Snow was gently falling
around the magnificent ice palace of Marquis Andrealphus. The palace was
structured like a three-layer cake with sharp snowflake structures off to the
sides with diamond designs inside. The clouds swirled above it in the red-black
sky.
Inside the palace, an
imp butler with white hair, small striped horns and wearing an ice-colored suit
was pouring hot tea into a white cylinder cup. Andrealphus took the cup and
gracefully sipped, his pinky in the air. He was a white peacock demon with glowing
teal eyes, a white snowflake on his furry teal feathers, and a teal and white
crown on his head. He wore a long dress-like robe colored teal at the bottom,
then white, then light purple. Ice encased a nearby window and an ice light
fixture off to the side glowed teal.
“You seem in good
spirits, today,” Andrealphus remarked to his sister and lover Stella.
The butler placed
another cup of tea on a snowflake plate in front of Stella.
“Oh yes!” Stella
exclaimed, lowering a pink lid onto the table that had a small gold crown with
“bitch” on it. The swan demoness wore her gold crown and light pink dress.
“Stolas has had his heart shat on by that little imp cretin he was seeing!” She
giggled.
“Oh?” Andrealphus
wiggled an eyebrow, leaning in to hear more.
Stella continued as the
imp poured her tea. “Yes, I believe he finally learnt that that filthy little
beast was only using him to gain access to his grimoire!”
Andrealphus sipped then
froze.
Stella cackled and
Andrealphus coughed and spat out his coffee on the imp. The poor imp butler was
frozen in ice on the spot, him slowly sliding to the side in his block of ice.
“Fucking moron!” Stella
added.
“Gain…gain access to…”
Andrealphus coughed some more. “…to his what?!”
Stella waved her hand. “That
fancy book thing.”
Andrealphus pushed out
his hands. “D-d-d-n-no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! Stolas was letting an imp
use his Goetia given grimoire, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Why do you care?” she
droned.
Andrealphus put a hand
to his face. “Because! We have been trying to figure out a means to usurp your
horny ex-husband’s power, and this whole time…”
Ice crept along the
walls…
“…you knew about the
incredibly illegal thing he was doing…”
Blocks of ice covered
the walls and the chair Andrealphus had been sitting on…
“…and you didn’t think…”
Andrealphus angrily
crawled onto the table, ice forming below…
“…it might be a good
idea…”
White feathers and two
plumes with white and teal snowflake designs sprang out behind him as he
angrily morphed into his more demonic form. His top feathers had five teal
diamonds on them and more plumes with the snowflake shapes on the ends.
He spread out all his
white peacock feathers and white veins bulged in his teal eyes.
“…TO LET ME KNOW?!”
Stella leaned in, firing
back. “WELL DON’T YELL AT ME!”
Andrealphus glared as
Stella calmly slurped her tea.
She glanced at him. “Now
you fucking know.”
Andrealphus lifted his
head and scowled. “You…are…so lucky you are hot, Stella!”
With his nose in the
air, the peacock strutted away as Stella slurped again.
0 0 0
Loona tossed and turned
in her bed. She couldn’t sleep. Ever since Blitzo and Millie’s last mission at
the haunted hotel, some of her worries were beginning to resurface.
A vivid nightmare played
in her mind, a horrific dream unlike others she had had before. It felt like
some ominous warning.
I.M.P. headquarters was
demolished before her eyes by spiked balls on chains. She spotted Millie crying
into Moxxie’s arms on the sidewalk, Blitzo looking up heartbroken. They were
surrounded by figures with dark robes, and they were soon tied up in dark
chains. She found herself in chains and a metal nuzzle over her mouth with her
colleagues Millie and Moxxie. They were inside an infernal courtroom with a
tall ceiling and a crowd of other demons in the stands. A shadow figure of a
demon with giant bat wings and spikes along his back pointed an accusing claw
at Blitzo. Blitzo was standing in handcuffs next to a menacing robed figure. He
somberly put his head on a chopping block and the figure raised the ax. The
crowd gasped as black blood splattered on the ground and Blitzo’s head rolled
to a stop in front of her, red and yellow eyes staring blankly. She then felt
herself and her colleagues being pushed closer to the edge. A white royal
peacock gave them a menacing smirk. Moxxie, Millie and Loona screamed as they
were shoved off the cliff and down into a lake of lava below.
Loona woke with a start,
her breath shaking.
“Dad?” She looked around
and got up. Everything was normal in their apartment. There was her adoptive
father sprawled out asleep on the couch.
Loona sighed with
relief, then collapsed back onto her bed.
0 0 0
At I.M.P. headquarters,
Blitzo absentmindedly squeezed a toy of Moxxie in his hand. He sat at his desk
in his worn striped chair with spikes along the side.
Blitzo raised an eyebrow
as he faced forward.
“So the four of you
aaarre…remind me again?”
A young imp with thick
white hair in a long bang smiled at Blitzo, holding a piece of paper and
wearing a white suit with a black necktie. Standing beside him was a tall
female imp with a heart necklace, a yellow shirt, and a white pointed tail.
Next was a short white-haired imp wearing a blue sweater. Finally, there was a
pink succubus with long white hair, pointed dark horns, small wings, purple
shorts with a white star and a white shirt with horns on it.
“We’re interns, sir!” he
explained in greeting. “We’re looking for cool businesses to work for!”
He stepped forward and
placed a piece of paper onto Blitzo’d desk. It was stained with a coffee ring
and on it was a crying imp face drawing and a note: “Dear I.M.P. man, Please,
please PLS hire us. Love Me.”
Blitzo grabbed the paper, crumpled it, and
tossed it aside. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what interns are, I’m not an idiot,
okay?” He placed his head on his hand. “But I can’t really afford new employees
at the moment.”
Blitzo moved a finger
toward one of the hidden red buttons under his desk.
“Oh, interns work for
experience, sir,” said the white-haired imp.
Blitzo paused. “Come
again?”
“Experience!”
Blitzo put a finger to
his chin and then smirked. “Ohh, you mean for free.”
“Experience?” asked the
imp.
Blitzo smiled and leaned
across the desk. “Well, I can’t argue with free, kiddo! You’re hired!” The
young imp grinned with excitement as Blitzo shook his hand. The other teen imps
and the succubus were also excited.
Moxxie burst into the
room. “Sir! You need to see this!”
