing an orange shirt with no paper in
front of him. “Go sit in time-out.”
The boy groaned and sat
on a stool facing the wall. The white dunce cap burned on his head.
“The pledge of
allegiance,” Mrs. Mayberry led. The class stood up with their hands on their
hearts.
“I
pledge allegiance and my soul to the banner
Of
His Majesty Lucifer and Her Majesty Lilith
And
to the unholy Inferno
For
Pentagram City
One
nation under Satan
Indivisible
With
liberty and chaos for all!”
They sat back down.
“Now let’s sing,” Mrs.
Mayberry ordered.
The demonic class broke
out into song:
“We
love to do our homework and learn stuff every day.”
“And
when I throw in these hard questions, you should know just what to say,”
Mrs. Mayberry sang.
“Okay!” they cheered.
She wrote an equation on
the board. “Divide this number by…”
“Zero!”
“Our favorite paint is…”
“Bloody red!”
“And
when there’s a stranger danger…”
“You
stab them in the head!” they answered, making stabbing
motions with their arms.
“A
poison for a deep sleep?” she asked.
“Wormwood!
Does no good!”
“The geological
components of Hell?”
“Fire and brimstone!”
added a girl.
“If
you can’t use love…”
“Use
hate!”
“Now
it’s time for us to say the day and date.”
“Your death day was on
January 8th, right?” piped up a boy in the back.
Mrs. Mayberry stopped
short. “Hush up! We don’t mention that date.” She turned to the class. “Go on.”
“It’s 3 in the afternoon…”
said a boy.
“On October 31st,”
said a green girl.
“Hell’s heat is still
hot,” said another girl, sweating.
“Let’s watch the episode
first!” reminded the dunce boy.
The demons went “la la
la” as Mrs. Mayberry stared at the board, red eyes wide.
“Oh my suns! Stop
singing children. Shut up!”
The demons fell silent.
“I forgot it’s the new
episode! I’m supposed to be off to pursue my revenge!”
“Maybe you could scare
your enemies at a death-day party!” a girl suggested with her hands up in the
air.
Mrs. Mayberry looked at
her hell-phone and saw the last seconds of an I.M.P. commercial. She stood up
to walk away.
“Wait! Mrs. Mayberry,”
said a girl, taking hold of her hand. “Remember what you taught us. Act before
you think.”
Mrs. Mayberry pat her
head. “I think not. Work on your timestamps and assignments, children. I’m off
to pursue a little education of my own.”
A horn-covered sub man
walked in and bellowed, “200 pushups on the double! Or it’s back to your
cells!”
The demon children got
up from their seats and bent down to do the pushups.
Mrs. Mayberry called a
taxi outside and it drove her off.
Up on a screen outside
her window, Mrs. Mayberry saw a full commercial where she learned of an
assassination company called I.M.P.
“Hi
there, I’m Blitzo, the “o” is silent and I’m the funder of I.M.P.! Are you a
piece of shit that got sent to Hell? Or are you an innocent soul who just so
happened to get fucked over by someone else?”
The next shot showed a
bulky red demon with horns, wearing a white Ohio shirt/jersey. A sign read,
“Some guy who hired us!” The demon spoke:
“After
lovingly killing my wife for fucking a delivery man, you could imagine my
surprise when I wound down here, after the State of Ohio killed me.”
He rammed his meaty fists. “I really wish
I could stick it to that yappy jogger who saw me hiding the body!”
“Guess
I’m not the only one who murdered my spouse,” she thought.
Blitzo appeared again. “Well luckily for you, thanks to our
company’s special access to the living world…we promise to take care of your
unfinished business by taking out anyone who may have screwed you over when you
were alive!”
The sounds of the imp
jingle motivated Mrs. Mayberry as the taxi pulled to a stop in front of the
I.M.P. building. She got out, climbed up the stairs and knocked on the office
door. It opened and out popped Blitzo.
“Is this I.M.P.?” she
asked.
“Yes,” Blitzo said.
“I figured, since I saw
the commercial. I have one bad bitch that needs to be killed. And I’ve got a
lot to say.”
“Well, come on in then,”
he said with a grin and a low voice.
