Hazbin Hotel Season One Episode One: "Overture"

 

“Overture” Part 1

 

A small red moon hovered in a red sky with a glowing red pentagram on it. An eerie silence swept over the polluted and grimy Pentagram City, located in Hell. Large red signs read in black letters: “Punishment” and “Your Days are Numbered,” near a spinning spotlight. A torn poster of a grinning horned angel blew in the wind, while red graffiti read “CLEANSE,” and “FUCK YOU, HEAVEN!” Another poster showed a grinning angel with dark black wings near a “WHORE!” sign. The streets were littered with the remains of monstrous creatures and demons, red blood dripping and staining many areas. Usually, many Hellborn demons and former humans called Sinners would interact with each other and often fight. But once every year, the demons had a foe they were wary of…the Exorcists. They were vulture-like and bloodthirsty angels who wore horned LED masks with Xs over the eyes and white glowing hideous grins. The angels would come down to Hell and kill as many Sinners as they could, relishing in the bloodshed. The ex-humans, unlike the Hellborn, would respawn in Hell, and the only way they (or any powerful demon) could permanently be killed was by a fatal blow from an angelic weapon.

 

Why did the Exorcists kill a whole bunch of demons? With more humans being sent to Hell in modern times, it was a gruesome method to curb overpopulation. The souls of dead demons would then become food for an evil eldritch goddess named Roo, sister and opposite to the heavenly Goddess who fathered the fallen angel Lucifer and all of creation. For Roo, the exterminations and violence were beneficial to her greedy hunger. For powerful Sinners called Overlords, it was a great opportunity to control more people in Hell and gain territory.

 

But one individual was heartbroken by the deaths of her people: Charlie Morningstar, the princess of Hell and daughter of Lucifer and Lilith.

 

Charlie’s shoulders slumped as she walked somberly onto the spiky balcony of her mansion. Her hair was long and blonde, tied in a curly ponytail reaching to her waist. She wore a light pink tuxedo shirt, her bowtie black and her undershirt white with two black buttons. She wore long black pants and pointed black shoes. Her face was white with red spots on her cheeks and large yellow eyes with black pupils and long eyelashes. In the background were large signs that read “WELCOME TO HELL.” A clock tower was nearby, showing the number 0.

 

Charlie glanced down at the bodies of her people littering the street and moved a hand across her face in sadness. Then with a flick of her finger, she shot fireworks into the red sky, music notes and gold music strings trailing behind the fiery sphere. Red, purple, and yellow fireworks boomed against the large glowing red pentagram in the sky. Coincidentally, it was New Year’s Day, also the day of the Extermination. The fireworks were a cue to the other demons that the dreaded Extermination was over and that it was safe to come out. Sure enough, two demons poked out of the windows of a nearby building. One was dark red with red eyes, the other was a female demon with long dark hair, a light purple face, teal eyes, and teal long nails. She wore a white dress and a purple hat with white trim and was hanging a rug outside the window. A red horned demon with small bat wings, one big eye and a small eye above it posed, wearing a spiky collar, and a black tank top. A sign read “Demon” nearby in white letters. Spiky black vines curled up the nearby yellow windows.

 

A pale demon woman opened up curtains as a red firework spread across the sky. She was Carmilla Carmine, a powerful Overlord and weapons dealer. Behind her was an ancient black spider-like demon named Zestial. He relaxed in a tall chair, sipping from a wine glass. A figure of a dinosaur woman Overlord posed with her glowing yellow eye. Behind her was the sitting silhouette of the red-eyed Lucifer, the king of Hell, holding his apple cane.

 

A large pink building read “Porn Studios,” a structure of red wide lips dotted with lights in the center. The building had pink windows and three pink Xs on the front. A teal-eyed, black haired, red-skinned succubus statue smiled and posed against the building in a short black dress and fishnet stockings. Strings of lights decorated the round roof of the studio. More fireworks sparked outside.

 

Safe inside Porn Studios were the three Vee Overlord villains: Vox, Valentino, and Velvette. Vox had a flat screen TV for a head and two large red eyes, his left eye larger and hypnotic. He wore a black suit with vertical teal stripes. His undershirt had red and black stripes, his collar dark teal with red trim, and his bowtie large and red. The center of his chest showed curved black lines and a circle in the center, representing a TV signal. A small black top hat on his head showed teal electricity lines and a red TV signal. His grinning teeth were teal and shark-like. Vox had ownership of all television in Hell and his VoxTech products. He had been gaining power over the years since his arrival from Earth in the 1950s. His phone had his logo on it, a teal V looking like electricity.

 

Grinning off to the side was Valentino, the owner of Porn Studios. He had arrived in Hell in the 1970s. He was a moth demon with glowing pink eyes under pink heart sunglasses with yellow trim. He had a pink tall top hat with black and white stripes, and a black and white feather on top (his right one was missing). He had four arms and wore a red robe with a fluffy white collar decorated with hearts. His sharp teeth were pink, and his face was grayish. He was a pimp and was the boss of porn star Angel Dust. His phone had a moth design on it with hearts.

 

Finally, the youngest was Velvette, the Overlord of social media. She had arrived in Hell in the 1990s. She had thick wild hair in two large ponytails, one white and one dark pink. She wore a white frilly dress with pink in the center, large poofy purple and pink shoulder covers, and sleeves decorated with pink and white stripes. Her face was gray, and her eyes were large and red with white iris and black pupils. Vox looked taken aback as she grinned and took a selfie with him with her cell phone. Her cell phone cover was pink with @ designs on the bottom and a heart chat design <3, also referencing the “3 Vs.”  She grinned as she stared down at her phone. 

 

Valentino stared down at his phone as he looked at his text conversation with Angel Dust.

 

Valentino: “Did you get my money, Angie baby?”

Angel Dust: “I’m witta John now. I don’t get why this needed to happen so soon after the Extermination tho. Boss.”

Valentino: “Just do it. No sas. K sugar.”

Angel Dust: “Yes Val.”

 

Meanwhile near Cannibal Town, short demons with top hats and ladies’ hats feasted happily on the body of a demon woman wearing a white dress and a pink hat. Odette and Clara were Carmilla Carmine’s daughters. They collected angelic weapons for her to sell to demons. Odette wore a white lab coat and round red glasses. Her hair was in a white ponytail, and she had short horns on her head. Her skin was white, and she wore black gloves. She wrote notes down on her clipboard. Next to her was her sister, Clara, who pulled a third angelic spear from the corpse and carried them with a smile, following her sister. Her skin was brown, her hair white and curly, with black curved horns and red eyes. She had a black tank top, short gray shorts, white leggings, and black shoes.

 

The doors to a building were pink glass decorated with teal eyes. Rosie, a Mary Poppins lookalike Overlord grinned as she crossed out “Franklin” in white paint on a sign that read “Franklin and Rosie Emporium.” Rosie was a tall cannibal Overlord with white skin, light hair, black eyes, sharp teeth, and a long black neck. She wore a large pink ladies’ hat, decorated with skulls, dark flowers, and long black feathers hanging from the back. Her Victorian style dress was in many shades of pink and her hat had a Day of the Dead style to it.

 

Not too far away, a brown demon with a reddish beaked face and red eyes wore a bloodstained white apron. He ripped off a demon corpse head and tossed it into a shopping cart that he pushed. Next to him was a white-skinned demon with a gray top hat, pink bandana, and dark gray shirt, smoking a cigarette with his green hairy arms. A casino, bank, and a Devil’s Diner were nearby. A cat-like demon had a grinning green face in the middle of his chest as he walked in the background. Near a red-haired demon woman listening to music, a lavender Beetlejuice demon appeared in red smoke with a grin and a pinstriped shirt.

 

A muscular dark purple demon walked around with glowing red eye tattoos near a transparent walking stick demon, an eel demon in the air, and a tan-green bird demon caught in the talons of a dark bird demon with a large mouth like a Venus Fly Trap. More posters were nearby: “You Deserve THIS,” “Sin Means Death,” “Extermination Mandatory” and “Resist, Lilith in Concert.” On a building was a shadowy grinning figure of Roo, the secret Goddess controlling all of Hell. A glowing hourglass was in the center of the city and four large clock faces were in all directions above it. Looming Exorcist statues were at the top of the tower like gargoyles. The clock tower rang out as the number of days until the next Extermination changed to 365.

 

Back on the balcony, Charlie sang her lament as her hair blew in the wind and tears streaked down her face.

 

“At the end of the rainbow, there’s happiness.

And to find it, how often I’ve tried.

But my life is a race

Just a wild goose chase

And my dreams have all been denied.”

 

“A ray of hope in this world of black

I wish the world to be free of sin.

But no matter hard I try

I can’t get by

I never seem to win.”

 

Charlie imagined her father’s stern silhouette behind her.

 

“Why have I always been a failure?

What can the reason be?

I wonder if the worlds to blame.

I wonder if it could be me.”

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching clouds drifting by

My schemes are just like my dreams

Ending in the sky.”

 

“Some fellows look and find the sunshine.

I always look and find the rain.

Some fellows make a winning sometimes.

I never even make a gain.

Believe me.”

 

“Will this world be a better place?

Or will loss never go away?

The choices I face, me, a disgrace.

Loss of hope here to stay.”

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching clouds drifting by

My schemes are just like my dreams

Ending in the sky.”

 

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows

Waiting to find a little bluebird

In vain.”

 

Tears fell down her face.

 

0 0 0

 

 

The golden Heaven Embassy building towered over Charlie, gleaming gold like an out of place church. The stained-glass windows showed Christian Crosses and images of wheels with white wings and eyes. The doorknobs were shaped like bronze half suns. Even the fences were golden and shaped like Exorcist spears and eyes. The highest steeple was the clock tower with the large hourglass of glowing sand, the imposing Exorcist gargoyle statues up top, and the pentagram clockfaces.

 

Charlie opened the doors of the Heaven Embassy and peeked inside. She had persuaded her father to meet with the angels to talk about the Extermination. Taking a deep breath, she hoped it would go well.

 

“Hello?”

 

Charlie felt like she was in an abandoned church cathedral. The walls were lavender with Egyptian-style fan designs on it. Exorcist gargoyle-like statues protruded from the walls as well as smaller heads below. The windows on either side of the walls had Christian Crosses on them. A spiral glowing chandelier hung from the tall ceiling. The purple stained-glass windows ahead showed an Ophanim angel wheel with four wings shooting out nine rays into flames below. There were golden couches off to the side in rows.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hellooo…?” Charlie began again, her voice echoing. “Creepy,” she muttered.

 

Charlie walked up to the front desk. She tapped a small golden bell to ring it. A golden scroll and a golden feather ink pen hovered in front of her. The glowing scroll read “Heaven Embassy, sign in.”

 

“Okay, also creepy,” Charlie added as she took the feather pen and signed it. The scroll and pen flew up and disappeared before two twin doors slid open.

 

Charlie walked into the dark room. The walls were light blue with larger Egyptian fan designs. A globe on a nearby stand had four wings on it. A blue round table had a green outline and several fan-shaped chairs around it.

 

“Uh…hello? Is anyone here?”

 

The lights suddenly switched on. “Sup,” came a voice.

 

“Holy shit!” Charlie cried in surprise, falling over backwards. She stood up, readjusting her hair and pose. Before her were three angels. The taller one was Adam. He was sitting in one of the chairs eating a piece of bloody rib with black hands. His masked face was black, his eyes yellow and his teeth yellow and sharp. He had two curved black horns with pointed gold tips at the bottom. A golden halo with a vertical point in the center was over his head. He wore a high collared white robe with golden sleeves and a gray “A” in the center of his outfit. The bottom of his robe was decorated with diamonds and a dark gray lower trim. His wings were large and golden, folded behind him.

 

Next to him was his lieutenant Lute, who stood cold and serious, hands folded behind her. She wore an LED mask with an X over the right eye. The horns were black and curved backwards in curls, with thin white stripes on them. Her short gray dress was stained with blood, as were her white/gray gloves and her long white metallic combat boots. Her wings were white with a black outline and two black stripes referencing her high military rank. The halo over her head was black with a black vertical point in the center.

 

The third angel had a glowing teal-white crown and large eyes all over her body. She was a tall silhouette that sat in a taller chair in the background. Charlie couldn’t make out her features, but Adam said she was his Seraphim boss, Sera. Sera’s younger sister was Emily, a more cheerful accepting Seraphim angel.

 

“Hi, um, I’m Charlie,” Charlie recovered. “My dad gave me permission to meet you guys…”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Adam replied, eating his rib like a buzzsaw, leaving the bone behind.

 

“Okay, well it’s nice to meet you,” said Charlie, holding out her hand.

 

“Totally. Nice to meet you, too,” Adam added, holding out his black arm. Charlie went over to shake it, but instead her hand passed through his holographic hand which glitched on and off. Charlie flinched back and gasped.

 

Adam leaned forward with a mischievous grin.  “Ha! I fucking got you!” He turned to Lute. “Did you fucking see that?” Lute nodded.

 

He turned back to Charlie. “Ha. Good shit.”

 

Sera shook her head.

 

Charlie held out her hands. “Uh…so, wait. You aren’t here?”

 

“No. You think I’d come down there?” He laughed. “No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes.” He leaned in uncomfortably close and jabbed at her chest with his long finger. “Pretty fucking hardcore, don’t get me wrong. But it’s such a bummer, man. Everything down there is just so “eugh” ya know?” He chuckled. “Ew.”

 

Charlie brushed it off. “Right. So, I’m happy we’ve got this opportunity to meet. There’s a project that I’ve been working on that I really want to talk to you about…”

 

Adam put a finger to Charlie’s lips.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We’ve got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm.” He pointed his fingers forward, snapping them. “How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you.” He posed with two fingers forward. He held up a silver plate with the ribs on it. “Here’s my personal favorite. You’ll love it.”

 

“Uh…thanks,” Charlie said. She reached out to take a piece, but her hand passed through the hologram again, the ribs fizzing on and off.

 

Adam burst into laughter, pointing at her. “I got you again, bitch!” He laughed some more. “Fucking hilarious!” Charlie rolled her eyes.

 

“Enough games, Adam,” Sera reprimanded. “Let the princess speak.”

 

But before Charlie could talk about her project, she soon found herself sitting in boredom and annoyance as Adam boasted about his sex life and misogynistic talks. She propped up herself on her elbows as Adam talked.

 

“So, I was playin’ this gig, and for some fuckin’ reason, the Virtue chick was diggin’ on the drummer, and it’s like, ‘do you know who I am? I’m fuckin’ Adam. I’m the original dick!’” He pointed down to his penis.

 

‘Well, that’s one way of putting it,’ Charlie thought.

 

“All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick?”

 

Lute shook her head.

 

“No way!” Adam declared. “I’m the dick-fuckin’ master!” He chewed on a piece of rib, enjoying it. He talked with his mouth full. “So, anyway, then we fucked and it was awesome. What’d you do this weekend?”

 

“Wait…your name is Adam?” Charlie asked. “Like the first man Adam? That means you…”

 

Charlie winced. “Oooh.” Adam being, well, a dick, was the reason why her mother Lilith had left him. She muttered, “That explains so much.”

