Helluva Boss Short: Mission: Weeaboo-boo

 

A manilla folder was placed on Blitzo’s desk again. It was near his Boss Bitch mug, open drawer of Moxxie and Millie figures and a manga of an anime character: a woman with long teal hair, wearing a white school-girl skirt and outfit, fox ears and a black pointed tail. She was in a chokehold from a tan demon with long black hair and horns leaning over her.

 

The folder showed a picture of I.M.P.’s new target, a lady with white skin, periwinkle hair with light blue highlights and purple tinges on the bottom. A black flower was in her hair, and she wore a black jacket with a pink collar and pink outline on the sleeves. She beamed in the photo and did a peace-sign with her hand, posing in front of a demonic convention sign.

 

“I.M.P. Target: Emberlynn Pinkle

Location: Boring suburbs in a boring town. Rockview, USA.

Description: Gothy 20 something

Info: She shipped Scrimbleson with Shawanathan instead of Blorbinzo 7 years ago, and it’s basically incest or something, not really but dis bitch seems really upset about it.”

 

 

 

In the human world, the night indigo sky was lit by stars and a large white crescent moon. Streetlights illuminated a sidewalk and revealed a suburban neighborhood.

 

Blitzo popped out from inside the bushes, talking on his cellphone to Millie. His phone cover read “RIDE ME” on it in big red letters.

 

“Aw, thanks Mils, but I don’t think I need backup to take down some suburban college girl.”

 

He grinned as he peered over at the girl’s house with lit-up windows.

 

“You enjoy that bullshit Cats musical with Mox, and stop trying to use me as an excuse to get out of it…”

 

He held the phone forward and glared. “Hey look, if I had to sit through that French hog shit, well so do you, okay? Bye Mils!”

 

The phone beeped as he ended the call and leaped out from the bushes.

 

Blitzo peered through a window and saw Emberlynn’s parents on the couch watching TV, studio laughter coming from the TV. The man was bald with glasses and the woman had long blond hair.

 

Blitzo chuckled and snaked up a nearby tree. He spotted her through the window. “Oh ho, ho, bingo.” He balanced on the creaking branch, inching closer. “B-Y-N-G-O.” He chuckled darkly before opening the window.

 

Emberlynn smiled with a pair of headphones on, sitting on a pink chair shaped like a cat. On the video, it showed a demon with sharp teeth talking to a blue-haired girl, “Our souls will be tethered for eternity.”

 

A grinning Blitzo entered the room and pulled out a sharp deadly red knife.

 

He did a quiet sing-song voice, “I love killing, shooting things, I’ll use a saw, I’ll use a fork, too! Da-dun, da da.” He stepped in circles then held the knife in his right hand as he inched toward Emberlynn. “I love killing things with any kind of weapon. Give me a knife and I’ll kill someone…” he pointed to her head.

 

He grinned evilly with sharp fangs, the knife schinked and gleamed… “…and today it’s gonna be a stupid bitch! Da, da…”

 

He raised his weapon, aiming for her back…

 

…but was suddenly knocked back by a golden holy force field emanating from a pendant around the girl’s neck. “Oof! Ow, what the FUCK?!”

 

The knife embedded itself into a demon plushie on her desk by her computer. Emberlynn turned around and screamed, falling off her chair. The video ended on her computer, showing her pink screen wallpaper with vampire fangs and eyes. She then stood up. “Oh!” “Oooh!” She looked lovestruck at Blitzo, hands on her cheeks.

 

The parents heard the commotion from upstairs. Emberlynn’s dad spoke in a southern drawl. “Ugh, she must be watching them ‘hen-tays’ again.”

 

Emberlynn’s mom cried, “Why won’t she leave?!”

 

“Oh my god! What…are you?” Emberlynn asked.

 

Blitzo stood up in the shadows, snarling. “I’m your worst fucking nightmare, bitch!”

 

He yelled and charged at her again, but the magical golden shield from the pendant knocked him backward onto the floor.

 

Blitzo grunted. “Fuck. How are you doing this? What is that?!”

 

Emberlynn’s pendant was a golden pentagram against light blue. White wings were on the sides of the pendant.