Just then, a loud voice
yelled from outside. “COME OUT! WE’VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED!”
Blitzo and Moxxie peered
out the window from the blinds.
To their horror, a dark
portal formed in the air, turning into a black circle surrounded by crimson
clouds sparking with red lightning. A large yellow Sauron-like eye blinked open
with an upside down cross in the center and a fury of dark robed figures zoomed
out of the portal. The lower trails of their robes were stained with red blood.
One figure guard held up
a scroll and read from it.
“Employees of the
illegal business I.M.P., you are hereby arrested for breaking demon law,
surrender yourselves!”
A holographic image
appeared with mugshots of the four members. Loona appeared happy in her dark
pink shirt with an upside-down pentagram on it. Moxxie cried with wide eyes as
he stood in an orange jumpsuit holding “6984” number. Blitzo stood with a matching
orange jumpsuit with a drooling face holding his number “6983” upside down. The
last one was a snarling Millie in her old assassin look.
Bold red letters
appeared on screen: “YES YOU!!” and “UNDER ARREST!”
Another robed figure
with sharp teeth and a glowing red mouth mocked, “YOU GUYS ARE IN DEEP SHIT!”
“Blitz, what are we
gonna do?” asked a frightened Moxxie.
Blitzo covered his mouth
and sat on his knees, too scared to move.
“YOU CAN’T ESCAPE!” yelled another guard.
Blitzo in a panic
gripped Moxxie’s face hard with his hands.
“QUICK! HIDE EVERYTHING!”
Loona sat at her desk as
Blitzo leaped onto her desk.
“Hey!” she barked.
Blitzo spotted a poker
game on Loona’s screen. It read “Pot: $690.” Loona had 19,220, another player
had 30,860, another had 18,900, another had 15,720 and the last player had
7,420.
Blitzo clicked on a tab:
“Main Menu,” “Options,” “Scoreboard,” “Exit,” and “Delete Search History.”
Blitzo clicked on the
“Delete Search History” tab. A loading icon popped up, “Deleting Search
History…”
Blitzo rapidly clicked a
“FASTER” button at the bottom. The line was almost white and complete…
…until an error message
appeared: “Operation Broken ;( FUCK U!!”
In response, Millie
crashed the computer into exploding pieces and electricity with a swing of her
ax.
The imps raced around in
a panic. Moxxie struggled to carry a tall stack of papers in his hands.
“COME OUT WITH YOUR
HANDS UP!” called a guard.
Moxxie stumbled and the
papers fell to the floor. He scurried on his knees, trying to pick up as many
as he could. Tears fell from his eyes.
“WE ARE GOING TO BEAT
YOU!” added another guard.
“WHAT?”
“BUT ONLY A LITTLE!”
“WHY ONLY A LITTLE?!”
“LORD SATAN’S ORDERS!”
Loona stood up and
growled at the commotion from outside.
Moxxie zoomed away as
Loona bellowed “FUUUCCCKKK!”
Loona pulled open a
drawer and spotted papers, a paper that read “target list,” a horse drawing, a
sad sun drawing, and a brown beer bottle. She bit off the cap and poured the
liquid onto the papers.
“THERE’S NOWHERE TO RUN,
YOU LITTLE RED SHITS!” threatened
another guard.
Loona took out her
lighter with the I.M.P. logo on the side.
She paused and gasped
softly. Tears came from her eyes as she spotted a picture of all four of them.
Blitzo and Millie were smiling and covered in blood. Moxxie looked at Millie,
red blood in his hair and Loona looked off with a grumpy look. The caption read
“FIRST JOB DONE!” with a heart next to it.
“Fuck.”
Loona grabbed the
picture and stuffed it under her shirt. She pressed the top metal part of the lighter,
but no flame appeared.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck!” She tried again and again, slamming her fist in frustration.
Millie entered an old
worn-out bathroom. A sign read “Do not flush, non-peepee poopoo.” Scribbles on
the stall read “Blitz sukd ur mum here,” a horse drawing and a face with x eyes
and a tongue out. Another sign read “Wash your hands! Or don’t! I don’t care!”
Millie stuffed a bunch
of socks, hats, and clothing into an old toilet.
Another guard yelled. “WE
ARE GOING TO BEAT YOU! BUT-BUT ONLY A LITTLE! MAY-MAYBE A LOT!”
Millie pushed down the
stuff with Blitzo’s rifle and flinched as sewer water splattered into her face.
She flushed it and grinned…but froze as the toilet started to overflow.
“JUST COME OUT!” yelled
a guard.
Back in the main room,
Blitz waved his outstretched hand, telling Loona to hurry up with the lighter.
“I’M TRYING! I’M FUCKING
TRYING!” she replied.
Blitzo took the lighter
and dropped it into the drawer. They both backed up as a column of flame burst
upward. Blitzo grinned with both thumbs up and Loona gave a thumbs up, too.
Near a refrigerator,
poor Moxxie was trying to shred a pile of paper into a shredder. Moxxie’s eyes
grew wide as he tried to unjam it. He yanked onto the paper, but he fell
backward. He pounded on the jammed papers. His eyes widened and he cried in
frustration.
“THE SHREDDER IS
JAMMED!” Moxxie screeched.
Blitzo took out a
container of food in his mouth labeled with Millie’s name and spotted another
container labeled with Moxxie’s name. He spat out Millie’s container and raced
over to Moxxie.
“THEN FIGURE IT OUT,
MOXXIE!” Blitzo yelled, shoving paper into Moxxie’s mouth.
“COME OUT WITH YOUR
HANDS UP!” yelled another guard.
Blitzo carried Moxxie
out of the room. He opened the door to the hallway. Millie raced to them.
Blitzo placed a limp Moxxie into Millie’s arms. Loona followed close behind
Blitzo. They exited the room as red smoke hovered behind. They raced toward a
window and froze as red electricity crackled outside.
Blitzo’s face fell as a
spiked shadow approached. He raced back and shoved his employees to the ground
just before the window shattered. A spiked ball with a yellow eye came bouncing
into the hall. Red smoke spewed from the spikes around the ball, causing the
I.M.P. members to cough violently. Blitzo broke a glass window with his elbow.
“C’mon guys,” Blitzo
choked.
“Blitz, they will see
us!” cried Moxxie, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Well, we can either
run, or we can face the music,” Blitzo replied.