Mrs. Mayberry paced
Blitzo’s office at I.M.P. headquarters as she told her story. Blitzo listened
half-heartedly, lounging on his leather office chair.
“I was a good person before it all went down,”
she
narrated, pacing to and fro. “I was good
my entire life.”
She continued on, adding
details about her personal life. She held a cigarette in her hand. Apparently,
it was easy to get into unhealthy habits in Hell.
“You
do everything right in life, play by the rules, and still get sent down here
with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world. After one measly massacre
propelled by blind rage. So that’s why I’m here. To get my revenge.”
“I mean was she hotter?”
Blitzo remarked with a smirk.
The demon’s eyes flared
red in anger, her face partially in shadow by the drawn blinds. A lemon tree
was in the background with a sign that read “no whores” beside it.
“I’m just saying I had a
hard time understanding the unprompted melodrama you just spat at me, tits,”
Blitzo chuckled.
Mayberry growled and her
body briefly glowed red. Her cigarette bent in her hand.
Blitzo rolled his eyes.
“Anyway I don’t think you quite understand how we’re operating down here.” He
stood up and Mrs. Mayberry glared at him. “You see we take revenge on the
living and it sounds like the core cast of your sitcom of a death frankly are
all probably down here in Hell with you. Boop.”
He bonked her on the
nose.
Mayberry’s pointed tail
twitched, her purple claws clenched. Her skirt was torn with holes and her feet
were cloven hooves. This imp guy was worse than the demonic children she
taught.
Mayberry extended her
left claws. “Not all of them. That whore
survived. Now they all call her a hero.”
She continued. “Between the talk shows and bullshit donations
she made so much goddamn cash. Getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!”
Mayberry bashed her
fists into the ground, creating cracks. “She’s
not a hero!” Mayberry yelled, getting in close to Blitzo’s face.
“Yeah, okay, yeah, my
thoughts exactly,” Blitzo stuttered in a rapid nervous voice. He frantically
pressed a red button under the desk multiple times. The red light flashed under
the “Deranged Client” label on a dashboard. The other labels read, “More
Coffee,” “Soiled My Pants,” “Horny Client,” “Client Giving Birth,” “Ghost,” and
“Stolas.”
Blitzo later burst
through the door, followed by Mrs. Mayberry. “Guys, I’d like you to meet, our
newest client!”
The room suddenly burst
into flames…Blitzo was furious. He quickly led Mrs. Mayberry outside where she
hopped into a taxi to wait back home.
“Bye and don’t worry,”
called Blitzo to her, “We’ll get that skank in less than 24 hours or your first
kill is free!”
She could only hope that
crazy imp and his team could do their job.
As it turned out, Mrs.
Mayberry later found out that not only had I.M.P. killed Martha, they also killed
her crazy Satanic family. Mrs. Mayberry was very impressed. She held a piece of
cake and laughed with the I.M.P. members for a special celebration. Millie
talked about how it was okay to kill someone if they tried to kill you back.
“That’s
messed up,” mentioned Mrs. Mayberry. Then she
smiled. “But I paid for it!”
Everyone laughed again.
Mrs. Mayberry felt good among her new allies. She had embraced her past at
last.
After the celebration,
she got back into the taxi but instead of heading home, she headed further into
town.
There was a red Ohio
demon for her to thank.
0
0 0
Part Two: The Imps’ Adventure
In another office room
during the time of Blitzo and Martha’s meeting, Moxxie was holding a black and
red crossbow in his hands. In front of him was a picture of a smiling family: a
father, a mother, a baby and two children. His arms were shaking as the
reflector hovered around the man’s crotch area.
“Moxxie, stop shaking!”
Millie chided. “You’re gonna shoot our only hellhound!”
Loona lay on her back on
a gray couch. The family picture was in one hand and her phone was in the
other. On the wall were drawings of Blitzo as a horse and a drawing of Robo
Fizz with an arrow sticking out from it.
Loona spoke in a
sarcastic tone, not looking at them, “Wow. I feel so loved here.”
“Just take a deep
breath,” Millie told Moxxie, inhaling, “and let it out.”
“But, it’s a family,”
Moxxie argued. “Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human
family?”
“I mean if that’s what
the client wants,” Millie began with a shrug.