 

Emberlynn held the pendant in her hands. “It’s official merch from ‘Akuma no Otto’. It’s the pendant given to Setsuki in episode 569 that protects its wearer from…wait are you a demon?”

 

Emberlynn raised a shaking finger. “Like…a real demon?”

 

“Yeah, basically,” Blitzo answered. “Look, where did you even get something like…”

 

“A demon?” she interrupted. “Here to steal a little kitten like me? Forced to be part of your demonic harem, ‘blushes.’” She blushed as pink Japanese love bubbles appeared near her glowing face and pink cheeks.

 

“Huh? Why would you think I would do something like that?” Blitzo asked, then gasped as he looked around her room.

 

A body-pillow of Cthulhu wearing pink lacy underwear was against the wall. A female demon statue with a pitchfork was on a shelf along with various monster plushies. A banner read “MONSTE RLOVER PRIDE” on her wall. A poster of a human wrapped in a snake monster lifting weights with its tail read “HISS ME,” and another poster with a sexy blond woman underneath a dark orange dragon read “MELT ME.” “YEE-HAW COWGIRL” was shown on several posters of a centaur romping a nude girl from behind. A bull skull was on another dresser. One poster read “WERE-WOLF!” “BITE ME!” “CHUMP MY RUMP,” and a red-haired mermaid near tentacles had ”nussed me up” in purple. On a shelf was a statue of a giant red dragon holding the hands of a woman bride.

 

Her books had many titles, “I WANT YOU (BUT YOU MIGHT EAT ME!)” SCALES, A SLOW BURN.” “YOU’RE CLAWS FEEL SO GOOD!” “DEMON DICK? I’LL LICK!” “HE’S DEAD BUT WE CAN MAKE IT WORK.” “MY DRAGON DADDY.” “MY FIRST TIME WITH AN ELDRITCH HORROR.” “MORE SPIKES THE BETTER.” “I’M KNOT (A FURRY)” “MONSTER? I HARDLY KNOW HER.”

 

 

“Ohhh, you’re one of those.”

 

Emberlynn leaned in to Blitzo with a flirtatious look. “So, what’s your name?”

 

“Uhhh…Blitz.”

 

She spun around and leaned against the bookshelf. “What are you gonna do to me, Blitzy-kun?” An oar labeled “RAWR” was next to her and a knock-off Charlie Morningstar plushie was on her shelf.

 

“Uh. Apparently nothing while you’re wearing that.”

 

“I don’t feel like myself. Are…are you…putting some sort of…nasty spell over me?”

 

“What? No, I’m literally just standing here, lady.”

 

“If you say so, master,” she slid down to the floor. She was on her knees. “I mean…daddy.”

 

She crawled forward. “But when you look into my eyes, it’s like I have no control over my…”  She slowly leaned in, almost kissing him…then she slapped him hard in the face.

 

“Aaaaahhhkaaay!” Blitzo cried out in pain.

 

“No! You demonic brute!” She lay down on a table in a pose. “I’m too pure of heart for you to corrupt!”

 

Blitzo face-palmed. “Oh, thank fucking Satan!”

 

Emberlynn looked up. “Satan? Is that your lord?” She leaned into Blitzo, hands together. “The one who plan to offer me to as a sexual sacrifice?”

 

Sweat dripped down Blitzo’s face.

 

Emberlynn gasped in glee and raced over to rapidly type her fanfiction on her computer…

 

 

 

“The mysterious demon snarled in defiance before Satan. Heat radiated off of him and his glowing eyes blazed with fury. As my demon lover took a stand against his Lord, I felt my love for him burn even hotter than the fiery depths of Hell.

 

“I won’t let you have her,” my demon hissed with a mutinous glare. “You took my wife from me, Satan. Never again!” Emberlynn Lightness Demoanya Pinkie is mine.”

 

Satan growled, baring his sharp fangs. My knees trembled at the staggering size of them. He was so close that I could feel his hot breath on my skin, which was exposed as a result of my sacrificial outfit. (Satan’s concubines are forced to wear lace bras, leather miniskirts, combat boots, eyeliner and a smoky eyeshadow look. Also black lipstick. Also I was wearing fishnets.)