A group of the hooded
guards stood outside the door. One of them checked his watch on his wrist. They
spotted the silhouettes of I.M.P. in the red smoke.
“THERE THEY ARE!”
The guards screeched and
pulled out black and red rope. They let the rope fly and they caught their
targets.
They looked down at the
tied-up group.
“Uh, is this part of the
job?” asked the white-haired intern imp.
The guards looked at
each other and screeched. Another one pointed in the distance toward a parking
lot.
“THERE! THE VAN!”
“Get. In. The. Van!”
Blitzo urged as he carried a curled-up Loona over his head. “Hurry, hurry,
hurry!”
Moxxie opened the door.
Millie and Moxxie piled
into the back, Loona brushed her hair out of her face and Blitzo sat in the
driver’s seat.
He fiddled with his car
key: the one with a gold horse keychain with a unicorn horn and small wings. He
put it into the ignition.
“Okay, c’mon, c’mon, we
got it.”
He pulled up the clutch
and straightened the overhead mirror.
“Where are we going?”
Moxxie asked.
“Anywhere but here,”
Blitzo replied, turning back toward them. “Get ready for a life on the run, gang!”
The engine revved up,
the headlights blinked on. The van zoomed forward…
…before Blitzo
accidentally crashed it into a pole. The windows were shattered. The front was
damaged with smoke coming out of the engine. Everyone had their heads lowered.
One of the wheels rolled away.
An awkward dreadful
silence.
“I fucking hate you so
much, Blitz!” glowered Moxxie.
“FREEZE,
CRIMINALS!” called the guards. More
demons with different colored lit candles on their foreheads and bat wings,
were dressed in red police uniforms with upside down crosses in eye designs on
their caps. The police force trained their pistols and guns on the cornered
I.M.P. members.
They yanked open the
door and captured them one by one. One grabbed hold of Blitzo and manifested
black handcuffs on his wrists. More robed figures manifested manacles on Moxxie
and Millies’ arms. They yelled and strained to reach each other before being
pulled away. A large red and black collar was on Loona and a matching muzzle
was on her nose.
0 0 0
Double doors showed the
symbols of each of the Seven Deadly Sin Rulers. Above the door was Lucifer’s
red sigil with ominous cracks in it. It was flanked by six angel wings, three
on either side and on top was a snake and an apple. A skull with four long horns
was for Satan. A large honeybee with honeycomb designs was for Beelzebub.
Hearts among flames was for Asmodeus. Sleeping eyes on clouds surrounded by a
larger eye was for Belphegor. A bug with a slithering long tail was for Mammon.
Finally, four large tentacles was for Leviathan.
Blitzo was dragged into
the room, flanked by two reaper guards.
“Come on, guys!” he
protested. “This is…this is all just one big misunderstanding.”
They dragged him to a
small table under a spotlight.
“Uh, is this about the
orphans? ‘Cause they were already sick to begin with.”
“SILENCE!”
Large hooves shook the
ground.
Blitzo fearfully looked
up at an imposing figure. The cavernous infernal courtroom lit up. Glowing lava
poured from black cauldrons hanging on chains into large torch-holders,
creating orange-red flames. Smaller black candles with red-orange flames
hovered below. Loona, Millie, and Moxxie were chained to another platform, a
small hovering cliff. One of the reapers had an upside-down red cross on his
collar.
Before Blitzo in the
spotlight near a red and black throne rose King Satan himself. Behind him sat
the six Deadly Sins (minus Lucifer). Lucifer’s throne in the background was
empty save for a rubber duck, a spider-web and a note: “BRB, Five Minutes.”
Satan spoke in a low
rumbling voice, clenching his thick fist. “We are here to sentence the criminal
imp…Blitzo.”
The King of Wrath, Satan
posed like a demonic bodybuilder. His skin was crimson red, matching his vast
red bat wings extending from his back. Yellow veins spread along his muscled
arms and wings. He had a long thick dragon-like tail, red and yellow with
spines along the top and a point at the end. He wore black boots, long black
pants, a dark undershirt and a black torn vest with dangles on the bottom. His
collar was red with a barbell design on each side. A red cross was on his
yellow chest. Four stern yellow eyes peered from his red dragon-like face. Two
small striped imp horns were in the middle and two longer curved horns
stretched upward, adding to his imposing look. He emitted masculinity and
nobility.
“A-actually sir, the ‘o’
is…” Blitzo began nervously.
Satan glared down at him
and snorted close to his face in warning.
“Totally there!” Blitzo
squeaked. “You nailed it, great job.”
In the stands sat the
other Deadly Sins. The King of Greed Mammon, the fat green jester with a dollar
sign on his yellow necktie sat bored, picking a coin out of his ear. The King
of Lust Asmodeus sat in the back, with his yellow eyes, and flaming blue hair
with a bull and a ram head on either side. He sat concerned, wearing a
maroon-colored suit and his top hat. The Queen of Gluttony, Beelzebub sat by
Asmodeus. The party fox had glowing flowing honey-colored hair and was wearing
a black short shirt with a white heart on it and a red vest with yellow flaps
on the sides. The sleeping Queen of Sloth, Belphegor was a white sheep with
floppy ears, a pink candle on her head and large purple and black eyes along
her furry neck. She sat sleeping, a snot-bubble visible from her nose. The
Queen of Envy, Leviathan sat by Mammon. She was a being with two heads: a
cynical purple serpent head on the right with glowing green eyes, thick purple
and white hair, glowing with green tentacle spots on the ends. The left head
was the more playful one, with white skin, black eyes with teal iris, long
white and pink hair down her back and round earrings on her white fin ears. The
two-headed twin wore necklaces and a black shirt with an exposed hole in the
center and the comedy-tragedy white heart symbol on either side. They also held
a long cigarette in their hand. All of the Sins’ sigils glowed red on their
chairs.
Andrealphus posed on a
high balcony, standing next to other Ars Goetia members. One wore a jeweled
robe with three teal candles on his bent head. One had a horse-like face with
four red eyes and wings. One slender horse with a black crown, red eyes, a cape
and a purple suit stared at his phone. One had a deer face and antlers and wore
a dark blue naval outfit with a gold star badge. Another member had a yellow
bird-like appearance.