 

Adam smirked. “I know. I fucking rock.” He did a horned rock gesture with his hand.

 

“Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir…” Charlie began.

 

Adam smirked. “Call me Dickmaster.”

 

“Adam. You seem like a smart…well, stand-up guy.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Adam responded, picking his teeth.

 

“And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A-a genius!”

 

Adam shrugged. “I mean, your words, babe.”

 

“Who would really love to put his name on something.”

 

“Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit’s the best!” He banged both fists on the table. “You should’ve seen my latest single album. Hot as fire!” He briefly showed an album cover that showed art of himself using his penis to blow fire at a bunch of shadow demons as sexy female angels flew around him. “Dick-Re-Mastered” was in bold gold rocker font on the top. Charlie made a disgusted face, then recovered again.

 

“Well…your influence could be a solution to our biggest problem!” Charlie said.

 

“Oh, herpes. Yeah, that’s a bitch,” said Adam.

 

“No!” Charlie cried. “Our…other biggest problem.”

 

“Oh…uh…ugly people?” He briefly looked at the audience, eyebrow raised with a smirk. “Earth people are hideous.”

 

“Not that…” Charlie started.

 

“Math?” Adam asked. “Global warming? Nah, wait, that’s Earth’s problem. Ummm…”

 

Adam pondered some more. He soon ran out of ideas and began more sexist rambles. “When you take her out for the fifth time, and she still expects you to pay the check but you’re like…” He did a high-pitched voice, “’Hey, I thought you wanted equality!’”

 

The plate of ribs was finished in front of him.

 

“NO!” Charlie yelled in frustration. “You and your angels killing MY people in Hell!”

 

“Oooh,” Adam realized, chucking. “Well, that’s not a problem! We got that covered!” He turned to Lute. “How many demons did you kill this year?”

 

Lute marched forward, hands behind her back. “Got a good 275 this year, sir.”

 

Lute then flexed her arm muscles, a women’s “We Can Do It” gesture.

 

Adam was impressed. “275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, Danger Tits! Pound it!”

 

Adam raised a fist and Lute did a Miraculous Ladybug fist-bump.

 

Charlie held out her hands, standing up. “Uh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Adam did a mock solemn prayer, hands folded together. “That must suck for you!” He burst into laughter.

 

“But these are souls…human souls just the same as the ones you have up in Heaven.”

 

“They are not the same,” Lute responded coldly. “They had their chance and they earned damnation.”

 

“You’re wrong,” Charlie argued. “Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.”

 

“Angels don’t make mistakes,” Lute responded.

 

“You really think that?” Charlie asked.

 

“I know that,” she declared.

 

“But my dad Lucifer was an angel and he fell to Hell.”

 

“He was a traitor who abandoned his ways. Any traitor is just as bad as a Sinner and a demon.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve never made a mistake in my fuckin’ life!” Adam boasted.

 

Charlie’s eyes narrowed. “Then why did Lilith leave you? Your…cocky ego?”

 

Adam glared and let out a forced chuckle. “The sexy bitch couldn’t handle my demands, so she foolishly fled from me and caused sin to erupt, along with Eve and your bastard dad.”

 

Charlie’s eyes briefly flared red. “Well, at least she found someone truly worthy enough to call her husband.”

 

“Then let me ask you, babe, where is she now?”

 

Charlie froze, fear and despair in her eyes. The room slowly turned an ominous red.  Lute walked around the table near Charlie like a vulture. “The only reason you’re still here is because daddy gave you and your Hellborn kind a pardon from an Exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?”

 

Charlie’s face fell, soon at a loss for words.

 

Sera cleared her throat. “I know that what we do may seem harsh. But due to a malevolent influence in your world, there is a worry that too many demons will turn dark and spread to Heaven and Earth.”

 

“What influence?” Charlie asked.

 

“Not for me to say,” Sera responded, slightly nervous. “I don’t like the thought of your people suffering, but we had no choice. If Sinners continue to overpopulate your world, Hell will become unhabitable. And the dark one in Hell always needs to be properly feed…”

 

Sera then turned her head away, having already said too much.

 

Adam just smirked and said, “Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.” Charlie had a bad feeling that he wasted her time on purpose.

 

“Oh fuck!” Charlie gasped. She stood up and pushed a chair aside. “Okay, I’ve got a lot to get though and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren’t hearing me before, so here it goes.” She pulled out her papers and placed them on the table.

 

She coughed and talked fast almost in a song.

 

“I know Hell’s population is out of control.

It’s a bad situation.

It’s taking a toll.

If we rehab these Sinners

And cleanse all their souls

At my Happy Hotel…”

 

Charlie flipped through drawings she did on the papers: one of smiling stick-figure demons under a red pentagram. The next drawing showed the demons crowded together and frowning. The next showed the Hazbin Hotel with a rainbow in the sky and pink hearts.

 

Charlie rambled through her stack of papers, clearly nervous.

 

“Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself!”

 

“Right! Extermination!”

 

She held up another drawing of angels flying down with spears, killing demons on the ground.

 

“I know you guys fly down

Just to kill once a year

And it must be annoying

To schlep all the way here…”

 

“We have a portal for that,” deadpanned Lute.

 

Charlie continued, throwing her papers with a sparkly rainbow that briefly appeared behind an unimpressed Adam. Charlie held another drawing of angels and demons holding hands under a rainbow, stars, and more hearts.

 

“If they join you in Heaven

That trip disappears!

You can wave that chore farewell!”

She took a big breath of air.

“It’ll be a happy day in…”

 

“Let me stop you right there,” Adam interrupted in song, his palm out. Charlie rolled up her paper and flinched. “Oh.”

 

“Save us all precious time…”

 

“Okay…” Charlie began.

 

“If what you’re suggesting

Is letting them climb

Up the ladder,

Oh, they’d rather cross the Pearly Gates?”

 

“Well, uh…” Charlie started before Adam cut in.

 

“Sorry, sweetie. But there’s no defyin’ their fates!”

 

Adam jumped onto the table, knocking over the plate of ribs to the floor.

 

“’Cause Hell is forever

Whether you like it or not.

Had their chance to behave better

Now they boil in the pot!”

 

Charlie imagined flying toward the golden gates, only for her to be pulled backwards and tossed around in a bloody cauldron. Adam stirred it and screaming demons, blood, and organs spilled out. Adam tossed the gory contents out, Charlie screaming in the bloody stream.

 

“’Cause the rules are black and white

There’s no use in tryin’ to fight it.

They’re burnin’ for their lives

Until we kill them again!”

 

Adam turned white on one half of his face and black on his other half. Charlie tried to climb up the bloody pit full of dead demons, but Adam stood mockingly above her as Lute twirled her sword and knocked her down.

 

Charlie soon recovered from her awful imaginings.

 

“Okay, but…” Charlie tried again, tearing her paper in her hands. Adam continued.

 

“Just try to chillax, babe.

You’re wasting your breath.

Did I hear you imply

That they don’t deserve death?

Are they Winners?

Are they Sinners?

‘Cause it’s cut and dry.”

 

“Well, actually if you take a look…”

 

Adam interrupted her again. “Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!”

 

Adam zoomed up to the ceiling and a sphere of light appeared behind him.  Charlie fell to the floor.

 

“And when all’s said and done (Said and done)

There’s the question of fun (Fun)”

 

Adam stepped down onto five white cloud stairs as if he were royalty or a god.

 

“And for those of us with Divine Ordainment

Extermination is entertainment!”

 

Adam laughed as he summoned his golden guitar. The top was shaped like a harp and the bottom was golden and curved like a large harp. He laughed and danced as he made rock guitar noises. Lute flew around with Adam, dancing in the air.

 

“Bow-now-now-nowow, Guitar solo, fuck yeah! Oh-da-ah-ah-now-now-n-now-n-nownownowonow!”

 

“Ugh…” Charlie solely got up from the floor as Adam sang some more.

 

“’Cause Hell is forever

Whether you like it or not.”

 

Four golden mirages of Exorcists appeared around Adam. They danced and clapped and supported Adam like warrior back-up dancers.

 

Charlie stepped back in fear as they surrounded her, clapping to the song. “Where the Hell did you people come from?!”

 

“…Had their chance to become better

Now they boil in the pot.

‘Cause the rules are black and white

There’s no use in tryin’ to fight it.

They’re burnin’ for their lives

Until we kill them again!”

 

Adam and Lute did another fist-bump as they flew together in sync. Adam did a fast spiral twirl before strumming his golden light guitar hard, sending an explosion of energy across the room.

 

“Fuckin’ Hell’s forever

And it’s meant to suck a lot!

So, give up your dumb endeavor

‘Cause you don’t have a shot!”

 

Adam, Lute, and the golden Exorcists flew together in sync, smiling and mocking Charlie. Charlie growled in anger as her demon form briefly sprouted up: red eyes, sharp teeth, pointed horns from her head, burning the paper in her hands and waving her long blonde hair.

 

 “Long as I’ve got your attention

I guess I should probably mention…”

 

Adam summoned a golden wrapped up scroll in his hands and flew over to Charlie.

 

“That we made the determination

To move up the next Extermination!”

 

Adam opened up the scroll and it showed a drawing of Adam with the words “FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!”

 

“WHAT?!” Charlie screamed, not believing what she was hearing.

 

Adam grinned maliciously.

 

“Can’t wait a whole year

To slaughter those little cunts.

I know it’s just been a week

But we’ll be back in six months!”

 

To Charlie’s horror, Adam blasted her from the room, using the energy from his magic guitar. Lute winked and the papers flew out of the room with another blast from his guitar. Charlie crumpled onto the floor, papers flying everywhere in a mess.

 

Charlie stood up; hand outstretched in desperation.

 

Sera cleared her throat, glaring at Adam before turning to Charlie, still in shadow. “More Sinners are entering Hell, creating an imbalance to the realms. After listening to your…rather peculiar proposal, I am willing to give your hotel a chance. If you can prove that a Sinner can be redeemed in six months, I will cease the Exterminations.”

 

Adam groaned in disappointment.

 

Sera glared. “But if you fail…”

 

Sera stared sadly at Adam and Lute who made gestures of slicing demons’ throats.

 

“See you in six months, bitch!” Adam cackled, strumming his guitar. 

 

“Um, wait, you-you…”

 

Charlie raced toward the closing doors. Adam grinned as played a parting guitar solo. The doors closed before her, leaving her in darkness.

 

Charlie pounded her fist on the doors in defeat. “UGH, SHIT!”

 

 

 

0 0 0

 

 

Back in Hell, a dark blue demon with four arms and large red eyes screamed as he fell to the ground. He lifted himself up, rubbing his face and chest in relief.

 

“Oh! I’m alive! I’m alive!”

 

The demon was promptly run over by an oncoming car in a splatter of blood.

 

The car stopped and a tall white spider demon got out: Angel Dust. He wore tall dark boots, dark pink gloves, and a black collar around his neck. His suit was white with pink horizontal stripes, his shirt collar was dark pink, and he had a black bowtie with a pink center. His face was white and furry, and his eyes had dark pink irises. The left eye was black, and the right eye was white. His furry white hair was part of his face and was decorated with light pink spots and a pink heart at the back. He also had three pink dots under his eyes which were hidden eyes, a gold sharp tooth and four arms, hiding an extra pair.

 

Angel Dust leaned his arm on the door, slicking his hair back and smirking.

 

“Heh. Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff!” mused Travis from inside the car.

 

“Yeah, yeah, listen,” he said, closing the door and pointing at him. “It’s discrete, ya hear me?” He peeked his head through the open window. “I can’t let it get out I’m offerin’ my services to randos on the street.” He gestured with his fingers. “It was a quick cash grab, ya got it?” He smiled and snapped his fingers in a pose. Outside were various store signs: “Jackpot Hotel,” “Devil’s Diner,” “The Redroom Cocktails,” “Dentist,” “Pub – drugs here,” “Fossil’s Gas,” “Bonkoz Sex Toyz,” “Killer Club,” and “Hellish Delights.”

 

Travis scoffed. He was a gray hairy demon wearing a gray hat. He had long claws and one of his eyes was black with a red heart. “Whatever you say, slut!” He burst into laughter.

 

Angel Dust posed dramatically and spoke sarcastically. “Ouch! Oh, such an insult!”

 

He leaned in toward Travis, whose face fell.

 

“Let me know when you’ve come up with something creative to call me, you sack of poorly packaged horse shit!” He poked Travis on the nose.

 

“Tell the misses I said ‘hi’,” Angel Dust smirked. “Shnuckums!” He gave Travis a kiss and let go of his collar, moving his head back out the window.

 

Travis rolled up the window and grumbled as he drove off. “Poorly pack of…”

 

His car flipped over on its side and crashed in the distance.

 

Angel Dust glanced off to the side and spotted a store. A yellow door was there and a dark door with an upside-down Christian cross on it. There was a poster advertising a needle, and another poster that read, “Just a few miles away: Casino.”

 

Angel Dust’s eyes lit up as he spotted a red vending machine decorated with white dots labeled “drugs” in white letters.

 

Angel Dust glanced at the options: “Coke!”, “Bojack,” “McWeedies420,” “Squip,” “Hero-in,” “Krunchy Krokodile,” and “Angel Dust.” Angel Dust pressed the pink “Angel Dust” button and a white sack of drugs fell into the slot. He grinned and snatched it up. He greedily held it in his hands and was about to open it when another demon snatched it from him and ran off. He had a white face, horns, and wore a black hoodie.

 

“Yoink!”

 

“Hey!” Angel Dust yelled.

 

“Up yours, drag show!” mocked the running demon before he promptly got crushed by a falling boulder. Nearby were more signs: “Begg Slut,” “We couldn’t think of a pun for our shop, but we sell HARD DRUGS!”

 

“Oh my God!” Angel Dust exclaimed in horror. He picked up a piece of the sack, ignoring the twitching arm of the demon. He stared dejectedly at the piece in his hand. “My drugs! Dammit!”

 

Angel Dust then glared into the distance and spotted something in the red sky. It was a zeppelin warship that was firing blasts and explosive lasers, destroying several buildings. Magenta flames came out of one cannon and a laser beamed out from another, causing explosions in neon pink smoke.

 

Inside the ship, there were snake scale designs that decorated the windows. Yellow cabinets were decorated with pink eyes and another pink eye was on a gear on the wall. Sir Pentious icons lined the walls as well. Golden stairs leading up to the higher platform were on structures shaped like snakes. Minions scurried on the lower floor, the Egg Boiz. The eggs had two small black legs, small black arms, and wore gray pinstriped suits with vertical yellow lines, yellow undershirts, and black neckties. They also had small black top hats with a pink rim in the middle. Operating the control at the top was Sir Pentious himself. He was a serpent Overlord who had lived in London in the 1800s as an evil steampunk inventor. He had a dark gray face, sharp yellow fangs, and large pink eyes. His top hat was gray with a large pink eye and sharp yellow teeth of its own. He also wore a gray pinstriped suit with yellow lines, black gloves with pink fingertips, a black bowtie with a yellow center, a yellow undershirt and a pink eye in the middle. His hood was long and black, revealing a yellow interior and hypnotizing pink eyes when he opened it up. The lower part of his body was of a large serpent with black and yellow scales and more pink eyes.