“Maybe like a shitty
dad,” Moxxie suggested. “Or a mob family.” He spoke through his teeth, “That’s
understandable. He then spoke normally, pushing aside bad memories of his
horrible murder family. “But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly innocent,
upper middle class family bloodline?”
Loona stood up and
stared at the picture for a moment before pointing to Moxxie.
“Hey! You don’t know
they’re innocent.”
She pointed to the boy.
“This kid probably sets dogs on fire.”
She pointed to the girl.
“Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online.”
She pointed to the
father. “And this guy…” She narrowed her eyes and spoke lower. “This guy
definitely watches.”
“Exactly!” Millie
agreed. “Humans are full of secret nasties. It’s why so many of them end up
down here. But guilty and innocent ain’t our business, Mox.” She cupped his
cheeks with her hands. “Killing who we’re paid to is our business. Choose a target.”
She kissed him before
stepping aside. Moxxie positioned his crossbow again.
“I just think it’s a bit
excessive and we could be a bit more selective,
is all.”
Just then, Blitzo barged
into the room, followed by Mrs. Mayberry.
“Guys! I want you to
meet…”
Startled, Moxxie fired
the arrow and it ricocheted around the room. Millie jumped into Moxxie’s arms
as the arrow hit a computer. It then flew and poked a hole in the family
picture that a startled Loona held. The arrow made impact with the bottom of an
eel tank, causing it to wobble dangerously. The arrow speed toward Mrs.
Mayberry but Blitzo calmly caught it in one hand.
“…our newest client!”
The eel tank suddenly
fell down, glass and water pouring onto the floor. The eels burst with
electricity, casing the room to erupt in flames. Loona, Moxxie and Millie
cowered in fear.
“Dammit, Moxxie! I just
bought those eels!” Blitzo yelled in anger.
Soon, imp firefighters
rushed to the scene to put out the flames as the group waited outside. The
firefighters also carried the eels away to their red fire truck. Although imps
were immune to fire, the buildings were not.
Mrs. Mayberry climbed
into a taxi cab.
“Bye,” Blitzo waved,
“and don’t worry, we’ll get that skank in less than twenty four hours or your
first kill is free!” He waved as the taxi drove away.
“When did we start
implementing that deal?” Moxxie asked.
Blitzo turned to glare
at him. He pulled him close, holding his face.
“When you set fire to my
office in front of a…” Blitzo screamed, “client,
you fucking dipshit!" He shoved Moxxie out of the way in anger. “Now
someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!”
Loona stood against the
wall, typing on her phone. “You mean our only ticket to the other side?” She
pulled out a blue book from behind her. “Yeah, got it.”
Blitzo came over to her
and started to baby talk to her. “And that’s why you’re my favorite, Loony. You
get a treat now.”
He held up a dog treat
in his hands, tossed it in the air and caught it with his long tongue.
“Ew, stop it,” Loona
said with disgust. Blitzo pulled the biscuit into his mouth and chewed.
“You’re so gross!” she
remarked.
A nearby billboard with Blitzo’s face on it
read with misspellings: “Goat an asshole
in the living worlds!? Come to I Am Pee!!??! Make sure you put this sign up on
the rite side. Don’t fuck this up. Also payment may take a couple of weeks
because it cums in the mail. –Speech to text- -Blitzo”
Millie drew a pentagram
with chalk onto the wall. The pentagram glowed red and a portal to the human
world appeared.
“Aw stop it, I get
enough of that from my therapist,” Blitzo told Loona before she left. He
mentioned to the other imps, and moved his fist in front of him in anticipation.
“Now let’s go lick some ass!” He pressed his hand into Moxxie’s face.
“The expression is “kick
some ass.” Blitz,” Millie mentioned before she stepped through the portal.
Blitzo let go of Moxxie’ face.
“Mine’s better,” Blitzo
said before following her.
“Aw, fuck,” Moxxie
sighed as he followed them through the portal.
All three imps stood in
front of a small red house by the lake as the sun set. Blitzo and Moxxie leaned
against the side of the house, rising from the bushes. Blitzo stood up and
peered into a window. A row of white flowers were on a planter on the ledge.
“That’s gotta be her,”
Blitzo whispered. He then chuckled darkly. “This is too easy.” He looked over
at Moxxie. “Moxxie, do you want this one?”