Vassago, the red parrot posed
with more Ars Goetia members on another balcony. He had a white face, red
feathers and wore gold pointed sunglasses. He wore a red suit with a gold star
on the collar along with white gloves. Two purple and gold feathers pointed out
behind his head. Tall white heeled boots came up his slender legs. He looked
like a cross between a movie star and a pirate. He also spoke Spanish and was
close to Stolas.
There were the other Ars
Goetia: a crow with red hair, a black crow wearing a crown, bowtie and fancy
black suit, a tall leopard with magenta eyes, a small goat with red eyes,
another bird-like demon and a brown serpent-like demon wearing a black bowtie
and white suit. There were more: a skull wearing goggles, a pink and teal
peacock, a figure with a dark and purple flaming face with bull skulls, another
deer with fire on his head, a black bird with a red suit with a flaming face, a
tall white bird wearing a small crown and magenta suit, and another crow demon
with lava in his mouth. One demon had a yellow pyramid head like Bill Cipher.
Satan pointed an
accusing claw at the other I.M.P. members.
“You and your crew are
on trial for stealing a powerful Goetic heirloom for undocumented personal use
in the mortal realm. How do you plead?”
“N-not guilty, Your Infernal
Honor,” Blitzo replied in a shaking voice. A camera made of black cavern
crystals hovered near him. Blitzo felt even more vulnerable now.
“Oh, is…is this about
the book? Ha! I didn’t steal that thing! I mean, I tried, right? But since when
is attempting a crime illegal? This is Hell, am I right?”
“Always,” Moxxie glared.
“Point is,” Blitzo
continued. “It was given to me, okay? I was allowed to use it.”
“OBJECTION! LIES!!”
bellowed Andrealphus. “Your Honor…”
Andrealphus waved his
arm and slid down an icy slide with icicles underneath. “…speaking on behalf of
my aggressive attractive sister…”
Asmodeus, Satan,
Belphegor, and Beelzebub all raised their eyebrows in bewilderment.
Andrealphus pointed at
Blitzo. “…I must testify that this BRUTISH imp did indeed steal Stolas’
precious grimoire to use in the mortal realm. And Stolas himself not only let
him, but also allowed Blitzo to force himself upon him!”
“HEY! I DIDN’T FORCE
SHIT!” Blitzo protested before he was muted by a chain around his mouth.
Andrealphus posed.
“Unlike a responsible and handsome Goetic demon such as myself, Stolas was too
weak and ashamed to come forward about it. To allow himself to be seduced by
such a common imp, then to gleefully divorce Stella to boot…”
Andrealphus posed some
more. “Oh, the travesty! The horrendous drama!”
Several royal members
muttered.
Andrealphus strode
forward and shoved Blitzo so hard that he flipped over his stone stand. “This
vile hideous imp has put his kind to shame! Committing such hardened acts to
GAIN THE UPPER HAND AGAINST OUR NOBLE CLASS!”
Whispers and a few gasps
echoed in the chamber.
“That isn’t what
happened!” Moxxie protested, banging his fists against his stone stand.
“SILENCE!” Satan roared
with a fiery snort.
“Um, Satan?” asked a
small flying advisor demon, Yogirt, who flew near him. He wore black robes with
a red upside-down cross on them, a small candle on his head and had his arms
folded. He had bat wings and straight horns.
“Sorry. W-what did we
say about negative energies in our mind temple?”
He folded his hands and
did a meditation pose.
“Yeah, remember to take
deeeeep breaths,” he told him.
Satan breathed heavily
and lowered himself onto his red stone throne, doing meditative poses with his
hands. “Right, yeah. Continue.” Satan waved a hand and Yogirt gave him a thumbs
up.
Andrealphus cleared his
throat and strolled across his magic ice bridge.
“I’d like to add, Your
Honor, that in addition to his unspeakable actions with our dear beloved
Stolas…”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait!” called Vassago. “Where is Stolas, anyway? Can’t he speak on this
himself? ¿Qué
carajo?”
(“What the Hell?”)
“He…” Andrealphus began,
“He has not been informed of this trial.”
“Qué?”
(What?)” asked Vassago, zooming toward Andrealphus on a golden flying star.
“Why not? If this involves him, then he should be here, no? No puedo creer…
(I can’t believe…”) We need to summon him at once!”
“Okaaaay, Vassago!”
groaned Andrealphus. “Shut the fuck up.”
Vassago angrily jabbed a
finger into Andrealphus’ chest. “¡No! me voy a callar
pendejo arrogante!” (“No! I will NOT shut up, you arrogant
idiot!”)
Andrealphus let out his
feathers in anger. “Stella and I didn’t want him put through the trauma of
facing his aggressor.”
Vassago stomped away.
Andrealphus smirked,
“Who might I also add…dramatic pause…” He pointed at Blitzo, “…PLOTTED TO HAVE
HIM ASSASSINATED!”
“What?!” muffled Blitzo.
The Goetia glared down at him.
Yelps and gasps rose
from the crowd.
“Puta madre…”(“Motherfucker…”)
Vassago swore.
Belphegor blinked around
before lowering her head and falling asleep.
“That wasn’t him!”
Moxxie countered. “We don’t know who wanted Stolas dead, but it wasn’t Blitz!”
“Oh?” Andrealphus turned
around. “Well…perhaps we should ask…”
He snapped his fingers,
and a platform rose up from the shadows.
“…THE HITMAN HIMSELF!”
Striker grinned
menacingly, posing in a white cowboy vest, dark pants, a red undershirt and a
red cowboy hat. His tail rattled and he casually spit out a straw stalk in his
mouth. A white scar was over his eye from the explosive attack in Greed.
“…who has agreed to give
us his testimony in exchange for immunity,” Andrealphus finished.
“It was him, alright,”
Striker drawled. “Paid me to kill the precious Goetia to cover up what he was
doing with the uhh…”
Striker looked around
and read words from his hand. His hand read
“Gremwhore/Grim-war/Gripper/Grimage/Book/Bombproof vet after trial.”
“The um…”
Striker looked up at
Andrealphus. “Line?”
“The grimoire!”
“Yeah, that.”
“WHAT?!” Blitzo spat out
the muzzle over his mouth. “Look, I’m an assassin, okay? If I wanted to kill
Stolas, I WOULD’VE DONE IT MYSELF A LONG TIME AGO!”