 

Sir Pentious laughed manically at the controls.

 

“Those other cowardly Ssssinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision! The power of my machines are unmatched!” He pulled two levers forward and his hood opened. “No other demon can compare to the likes of I!”

 

“Gee! That was pretty swell, boss!” cheered Egg 23.

 

“Yeah!” chimed in Egg 666.

 

“You really showed them what for!” added a third Egg Boi, getting onto the controls, mimicking guns with his hands. “I liked when you shot them with your ray gun!” A fourth Egg Boi playfully rang his fingers alone Sir Pentious’ lower half. Sir Pentious angrily slapped the egg away.

 

“I wish he’d shoot me with his ray gun,” sighed Egg 23. Another egg patted him.

 

Sir Pentious rolled his eyes and continued, hood opening. “At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of the Pentagram by days end!” He pushed some buttons and looked at a red diagram with pentagrams on it. He pulled two levers toward him. “And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!” He grinned as he squeezed another Egg Boi in his tail.  Another Egg Boi opened up a teal bottle of brown liquid whisky, the cork flying toward Sir Pentious’ face.

 

“Oh boy!” cheered another Egg Boi as Sir Pentious elbowed the Egg Boi holding the bottle away and tossed the squeezed Egg Boi aside.

 

“Hell will be mine! And everybody will know the name of Sir Pen…”

 

“EDGELORD!” interrupted a voice.

 

Sir Pentious and the Egg Boiz froze in shock. Sir Pentious then looked around. “Pardon?! Who said that?!”

 

He leaned down angrily at two Egg Boiz, offended.

 

“What did you just say to me you fried chicken fetuses?!” The Egg Boiz shook in fear.

 

“Ssspeak up!” Sir Pentious hissed.

 

“That wasn’t us, Mr. Bossman,” said one of the Egg Boiz.

 

Something fell through a large yellow glass window at the front of the ship. A pink round cherry bomb with a black skull on it flipped through the air and landed with a bounce onto the floor. Sir Pentious flinched in fear as the fuse burned down and the bomb blew up in red smoke. Sir Pentious coughed and hacked as the ship filled with crimson smoke and sparkles.

 

“You lookin’ for a fight, old man?!”

 

He looked up and spotted his rival, Cherri Bomb. She wore torn black pants and one high heel pink boot. She wore a short dark pink tank top with a black x on it, and a lower dark pink skirt with white buttons on it. She had a light gray and white long sleeve on her right arm with a light gray fingerless glove. She had a black fingerless glove on her left hand, which tossed another bomb up and down. Her skin was white with dark pink freckles. She had one large pink cyclops eye with a yellow x in the center and thick pink and yellow hair in a long ponytail. She had arrived in Hell in the 1980s.

 

She grinned with sharp teeth. “Why don’t you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it?!” She caught her bomb. A piece of dark pipe fell down to the floor onto a dead Egg Boi next to Cherri Bomb. “More,” she added with a grin.

 

Sir Pentious hissed, his hood opening. “Oh! You wanna go, missy?! Well, I’m happy to oblige! Ah ha ha!” He laughed evilly as Egg Boiz posed with tasers and wrenches in their hands next to him.

 

Cherri Bomb just scoffed. With graceful leaps, she avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. She used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the ship. Landing gracefully on the ground, she continued her assault from below.

 

“Catch me if you can, snake man!” she taunted out loud.

 

“Get her!” he bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs running in a frenzy.

 

The minions jumped to the ground after her, the Overlord following suit. Cherri Bomb dodged a blast, grinned, and picked up the minion egg. She spun around and threw the minion straight into Sir Pentious’ face. The snake threw the egg back at her, and she caught it with one hand.

 

“Thanks for the gift!” Cherri Bomb called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. She placed a bomb into it, then threw it back…straight into his face. Sir Pentious could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke.

 

“Why you little…”

 

Cherri Bomb ducked as another egg sailed over her head.

 

Just then, a familiar drug-addict white demon stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.

 

“Angel!” called Cherri Bomb, happy to have her partner in crime arrive.

 

“Great to see you too, sweetie,” he replied.

 

Pink explosions filled the air as the fight continued.

 

“Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Cherri Bomb smiled as she fired a flaming red blast from a metal cannon weapon toward Sir Pentious.

 

Angel Dust laughed, leaning against a black rock as a cover. He threw a grenade over his head.

 

“Hahaha! Are you kiddin’? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages!”

 

A pink explosion rocked the streets.

 

“Where have you been anyway?” Cherri Bomb asked as she removed a fuse from another bomb. “I thought you up and died or some shit.”

 

“Oh, I wish,” Angel Dust remarked as he lit another fuse and handed the bomb to his ally. “I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some broads are lettin’ me stay rent-free if I play nice.”

 

Cherri Bomb threw her bomb, then ducked beside Angel Dust behind the rock. They both covered their ears. A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh. The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions. Using four arms, Angel Dust fired rapidly from a tommy gun at the minions, making some of them explode.

 

He sighed and used one of his hands to gesture, “Y’know, no fights, no pranks, no ‘problematic language.’ Her words, not mine.”

 

Angel Dust tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending him into the air and exploding in a yellow yolk mess. Angel Dust waved a spiked club and continued firing his gun, his shadow silhouette briefly behind him. A pot shop stood in the background, with marijuana leaves near the sign.

 

“These bitches are no fun!” Angel Dust complained in frustration. Splatters of yolk landed on his head and face. “I’ve been clean for two weeks!”

 

“Holy shit!” Cherri Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air, more bombs in her hands.

 

Angel Dust scooped up yolk with his pink gloved finger. “Well, sorta clean.” He smashed apart another egg minion with his club. “As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder.” Angel Dust’s shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs as Cherri Bomb posed in the background. A sign read “50% off meth,” above a small supermarket.

 

A black chain wrapped tightly around Angel Dust’s waist and chest, sending him flying backwards. Cherri Bomb gasped as her ally was pulled away. Sir Pentious threw the chained Angel Dust hard onto the ground a distance away. The spider demon landed with a thud against volcanic rock.

 

“Oh, harder daddy!” Angel Dust teased with a wide smirk.

 

Sir Pentious gasped, eyes tearing up. “Son?!”

 

Angel Dust stared blankly, one eyebrow raised, a look of disbelief on his face.

 

Cherri Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Sir Pentious’ back. The snake landed on the ground, then hissed threateningly. He stood up in anger.

 

“You whores have no class!” he exclaimed. “In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style.” He sprung his bowtie in emphasis.

 

Cherri Bomb broke open an egg and tossed the shells aside. Angel Dust stood up, freeing himself from the chains.

 

“Or the side that ain’t dead,” Cherri Bomb added.

 

“Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something?” asked the spider demon, wiggling his fingers.

 

Sir Pentious hissed. “Oh, well that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?”

 

Angel Dust continued, “Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?”

 

He and Cherri Bomb burst into laughter. A pink “loser” sign pointed at the oblivious villain snake. “Ooooh,” said a minion near him. “One hellish burn.” The snake slapped the egg with his hand.

 

“I’m going to blow you to bits!” Sir Pentious hissed, pointing at them.

 

“Hmmm! Kinky!” Angel Dust teased with a smirk.

 

“Not like that! Pervert!” Sir Pentious retorted, pointing a finger. Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust held in laughter.

 

An advertisement displaying a plate of sausage, eggs, and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read “pussy.” Another yellow sign read, “Sex here.”

 

Angel Dust suddenly pushed Cherri Bomb out of the way, as an egg minion shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angel Dust’s four wrists. He struggled to free himself, the cords stretching.

 

Sir Pentious grinned, leaning in. “Not so cocky now, are we?”

 

“Y’know, you really need to watch what’s coming out of your mouth,” Angel Dust remarked. “I’ve been making sex jokes this whole time!” A drill poked out from the ground, Angel Dust barely avoiding it. A minion held a drill in his small hands at Angel Dust. Two extra arms popped out from Angel Dust’s body, holding his rifle.

 

“And it’s obvious you ain’t catching on,” Angel Dust said, cocking his gun. “I mean, it’s just…sad!”

 

The spider jumped into the air, freeing himself and firing the gun. The blast hit Sir Pentious and his gray top hat fell off. Angel Dust flipped him the bird.

 

Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel Dust, walking sideways. “Think you’re gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?”

 

“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?” Angel Dust shrugged his shoulders and retracted his extra arms. Sir Pentious lay fuming on the ground.

 

More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Eggshells and yolk puddles littered the cracked street.

 

Cherri Bomb playfully elbowed Angel Dust. “Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite guy to party with!”

 

“You know it, sugar tits,” Angel Dust replied with a playful grin.

 

“You ready to finish this?” Cherri Bomb asked. She rolled a bomb from one of her shoulders to her other shoulder, then into her hand.

 

Angel Dust cocked his gun again. “Born ready, baby!”

 

The duo charged at Sir Pentious. Cherri Bomb sang, “Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I’m your wild girl. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!” Everyone yelled.

 

 

 

0 0 0

 

Transcript during the 666 News broadcast:

 

“BREAKING NEWS! A LARGE-SCALE TURF WAR IS UNDERWAY IN PENTAGRAM CITY BETWEEN SIR PENTIOUS AND CHERRI BOMB. THE SURROUNDING AREAS ARE COVERED IN DEBRIS, SO PLEASE AVOID DOWNTOWN ON YOUR COMMUTE TODAY. TRAFFIC IS “HELLA” BACKED UP. GET IT? “HELL” BUT WITH AN “A” AT THE END? THAT’S A WORD YOUNGER PEOPLE SEEM TO ENJOY USING. I DON’T REALLY LIKE IT, THOUGH. I WROTE IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THE NATURAL KIND OF PUN TO MAKE FOR THIS SITUATION, BUT NOW THAT I SEE IT IN TEXT, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A MISTAKE, A MISTAKE I CAN’T TAKE BACK…LIKE CHEATING ON MY WIFE. I’M SO SORRY, MARTHA. I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT, BUT YOU DID GAIN A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER THE BABY AND I REALLY NEEDED SOME SPACE. YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL. I BANGED THE CLEANING LADY, AND THAT WAS A PRETTY NICE TIME, EVEN THOUGH SHE LAUGHED AT ME WHEN I TOLD HER I COULDN’T GET OFF UNLESS SHE LICKED MY FOOT FIRST. I DON’T SEE HOW THAT’S A WEIRD REQUEST. MAYBE IF I’D JUST GET A HOOKER, SHE WOULD’VE BEEN MORE AGREEABLE. THE POINT IS, MY WIFE IS A FUCKING BITCH. ONE TIME, WE WENT TO THE ZOO AND I GOT REALLY MAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE ORANGUTAN WAS MAKING FUN OF ME. HE KEPT DOING THAT STUPID DUCK LIP FACE? THEIR LIPS ALL PUCKERED? THEN IT STARTED SCREAMING AND THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. MY WIFE TOLD ME IT WAS “JUST A MONKEY,” AND TO “CALM DOWN.”

 

A neon logo appeared on the screen, displaying “666 News” in a circle with a neon eye underneath. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen. A skeletal, insect-like demon woman with short blonde hair and a large toothy grin sat wearing a dark pink fancy dress and a pearl necklace. Sitting in the other chair, dressed in a blue-gray business suit was a demon with a gray gas mask for a face along with short light blonde hair. They were live on the air.

 

“Good afternoon!” chimed the woman. “I’m Katie Killjoy.”

 

“And I’m Tom Trench!” added the masked man. “Chaos at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side between notable king Sir Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherri Bomb!”

 

Two pictures surrounded by flame borders showed Sir Pentious wearing a yellow “music band” shirt, and a backwards baseball cap, doing a peace sign and wearing a pair of sunglasses with a dopey expression on his face. The other picture showed Cherri Bomb flipping the bird with a grin and standing under glittering spotlights.

 

“That’s right, Tom!” Katie Killjoy added. “After the recent Extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain more territory!”

 

The clips showed Sir Pentious fighting Cherri Bomb with the egg minions.

 

“Those two seem to really be going at it, huh? Looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!” Katie Killjoy popped a tooth and nail into her mouth.

 

“And I’d sure like to nail her hot spot!” Tom Trench remarked.

 

Katie Killjoy chuckled forcefully. “You’re a limp dick jackass, Tom. Or should I say…”

 

Adding insult to injury, she poured hot coffee over his crotch. “No dick!” Tom Trench moaned and flinched in pain. “Augh! Not again!”

 

Another picture surrounded by a border of flames displayed Charlie with the letters “Princess of Hell” next to it.

 

Katie Killjoy continued. “Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell’s own head honcho, who’s here to discuss her brand-new passion project!”

 

Tom Trench winced in pain on the desk.

 

“All that and more after the break!” Katie Killjoy finished, breaking the white mug in her hand. She whirled toward Tom Trench with a scowl. “Suck it up you little bitch…”

 

The TV went off-air, displaying Katie Killjoy’s mouth and eyes, colored bars and “off-air” with a pentagram in the “O.”

 

Inside the break room, Vaggie adjusted Charlie’s black bowtie. Nearby, a red tinted sign said that smoking was allowed. Another sign read “on air” in large letters.

 

Vaggie was Charlie’s girlfriend, a former El Salvadorian Sinner who lived on Earth and died in 2014. Charlie had found her with a missing eye, so she bandaged her up and took her in. Vaggie had been thankful and loyal ever since. Her face was light gray, and her right eye was cream colored with a yellow iris and a black pupil. Her other eye was covered by her grayish-white hair and a pink X. She wore a black collar around her neck and a short white dress with two gray Xs over her breasts. A pink bow was in her long hair, the ends of her hair resembling moth wings. She wore pastel leggings, her right one gray, her left one gray with pink stripes. Her shoes were black, and she also wore gray fingerless gloves.

 

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Vaggie asked her.

 

Charlie took a deep breath, enthusiasm in her voice. “Yes! Let’s do this!”

 

Vaggie put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She signaled with two fingers for her to pay attention. “Just look at me and I’ll mouth it to you.”

 

Charlie sighed. “Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say!”

 

Charlie walked over to the pitcher of red punch, where her flying doll-like goat bodyguards Razzle and Dazzle bodyguards were eating donuts. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

 

She tossed a donut aside before gasping.

 

“Oh! What if I…”

 

“Sing a song about it?” Vaggie finished.

 

“You knew I was gonna say that.” She playfully tapped her friend on the nose and Vaggie smiled.

 

Vaggie chuckled before adjusting Charlie’s bowtie again and shook her shoulders. “Because I know you. But please don’t sing. This is serious.” She pounded her fist into her hand.

 

Charlie snapped her fingers and briefly winked. “Well, you know, I find I’m better at expressing my goals through song!” She stood on the table and arched her arms dramatically.

 

“But life isn’t a musical, hun,” Vaggie reminded her.

 

“Fine,” Charlie said with a slump. Then she brightened again.

 

“But I do have these other ideas of what to say.”