Moxxie looked stunned
and smiled nervously. “Me?”
“Yeah, this one’s simple
enough for you to handle. It’s just a happy mother who just got out of the
hospital.”
Moxxie stood up and
looked through the window. His face fell as he looked at the happy family
enjoying dinner. A pig’s head was at the center of the table. The house was
decorated with axes and guns on the walls. A lamp stand seemed to be made out
of a spinal column. Ralphie and Martha affectionately rubbed each other’s
noses, Martha holding a dinner platter in her hand. Moxxie hesitated; there was
no way he could kill any one of them.
“You snooze you lose,
Mox!” Blitzo called out.
He got out his gun,
which was black with flames painted on it. The reflector was an upside down
cross and it hovered over Martha’s face. She smiled with large doe eyes and
blinked innocently.
“And I’ve got you,
bitch,” Blitzo murmured.
“Wait, are we actually
killing a family?!” Moxxie asked in disbelief.
“No, don’t be a puss,
we’re just killing a mother,” Blitzo remarked. “We’re running a family.” He
grinned and clicked his rifle, positioning it.
“But…” Moxxie began.
“Hold on, hold on, let’s just think about it…”
Moxxie lifted up the
rifle just before Blitzo fired. The bullet hit a glass mirror in the house,
causing the family members to gasp in fear.
“What was that,
Ralphie?” Martha asked her husband, who sat at the table.
Ralphie shook his head.
“I don’t know Martha, but whatever it is…”
He stood up with a sharp-toothed
grin, holding a rifle in his hands.
“They’re gonna be
tomorrow night’s dinner!”
Martha set the platter
down on the table, downed a glass of wine and smashed the glass on the floor.
“Alright, kids! Gun’s
out!” she called with an evil grin. The kids, too, grinned evilly as they
pulled out smaller guns. The boy pulled out his from his brown beaver-skin hat.
“Looks like we’ve got
some rabbits to catch, youngins!” Ralphie said with an evil chuckle.
Back outside, Blitzo was
fuming. “What the fuck was that, Moxxie?”
Moxxie breathed
anxiously before letting out a croak, his snake-like tongue flickering. He fell
to his knees, hands over his face.
“I’m sorry. They just
seemed so wholesome and happy.” Tears fell from his eyes. “I panicked.”
Blitzo face-palmed. “Oh
who the fuck is innocent, Moxxie? From the moment of birth, you’re already a
parasite leeching off your momma’s tits.”
He grabbed his chest in
an imitation of holding breasts. He leaned in and poked Moxxie painfully on the
head. “Now get the fuck over yourself you baby dick prick!”
A bullet fired through
the wall and shot Blitzo in the arm. He cried out as black blood splattered.
“A new hole!” Blitzo
cried in terror. “Scatter!”
Blitzo and Millie leapt
into the air just as another gunshot created a larger hole in the wall. A
grinning Martha and Ralphie leapt through the hole and chased after them, guns
drawn. Moxxie peered out from behind the bush, rapidly looking around. A
child’s hand grabbed Moxxie’s pointed tail and he yelped. He only saw a barrage
of fists from the children before passing out.
Millie flipped backwards
along a cobblestone trail before diving into the lake.
“Where’d you go, little
critter?!” Ralphie called, firing another bullet. He stepped onto the wooden
dock. “Y’all can’t hide long from me!”
Millie had her head
above the water under the dock, a knife in her mouth. She broke through the
dock with a crash before landing with a grin, knife at the ready. Ralphie swing
a beer bottle at her, but she moved behind him out of the way. Millie jumped up
in the air, knife in both hands. Ralphie swung the bottle upwards, hitting her
in the head. The glass shattered and she fell to the ground with a loud yelp.
Millie struggled weakly to stand, but collapsed onto the dock, eye twitching.
Ralphie grinned down at her as the sky spiraled red. He picked her up and
headed deep into the woods.
Moxxie opened his eyes
and gasped with a squeak to find his hands and body tied with rope. He appeared
to be tied to a stitched up headless dead body sitting on a chair. Moxxie’s
face fell in fear as he stared at the boy and girl in front of him. Both their
eyes were red and devious grins formed on their faces.