More cries and gasps
from the crowd.
Moxxie cried into
Millie’s arms. “We’re gonna fucking die!”
Blitzo gasped. “Hang on,
that’s not what I meant…”
A metal muzzle was
placed over Blitzo’s mouth.
“What a disappointment,”
Satan remarked.
Satan turned to the Sins
and the crowd. “Why don’t we take a vote? Who wants to listen to hours of
testimony?”
Asmodeus, Vassago, and
Beelzebub raised their hands, as did Millie and Moxxie. Loona reluctantly
raised hers.
“Who wants to kill this
imp bastard and go home for lunch?” Satan smirked.
Everyone else raised
their hands.
Striker winked and
grinned again before being lowered down, tipping his hat.
Andrealphus gave Blitzo
a smug smirk. “You should’ve stayed in your place, imp.” He walked down platforms
of ice. “You see, this is what happens when lesser demons try to step out of
line!”
Blitzo flinched as
Andrealphus pressed his icy high heel into his forehead. He smirked again and
vanished with a wave of his cloak.
Satan glowered. “For the
treacherous crimes of stealing a Goetia’s grimoire for illegal use, bringing
harm to a Goetic prince, and accessing the mortal coil without clearance or
procedure…”
Satan pointed a claw.
“…you, Blitzo, and your crew are hereby sentenced…”
Satan stood up, “…TO
DEATH!”
Blitzo and his crew
gasped in horror.
Satan continued. “…and
due to your bold actions against the laws of Hell, your execution will be
broadcasted across the Seven Rings, to remind all of imp kind why our power
must never be challenged again.”
A mother imp was washing
dishes with a baby and a boy imp in the room. The TV blinked on, and the family
looked over. At a bar, Verosika, Wally Wackford, Emberlynn Pinkle and several
succubi were talking at a table together. Purple neon hearts decorated the
walls. Three TVs blinked on, and they glanced up.
An imp family with a
grandma imp knitting, two queef dogs, a guy eating popcorn and two kids in the front
row sat to watch, all gasping. Three imps sat on a couch and watched: two
white-haired males and a female with short black hair and thick eye lashes.
Fizzarolli was eating a
bowl of cereal near a Wally Wackford “Wacky Charms” money-themed cereal box. He
slurped out of a curly straw. Fizzarolli gasped. Verosika gasped as well,
looking up in concern. The TV showed Blitzo chained up.
Fizzarolli frantically
texted Asmodeus:
Fizzarolli: “How long
do you think this will take?”
Asmodeus: “Dunno,
they usually don’t last long. I might not b back for lunch, tho.”
Asmodeus: “You can
order smth if you want, don’t wait for me.” (purple heart emoji)
Fizzarolli: “YEAAAH
BITCH! I’m getting a whole sushi boat for myself and there’s nothing u can do
to stop me!”
Fizzarolli: “See u on
TV” (blue heart emoji)
Asmodeus: “Love you
BB” (purple heart emoji)
Fizzarolli: “OMFS (OH
MY FUCKING SATAN!) OZZIE! DO SMTH! OZ!”
Asmodeus looked at his
phone, then up with concern.
“Your Honor,” Asmodeus
raised his hand. “If I may speak on behalf of the imp. Blitzo is my lover
Fizzarolli’s best friend. For all the times I have known him, he has shown no
dishonorable act toward me or any royalty for that matter. Stolas and I…we may be
different, but we’ve worked together well in the past. We’ve had peaceful
talks…unlike some around here…”
He rolled his eyes at
Mammon.
Beelzebub added her
thoughts, too. “I’ve known the little guy, too! He’s a wild card, but fun to
hang out with! He may indulge in overdrinking, but I’ve never seen him kill or
force himself on anyone!” Beelzebub looked at Loona with concern, hoping she would
get free.
Satan pretended not to
hear them.
Mammon flirted with
Leviathan, plopping himself next to her. “Hey, Levy! After we celebrate this
imp’s death, let’s go out, huh? Out on the town, what do you reckon?” He moved
his fingers forward in a walking motion. The white left head smiled, while the
right purple serpent head glowered, rolling her eyes. Leviathan got up and
moved her chair away from Mammon, much to the disgust of her white head.
“At least I don’t hang
out with lower class phebs, like Bee and Ozzie up there,” Mammon scoffed.
Stolas was watching his
“HELLUVA NOVELA: SEASON 2” show when an ad for “Wally Wackford’s Wacky Charms”
cereal appeared with a muffin and juice: “$99 only!”
“LIVE: BREAKING NEWS!
GRAB LOTS OF POPCORN! CUZ ON TONIGHT’S PROGRAM WE GET TO WATCH THIS GUY’S HEAD
GO CHOPPY CHOPPY! STAY TUNED!!”
Stolas spat out his
Beelzejuice and coughed. “Oh, my Lucifer!” he panicked. “What are they doing?!”
He raced to the courtroom as fast as he could.
0 0 0
The ground rumbled and a
half-circle execution block appeared in front of Blitzo. He struggled against
his chains and muzzle.
“No!” Blitzo cried as
two reapers appeared behind his employees.
“Not them, Your
Highness!” Blitzo cried, stepping forward. “It was me, it was all me! Y-you
can’t expect to teach anyone a lesson by killing all of us!”
Satan stomped forward
and leaned forward. “YOU DARE TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO PUNISH?!”
“Uh, Satan?” Yogirt
pipped up again. “Heh, sorry. You know what, you’re acting kind of red with
anger, yes? Deep breaths again, clear away the negative vibes. Try some
meditation…realign your charkas…yes?”
Blitzo continued. “Look,
all that Hell is gonna see is you executing imps and a hellhound who are just
trying to do their job!”
He glanced at them. “I’m
the rogue here, not them!”
Moxxie moved out of the
reaper’s grip. “Blitz, what are you doing?”
Satan sighed. “Fine. I created
imp kind to be my obedient servants anyways. I see no reason to punish the
dutiful.” He spoke in a low voice. “Just axe the mouthy one.”
Blitzo froze, eyes wide.
“Oh shit, I did not see that coming, look, I’m sorry, Mox, I did everything I
could…”
“You know he means you,
right?” Moxxie asked.
The reaper growled as he
laid a clawed black hand on Blitzo’s shoulder. Blitzo slumped. “Fuck me.”