 

She hopped off the table and pulled out a piece of paper, hopping excitedly.

 

“The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

 

Vaggie took the paper and scanned it in disbelief. “Uh, it’s all highlighted. Is this a drawing?”

 

“Yes!” Charlie answered. She pointed to her picture. It showed a list highlighted in yellow that read: “4, unicorn kisses,” “5, dolphin high-fives?” and “6, sing show tunes = happy ending!” She had drawn stick figures of demons standing on clouds under a rainbow with a sun and red hearts with faces on them.

 

 “That’s the happy ending, see? Everyone’s smiling and happy in Heaven!”

 

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Vaggie stated. She then begged her: “Just please follow the talking points we went over.”

 

She pulled Charlie close and stared her directly in the eyes. “And do. Not. Sing.”

 

Charlie sighed exasperatedly. “Fine.” Then she trotted over and spoke in an accent. “I’ll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills.” She gave a salute, several moves of her head, and walked out.

 

Vaggie suspected that this would not end well.

 

Charlie walked over to Katie Killjoy, who posed in her red dress, smoking a cigarette.

 

“Hi! I’m Charlie.”

 

She waved and held out her hand.

 

“Katie Killjoy,” the woman deadpanned before blowing out smoke and snapping her cigarette. She wore heavy lipstick and white earrings. “I’d say it’s a ‘pleasure’ to meet you, but that would be a lie. You can put that away,” she regarded Charlie’s hand. “I don’t touch the gays. I have standards.”

 

“Yeah?” Charlie asked nervously, looking at a big flashing sign that read “Hell’s #1 News!” “How’s uh…how’s that working for ya?”

 

“Look, my time is money, so I’ll keep this short,” Katie Killjoy cut in. She invasively tapped Charlie’s chest several times and poked her nose with her finger. “You’re not here because we wanted you here. You’re here because Jeffery could make it for his cannibal cooking segment.”

 

Katie Killjoy mentioned to a billboard that showed a blonde man wearing glasses holding up a platter with meat, poop, and a skull on it. “It’s Dahn Good: Cooking Show! Guaranteed Cannibalious!” read the sign. The man had been a serial killer who had also molested boys. “Who approved this show?” was on a sticky note nearby.

 

Tom Trench shook his head in his seat. “Sex! Murder! Weather!” were displayed on a column of three smaller signs.

 

Katie Killjoy fluffed up her hair and continued: “You might be some royal bigshot, but that doesn’t mean shit to me. I’m too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon “princess” wants to advertise.” She swayed her hips arrogantly.

 

“But I…” Charlie began.

 

“So don’t get cute with me, honey,” she warned, getting into Charlie’s face, curling her fingers, “Or I will fucking bury you!”

 

“And we’re live!” said a voice.

 

Katie Killjoy rushed back into her seat with a bony crack of her neck.

 

“Welcome back!”

 

Charlie sat in a chair next to her.

 

“So, Charlotte…”

 

“It’s Charlie,” she squeaked.

 

“Whatever,” Katie Killjoy dismissed. She took a frustrated breath and clicked her red pen in her hand. “Tell us about this new passion project you’ve been insistently pestering our news station about!”

 

“Well…” Charlie cleared her throat. She looked nervously at the demonic crew in front of her. A demon with a TV head, had “words” flashed across the screen in angry red letters. There was a demon with a black hat for a face, an Egyptian-like female with a white poodle, a woman with teal skin, a demon with glasses and green snake hair, a demon with two thin heads, several red horned demons, and a few Overlords. Another woman wore a hat with hanging beads and colorful Day of the Dead makeup on her face. Vaggie encouraged her to go on.

 

Charlie took a deep breath, her voice soft spoken.

 

“As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me.”

 

Katie clicked her pen impatiently. She spotted a green caterpillar and stabbed it with her pen with a predatory grin. Ink splattered on Charlie’s face and around the area.

 

Charlie continued, wiping off the dark pink ink from her face. “Hell is my home and…you are my people. We…”

 

Vaggie gave her a thumbs up and a smile.

 

“…we just went through another Extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year.” Her voice rose. “No one is even given a chance!”

 

Charlie banged her fist on the desk, waking Katie Killjoy from a bored drooling daze. A buff demon with horns and four eyes with a skull bull face wore a shirt with the word “crew” on it. An imp with a heart on his forehead stood nearby.

 

Charlie made her way forward. “I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I’ve been thinking. Isn’t there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through…redemption?”

 

Charlie pulled the buff demon into a side hug. “Well, I think yes. So that’s what this project aims to achieve!” She ran back to the desk.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates Sinners!”

 

The audience stared in stunned silence as Charlie spread out her arms.

 

A bloodstained logo “Radio Hack” was displayed above a window which provided a stack of a dozen TVs inside. One demon watching had deer antlers and a flaming blue face, one of the many Overlords. Crymini, the 90’s rocker hellhound, stood with a little demon wearing a jester hat upside down. Two hellhound twins stood nearby, one with dyed red hair, the other purple. A neon sign nearby read “Bar” “Klub Kanji,” and “used TVs.”

 

In a bar, dark demons wearing cowboy hats were playing pool, not even paying attention. A lead gun faced demon wore a cloth over his grinning face and had a large barrel gun for a face. His friend looked like a demonic bug, and another looked like a mustached villain. Meanwhile in a bar, purple and blue dragon-like demons sat and drank while casually watching the TVs overhead.

 

Charlie stuttered, “Ya know…’Cause hotels are for people passing through…temporarily…”

 

A tattooed dark blue reptile demon stood up and let out a loud laugh as Charlie babbled on.

 

“Is this girl for real? She thinks, you hear what she thinks? She’s…ha, ha ha! Oh, she’s nuts.” The demon walked away with a small lavender creature and a tall maroon being wearing punk rock clothing and crazy neon hair.

 

Charlie added, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward redemption!” She weakly added, “Yay.”

 

One dragon demon leaped away as a tall shadowy figure stood in the background. The sound of tap shoes approached.

 

The figure stood right next to ratted fliers which read “Beware him! Do not fuck with him!” “The Radio Demon” and “Radio Sounds!” was scrawled in red on demons screaming and fleeing from a monster.

 

The man smiled and tilted his head a notch as he watched the TV with curiosity and amusement. His shadow next to him briefly morphed into a shadowy face with fluffy ears and antlers.

 

Back at the news station, a cameraman with blue hair and a white face looked up and scoffed, “She’s a stupid bitch.”

 

Vaggie punched him hard in the face in response, causing him to fall off the chair to the ground.

 

Charlie stared around her, concerned. “Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do.”

 

A light bulb went off in her head and she smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

 

Vaggie face palmed, knowing what was coming next. “Oh no…”

 

Charlie snapped her fingers and her bodyguard demons appeared. One sat and began to play a grand piano.

 

Summoning the Disney princess within her, Charlie belted out her song:

 

 

“I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel

Yes, it’s one of a kind

Right here in Hell

Catering to a specific clientele!”

 

Razzle and Dazzle howled along…

 

The tempo rapidly picked up…

 

“Inside of every demon is a rainbow!

Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!

Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac

Is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child!”

 

“We can turn around!

They’ll be heaven-bound!

With just a little time

Down at the Happy Hotel!”

 

“So all you junkies, freaks and weirdos

Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes

And the fallen superheroes, help is here!

All of you cretins, sluts and losers

Sexual deviants and boozers

And prescription drug abusers

Need not fear!

Forever again

We’ll cure your sin!

We’ll make you well

You’ll feel so swell

Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel!”

 

 

“There’ll be no more fire

And there’ll be no more screams.

Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams,

And puffy-wuffy clouds

You’re gonna be all like, wow!

Once you check in with me!”

 

“So all your cartoon porn addictions

Vegan rants, psychic predictions

Ancient Roman crucifixions

End right here!”

 

“All you monsters, thieves and crazies

Cannibals and crying babies

Frothing mouthers full of rabies

Fill with cheer!”

 

“You’ll be complete!

It’ll be so neat!

Our service can’t be beat!

You’ll be on easy street! (Yes!)

Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel!

Yeah!”

 

 

Throughout the song, Charlie imagined giving a shiny cupcake to a masked killer, holding cotton candy and a brown puppy in her arms in the clouds…avoiding the attacks of every horror movie serial killer…

 

She pictured throwing drugs into a bin of fire, giving shots to monsters, giving money to charity, disturbing porn additions with a bra…

 

Snatching a “my waifu” and porn magazine of out a demon’s hands…

 

Throwing away demon’s cell phones…

 

Knocking over crosses…

 

Avoiding a scary spider overlord with yellow bat wings and pink eyes all over his body…

 

Giving demons big hugs…

 

Charlie emerging in her horned demon form from a flaming pentagram and jumping with joy in a land full of candy, rainbows, and ice cream. Spinning around in a fiery pentagram under her and posing in front of a rainbow.

 

Charlie finished with a pose on the table, arms in the air and panted.

 

The top hat demon smiled. “Wow! That was…shit!”

 

The crowd burst into rancorous laughter and boos, including a blue demon made of fire in the boo section. Katie Killjoy shrieked and banged her fist on the table. Charlie sank down to her knees in embarrassment.

 

Katie Killjoy laughed. “What in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good just…because?”

 

Charlie lifted up her head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and he’s shown incredible progress!”

 

“Oh?” Katie Killjoy asked, leaning in, “…and who might that be?”

 

“Oh, just someone named…Angel Dust.”

 

“The porn star?” asked Tom Trench in disbelief. He subconsciously unzipped his zipper and Katie Killjoy whirled on him. “You fucking would, Tom!” Her sharp nails left marks on the table.

 

Katie Killjoy turned back to Charlie. “In any case, that’s not even an accomplishment. I’m sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube.”

 

Someone wolf-whistled in the audience.

 

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Charlie argued, holding up her fingers. “He’s been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two whole weeks.”

 

“Breaking news!” announced a voice as music came on. Excited, Katie Killjoy pushed Charlie aside. “We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let’s go check out the live feed!”

 

To Charlie’s sheer horror, Angel Dust was seen on screen, crushing eggshells, and fighting with Cherri Bomb.

 

“Oh shit,” Charlie breathed.

 

“Oh, shit indeed!” exclaimed Katie Killjoy with a grin. “It looks like the one who has just joined the battle is none other than…”

 

She let out a dramatic gasp… “porn actor Angel Dust! What a juicy coincidence!”

 

The screen showed Angel Dust with the words “Angel Dust in ‘Well, Ok’: 18+.” Dicks and boobs were blurred.

 

Satisfied, she turned back to Charlie. “You must feel really stupid right now.” Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench laughed again.

 

“Ratings!” they added with jazz hands.

 

“Don’t look at this!” Charlie called, waving her arms in vain from behind the screen.

 

“Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival,” Katie Killjoy smirked. “Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?”

 

Failure. Failure…Charlie could see her doubt reflected in Katie Killjoy’s pink eyes and overbearing shadowy figure. Katie Killjoy and everyone laughed some more, their jeers painful to Charlie’s ears.

 

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. She snatched up Katie Killjoy’s red pen and held it triumphantly. “Well, how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Bitch?!”

 

Katie Killjoy glared dangerously. Charlie dropped the pen with a nervous smile, “Oops.”

 

Tom Trench leaped out of the way.

 

Katie Killjoy grew taller, her form turning to shadow. Out sprouted claws, four extra sharp appendages, and four red eyes on her face like a spider. She launched herself at Charlie. Charlie clawed at her hair and landed punches as the alarm went off in the newsroom. Katie Killjoy crawled on the desk on multiple legs like an insect, baring her fangs before Charlie jumped and knocked her off the table. Tom Trench screamed as his body was set on fire. “Why won’t anyone help me?!”

 

Charlie eventually ran out of the newsroom, Katie Killjoy following close behind, as everyone yelled.

 

“And stay out, you retarded dike!” Katie Killjoy cussed as Charlie made a run for it down the sidewalk. Charlie was tempted to strangle the homophobic, news diva with her bare hands…but that would only contradict her goal…if she even had one anymore.

 

Vaggie followed her and the two of didn’t say a word as they waited for their ride. Soon enough, a white limo with a monster mouth on the front of the vehicle rolled to the curb. Vaggie and Charlie climbed in…and so did an ecstatic Angel Dust. The doors closed and they drove off toward the Happy Hotel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

0 0 0 0 0 0 0

“Overture” Part 2

 

 

Charlie had never felt so humiliated in her life. She sat in her seat and curled into herself. Once again, her ideas were dismissed, mocked, ridiculed. No one was willing to see the good in themselves. The demons were content to wallow in suffering, violence, and cruelty until the end of their afterlives. Tears were already threatening to spill from her yellow eyes, but she held them in.

 

Maybe her father was right. What if she really was a failure, like everyone said?

 

As if reading her mind, Vaggie gave her a small hug. “You’re not a failure, Charlie. It’s just…no one understands your ideas. People think they’re…I don’t know…outlandish?”

 

She got a sad sigh from Charlie in response. “I just wanted to make things better for my people. I know I don’t feel much like a princess, but at the same time…I feel like it’s my duty…my destiny to being some cheer to this place.”

 

“Heh. No one can ever top your optimism,” Vaggie mentioned, with a playful roll of her orange eye. “Your happiness can be spotted miles away.”

 

A small smile formed on Charlie’s face. “Well, at least I can pull myself up and keep going…”

 

Vaggie stared, hopeful…

 

“…But today isn’t one of those days.”

 

Vaggie slumped slightly. “I did warn you not to sing.”

 

“I couldn’t help it,” she countered. “How else was I supposed to get my message across?”

 

“Not everyone likes singing and music all the time.”

 

“My family does.”

 

“But the other demons aren’t your family.”

 

 

Charlie stared out the window at the buildings whizzing by. “Sometimes I feel like my family is bigger than just my parents.” She turned to look at her girlfriend. “You’re my best friend, sorta like my sister…and the only one who seems to get me. You’re part of my family already.”

 

Vaggie chuckled softly. “Without me, you wouldn’t have lasted very long out in the big world.”

 

“For once, I agree with you there,” Charlie replied.

 

During several minutes of silence, the two demon girls locked hands just out of sight. It was their habitual way of showing comfort, and it worked on the many days when Vaggie didn’t want any hugs.

 

“Don’t get too discouraged,” Vaggie said. “We’ll get back to the hotel and figure things out from there.”

 

“I kinda feel like singing another lament now.”

 

“Please don’t.”

 

“Fine.”

 

The limo drove past the 666 Shop, the Nightmare Night Club, and an Evil Donuts store, complete with slime and worms displayed on the donut structure. Pink eyes decorated the ceiling of the car. Charlie curled into herself again and took a puff of breath. Even the painted eyes seemed to judge her every move. She glanced over at Vaggie, whose eye was twitching in annoyance.

 

Angel Dust was busy playing with the button, making the car window go up and down, up and down. He froze when he saw an angry Vaggie staring at him.

 

“What?” Angel Dust asked with a shrug.

 

“What? What?!” Vaggie shouted, pulling out chunks of her long white hair. “What were you doing?!”