Moxxie tried to defuse
the fear. “Oh. Hello there little ones. Aren’t you cute?”
The children spoke in
low distorted voices at the same time:
“It’s
nice to have a new critter to play with!”
Moxxie glanced up in
terror at a red spotlight above him. The light revealed a human head high up
and several limbs on plaques. The wooden walls were stained with red blood. Two
plaques held stitched up faces of skin. A larger plaque displayed a dead man
with long white hair, arms crossed, eyes and teeth bulging out. His upper chest
was connected to the plaque. A picture frame made of bones displayed another
face made of skin inside it. Human skin was tacked to the wall with “bless this
mess” stitched onto it. Moxxie looked and saw a dead human body on a platter,
an apple in its mouth. Organs were displayed in a nearby bowl.
Moxxie took one look at
the dead body and whimpered. “Aw. Crumbs.”
Meanwhile, Blitzo was
running for his life in the woods. Four gunshots rang out as Blitzo darted
through a bush, leaves falling to the ground. Martha’s evil echoing laughter
quickened his pace. The imp slide down a grass hill, landing on his feet. He
crouched under the bushes, looking around. He panted, catching his breath.
“I know you’re hurtin’,
little devil,” drawled Martha in a sing-song voice.
Blitzo darted behind a
tree, taking in deep silent breaths. His back was pressed against the bark. He
covered his mouth, not daring to move.
“I promise that I can
make that pain go real quick.”
Martha walked through
the woods, not too far away, in shadow. “Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet
in that pretty little skull!”
Blitzo sighed in relief
after hearing the footsteps fade.
Ring!
Ring! Ahh!
A startled Blitzo
scrambled to retrieve his yellow cell-phone, which was ringing a yelling
ringtone. He eventually caught the phone before pressing it to his ear. The
phone had a GFY (Go Fuck Yourself) on it and a laughing devil emoji with imp
horns.
“This is a really bad
time,” Blitzo whispered harshly.
At Stolas’ palace, the
owl prince was currently lounging in an ornate bathtub, several lit candles
with blue flames positioned around the edges. Astrological symbols glowed white
in a circle on the floor. The midnight blue curtains looked like the night sky,
with starry designs on them. Floating constellations hovered around the room. He
was the prince of astronomy as well as being horny.
“When isn’t it a bad
time, Blitzy?” he mused, stretching his long slender arm. He held a rotary
phone to his ear, the speakers shaped like sunflowers.
Blitzo sighed in
frustration. “What is it?”
Stolas’ four red eyes
blinked. “I’ve been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my
grimoire?”
Blitzo’s angry face
appeared in a bubble.
“What did you just call
me?” Blitzo asked. Stolas popped the bubble with a finger. “My book, Blitzy.
The book I was given to do my job that I have allowed you to use to do yours?”
Blitzo ducked as a
bullet flew through the tree he was behind. Martha’s shadowy figure appeared in
the hole, her eyes and mouth glowing red.
“I can hear ya,
darling!” she called out.
“Shit,” Blitzo muttered,
scurrying off.
“Anywho,” Stolas
continued. “I have been thinking. You know, I have been permitting you to
access the mortal realm less than legally for quite some time now, but I do
need it back to fulfil my duties. I was thinking, what if we worked out some
sort of exchange?”
He ran a finger along
the edge of the tub. He then did a walking motion with his fingers as they
glowed red.
“Favors for favors? Doesn’t
that sound…” He spoke seductively, “…enticing?”
Blitzo skidded to a stop
as another bullet hit a tree. He ducked behind another one and frantically
whispered, “You gotta stop using your fancy-ass rich people talk, okay? I’m
trying to concentrate on not getting fucked in my hay!”
Bam!
Another bullet hit a spot
on the tree.
“Then let me keep it
simple,” Stolas explained. “Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book
to me, followed by a night of…”
His eyes glowed red, his
beak open in lust…
“…passionate
fornication.” He briefly slid lower in the tub with a blush before rising up to
lean against the tub.
“And…you get to keep it
the rest of the time. Sound fair my little imp?”
“Fine, whatever!” Blitzo
replied.