The reaper removed the
chain around Blitzo’s neck and steered him toward the execution block. The
reapers released Moxxie and Millie and soon vanished.
“Do you have any final
words, imp?” Satan asked as he sat down. “We’ll pretend to care.”
Blitzo blinked his eyes
shut, tears threatening to fall. “All I was trying to do was rise above the
stupid fucking place YOU ALL FORCED US INTO! Treating our kind as nothing more
than dirt to stomp on! My people enduring mockery and misery for centuries…you
should’ve known some of us would get tired of that shit!”
“Your Highness, please!”
called Millie. “Blitz just…”
“Mox, Mils, stop,”
Blitzo responded.
“We can’t let them do
this to you!” Millie choked.
Blitzo looked downcast.
“This big, red bitch, never planned on hearing us out. Just…”
Blitzo looked up at a
sad Loona, his eyes growing wet with tears, he choked, “J-just take care of
Loona for me.”
Moxxie cried, tears
falling. “No! I can’t look, Millie!”
More chains manifested
and latched onto a new black collar around Blitzo’s neck inscribed with the red
Sin sigils. The weight forced Blitzo onto his knees. He took big shaking
breaths as a menacing executioner with bloodstained black robes manifested a giant
deadly black axe with red eyes on the blade. Flames glowed in the dark void of
his face.
Moxxie cried into
Millie’s arms. Blitzo slowly lowered his head onto the execution block. Loona
whimpered and turned away.
The axe was raised
higher. Blitzo turned his head to look at his crying friends. Millie bravely
eyed Blitzo, letting him know he was not alone.
“I love you guys,”
Blitzo whispered, tears in his eyes.
The axe sliced down, and
everyone gasped…
“Ow, my holy neck,”
muttered Yogirt. A lone feather fell down onto Blitzo.
Blitzo looked up,
stunned to see…
“STOLAS?!”
The owl prince was back,
manifesting a starry tear in reality, and blocking the axe.
“WHAT IN MY OWN HELL IS
THIS?!” Satan roared, grabbing onto Yogirt.
Stolas used his magic to
break Blitzo’s chain. “I’m about to explain everything in the only way I know
how…” he said with a serious look…
“…song!” He posed with a
hand over his heart.
Blitzo face-palmed on
the execution block.
Vassago stood up and clapped for Stolas in a little
dance. “Yes! Yes! ¡Cántalo, baby!” (Sing it, baby!”)
Satan sat bored,
releasing Yogirt.
Stolas began his song.
“I came down just as
soon as I heard of the imp
Stood accused of a
devilish crime”
Stolas magically
conjured rock stepping stones as he walked above the lava.
“Could it be that a worm
such as this half a brain
Could concoct such a
plot so sublime?”
Blitzo glared at Stolas as
he continued.
“Does this fool deserve
the flame?
Or is someone else to
blame?”
Stolas posed with his
cape obscuring his mouth like a villain. “Like who, you ask?”
He strolled on the
cliff, waving an arm.
“Some kind of mastermind
A mind behind the plan!”
He raised his arms dramatically
and flames shot up. He wandered around the Ars Goetia.
“Some villain’s grand
design
To use the book
To breach the world of
man!”
Stolas raised his hand
in a pose toward the cavern ceiling.
“Could he be roaming
free?”
He knocked over Mammon’s
block tower of naughty words.
“Scheming more
mastermindery?”
He hovered around
Leviathan and moved to Asmodeus and Beelzebub.
“Will he rest?
Who knows what he may
unleash?”
He morphed into his red
and black demonic owl form, rising into the air. He swooped over the Sins,
waking up Belphegor.
He lowered and morphed
back into his regular form, cupping Blitzo’s chin.
“Next, do you execute
this little wretch?”
Blitzo seethed after
Stolas turned around.
“Pat yourself on the
back, close the case
Let this imp take the
blame, take the flame
Let his name light a
fire in the hearts of his race!
Why it’s more than I can
bare…”
He spun around.
“I must make all of Hell
aware!”
“Fuck it!” Stolas raised
a fist.
“I am the mastermind,
the hand that holds the strings!”
Satan snorted and glared
at Stolas. Stolas continued.
“No simple imp of mine
could master the disaster
Oh, it stings!
That you thought
You had caught the
schemer of the schemes I wrought!”
He spun and pointed at
Satan.
“I confess!
It was me and I have no
regrets!”
A starry universe scene
played in Stolas’ mind and Blitzo’s. The owl somberly lowered his head.
“I have regrets
Why am I throwing my
freedom away
For this idiot?”
Blitzo glared at Stolas.
“Hey!”
“What have you done?”
“I would rather be dead,”
Stolas
proclaimed “…than to live without you by my side!” Risking his neck for
the imp he loved was a definite step out of his comfort zone.
Blitzo lamented in
answer: “I can’t live life without you by my side!” Stolas was his hope
to help him access the mortal realm previously and despite their falling out,
Blitzo couldn’t bear to lose another person in his life.
“So, if it keeps you alive!” Stolas
declared, for he knew that Blitzo could never escape the execution otherwise.
Blitzo gasped and
strained against his chains. “What are you doing?! I don’t deserve this!”
Stolas sang, “I am
the mastermind, the master of my fate!”
Golden feathers flew
among Stolas, similar to the ones in Blitzo’s older hallucination of being
chained to Stolas. Stolas was leaving the comfort of his world, his cage of
royalty, bravely venturing out into a lonely unknown.
“I realized too late!” Blitzo
replied.
“Sure as the stars have
shined,” sang Stolas, looking up at the stars with a hopeful
expression.
Blitzo called, “Don’t
give your life to clean my slate!” just as Stolas belted at the same time: “I
give up my life to clean your slate!”
Stolas declared, “You’re
my light!” He stared into the crimson and sapphire galaxy, realizing that
now he had a new responsibility; no matter what, he would help keep Blitzo
alive.
Blitzo choked and sobbed,
“You’re my heart!” After so long closing off his heart to others, he
finally could admit that Stolas was his heart…that he represented that deep
love and friendship Blitzo had been searching for all his life.
Blitzo and Stolas
lamented and sang together. “Only death can render our love apart!” Shooting
stars flew overhead.
Satan chuckled and
scoffed, bringing them back to the courtroom. Smoke flew from his mouth.