 

Angel Dust sighed. “Aw come on! I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn’t that a ‘redeeming quality?’ Helping friends with stuff?”

 

“Not with turf wars that result in mass murder and destruction!” Vaggie replied.

 

“Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred,” he said with a snicker. “It wasn’t that bad anyway.”

 

He propped up his long legs and pushed the window button again. Vaggie tossed a dagger at the button, and it fizzed out in a shower of sparks. Angel Dust stared, shocked and terrified. Vaggie growled in warning.

 

“Aw come on, I had to!” Angel Dust protested. “My credibility was on the line!” He sighed. “I mean what kind of reputation would I have of people found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona.” He lifted up his furry chest for emphasis.

 

“Your credibility?” Vaggie asked in anger. “What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!”

 

“No, no no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look…uh, sad. And pathetic! Like an orphan, with no arms. Or legs. Uh…oh with progeria!” Charlie covered her face with her hair as Angel Dust blabbered on.

 

“Great! Now I’m bummed just thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?” He bent down to the floor and tossed a bottle aside. He then flicked a wrapper away onto a seat.

 

Vaggie was fuming. “Can you please just try to take this seriously?”

 

“Fine, I’ll try. Just don’t get your taco in a twist, baby.”

 

Vaggie stood up with hands on her hips. “Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?”

 

“Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?”

 

“I’m gonna kill him,” Vaggie swore, crossing her arms and sitting back down.

 

“Too, late, toots. Wait, would that make me double dead?” He laughed slowly and loudly. “And where exactly do I go? To double Hell?”

 

He laughed again. “You’re stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it.”

 

Vaggie swore in Spanish. “Eat shit, bastard.”

 

“Listen, who cares if some jagoffs got hurt?” Angel Dust nonchalantly asked. “Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of fuckin’ harlequin babies down there.”

 

“You’re one to talk,” Vaggie muttered with a small smirk.

 

Angel Dust then yelled “Hey!” in protest. “This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me and I’ve got the creepy fan letters to prove it!”

 

He pulled out a dirty piece of paper from his chest that read: “Show me your feet! Brandon. #1 fan/critic.” There was a picture of a young Angel Dust in the lap of a naked fat green man, licking Angel Dust with his green tongue. He had a tattoo of Angel Dust with a red crossed out sign.

 

This time, Charlie spoke up. “That was really uncool, ya know, Angel.”

 

Vaggie growled and turned to her friend. “Uncool?!” She mentioned to Angel Dust. “After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel.” She turned to the spider. “All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!”

 

Angel Dust glanced at a discarded pile of ash and used cigarettes. “Does this mean I don’t get a free room anymore?”

 

Vaggie spread out her hands as if asking “Well, what do you think?”

 

He let out a mock sigh and snap. “Ah, well, shucks.”

 

Charlie pulled off her dark pink jacket, revealing a white shirt with a black bowtie.

 

“Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Vaggie. It’ll be okay!”

 

Now it was Vaggie’s turn to let out a small smile of thanks. Charlie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and her friend calmed down.

 

“What would I do without you?” Vaggie asked. She and Charlie slowly leaned into each other, their heads gently touching.

 

“Get a room, girls!” Angel Dust remarked, before receiving a “Shut up!” from both of them.

 

 

Finally, the crew arrived at the Happy Hotel. It was a good enough building fit for any demon who wanted to stay a few nights. Eye catching on the outside, but messy on the inside. Eye designs lined the border of a dark pink circus canopy at the front like a creepy mosaic. Branches jutted out from the roof as part of the structure. Old fashioned lanterns attached to the wall had flames flickering inside, nonstop. The double doors consisted of stained-glass windows with red apples in the center. Little stained glass snake eyes peered unblinkingly at them from around the larger window in the door.

 

Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie got out of the car and threw open the double doors. A random black bug scurried away from the incoming light. A yellow sign read “Concierge” behind a pink “welcome” banner. The check in table was decorated with colored flags leaning toward the floor and random balloons with small star shapes on them. A vase was decorated with yellow eyes along the sides. Another flowerpot was in the shape of a human mouth…white flowers posed above. Vaggie sighed and plopped onto a red cushioned couch in the style of a monster’s mouth.

 

The red rug down the hallway was decorated with the same eyeball designs, apples on the end, plus shadow skulls of horned monsters in the center.

 

All around the room, were pictures of Charlie as a little girl with her father and mother on various trips. One picture showed her and Vaggie in front of a castle at Loo-Loo World, Hells’ version of Disney World.

 

Angel Dust came across a red fridge leaning low against the wall. He opened the door and pulled out a purple box labeled “Popsies.” He shrugged at the dripping ruined box and took out a popsicle. He gave it a lick.

 

“It’s prolly a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y’know, to feed all the wayward souls ya got in here.” He laughed nervously, trying to cheer Charlie up. But Charlie just sat sadly on a wooden box in a darkened area of the room. Angel Dust closed the fridge door, sucked on a popsicle and reached out one of his arms to her…then hesitated. He walked away, letting Charlie have some alone time.

 

Charlie walked past the two posing elephant statues balancing balls on their trunks, and toward the front door. She opened the door and went outside. Holding out her purple cell phone, (or “Hell Phone, hah, get it?”) she pressed an icon with the word “Mom” decorated with horns and pointed tails on the m’s.

 

Charlie took a deep breath as a voicemail tone came through.

 

“Hey Mom. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must be busy. Really busy. But, um…the interview didn’t go well and…I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference. I don’t know what I’m doing. I could really use some advice, Mom.”

 

She slid down and sat on the stone ground, tears falling from her eyes. She wiped some away with her arm. “I think Dad was…right about me. A-anyway, I’ll stop talking before this gets too long. Love you! Bye.”

 

She ended the call with a tap and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Standing back up, she opened the door, closed it, and leaned against the stained-glass window, eyes closed.

 

What was she supposed to do now?

 

 

A slow ominous knocking from outside interrupted Charlie’s thoughts. She opened her eyes.

 

Knock. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock.

 

It was a rhythmic knock, sounding like “shave and a haircut.”

 

 An ice cold feeling of dread spread through her veins. No other demon would ever do that kind of knock.

 

Unless…

 

She tentatively reached out her hand to the door handle, and quickly pulled it open.

 

Sure enough, the most feared demon in Hell was standing right outside her door, a few shadowy heads with glowing eyes peering through the doorway curiously.

 

He stood towering over her, wearing an elegant dark red dress coat that had tatters near the bottom. Light red vermilion strips were vertical along the dress coat. His bright red undershirt was decorated with a black upside down cross. His pants were burgundy in color, his shoes black with red deer tracks on the soles. A wine-colored bow tie was over his undershirt. He wore burgundy-colored gloves over his four clawed fingers, with red tips and knuckles. A fluffy red and black deer tail was hidden under the lower part of his dress coat.

 

It was his face that unsettled Charlie right away. His skin was ashen gray, scars across his chest concealed beneath his clothes. Small black antlers stood on his head between large red and black tuffs shaped like deer ears. The tips of his tuffs were black as where the ends of his red hair by his chin. His eyes were large and glowed red, taking up much of his face. He grinned, showing a wide set of sharp yellow teeth. A monocle rested under his right eye. A red vintage microphone staff was in his left hand. A radio buzz sounded when his demonic eyes lit up. His eyes already appeared to be teasing her, mocking her after her humiliation on the news and her sad phone call.

 

Charlie’s eyes turned as wide as saucers; her face full of fear.

 

The man began to speak in a radio-filtered voice, holding up a finger.

 

“Hell…”

 

Charlie slammed the door in his face.

 

She opened the door…

 

“looo!”

 

She slammed it again.

 

The man stood, shocked in front of the stained-glass door, smile still plastered on his face, hand and curved claw in the air.

 

“Hey, Vaggie?” Charlie called.

 

“What?” Vaggie replied in annoyance on the couch, hand on her forehead.

 

Charlie flashed a nervous smile. “The Radio Demon is at the door!”

 

“What?!” she demanded.

 

“Uh, who?” Angel Dust asked. He sucked erotically on his popsicle.

 

“What should I do?” Charlie asked, pulling at her lower eyelids.

 

“Well, don’t let him in!” exclaimed Vaggie.

 

Charlie was tempted to do just that. But she also had a duty to not leave any Sinners behind. She took a breath, eyes furrowed and opened the door again.

 

“May I speak now?” the red demon asked.

 

“You may…” Charlie replied.

 

The man held out his gloved hand which briefly glowed. “Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure!”

 

He eagerly grabbed her wrist and leaned his face close to hers, noses almost touching before strutting inside. Charlie stood, dumbfounded, her hand still out.

 

Alastor was born Creole in New Orleans around the early 1900s. He was very close to his African American mother who taught him how to cook, sew, dance, and do voodoo rituals. In contrast, his white Christian father hardly paid any attention to him. Although, his father did teach him how to hunt and do taxidermy. Alastor as a human had brown skin, short brown hair and brown eyes, glasses, a bright smile always on his face.

 

Alastor was different from many kids his age. He dreamed of playing in a jazz band and performing on stage... and did so for a period of time. But being a man of color, he had it difficult since the beginning. He applied for music and radio jobs, always being turned down and shooed away. Racist remarks became daily background noise, almost impossible to ignore. Alastor’s father would frequently give him black eyes and harsh beatings. Several tragic events happened, including his father raping him and beating his mother. He almost sent Alastor to rot away in an asylum. When his mother died during the Spanish Flu of 1918, he was devastated…he was even forced to bury her himself.

 

Alastor eventually became a radio host and serial killer. After his father threatened to divorce the family, Alastor killed him with a gun and ate his remains. Alastor mostly killed men who were racist or were criminals. Knives, axes, guns, he used them all. He made a vow to himself to not harm women or children when possible. After killing off several higher ups, he managed to form his own radio studio and became the most famous radio host in Louisiana. Jambalaya, deer meat, black coffee…and human flesh were always on his menu.

 

Alastor basked in his fame and wealth, even meeting blonde dapper performer Mimzy, who was head over heels for him. But Alastor didn’t want to be tied down to anyone. On the air, he would talk about the murders, play jazz music and tell dad jokes. “Your Never Fully Dress Without A Smile” was his favorite song to play. Alastor enjoyed the Stock Market Crash of 1929, but soon found himself running out of food. Thus, he resorted to cannibalism for survival. No one suspected him until 1933. He got bitten by a rabies dog and ran through the woods. Alastor soon died a brutal death after being shot in the head by a hunter and mauled by police dogs at the same time.

 

 

 “Excuse my sudden visit,” he told Charlie, “but I saw your fiasco on a picture show and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance!” Clapping sounds came from the microphone. He raised his arms before walking forward. “Why I haven’t been that entertained since the Stock Market Crash of 1929!”

 

He bobbed his head side to side and burst into laughter. “So many orphans!”

 

“Stop right there!”

 

Vaggie suddenly pointed a spear weapon at him, Alastor freezing like a deer in the headlights. She swore in Spanish under her breath. “Rabies son of a bitch! I know your game. And I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone else here, you pompous, cheesy, talk show bastard!”

 

Angel Dust peeked around the corner to see what was going on.

 

Alastor merely chuckled slightly and nudged the weapon away with his fingers.

 

“Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…”

 

He added in a low creepy tone, his mouth not moving, “I would have done so already.”

 

His red eyes briefly turned to red radio dials as radio static filled the room. He tilted his head slightly, letting his chaotic magic roam. Vaggie and Charlie were frozen in fear as they caught glimpses of red Voodoo symbols, static, and warped reality.

 

Then just as quickly, the noise and magic ceased and Alastor shook his head, eyes back to full red. His eyes had briefly been black with red pupils.

 

“No, I’m here because I want to help!” He bowed.

 

Charlie was sure she hadn’t heard him right.

 

“Say what now?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

 

“Help!” he responded with another laugh. He held up his microphone staff.

 

“Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing…”

 

He tapped it and a glowing red eye appeared in the center.

 

“Well, I heard you loud and clear!” the microphone responded in a radio voice, eye shaking in fear.

 

“Um…you want to help?” Charlie asked.

 

Alastor appeared behind the demon girls, hands on their backs, switching from a shadow to his regular self. Both Vaggie and Charlie flinched.

 

“With…” he mentioned in an imitation of Charlie’s higher voice…

 

“…this ridiculous thing you’re trying to do!” finishing in his normal voice. “This hotel!”

 

Charlie could hear the call bell ding twice on the table, even though no one was there to ring it.

 

“I want to help you run it.”

 

“Uh…why?” Charlie asked, confused.

 

Alastor laughed again. “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom!”

 

 He curled up his fingers before dramatically putting his hands up to his cheeks. He then moved off to the side. “I’ve lacked inspiration for decades!”

 

He placed his elbow on an annoyed Vaggie’s head, tilting his head on hers. Then he shoved the moth demon aside.

 

 “My work became mundane, lacking focus…aimless! I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!”

 

He laughed again, tilting his head back.

 

Charlie looked downcast as Vaggie stood up with a scowl. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as entertainment?”

 

Alastor laughed again. “It’s the purest kind, my dear! Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!”

 

He smiled and titled his head, after making crawling motions with his fingers.

 

Charlie brightened a bit. “So, does this mean that you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a demon?”

 

Alastor held up a dismissive hand and laughed. “Of course not. That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! Nononono, I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome Sinners!”

 

He grinned at a glaring Vaggie and Angel who sat on the couch and shrugged.

 

 He continued. “The chance given was the life they lived before; the punishment is this!”

 

 He spread out his arms, Angel looking at the front. “There is no undoing what is done!”

 

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?” Charlie asked.

 

Alastor smirked from the side and looked at Charlie over his shoulder.

 

“Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!”

 

Briefly making a “come hither” motion, he pulled Charlie close to him with his arm and twirled her in a quick dance. “I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down into the fiery pit of failure.” His eyes glowed red in pleasure, voice lower.

 

“Right…” Charlie began, slowly removing his clawed hand from her shoulder.

 

Alastor took her aside for a walk. “Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I.”

 

“Ah, so uh, what’s the deal with Smiles over there?” Angel Dust asked Vaggie.

 

“Wait, you’ve never heard of her before?” Vaggie asked, surprised. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

 

Angel Dust shrugged his shoulders.

 

“The Radio Demon, one of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?” Vaggie asked.

 

“Eh, I’m not too big on politics,” Angel Dust replied.

 

Vaggie let out an annoyed sigh before leaning in close to explain.

 

“Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power has never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell, just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him The Radio Demon. (As lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing’s for sure: He’s an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we cannot risk getting involved with, unless we want to end up erased.”

 

Flashes of Alastor in his full demon form, a giant red wendigo-like being with branching black antlers, glowing red eyes, a long lavender tongue, sharp teeth, and long dark claws, appeared on screen. He grinned as he hovered his claws over the demonic faces of voodoo imps and minions. His dress coat revealed a flaming hole where screaming demons struggled to escape.

 

“Ya done?” Angel Dust asked with a snicker. “He looks like a strawberry pimp!”

 

Alastor conjured his staff into his hand with a smug look.

 

“Well, I don’t trust him!” Vaggie exclaimed.