Stolas let out a happy
sigh. “Oh Blitzy! I’m so excited! I cannot wait to fill your slimy cock inside
of my mouth…”
Blitzo cringed as Stolas went on about the sexual things he planned to do to him.
Out of nowhere, Blitzo
found himself being pinned against the tree by the bottom handle of Martha’s
gun.
“Gotcha!” she grinned.
Blitzo’s phone was on the ground, Stolas still talking.
“So, you’re a little
devil, huh?” she asked, a wide grin. “Come to drag me and my kin to Hell? Well
not today, Satan!”
She pressed the gun
further into Blitzo. “Gonna send y’all back where ya came from!”
She hit Blitzo hard and
he slumped to the ground. She took him and headed off into the woods.
Back at the house,
Moxxie struggled to free his tied up hands and body. In the reflection of the
window, he could see the orange yellow lights of fires. He gasped.
“Millie!”
The two kids stared
deviously at him. He froze when the girl revealed a long sharp knife in her
hands. Moxxie glared, determined. As the girl raised the knife, Moxxie shoved
her backwards with the chair. There was a thud as the chair toppled over onto
the floor. Moxxie grabbed the knife and cut the rope loose, freeing himself. A
“Live, Laugh, Love” sign and a hangman’s noose hung from the wall. Moxxie burst
through the round window, a shadow silhouette with glowing yellow eyes. Wasting
no time, he raced into the woods and toward rows of torches. Hanging from the
trees were intricate red Satanic symbols made of wood. There were also tents
around the area.
A full moon appeared in
the sky from behind thin clouds. Down below, Blitzo and Millie were tied to a
stake decorated with black spikes at the top. Ralphie laughed as he poured
gasoline onto the ground by their feet. Martha stood nearby, holding a torch in
her left hand. Her blouse was torn and low cut, with polka dots on them. Her
demonic eyes were red and she wore skull earrings.
Blitzo groaned in frustration. “I had that fucking
shot. God dammit, Moxxie.”
“Satan!” Martha
declared. “We return your filthy
creatures back to the pits of Hell!” She raised her torch. “May the root of
evil remain honored as we continue thy work!”
Martha tossed the torch
underneath Blitzo and Moxxie, who still struggled to free themselves. Ralphie
laughed again. The stake soon lit up in flames…
…leaving the imps
unscathed.
“Yeah sorry, that’s not
exactly how it works, lady,” Blitzo explained. “You see, your fire doesn’t
really hurt us, but I mean I could fake it if that’ll get your dick hard.” He
smirked and Millie giggled.
“Oh. Shit.” Martha
stared confused and rolled her eyes. “I don’t have one.”
Then she got a better
idea and grinned. “Well, I’ll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!” She held
her rifle in her hands.
“That would be more
effective,” Blitzo mentioned.
“Blitz!” Millie spat.
Martha laughed manically
again as she raised the rifle, two barrels pointing at the imps. The imps
closed their eyes and braced for death.
A loud bang and a yelp
was heard. Martha’s eyeball flew from her socket and she collapsed dead to the
ground.
“Moxxie!” Millie cried
in relief, seeing Moxxie hold a gun in his hands. Moxxie raced over and untied
Millie and Blitzo.
“You’re not getting your
goddam paycheck for this one, Mox!” Blitzo mentioned before he fell down.
Moxxie and Millie embraced each other with small smiles. They slowly moved
their heads against each other in affection. Ralphie tripped over Martha’s body
before fleeing the scene.
“Oh yeah, thanks! I’m
fine!” Blitzo spoke out in angry sarcasm.
Moxxie helped his boss
up, supporting him.
“I’m sorry, sir. I
compromised our objective and put us in harm’s way. It won’t happen again. I
promise.”
Blitzo pulled Moxxie
into a hug. “Apology accepted.” Then he spoke to Moxxie in a low threatening
voice. “But if you ever pull off a stunt
like this again, I’ll fuck you and your wife.”
Just as fast, Blitzo
separated from Moxxie and announced, “Alrighty! Job well done! Now let’s get
off.” Millie lifted her arms in a cheer. From his chest, Blitzo pulled out a
gray horse figure with a black mane like a My Little Pony toy. He put it back
and retrieved his hell phone.
“Eh. Yeah give me a
moment. I need to get something I left at the house,” Moxxie said.