“Well, isn’t that
adorable? We have been betrayed by one of our own. A Goetic demon. Your hubris
has gotten the better of you, Prince Stolas.”
Satan stood up and
stomped his hoof in authority, cracking the steps as he sang.
“I am the mastermind,
and here I am the law!”
“He is the law!” chorused the other Sins.
“I’ve ruled the endless
dark
Since long before the
golden angel’s fall…”
Satan conjured a light
image of the six-winged Lucifer in his hand. Asmodeus and Beelzebub shared a
look, knowing that Lucifer was the first ruler instead of Satan.
“So you see…”
Satan’s eyes lit up in
orange-red flames.
“…next to me, your
master plans look so small…”
Satan conjured
explosions throughout the courtroom that shook Blitzo and Stolas.
“Little mice!”
Flames shot up in front
of him. Satan leaned in and breathed menacingly, towering over Stolas and
Blitzo.
“When you break my
rules…”
He conjured chains that
violently bound Stolas by his arms and neck. He now had a black collar with the
Sin symbols on his neck. Mammon and Andrealphus grinned in triumph.
Satan finished in a long
booming voice. “You…pay…the…priiiicccceee!”
Satan then sat on his
throne, pointing at the imps and hellhound. “Release the pawn!”
The chain unlatched
around Blitzo’s neck.
“Stolas of the Ars
Goetia,” Satan growled. “YOU ARE A DISGRACE!”
Blitzo stumbled and
raced over with an outstretched hand. “No! No, th…”
Blitzo grabbed onto
Stolas’ red cape. “Stolas, you…you can’t! You can’t do this!”
Stolas turned away.
“Stolas, please!”
Blitzo found himself
being dragged away by the guards. “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!”
He struggled from their
grip. “Stolas!”
A manifested rope caught
around Blitzo’s neck, dragging him back. His hands were bound in manacles.
“Fucking… use your
powers! Do something!”
Tears spilled from
Blitzo’s eyes. “STOLAS!”
Blitzo was shoved onto
the ground, the chains vanishing.
“AH! LET ME BACK IN!”
The doors slammed shut,
the glowing designs fading.
He pounded against the
door in vain.
“WOW! This is a sturdy
door!”
He punched it and waved
his wrist in pain. “Ow! My supple wrist!”
Blitzo sobbed, lowering
his head until Moxxie put a hand on his shoulder. “Sir! Sir!”
Blitzo turned around to
find all his employees crying in relief.
They all embraced in a
group hug.
“Dad!” Loona cried.
“You’re here!” exclaimed
Moxxie.
“Don’t you ever do that
to me again, you fucking idiot!” Millie added.
The four assassins let
themselves be warmed by their hug, all of them thankful to be alive.
Octavia watched TV,
“Hell-G Network” labeled at the bottom. To her horror, she saw Stolas somberly
lower his head onto the execution block. She raced from the room, only for
Stella to block her way.
Stella closed her eyes
and held out her arms. Octavia rushed into her mother’s arms, sobbing with
twittering bird cries. Stella rubbed her daughter’s hair…and revealed a hidden
evil smirk.
Stolas was about to be
gone forever…and now all his royal assets and his daughter were now hers!
‘Mother
knows best,’ she thought.
0 0 0
“Uhh…what’re you doin’?”
Satan asked.
“Um…” Stolas began,
standing up. “I mean…aren’t you going to…you know…” He made a motion of sliding
his finger across his neck, “…execute me?”
“Hah! Aw of course not!
You are a Goetia.”
“But I committed a heinous
crime.”
“Yeah, you did. But, you
are demon royalty sooo…your life has actual worth.”
“So…” Stolas added, “Uh…”
He pointed to the door. “Can I…can I go then?”
Satan burst into
laughter, holding onto his knees.
“NO! Ooh, ooh. No. no.
You still definitely fucked up, we just need to figure out a fitting punishment
for you.” He moved his fingers together.
“Might I suggest
something, Your Majesty?” Andrealphus grinned and slid over to Stolas on his
ice slide. He lowered a finger and burnt away the chains binding Stolas’ arms.
The reapers vanished.
“I think you should
banish this shameful excuse for a prince and allow someone else to take over
his legions. Considering the heir isn’t yet of age, I’d be happy to volunteer.
After all, I’m everything he is, but NOT a deviant piece of shit!”
Andrealphus sneered next
to Stolas.
“Yeah, that works,” Satan
replied, standing up.
“STOLAS!” Satan, announced with authority. “I
HEREBY STRIP YOU OF YOUR STATUS, YOUR POWER, AND YOUR TITLE…”
Andrealphus hovered
around Stolas, grinning triumphantly. “YESSS! YESSS!”
He let out a final “YESSSSS!”
tearing off his coat and posing on his knees.
“…FOR THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS!” Satan finished.
“WAIT, WHAT?!” Andrealphus asked in shock. One
hundred years was only a few minutes in the long Goetia lifespan.
Satan conjured five
magical giant golden rings, with the Seven Sin Sigils glowing on them in pink.
The rings lifted up
Stolas, black electricity zapping around him. Stolas’ eyes turned black, and he
writhed in pain. He could feel his power and energy being zapped away, all the
magic sapped from his veins. The rings soon dropped him to the ground in a heap
and hovered back into place, lowering out of sight. His royal hat and crown
toppled away. His red cape was torn.
Stolas moaned weakly,
his red eyes now having white pupils.
Satan added, “You will
have to live amongst the citizens of Hell and revel in your own failings!”
“But what about my daughter?” Stolas weakly
asked.
Andrealphus bore a look
of haughtiness.
“She’ll be safe and sound…with her mother. The
wholesome parent!”
“I guess that settles it!” Satan called. He
cleared his throat and clapped his hands. “Court’s adjourned, time for lunch!”
Mammon cheered. “Yeah!
It’s fucking lunch time!” He leaned down and stuffed his face full of green chicken
legs and green meat in vats. Green liquid spilled onto the benches. Asmodeus and Beelzebub looked
disgusted.
Andrealphus moved his
face upside-down, taunting Stolas one last time.
“Buh-bye Stolas! Enjoy
horny jail!”
0 0 0
Meanwhile, Blitzo was
still pounding on the doors.
“YOU! UH-UGH, YOU OPEN
THIS DOOR RIGHT-AHH!”