 

To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?” Angel Dust asked with a slight laugh.

 

Vaggie ignored him and walked up in front of her friend.

 

“Charlie, listen to me. You can’t believe this creep! He isn’t just a happy face! He’s a dealmaker, pure evil! He can’t be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do.”

 

“I…” Charlie began. “…we don’t know that. Look…I know he’s bad, and I know he probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can’t. It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in.”

 

Alastor stared in fascination at a family picture on the wall. It showed Lucifer dressed in a white suit, Lilith in a dark purple dress, and Charlie as a little girl wearing a brown and white dress in the middle. The picture border consisted of branches and yellow eyeballs and a dried rose in the upper right-hand corner.

 

“Just trust me,” Charlie added, placing comforting hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders, “I can take care of myself.”

 

Charlie,” warned Vaggie, “Whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!”

 

From a distance, Alastor opened up the palm of one hand, claws curled. Both girls glanced in his direction, worry on their faces.

 

“I’ll have these two in the palm of my hand…” thought Alastor.

 

“Don’t worry,” Charlie replied to Vaggie with a chuckle. “I picked up one thing from my Dad…”

 

She spoke in a manly voice as she walked away, “’Ya don’t take shit from other demons!’”

 

Gathering her courage, Charlie marched over to the Radio Demon.

 

“Ok, so…Al. You’re sketchy as hell, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke. But I don’t.”

 

Red Voodoo symbols to bind the prepared deal appeared around a grinning Alastor, then vanished. Charlie glanced back at him with narrowed eyes.

 

Charlie continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached.” She emphasized with a brief wiggling of her fingers.

 

Alastor twirled his cane and held out his right hand. “So, it’s a deal then?”

 

Flashes of eerie green light surrounded the two, electricity snaking up the walls. Shadows swirled around the room, and everyone covered their faces at the force of the wind.

 

“Nope!” Charlie yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped and light returned to the room. “No shaking! No deals! I…hmm…”

 

Charlie decided to try another approach.

 

“As princess of Hell, and heir to the throne, I uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel, for a long as you desire.”

 

A moment of pause…

 

“Sound fair?” she asked.

 

“Hmm…Fair enough.” Alastor shrugged before he strolled away, his cane vanishing. Charlie's verbal agreement had allowed him instant freedom to pursue his mischievous schemes. It would be a treat to eventually break Charlie down...then she'd have to accept his deal.

 

 “Cool beans.” Charlie breathed a sigh of relief and even did a thumbs up.

 

Alastor stopped and spotted Vaggie off to the side. He smirked in a way outside observers would describe as lecherous. He tickled her under her chin with a finger.

 

“Smile, my dear! You know you’re never fully dressed without one!”

 

Alastor hummed happily on his way, while Vaggie growled in disgust and rage.

 

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Alastor asked Charlie, leaning in.

 

“Uh, well…” Charlie began. Alastor peered at a glaring Vaggie through his monocle. “Oh ho ho ho, you’re going to need more than that.”

 

He strode over towards Angel Dust.

 

“And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”

 

Angel Dust grinned. “I can suck your dick!”

 

A screech was heard as Alastor stared in shock and revulsion.

 

“Ha! No.” Alastor deadpanned.

 

“Your loss,” Angel Dust said with a grin. Alastor summoned his staff again.

 

“Well, this just won’t do!” Alastor exclaimed. “I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!”

 

Alastor snapped his fingers and a fire sparked to life in a small circular fireplace. Animal skeletons decorated either side of the wall, fully repaired.

 

A dark figure plopped down onto the chimney floor.

 

Alastor walked over and picked up the ashen creature with his hand. A large single yellow eye was revealed. Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie peered at the creature. In a puff of smoke and a squeak, the creature revealed herself. A cute cyclops girl was wearing a dark pink skirt with a poodle on the front, and a white shirt with pink paint stains. Her hair was magenta and short with a streak of yellow. White spots were on the left side of her skirt. Her single yellow eye took up most of her face.

 

“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor introduced with a smile, before dropping her. The girl landed on her feet.

 

“Hi! I’m Niffty!” she greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends!” She laughed slightly as her pupil grew smaller, darting in circles.

 

“Why are you all women?” she asked. She darted over and lifted Charlie up before putting her down. Vaggie growled, aiming her spear at the newcomer.

 

“Are there any men here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude.” She missed the fact that Alastor and Angel Dust were male, for obvious reasons.

 

 “Oh man, this place is filthy!” she exclaimed, running around and lifting up couch cushions. “It really needs a ladies’ touch, which is weird, because you’re all women, no offence.” She chewed on a black spider she found, then rushed toward some stained-glass windows.

 

She darted around, using a dust ruffle to clean them, removing spider webs. “Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…Nope!”

 

Niffty raced around, removing cobwebs, then poked at a piece of a voodoo doll. Well, it was actually a blue beetle doll that Alastor had stabbed with a clothing pin for her to play with. Niffty turned and exclaimed, “Oh my goodness, a dirty rat!” She dashed over, scooped up the dark grey creature and popped it into her mouth rapidly. Rows of her sharp teeth were visible. Strained squeaks mingled with rapid chewing sounds. “I bet there’s tons of them under this place, I’ll be sure to get more! I can kill dozens of them in a day!”

 

Alastor looked amused, while the others stared in disbelief. Niffty had been a Japanese chimney sweeper woman who died in a fireplace in the 1950s.

 

Meanwhile, at a casino, a cat demon placed a joker, an ace, a 2, and a fourth card down on the table. He had black and white fur, a fluffy chest, wore a black top hat and had red wings with card suits decorated on them. He also had long red eyebrows and wore a large red bow tie.

 

“Ha!” he declared in triumph. “Read ‘em and weep, boys!”

 

He suddenly felt himself being forcefully pulled out of the room through space and time.

 

 “Full…whoa!”

 

He ducked as a curtain of red energy surrounded the existing space. Voodoo symbols flashed in the background along with eight yellow eyes, a creepy voodoo skull and a purple skeleton of a worm-like creature. Another voodoo skull with horns appeared for a moment not too far from tan ghost-like spirits with creepy faces and a row of jagged teeth.

 

The cat demon figured he must have had too much booze to drink.

 

“…the hell?”

 

As the images faded, he soon found himself at the hotel bar, not in the previous room at the casino. A large “Come and Play Blackjack” sign took up much of the wall behind him. Most peculiar, the gray wood walls were missing halfway up, replaced by the red themed décor of the hotel. He was sitting in a portion of the casino he was in. It felt like he was in a house with no roof, surrounded by the outside world.

 

“What the fuck is this?”

 

He glared at the group and then saw Alastor, pointing an accusing claw.

 

“You!”

 

“Ah, Husker, my good friend!” Alastor cheerfully greeted as audience claps came from the microphone. “Glad you could make it!”

 

Alastor’s head briefly had the appearance of large antlers sticking out from either side. When he moved it, it was revealed to be an antler skull with glowing green eyes hanging in the background. Snakes were wrapped around one of the pillars supporting a bar stand. “Big Booze,” “Welcome” and “Big Soul” signs were placed overhead on the stand. Neon green card suits consisted of the designs at the bottom of the stand.

 

Husk had been born in Nevada and grew up in a casino. He enjoyed gambling, drinking, money, and magic shows. He had died at age 75 in the 1970s via drinking overdose.

 

“Don’t you “Husker” me, you son of a bitch!” Husk spat, swiping Alastor’s hand away from his shoulder. “I was about to win the whole damn pot!”

 

Husk stared in anger as the stacks of money and chips on the table vanished in static.

 

“Good to see you too!” added Alastor.

 

Husk face palmed. “What the fuck do you want with me this time?”

 

Alastor grabbed hold of him in a side hug, startling him so much that cards fell from his hands.

 

“My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that’s okay.”

 

Husk was taken aback. “Are you shittin’ me?!”

 

“Hmm. No, I don’t think so!” Alastor replied.

 

Husk shoved the Radio Demon off him, the latter casually dusting off his red sleeves. He puffed up his black and white fur in anger, his cat ears twitching. “You thought it would be some kind of big fuckin’ riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I’m some kinda fuckin’ clown?”

 

“Maybe,” Alastor grinned.

 

Audience laughter emitted from the microphone.

 

“I ain’t doin’ no fuckin’ charity job,” Husk protested.

 

Alastor appeared next to him, startling the cat. “Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment.”

 

He pointed toward the bar stand with the staff as clapping was heard again.

 

“With your charming smile and welcoming energy…”

 

Alastor spread the corners of Husk’s mouth upward into a demonic smile of yellow teeth. Husk frowned seconds after Alastor let go of his mouth.

 

“…this job was made for you!”

 

Alastor strutted over toward the bar stand, the soles of his black shoes revealing red hoof prints as he walked.

 

“Don’t worry, my friend,” Alastor continued, “I can make this more welcoming…if you wish.”

 

With a curve of his fingers, a green bottle of cheap booze appeared on the counter.

 

Husk stared with wide eyes, suddenly very thirsty. He swore he could hear the sound of a slot machine.

 

“What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!” He took the bottle in anger. “Well you can!”

 

He immediately guzzled it down and walked away.

 

“Too easy,” thought Alastor.

 

By this time, Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel Dust had arrived to see what the commotion was about. Vaggie rushed toward the bar, furious.

 

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” yelled the moth demon. “No, no bar, no alcohol. This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of…brothel, man-cave!”

 

Angel Dust lunged himself into her, knocking her to the floor.

 

“Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this.” He pointed at Husk with multiple gloved fingers.

 

He slid up to Husk. “Hey,” he said in a flirtatious voice.

 

“Go fuck yourself,” Husk deadpanned, drinking his booze.

 

“Only if you watch me,” Angel Dust retorted, with a sway of his butt and hips.

 

To make matters worse for Husk, Charlie leaned in close to him, excitement and red stars in her eyes.

 

“Oh my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!”

 

“I lost the ability to love years ago,” Husk replied, gulping down more booze.

 

Alastor walked in, an ever-present grin on his face.

 

“So, what do you think?”

 

Charlie ran over to him. “This is amazing!” she beamed, rubbing her cheeks. Alastor blinked rapidly in appreciation.

 

“It’s okay,” Vaggie grumbled from nearby, arms crossed.

 

Alastor laughed and pulled the two girls close to him. “This is going to be very entertaining!” His laughter was mixed with old radio sounds and static.

 

Alastor conjured fire in his hand…Charlie stared in wonder at the flames and the voodoo symbols. He pushed Vaggie aside and changed his attire.

 

He soon wore a fancy red suit with a white undershirt and a black bow tie. A red top hat appeared on his head, complete with small spikes along the black band and two needles sticking out from the top. He twirled Charlie around in a dance, the princess looking stunned. Pointing his finger over her head, he transformed Charlie’s outfit. Her blonde hair was now short and wavy. She wore an elegant black and pink dress, black gloves, a pink hat with a small black bow and black heels. She looked like a dapper lady from the early 20th century. The bottom half of her dress was pink, while her round hat was mostly the same color.

 

Charlie stared at her conjured clothing in amazement.

Vaggie was on the floor, fuming.

Alastor picked Charlie up and threw her into the air. She yelped in delight and landed gracefully next to him. Two glowing apples and a skull with deer horns flashed in the background.

Reality had been altered to the Radio Demon’s liking. The entire room was lit in psychedelic colors. Voodoo symbols and shapes were etched in every nook and cranny, including a pair of pink claws reaching for the door. Alastor and Charlie waltzed in the spotlight as electro swing music began to play in the distance. The all-encompassing noise, though, was the signature radio-static sound.

 

Alastor sang his reprise to Charlie:

“You have a dream
You wish to tell
And it’s so laughable
But hey kid, what the hell!”

 

Charlie found herself sliding down what was the staircase moments ago. Alastor led the way as they held hands. They landed on the lower floor as Alastor continued his reprise. Deer statues and painted antlers were everywhere.

Back at the bar stand, Husk sat looking bored. Vaggie hissed at Angel Dust grabbing onto her shoulder, while Niffty stared in wonder. Alastor snapped his fingers and their outfits changed as well.

Angel was wearing a neon pink suit, Husk a pink bow tie, Vaggie a dark dress, with her hair now smooth and long, and finally Niffty, with a dress and a cute top hat with small flowers.

 

“‘Cause you’re one of a kind
A charming demon belle!
Now let’s give these burning fools a place to dwell
(Take it, boys!)”

 

Alastor snapped his fingers once more and shadowy imps rose to life from a hole in the ground. The happy spirits played a trumpet, a tuba, and a drum set. Charlie snapped her fingers to the beat, while Vaggie watched with worry. She reached out to her friend but was pulled away by Alastor. He enveloped the group into a tight hug, followed by glowing images of dark spirits staring at them. While Husk, Vaggie and Angel Dust looked on in terror, Niffty watched in amazement, like she had seen it all before.

Alastor pulled Husk and Angel Dust close again. He rubbed Angel Dust’s head with a white hat and went on his merry way. He pulled a strand from one of Husk’s red eyebrows. Husk flipped him the bird as he left.

Vaggie stood, annoyed in the spotlight. Using his cane, Alastor added a feathered peacock hat and a white fox fur scarf to her outfit. Then out of nowhere, he slapped her butt.

“Pompous pervert!” Vaggie thought in rage as he wandered away with a smirk, throwing down her hat.
Alastor danced some more, kicking a horned skull to the side. In the background, Niffy happily swept up the bits of bone.

 

“Inside of every demon is a lost cause
But we’ll dress ‘em up now with just a smile!
(With a smile!)
And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool
With some old redemption flair
And show these simpletons some proper class and style!
(What’s in style? Oh!)”

 

He made his way to the circular fireplace, where he waved his staff. Shadows arrived to join the party, including a shadowy version of himself, with large antlers and fangs: Rotsala. The shadow grinned a blue grin at him, before making it disappear in a poof. He then led Charlie in an upbeat dance, spinning her around, helping her match her steps to his. Their noses almost touched. Charlie blushed when he toyed with her cheeks. As Charlie was led away, Vaggie stood in the background, horrified and disgusted. What was happening to her friend?

Charlie and Alastor laughed as they danced, the princess locked in a happy trance. She could almost see the sparkling romantic themed bubbles in the background.

 

“Here below the ground
I’m sure your plan is sound!
They’ll spend a little time
Down at this Hazbin Ho…”

 

Alastor was about to finish his song, when an explosion burst apart a window behind him. The force caused the door to blow off and fly straight into little Niffty’s face, sending her flying back. “Ow! I’m okay!” she called from a distance.

 

Soon the colors were back to normal and so were everyone’s outfits. The group peered out from the hole, Alastor craning his neck. The group went out onto the path and spotted a flying blimp. Sir Pentious poked his head out from an opening in the ship, fangs bared.

 

“Ha!” the snake inventor laughed. “Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak!” he called, mentioning to the white spider demon. “We meet again, Alastor!”

 

Alastor merely asked with a smug look, “Do I know you?”

 

Sir Pentious’ face fell before he grew angry. “Oh yes you do!” He slithered back into his seat. “And this time I have the element of…surprise!”