“Okay, fine but hurry up,”
Blitzo said. He put his hell phone to his ear and spoke loudly, “Loona! We’re
ready to come home, dear!”
Moxxie raced through the
woods, determined to set things right. In the background, Stolas was talking to
Blitzo, mentioning, “You and I on…peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all
night.”
Back inside the house,
the boy and girl were in their father’s arms in a corner.
“Don’t move!” Moxxie
demanded, pointing his rifle at them. The boy and girl looked scared and innocent.
The girl even had a dark gray stitched up teddy bear with her.
Ralphie chucked before glowering
at the imp. “What are you gonna do, little guy? Kill us?”
“I should!” Moxxie
replied, stepping back. “You people are monsters!” Then he lowered the rifle.
“But… you should have a chance at a life and a purpose. Look at your children.
They have their whole future ahead of them! You are going to face your crimes,
justly.”
He picked up a remote
from a stand. “I am calling your earthly authorities and they will make sure
you are dealt with, fairly. I am handing this, my way.”
He pressed a button and
a television turned on in the adjacent room. A black and white program played.
Moxxie gasped in surprise, then looked down at the remote.
“Oh shit,” he muttered.
The black remote had pink and white buttons reminiscent of a smiling goofy
face.
“Uh do you…do you have a
phone to summon 911?”
“Yeah, it’s in the
kitchen,” Ralphie mentioned behind him.
Moxxie held the remote.
“Then what’s this for?”
“It’s a universal
remote,” Ralphie replied. “Got it for the kids.” The kids smiled and he pulled
them in a hug.
“Aww,” Moxxie smiled,
eyes shining.
Moxxie called the police
and hurried back to the portal in the dark woods.
“There he is,” Blitzo
said. “Have a good wank-off session, Moxxie?”
“Excuse me?”
Blitzo walked over to
him. “Well I don’t care where you cum in the living world, just come to your job on time, alright?” He
poked Moxxie several times for emphasis. “See you at the office!” He ran
through the portal.
Millie placed a hand on
Moxxie’s cheek. “You doing okay, sweetie?”
“Better now, honey,”
Moxxie replied with a smile. “I think I just needed a minute to process.”
Millie tenderly touched
Moxxie’s chest. “You have a good heart, honey.” She playfully pinched Moxxie’s
nose. “Just a fuzzy head.” She kissed him and Moxxie’s heart fluttered. He
smiled happily as Millie walked through the portal.
Moxxie heard the whirl
of blades and flashes of light. He turned around. There were police cars and a
helicopter in front of the house.
A voice over a
loudspeaker said, “We got em’ boys!”
A missile fired at the
roof and the entire house exploded in a fiery inferno. Something hit Moxxie in
the face. He stared at the ground and found the head of the teddy bear that had
flown off. He stared with a shocked look of disbelief on his face. The family
that had a chance to be better was now dead.
Blitzo grabbed Moxxie
hard by the neck and pulled him through the portal.
Later on, everyone was
laughing and celebrating back at I.M.P. headquarters. They were all wearing
birthday party hats. Loona and Mrs. Mayberry held slices of cake on plates. A
white banner read “Killed the bitch,” in red letters. A white and blue cake sat
in front of Moxxie, the blue icing read “We did it! :)” Everyone seemed joyful
except for Moxxie. He still felt awful that they had killed an entire family.
An evil family, but still…They had come inches to being killed or being caught
by the humans. Now here they were celebrating human death.
Moxxie wasn’t sure if he
agreed to the “senseless killing” morals of I.M.P. anymore.
Millie squealed for joy
and hugged Moxxie tight around the neck. “Did you see my little Mox, Mox? We
did it! Oh Moxxie!”
“Well here’s to another
mission accomplished,” Blitzo announced, “…and Moxxie finally learned not to
fuck up.”
Moxxie just stared
wordlessly at his plate, dark circles under his eyes.
“And killing people
isn’t that big of a deal if they try to kill you back,” Millie added, rubbing
Moxxie’s white head of hair.
“That’s
messed up,” said Mrs. Mayberry, “But I paid for it!”
Everyone except Moxxie
chuckled at that.
“Yeah, fuck that
family!” Blitzo declared, raising a victorious fist.
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