Blitzo was shoved away
as the doors opened. Two reapers carried the limp Stolas and tossed him roughly
to the ground. The doors slammed shut. The light from the setting sun peered
through the windows and banners with the Sin symbols lined the hall.
“Stolas?” Blitzo asked,
concerned, trying to help him up. “What happened in there?”
Stolas sat up. “I…have
been banish-ed…”
A cup of coffee hit
Stolas on the head. An imp janitor had thrown it and was flipping Stolas off
near his cleaning supplies.
“You suck, Stolas!”
Blitzo flipped him back.
“Hey! Fuck off, fuck-o!”
Stolas shrugged,
standing up. “No, it’s fine, Blitz. I’m okay.”
“You need a ride home,”
Blitzo noted.
Stolas stared at the
floor, trying not to cry. “I…have no home now. Everything I have is gone.”
Everyone looked up at him sadly.
Blitzo stepped forward.
“Look, come with me, alright? Let’s get you out of here, n’ you’ll need a place
to stay.” He gently took Stolas’ hand and led him out of the hall. The others
followed.
“Yeaaah, let’s not do that again,” Millie remarked
once they got outside. Millie and Moxxie got into an old yellow taxi. Moxxie
somberly waved goodbye from the window.
Blitzo couldn’t believe what
he saw next. Imps were cheering from the apartment windows. A female imp
wearing green with missing fangs and black hair held up a banner with a male
imp with messy white hair and a black shirt. The banner read “WE LOVE BLITZ!” with
a cardboard piece over the ‘o’ and the red heart in the middle with horns on
top. The buildings were decorated with large purple metal horns and purple eyes
in the walls.
It was the complete
opposite of the Halloween Blitzo hate party. Now for the first time, he was
being hailed a hero!
Blitzo waved self-consciously.
“Ah, Thank you everyone! Thank you. Gracias.”
A few imps booed and
threw food at Stolas. He was dumped in green slime.
Blitzo glanced over. “But-okay-the-throwing?
Not necessary, heh, ‘kay? Thank you.”
0 0 0
Loona flicked on the
lights in Blitzo’s apartment, also holding Blitzo’s golden horse key.
Blitzo led Stolas in and
closed the door. A wooden “Welcome” sign was over the door. Stolas looked
around the room.
Stolas spotted the
striped wall covered in pictures and drawings. Sticky notes of horse drawings
were everywhere. A red demonic horse statue posed on the desk. Loona’s adoption
certificate was in a frame decorated with horns. Blitzo’s face was inked out in
giant portraits of his employees and a smaller picture of his smiling sister,
Barbie Wire.
Stolas’ head hit a black
ceiling fan, and he nudged it back in place. Red light peered through the
blinds near an old TV by the couch. A potted plant was next to the TV.
Loona placed the keys on
the table and turned to Blitzo.
“Hey, um. I’m so glad you’re okay.”
They shared a warm hug.
“I love you, dad.” Loona smiled.
Stolas stood with a
somber look. He was reminded of his own daughter and how he had left her
behind. He desperately wished that he was back in the palace, sharing an
embrace with Octavia. With all his heart, he wished that things were back to
normal.
“Come on,” Blitzo said
to Stolas after the hug from Loona. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He led him to
the bathroom and started a tub for him.
Stolas, though
depressed, felt safe in Blitzo’s presence. Six red spotlights shone down on
them. The wall tile was black and red. Stolas sat in the bath, and let Blitzo
wash his feathery back with a washcloth.
“Here we go, here we go,”
Blitzo smiled. Stolas flapped his lips.
“Here you are,” said
Blitzo, washing along Stolas’ head. “Some nice agua.”
Blitzo heard a knock on
the door. He got up. Loona came in and with a small smile, had a folded sweater
for Stolas in her hands. It was a white and red sweater with a red paw print on
it. Blitzo gave her an appreciative smile.
Blitzo glanced behind
him and pulled Stolas’ head out of the water.
“Oop! Try not to inhale
the water.”
Blitzo closed the door.
Then he opened it again to check on Stolas.
“Yeah, try not inhaling the water.”
He closed the door
again.
Stolas let out a long,
depressed sigh.
Blitzo smiled as he
looked at his phone.
“INFERNAL NEWS: VICTORY
FOR I.M.P.! In a surprising turn of events, today’s live execution became the
stage for a theatrical revelation! Prince Stolas’ live confession revealed
I.M.P.’s CEO Blitzo was being framed for illegal use of a Goetia’s grimoire and
harming the upper-class prince. After Stolas’ admission of guilt, the members
of I.M.P. were released unharmed from the courtroom, making them the first
hellborn to ever survive after being sentenced to death by a deadly Sin, a
historical feat.”
There was a Walley
Wackford icon at the bottom, smiling and next to him read “HATE ADS? Deal with
it. This is the world we live in.”
Blitzo swiped to the
right and to his delight, he had almost a hundred new emails. Demons right and
left were looking up to him, asking him about getting hired at I.M.P.!
“I want someone dead”
“Are you hiring?”
“You’re a legend!!!”
“Is that the real
Blitzo?”
“How do I join I.M.P.?”
“NEED ASSASSINS NOW!”
“HIRE ME PLZ!!”
“Do you only hire imps?”
“Need your services
asap!”
“Let me work for you!!!”
Blitzo looked up as
Stolas came out of the bathroom. He slouched forward, a brown towel falling off
his head. He wore Loona’s sweater. Blitzo took his hands and helped him sit on
the couch.
“Thank you, Blitz,”
Stolas said sadly as Blitzo covered him with a dark blanket decorated with
horseshoes.
“Thank you, Stolas,”
Blitzo added, looking away for a moment. “For saving my life.”
“Always,” Stolas
answered, exhausted.
Blitzo turned around and
noticed flashing lights through the blinds.
“Hey, Stolas, I…” he
began. But Stolas was already fast asleep.
Blitzo chuckled softly,
glad that Stolas was okay…at least on the surface.
He stroked his head of
feathers, noticing a gray streak. He took a breath and gently kissed Stolas’
cheek.
Blitzo then plopped onto
a round purple cushion and contently watched the fireworks from outside. There
were flashes of yellow, blue, green, red and purple, mesmerizing to see. “Blitz”
and “IMP” banners hung outside from the windows.
Blitzo smiled again,
content to enjoy this historical moment.
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