 

He pulled a lever and a cannon lowered to the ground.

 

“I’m so evil!” he declared with maniacal laughter as the cannon fired up.

 

Alastor snapped his fingers, red tendrils of smoke rising from his hand. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp. Pink smoke filled the air.

 

A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window.

 

Sir Pentious looked on in shock as his Egg Boiz slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yolk. Sir Pentious and another minion were thrown against the wall.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he screamed before he was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb.

 

“Ow, that hurt!” he cried.

 

Sir Pentious screamed as he was forcefully dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. He was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Boiz ran around frantically.

 

From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.

 

Four horned shadowy spirits with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins.

 

The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines.

 

Red radio waves filled Alastor’s eyes as he curled his fingers inward. The sky vanished, replaced with red. Hovering red voodoo symbols appeared all around him as he altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air.

 

The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim.

 

Alastor closed his four-fingered hand which began to glow. A red drop of blood fell from his glowing hand. The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!

 

Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alastor smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five stared in utter terror and shock. (Save for Niffty who had a small smile on her face).

 

“Well, I’m starved!” Alastor exclaimed, turning around to face the group. Who wants some jambalaya?” He spread his arms out before leading the way back to the hotel. “My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her!”

 

He laughed. “You could say the kick was straight out of Hell!” he added while laughing at his own joke. “Oh, I’m on a roll!”

 

The others followed him back.

 

Charlie and Niffty smiled while Husk, Angel Dust, and Vaggie looked on with concern. Niffty scurried around Alastor with a look of admiration. Angel Dust blew Husk a kiss, which earned the druggie demon a glare from the gambler. Charlie turned to Vaggie excitedly. Vaggie reluctantly went along with Charlie’s idea, even giving her a small supporting smile. As long as Charlie was happy, then Vaggie was alright, too.

 

From up above, the hotel looked like a mashed-up haunted house. An old dark train was perched on a balcony, with some monstrous faces carved in. A ship, reminiscent of the Titanic, was leaning upwards against the building as part of the structure. An old carousel served as part of the upper balcony and windows. Skull designs decorated the small windows in a row. Finally, on top of a giant yellow eye, was the sign “Happy Hotel” supported by pillars of worn wood. 

 

Alastor continued, “Yes sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…”

 

He glanced up and pointed his finger toward the sign. Pink electricity shot out and made contact with the sign.

 

The sign now read “Hazbin Hotel.”

 

“Stay tuned,” he finished with a low sinister laugh.

 

Back at the crater, smoke took the faces of demons and rose into the air. Broken egg minions littered the ground. One minion rubbed his head. With a shaking arm, Sir Pentious lifted himself up from the gaping hole, fangs shattered, eye swollen.

 

“Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?” asked the minion.

 

Sir Pentious face-planted on the ground in response.

 

 

0 0 0

 

 

 

One week later, Charlie sat solemnly on a long red couch in the Hazbin Hotel, gazing out the window. There were a few pillows next to her, one with a gold eye design. Her suit and pants matched the red color of the couch, though her undershirt was white, her high heels were white and black, and her bowtie was black. Contrasting the red color of her clothing was her white face with red spots on her cheeks and her long blonde hair in a thick braid. Behind Charlie was a small striped circus tent decorated with strings of lights. A white plant pot had a snake design curled around it. A round sign outside read “Welcome to Hell” and the sky was its usual crimson red. A glowing red pentagram hovered over the city, hence its name Pentagram City. Charlie stared sadly at the nearby city buildings; many of them were on fire, smoke rising through the air. The streets were littered with broken glass, burned debris…and a few leftover mangled demon corpses in puddles of blood.

 

Charlie was feeling more lonely than usual. Not too long ago, her father Lucifer had considered her Happy Hotel project a failure. He had somberly suppressed his former dreams for so long, he had closed himself off from his daughter’s own dreams. Charlie had further been mocked on live TV after presenting her hotel idea, and her mother Lilith had not been answering her calls. In fact, she had been missing from her life for quite some time. Where had she gone?

 

“Charlie,” called a familiar voice from behind her.

 

 

Charlie turned around with a gasp, dropping the black Sinner’s Key on the couch. In a puff of red smoke, the key morphed into a small black and white cyclops cat named KeeKee, who meowed and scampered off. Over the double doors was a glowing chandelier and glass decorated with a large eye and two small apples.

 

“Oh shit, were you here the whole time?”

 

A woman stepped into the light. “Uh, yeah. I was right there,” Vaggie said, mentioning her thumb to the double doors behind her. Vaggie the moth demon, was Charlie’s girlfriend and manager of the hotel. This time, she wore a short black skirt, gray fingerless gloves, and a short red shirt with a black collar and black buttons. She wore a small black collar around her neck and a slightly worn large red bow tie in her hair. Her skin was light gray, and her white hair spread down past her waist, ending in gray stripes resembling moth wings. Her right eye was yellow with light orange sclera and her left eye was covered by her hair, a patch, and a glaring red X over it. She also wore gray leggings over her legs.

 

Charlie was thankful to have her faithful companion with her, for Vaggie served not only as her girlfriend, but a protector and a grounding contrast to Charlie’s exuberant nature.

 

“Sorry,” Charlie said. “I get pre-tty worked up after an Extermination happens.” She glanced back toward the window. “Staring helps.”

 

Vaggie briefly blinked and gave a chuckle. “I know. Don’t worry, I enjoy your moments of quiet. And your moments of theatrics. Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Charlie replied, as Vaggie sat down next to her. “Just…thinking, ya’ know? Family stuff.”

 

Vaggie frowned, glancing to the side. “Did you…hear from your mom yet?”

 

Charlie shook her head sadly.

 

“Oof,” Vaggie replied, blowing a bang of her white hair and a sigh. “How long has it been now?”

 

“Not that long. Only…seven…years…” Charlie exaggerated with a strained smile. She stood up, hands together, moving toward the giant eye-shaped window. “Off doing something important, I’m sure! But this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about.”

 

Vaggie took Charlie’s hands in hers. “Well, at least you aren’t alone.”

 

Charlie smiled. “I just hope what I’m trying to do here will work.”

 

The two women sat down. Vaggie tenderly touched Charlie’s cheek with her hand. “It will. I have faith in you.”

 

Charlie smiled as KeeKee the cat hopped into her lap. Keekee’s ears had black tips and a white heart in the center.

 

Vaggie stood up. “All right, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us.”

 

Charlie froze in place as she heard the ominous tolling of the golden angel clock tower outside. It had a glowing halo on top, eye designs on the tower and clock faces with pentagrams on them. Under that was a giant glowing hourglass and a counter that showed the number of days until the next extermination. Four imposing black Exorcist statues were posed like gargoyles around the four corners under the clocks. Charlie shuddered before following Vaggie.

 

0 0 0

 

 

An old-fashioned TV buzzed with spiky static before showing a red shirtless demon with a spiked collar and bat wings stabbing a red imp with a dagger.

 

“Well, hello there you wayward Sinner!” came the radio voice of Alastor. The camera showed his hand pointing at the demons.  “Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature?” The demons looked at Alastor, the tall red demon posed with his head in thought. “Of course you do! That’s why you’re in Hell!”

 

The camera panned back to show buildings torn, on fire, and in pieces on the ground near a barbed wire fence. An overturned purple arrow sign with faded round lights read “NO TURNING BACK.” One building part had several purple eyes on it.

 

Alastor waved his hand and more demons popped up: a female cyclops wearing black BDSM clothing, a demon with horns, four eyes and dragon features, a red horned demon with two eyes, a small, one-eyed brown cat and an upside-down demon shaped like a grenade.

 

“But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that?”

 

The screen buzzed and switched to the Hazbin Hotel building. Arrows pointed to Alastor’s glowing red radio tower off to the side. There was a carousel, a Titanic-shaped boat and a “NO VACANCY” sign as part of the decorative structures. A retro theater sign above the front doors read “NOW PLAYING.” The doors were decorated with designs of circus tents on the glass.

 

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! A misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer’s delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar!”

 

The screen showed Charlie nervously smiling and waving at the camera. Angel Dust posed next to her with a grin, making his pink gloved fingers into horns around her head and his two other white hands into peace signs. The clip shifted to Charlie showing a dismissive Katie Killjoy a drawing of the hotel, a rainbow on the top and stick figure demons smiling on the bottom. Charlie pointed to the sky, while Katie Killjoy narrowed her eyes, a cigarette between her fingers.

 

“Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you!”

 

Several pictures, one on top of the other showed Charlie posing in front of a crime board with a drawing of a demon with puppies, a rainbow with hearts and an “evidence index” card on the board. The next showed Charlie with tears in her eyes as Lucifer posed under a red spotlight, apple cane raised. Charlie was then shown posing with an instructional stick in her hand next to a white board that read “1. SORRY, 2. A red heart, yellow stars, pink hearts, and a rainbow, 3. PLEASE, 4. THANK YOU.”

 

The hotel doors opened and showed Charlie’s flying goat bodyguards Razzle and Dazzle sweeping and dusting the lobby.

 

“FUN THINGS” spiraled onto the screen in yellow. “Here we offer fun things, such as…”

 

The camera zoomed in to show the grumpy cat Husk with black eyes and small yellow iris slouched at his bar. He had a black top hat with red trim, a large red bowtie, black and dark red wings with a red outline and dots decorating them. His eyebrows were long and red with black stripes on the ends. His pointed cat ears had a small red heart design inside each. A black bug crawled on the table. “CONCIERGE” was shown on the top of the bar stand and the highest part was decorated with large deer skulls with rows of long sharp teeth among melted white candles. “Beelyjuice” and a beer mug and wine glass glowed in neon colors on the wall near a pool table. There were three red bar stools and the bottom of the stand showed two green 7s and a red apple in a slot machine style.

 

“…somewhat functional staff!”

 

Husk crashed his head on the table in a drunken stupor. Niffty glanced at the black bug crawling over Husk, a sewing needle in her hand as a weapon. The cyclops had white skin, short red-pink hair with a yellow streak in it, and a 1950’s maid pink dress with a white lacy center and a black poodle design on her dress. Pink stains were at the top near her chest. Her large eye was dark orange with a black pupil.

 

Niffty jabbed at the bug with her sewing needle.

 

“…and twenty-four-hour pest control!”

 

“PEST CONTROL” blinked in yellow.

 

“Custom rooms…”

 

“CUSTOM ROOMS” blinked in yellow after appearing on a dismal bathroom stall, showing a white toilet and red eyes on the red walls.

 

“And just look at this tacky parlor!”

 

The main room had a fireplace and mantle. The fireplace was round, with two skeletons curled on either side. A large eye design was in the center of the mantle. Over the mantle were two crossed canes and golden curved snakes below them, making Lucifer’s sigil. Two elephant lights were on either side. The red wallpaper was decorated with Lucifer’s sigil surrounded by six angel wings. The wall borders showed eyes with gold wings on either side. KeeKee was posed on a table near an old-fashioned radio of Alastor’s near plant vines. An old boxy TV stood off to the side, complete with knobs. Angel Dust lounged on a nearby couch, wearing his usual white and pink suit with a black bowtie and high black boots. He had white fur, spider-like limbs, pink dots under his eyes and a sharp golden fang among his teeth. A wooden plank collapsed to the floor, making the cat hiss and scamper off the table in fright. The red wallpaper had several tears in it.

 

Alastor spoke sarcastically. “Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident!”

 

Angel Dust noticed Alastor and glared, flipping him the bird.

 

“WOW!” spun onto the screen in bold red with a yellow spiky background. “Wow!” Alastor added.

 

A drawing appeared, showing the hotel and various signs made by Alastor: “Ship I guess,” “$1,” “DANGER HOTEL!” “SALE” “Best part” (pointing to the radio tower), “HAHA I NAMED IT!” “50% OFF,” “neat.” “NO TACKY CIRCUS DÉCOR! PROMISE!” Several signs showed Alastor’s creepy grin drawings.

 

“All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel, your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here!”

 

The screen showed the building sign up on the roof and with yellow words: “CALL NOW! OR DON’T, I DON’T CARE! WE STILL DON’T HAVE A WORKING PHONE!”

 

The screen clicked off as Alastor tuned the knob.

 

Alastor with a large smug grin turned around. “So, what do you think?”

 

Vaggie and Charlie sat dumbfounded on the red couch. The couch had three eyes designs on the top golden frame, the armrests and outside structure curved like horns. Alastor wore his 1920’s red torn tailcoat with vertical pink stripes, a black bowtie with a red center and a red undershirt with an upside down black cross design. He had red long sleeves, black gloves with red tips, and a red monocle near his right eye. His hair was red and black, with thick deer ears pointing up. Small black deer horns curved upwards from the center of his head.  His black shoes had red deer tracks on the bottom. In his left hand was his magic red old-fashioned radio microphone with a red eye in the center. His eyes were many shades of crimson.

 

“I’m sorry, what the fuck was that?!” Vaggie fumed.

 

Charlie did a strained grin, and held up a finger, trying not to upset anyone. “Uh yeah, one note, Alastor. I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this…seriously amazing…but um…” she moved her hands. “But maybe the tone is a bit…off.” Alastor narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, a wide grin of yellow sharp teeth plastered on his face.

 

Charlie continued, “We want people to come here. This makes it look…um…”

 

“Bad,” Vaggie deadpanned, folding her arms. She turned to Charlie. “The word you’re looking for is ‘bad.’”

 

“Funny. I was going for hilarious!” Alastor exclaimed, craning his neck.

 

“It didn’t explain anything about how we’re trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point!” Vaggie chided.

 

“Vaggie is right, Alastor,” said Charlie. “The commercial was to let Sinners know we are trying to help them.”

 

“Well, my dear, I haven’t been active in Hell for some time,” said Alastor, moving his fingers along his microphone staff. He paced and tilted his head. “…and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself.”

 

Alastor paced back again and pointed at the TV with his staff, a glare in his eyes. “But you insisted on this noisy picture box of advertisement…” He tapped the TV twice with his staff, “…so I had a little fun with it.”

 

“Oh fun? You had a little fun with it?” Vaggie angrily stood up, hands on her hips.  “Well, this not what we want to represent us! When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you’re mocking us.” She spread out her arms. “Nobody’s gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful Overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!”

 

Angel Dust casually raised one of his pink gloved hands.

 

“What?” Vaggie asked with a glare, facing Angel Dust, and sitting on the armrest.

 

Angel Dust posed with his long legs in the air before sitting up. “If you’re filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?”

 

Angel Dust grinned, pointing at himself with three hands, holding a beer bottle in his fourth and moving one leg on top of his other one.

 

Vaggie was not amused. “Angel, you’re a porn star.”

 

“A famous porn star! I’ll have the horniest Sinners knocking these walls down to get in!” He pointed to his lower regions.

 

“We are not filming a porn as a commercial!”

 

“Why not? Sex sells, don’t it?” Angel Dust made a money gesture with his hand. Alastor materialized near the couch from shadow. Angel Dust continued. “I swear, if you film me going at it with Mr. fancy talk creepy voice here, you’d be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.”