 

“You dare defy me?” Satan roared, his hulking body towering above us. “Hand dover the sexual sacrifice so I may have my way with her.”

 

“No!” I cried, throwing my arms around my demon lover. “Please don’t let him ravish me over and over! My body belongs to you!”

 

“She’s mine to ravish over and over!” my demon lover yelled, holding me close.”

 

 

“But once you have me, you realize you could never go through with it, because I’m the only woman who could ever make you feel something after the loss of your wife!”

 

She beamed and her eyes bulged wide with pink hearts and yellow stars in them. Pink sparkles blinked around her face. Blitzo blinked in bewilderment in the background.

 

Emberlynn stood up, her hands folded in fists. “Your wife…who was the first one your Lord Satan took as a concubine.” She dramatically put her hands to her heart and blinked tears. She posed against her desk. “But now you’d rather have me!”

 

She put her hands to her chest and fell dramatically to the floor, crawling on her hands and knees, “And you’d rather fight him to the death than allow me to come to the same fate!”

 

She did a final pose on her knees with a hand over her head and her eyes closed.

 

“Ew,” Blitzo made a disgusted face, putting his hands forward, backing up. “Lady, look, I was sent here to kill you, alright? You were a bitch online one time, someone didn’t like it, they put a hit on you, I know it’s excessive, but I don’t make the rules, oh well.”

 

Emberlynn turned her head around. “You want to kill…meee?” She smiled, pointing to her face.

 

“Oh yeah, even more now,” Blitzo replied with a smirk.

 

“Of course!” she cried. “You want to take my mortal soul to Hell so that we can be together forever!” She leaned her head back and swayed her butt upward.

 

Blitzo put his fingers to his face. “Look, whatever gets you there. Can you just take off the necklace and hand over my knife?”

 

“Yes master!” she cried, hands folded together. Then she gasped, “No, I mustn’t.” Then she leaned in close to his face. “But I want you!” She moved her head back, arm out in front of her. “My soul…” Then she went on her knees, fingers and palms open. “But I’m destined for this!” She collapsed to the floor.

 

“Bitch, can we hurry this up?” Blitzo asked.

 

Emberlynn took the knife out from the demon plushie.

 

“OOOOHHH YEEESSS!” She moaned, using the knife to cut the string on the necklace. The pendant spun across the room and flew out the open window.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Make it quick, my demon prince!” Emberlynn whispered, handing it to him. She leaned into his arms and lowered herself like a dancer, eyes closed.

 

Blitzo sighed, then stabbed her in the chest. Emberlynn gasped as red blood splattered.

 

Emberlynn moaned sexually.

 

Blitzo turned away. “Eugh. Can you please stop enjoying this so much? Fuck.”

 

“I will see you…on the other side…” she leaned up and whispered, “my…Blitzy-kun…”

 

A bell tolled as her head moved to the side. Blitzo held her dead body.

 

“Stab. Stab. Stab.” An unamused Blitzo stabbed her several more times. He then stood up, tapped the crystal on his wrist and disappeared through the pink diamond portal. Blood pooled underneath Emberlynn’s body.

 

Loona read a book by her desk. Blitzo held his fingers to his face as he talked on his cellphone back at I.M.P. headquarters. “Hey, yeah, it’s done. So you can go ahead and wire me that money now and I’ll go ahead and never think about this night ever again.” He waved his arm.

 

“I’M HERE, BLITZY-KUUUNNN!”

 

A familiar voice made Blitzo and Loona freeze with wide eyes.

 

Blitzo peered out the window behind the blinds.

 

There was Emberlynn Pinkle in her demon form. She had on the same clothing, except the cat faces on her high black socks had slanted eyes and evil grins. She wore a jacket with a pink paw print in the center where Blitzo had stabbed her. She had the plaid pink skirt, a pink tail with a light blue tip, long pink hair and animal ears. She had black horns on her head, light blue skin with pink freckles, small bat wings and three eyes with pink sclera and blue pupils. Emberlynn had monster features and the features from the woman character from her manga.

 

“I saw your billboard! I’m here for you, my love!” She went on her knees, hands to her heart. “I’ll be by your side forever! BLITZY KUNNNN!”

 

Blitzo nervously lowered his head from the window.