 

Alastor laughed forcefully and then deadpanned to Angel Dust, “Never going to happen.”

 

Charlie added, “Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your ‘special skills’ to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but, I really don’t want to exploit you…in that way.”

 

Angel Dust grinned. “Oh please, baby. This body was made to be exploited.” He waved a dismissive hand and posed. “I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs, I got the lung capacity.” He laughed, legs in the air. “Oh, I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits.”

 

Angel Dust leaned against the armrest. “I could keep going all night, baby!”

 

“Hey, I have a question,” Angel Dust said to Vaggie. He mentioned to Alastor. “If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can’t he just make people stay here?”

 

Alastor chuckled, “Oh trust me…” He spoke in a low voice, his eyes glowing red, black antlers branching out, his face darkening, “…I can.”

 

“Why do you think I’m here?” Husk scoffed from the bar. “You actually think I’d be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn’t forcing me?”

 

“I like being forced!” exclaimed a smiling Niffty, raising her hand from beside Husk.

 

“Keep that to yourself, Nif,” Husk glared.

 

Angel Dust smirked. “What? You don’t love being here with me, Whiskers?”

 

Husk pointed an accusing finger. “Call me Whiskers again and I’ll jam that bottle down your throat.”

 

Angel Dust grinned, beckoning a pink finger. “Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty.”

 

Vaggie sighed. “Angel, let Husk do his job. And no, we can’t force Sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.”

 

Angel Dust scowled. “I’m choosing to be here, and I think it’s all stupid. We’re in Hell, toots. That’s kind of the end of the road, ain’t it?”

 

“Well maybe it doesn’t have to be,” Vaggie countered. “Just because nobody has made it out before, doesn’t mean it’s not possible.”

 

Angel Dust put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here, rent-free. Crack is expensive.” Vaggie glared.

 

0 0 0

 

 

Later, Vaggie, Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust sat together on the red couch, while Alastor sat in a nearby red chair. Angel Dust’s long legs hung over the armrest. Husk’s eye twitched in anger as he glared at Angel Dust’s sultry expression.

 

Charlie paced in front of the group. “Yes, okay, so, Vaggie and I were talking about ways to promote the hotel, so we decided we are making a new commercial that represents our vision and what we’re doing here.”

 

 “So, we need a camera.” Vaggie held out a hand. “Alastor?”

 

Alastor smiled and snapped his fingers. In a flash of green light, a red and black 1930’s folding camera with no film appeared in her hands. It was decorated with golden antlers.

 

“A video camera,” Vaggie glared.

 

“Hmm.” Alastor snapped his fingers again, and in green light, an old video camera with an eye lens appeared in her hands, with tape and a Band-Aid stuck to it.

 

“Alright! Let’s do this!” Vaggie said with excitement. Soon, she had positioned the camera to show Angel Dust and Husk sitting at the bar.

 

“And…Action!” Vaggie called, pointing a finger forward as Charlie watched next to Vaggie.

 

Husk stared in annoyance at the script papers in his hand while Angel Dust rested his head in one pink gloved hand, elbow on the counter.

 

Husk pressed the script to his face as he read in monotone: “’Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?’”

 

Angel Dust put a finger to his chin and smirked playfully as he leaned toward Husk. He cupped Husk’s chin.

 

“’I’ve been a bad boy and I need a big strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!’” He pointed upwards.

 

Husk rolled his eyes as he read the next line.

 

“’Well, you come…’”

 

Angel Dust leaned back and let out a sultry moan… “Oh yes!”

 

Husk glared at Angel Dust. “’…to the right place.’”

 

“Cut!” Vaggie called. She slouched and groaned. “Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?”

 

Husk wasn’t happy. “I ain’t no actor! I can’t memorize this shit!”

 

“Well, we can improv this shit, baby cakes.” Angel Dust mused, putting a hand on Husk’s cheek. “Rawwr.”

 

Husk shoved Angel Dust hard with his paw off the bar counter. He shrugged. “Whoops.”

 

“Husk, come on,” chided Vaggie as Husk guzzled down his alcohol in a bottle.

 

0 0 0

 

Sometime later, Niffty was gleefully trying to stab at a four red-eyed black bug with her sewing needle. “Stab, stab, stab, stab!” she breathed. Vaggie went on her knees down to Niffty’s level.

 

“Um, alright, Niffty, Niffty,” Vaggie held her arm to stop her from stabbing. She placed her hands on her shoulders.

 

“Niffty. Your line is ‘we have the cleanest rooms?’ okay?”

 

Niffty stood up and smiled. “Okay, got it! I’m ready!”

 

Vaggie stood up and turned the camera on, pointing it at Niffty.

 

“Action!”

 

Niffty’s smile fell, and she stared blankly into the camera with her large red-orange eye. Her arms went limp at her sides. Vaggie, Charlie, and Angel Dust stared in confusion as Nifty’s iris grew smaller and smaller.

 

“Uh…cut,” Vaggie said.

 

Niffty then shook her head and smiled again, spreading out her black arms. “How was that?!”

 

“Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line, so let’s roll again.”

 

Niffty nodded rapidly and made two fists. “Okay.”

 

“Action!”

 

Niffty stared blankly again.

 

“You’re doing great, Vagina!” Angel Dust whispered to Vaggie with a smug expression.

 

“Cut!” Vaggie yelled, standing next to a red bed. “Alright, uh, maybe we can try to fix it in post.” She folded her arms.

 

Angel Dust asked, “Do you even know what that means?”

 

“I’ll figure it out!” Vaggie bellowed. Angel Dust held up his hands. Charlie comforted Vaggie as she left the room.

 

Later that night, Vaggie slouched in a red chair in the dark, watching static from the old-fashioned box TV.

 

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel…” came Husk’s monotone voice from the TV.

 

“Urgh!” Vaggie groaned, hands covering her face, camera in her lap. Wanting some peace and quiet, she had turned out the lights, but the glare from the TV wasn’t helping. Her heart sank; Charlie would surely be disappointed at this half-assed commercial. She was the hotel manager, and she felt a great responsibility to help make her girlfriend’s dreams come true.

 

“If only I wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of asshole self-absorbed idiots,” she thought.

 

“Seems like you’re having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?”

 

Vaggie glared at the smirking Radio Demon, who had popped out of nowhere. He looked at her and moved to either side of the chair.

 

“Ugh, este pendejo (ugh, this asshole). Why are you even here?” she asked in annoyance.

 

Alastor settled down onto the couch, one leg over the other.

 

“For the entertainment. I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now!” Alastor’s shadow crouched menacingly behind the couch with glowing red eyes, extended antlers, and a wide grin as Alastor talked. “Good job!” Alastor added with a mocking wave of his fisted hand and arm.

 

Vaggie stood up, aiming her camera at him. “And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that…ugh!”

 

Vaggie gasped in fright as Alastor glitched on the screen. The screen flashed red, and the camera fizzled out and sparked with green electric magic. Vaggie let go and it toppled to the ground, smoke curling from it.

 

“I wouldn’t try that, my dear,” Alastor warned in a low radio voice. Vaggie froze, terrified. Alastor’s shadow grinned behind him. “This face was made for radio.” He tilted his head and neck and his eyes turned black with red radio dials moving where his pupils were. Brief static and red voodoo symbols flashed across reality.

 

Vaggie recovered and stood up again. “That’s it.” She made a swiping motion with her hand, then pointing a finger at Alastor. “I don’t care who or what you are. If you’re staying here, you’re going to make this work, because it won’t be so ‘entertaining,’ (she waved her fingers) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass!” Vaggie stomped away, but Alastor just stood there, hands folded behind him. A plan was conjuring in his mind.

 

“Fair enough,” he shrugged. He strolled over to her. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s make a deal.”

 

Vaggie turned around and sat down.

 

“Pfft, you think I’m that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?”

 

Alastor rolled his red eyes and waved a dismissive hand.

 

“Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you…” He leaned in toward Vaggie, “…and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.” He turned around and grinned.  “Or Charlie will get to see absolutely nothing.” He turned his head around to smirk at Vaggie, his grin glowing. “Your choice.”

 

‘Just this once,’ thought Vaggie, pushing down her fear. This commercial was important, and Charlie needed her help.

 

Vaggie sighed, closed her eyes, and held out a hand. “Fine.” She picked up the camera and placed it in Alastor’s hands. The camera glowed an eerie green as green skulls of magic swirled around it.

 

“Now then,” Alastor said, clamping his hands together. The camera disappeared and he snapped his fingers. The lights flicked back on. Angel Dust, Husk, and Niffty materialized into the room in green light, with a new video camera with two eyes on top, a round green stage light and a director’s chair. Alastor now had a worn red top hat on his head and a red tuxedo suit, much shorter than his usual one, one red part hanging tail-like behind his back. Vaggie gasped as Alastor’s voodoo shadow minions appeared around her. One wore headphones and held an attached remote. A thin one held a hanging microphone with its pointed tail and a small camera. The third sat in a small wooden director’s chair while holding a white megaphone. The fourth had Xs over its eyes, carrying another hanging microphone and wearing headphones and a worn baseball cap.

 

Angel Dust, Charlie, and Niffty looked on in amazement as their clothing changed in green swirling light. Niffty now wore a flapper style dress, light red on top, dark red in the middle and light red and straight on the bottom. She wore a big dark orange ladies’ hat with an orange rim and a small yellow flower decorating the top. Angel Dust admired his pink 1920’s suit with a dark pink necktie, buttons on the front, a white hat with a black rim and long white pants. Husk slouched as black and red sleeves and pants appeared on him. Charlie had on a flapper red dress and a red hat decorated with flowers.

 

Vaggie smiled, standing proud. She soon wore a gray wavy flapper dress, mostly dark gray but with light gray at the bottom. The top had a pink wavy rim. She wore a large black ladies’ hat with a red rim, red flower, a red foxtail, and two red feathers sticking up from the middle. She also wore white gloves. “Alright, everyone, let’s make a fucking commercial!”

 

For once, Vaggie was pleased with Alastor’s created outfit for her.

 

After many hours of practicing, pain, and process, they were finally successful.

 

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel,” Vaggie began as the group stood in front of the hotel with their 1920’s outfits. 1920’s jazz music played.

 

“Founded by Lucifer’s daughter Charlie, the princess of Hell.”

 

Charlie waved and posed.

 

The double doors opened, and Charlie spread out her arms. “Come check in here and see our new cozy parlor room.” KeeKee was sleeping on a table next to a radio.

 

“Meet our first resident, Angel Dust,” said Charlie. Angel Dust posed.  “He’s staying here in the hopes of getting clean and becoming a better person.”

 

“Still just stayin’ here rent-free,” Angel Dust whispered, earning a glare from Vaggie.

 

The scene shifted to Angel Dust and Husk at the bar. Husk managed to say his lines without holding the scripts, though he was still grumpy.

 

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?’”

 

“I’ve been a bad boy and I need a strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!” He pointed upwards.

 

Husk rolled his eyes.

 

“’Well, you come…’”

 

“Oh yes!” Angel Dust moaned.

 

Husk glared at Angel Dust again. “’…to the right place.’”

 

“In that case, I’ll just check in to one of these fabulous rooms…I could always go for private time in bed.”

 

Husk looked at the camera. “Have a drink. It’s on the house. Or come over to play cards or whatever. Um…I do magic shows too.”

 

Niffty appeared in the bedrooms. “We have the cleanest rooms! No trace of bedbugs, dirt, or any kind of mess!” Niffty stabbed at a black bug with her sewing needle and popped it gleefully into her mouth. “Just ring the bell and you’ll have instant fast room service!” Niffty darted around as she cleaned the rest of the room.

 

Vaggie moved the camera over to Alastor, who just glitched. “Erm, we also have a boat, a kitchen, and a radio tower for anyone interested in listening to music or shows.”

 

Charlie and Vaggie appeared by a portrait of the royal family. Charlie began.

 

“With rumors about Exterminations getting worse, the Hazbin Hotel is a safe place where you can stay with your friends and family. Best of all, it’s at no cost! If you’re a Sinner, we can make you a Winner! And with my special self-help program, you’ll be able to pack your bags to Heaven before you can say…”

 

“Oh, fuck me!” Angel Dust moaned in the background. Vaggie rolled her eyes.

 

“Charlie Morningstar’s Happy/Hazbin Hotel! Your path to redemption starts here!” Vaggie finished. A number appeared next to “Call Now!” 1-800 – 666 – 6666 or 1-666 – RAINBOW. (Yes, our phone actually works, ignore that other commercial!)

 

It was as good as it was going to get.

 

 

A few hours later, Vaggie grabbed Charlie’s hand and smiled. “Come here, we have something exciting to show you!”

 

Vaggie led Charlie over to the red couch where the group sat. Niffty sat on the couch armchair. Angel Dust lounged on the floor. Husk slouched in his spot, his chin under his large paw hand. Alastor sat up straight in a nearby red chair, one leg over the other.

 

“Alastor pulled some strings and it’s about to air,” Vaggie mentioned. She and Charlie sat down.

 

“I pulled a few limbs, too, hahaha,” Alastor added, hand over his chest.

 

“Our commercial’s about to be on TV?” Charlie asked, surprised.

 

Angel Dust grinned. “Yeah, it’s one of my better performances if I do say so myself.”

 

Charlie beamed, tears in her eyes, hands over her heart. “That’s…that’s amazing.”

 

Angel Dust put a pink finger to Charlie’s lips. “Shh! It’s startin’.”

 

The TV screen showed the group standing at the front of the hotel with their 1920’s outfits on. They stood under the “NOW PLAYING” theater sign and the “WELCOME TO THE HAZBIN HOTEL” logo. Niffty stared blankly at the camera, Angel Dust posed with his arms out, wiggling his eyebrows, Husk chugged his bottle of booze, and Alastor glitched in and out next to him.

 

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel…” Vaggie began, off to the side.

 

Static buzzed across the screen. Niffty clapped her hands, and Alastor sat in amusement as everyone else groaned out loud in anger and disbelief. Charlie’s horns briefly stuck out of her head, and she hissed.

 

The blue 666 News logo and “BREAKING NEWS” appeared on the screen. Katie Killjoy soon appeared at a desk on TV, with Tom Trench next to her with a gray gas mask for his face. Katie Killjoy was blonde and pencil-thin, wearing a red dress and a necklace. Tom Trench wore his light gray suit with a red necktie.

 

Katie Killjoy began: “Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before!”

 

Three black menacing Exorcists appeared on an image on the screen with “EXTERMINATION” under it in red.

 

The words scrolled along the bottom of the screen: “HOLY SHIT! THE EXTERMINATION IS HAPPENING IN SIX MONTHS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! CONFIRMED! LEGIT! FUCK! WE ALL DEAD SOON! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!”

 

“Do you know what that means, Tom?” Katie Killjoy asked, turning to him.

 

“No, what does that mean, Katie?” Tom Trench asked.

 

Katie Killjoy’s eye twitched, her smile strained. “It means we are all royally fucked!”

 

The screen then showed the large glowing hourglass. The Sinners screamed as the counter reduced to 176 days. Back in Heaven, Adam’s glowing evil smile flashed in the darkness.