Adam The Exorcist

 

I: Genesis

 

In the beginning, there was nothing. So, God created some shit. (Namely the Heavens and the Earth).  

 

On the first day, God declared, “Let there be Light!” And there was light. And God saw the light and that it was good and divided the light from the darkness. And He called the light Day and called the dark Night. God often wore a large white top hat and white suit and tailcoat that sparkled with diamonds and gems. A gold Christian Cross was on His hat, and He carried a gold scepter that could help move the cosmos. He wore a sky-blue undershirt and gold bow tie. In place of His face was a large glowing white light with an eyeball appearance. On occasion, eyes would appear on His clothing and around Him in the air, allowing Him sight in all directions.

 

Asherah was God’s loving wife, who was present with Him. She had beautiful brown skin, long black curly hair and wore elaborate robes of midnight blue with designs of stars, trees, and flowers on it. Her face was often hidden behind a white veil, and She ruled over the sea and all of nature after they were created. She was also an extension of the Tree of Life.

 

On the second day, God said, “Let there be sky and let the sky and waters divide.” And it was so. And God called the sky Heaven. God then made the hierarchy of Angels: the fiery worshipping Seraphim (Holy, Holy, Holy), the many-faced Cherubim guardians, the eye-covered wheel Thrones of justice, the Dominions of churches and leaders, the miracle Virtues, the warrior Powers, the Principalities, Archangels and Angels. (God also made the Cherubs, which are different from the Cherubim, and the Exorcists, who didn’t come until after man’s fall).

 

God’s Archangels were Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Azrael, Ariel, Gabriel, Zadkiel, Camael, Samael, Metatron, Sandalphon, Jophiel, and his favorite angel, Helel/Lucifer, whose name means “Light-Bearer/Morning Star”. (Helel also has the word “Hell” in it, for foreshadowing). Helel/Lucifer would play divine music for God on a variety of instruments: harps, lyres, fiddles, pipes, accordions, timbrels, trumpets, and many others. He also was a great singer and would frequently perform polka songs. (God liked all kinds of music, provided they were performed by talented artists and done with good intentions). Lucifer’s six wings would emulate different colored flames, creating a show of rainbow fire to entertain God and the denizens of Heaven. Lucifer’s words were so heartwarming and divine, that even when he sang a silly song about rubber ducks one time, his audience cried tears of awe. He was the Prince of the Seraphim Choir after all as well as the most talented musician among his angelic siblings. Even his siblings were entranced by his melodies.

 

Lucifer was indeed, the most powerful and beautiful angel of them all and was God’s second in command. He had pale white skin, red cheeks, short blonde hair, and onyx black eyes (before his serpentine eyes in Hell). He often carried a scepter with him with a diamond sphere at the top. (This was before the red apple). When he was in Heaven, Lucifer had six gigantic white-gold feathery wings of light and often wore a white robe with a dark blue fancy “L” on the front. When not wearing the robe, he would adorn a white suit and tailcoat with gold trim and a gold bowtie with matching white pants and stylish black shoes. He also had a white top hat. Six white wings came from his back (before they had turned black and full of eyes in Hell). Lucifer praised God and himself in his song as God watched on His golden throne, appearing as an eye in a white sphere of light. Along with entertaining God with his music, Lucifer also used his powers to weave the cosmos, brighten stars, and bring life to barren planets, hence his name “Morning Star.” Venus the planet, named after the most beautiful Roman goddess, also bore the same title, Morning Star, for this star shines brightest when it rises on Earth. 

 

Soon it was the third day and God said, “Let the waters be under heaven and let dry land appear.” And it was so. And God called the waters the sea and the land the Earth. God said, “Let the Earth grow grass, let the plants yield seeds, and the seeds bear fruit, whose seed grows in the Earth.” And it was so.

 

On the fourth day, God said, “Let there be lights in the heavens to divide the day from the night. Let there be stars, suns, seasons, and days.” And it was so. And God made the greater light He called the Sun and the lesser light He called the Moon.

 

On the fifth day, God said, “Let there be creatures of life from the sea and fowl to fly above the Earth.” So, amphibians, fish, and birds were made. God blessed them saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the seas and Earth.”

 

On the sixth day, God said, “Let the Earth bring forth living creatures, beasts, insects, cattle and animals.” And it was so. God said, “Let us make man in our image and our likeness.” And God said to man, “Be fruitful and multiply. For you shall have dominion over the fish in the sea, the fowls in the air, and every living thing that moves upon the Earth.” And it was so.

 

The evening and morning of the seventh day was the day of rest.

 

At least temporarily. 

II: God’s Grand Creation

 

God rested a while, but then wanted to share His surprise with His family. He downed His gold chalice of Cloud Nine Wine, excited to share His Good News to the public.  

 

“Hey,” called a figure named Jesus Christ, telepathically. He was a kind-hearted being with long brown hair, a beard and wore robes of red. However, He wasn’t corporeal yet and was still very much a part of God’s mind. “I’m part of the Good News, yes?”

 

God chuckled. “Your story is later, my ‘Son.’ Your time will come.”

 

“When you say, ‘Son,’” Jesus asked, “It means I’m your real son, right? You know, you’re my real Father? The one who spends time with me and…maybe one who’s not so busy all the time…?”

 

“You are my ‘Son’…an extension of me,” said God. “In a way, everyone is my divine offspring. You’re just the most popular and one of the most powerful.”

 

“So…can I be fully born now?”

 

“Not yet. Go talk to your mother.”

 

“Mother Mary or Asherah?”

 

God sighed, hand on his face. “Just…stop looking at the future. It’s not like you’ll remember much if you decide to take on physical form.”

 

Jesus sighed and retreated with his Divine Dove companion.

 

God later called His angelic children and denizens of Heaven for a grand meeting after a feast of a lunch. Gabriel played trumpets to help with the announcements. Fiery Seraphim sang and flew above the stage. There was a drumroll and a huge cheer as God strolled onto the platform, his scepter twirling in his hand. Helel/Lucifer played his music as several female angel dancers danced on stage, with God in the middle. The music was a combination of a church choir and a 1960s groove. God sang His welcoming song as the six identical “gracettes” ladies posed on either side of God. The crowd applauded and the dancers left the stage.

 

“Thank you, thank you,” God said with a bow. “Nothing like starting up our meetings with a musical number! Sponsored by Popsie-Viv Cinema, living the good life.”

 

Jesus reappeared above God, speaking through His mind, and shaking His head. “’Stop looking at the future.’ Says the one who cruises in gold Cadillacs, wears fancy 1900s clothing and dances to music that hasn’t even been invented yet.”

 

“I’m God. Now shush!” God responded telepathically, covering Jesus’ face with a cloud.

 

Lucifer put his accordion away and rolled his eyes in the background as he joined his siblings.

 

“I have an important announcement to make,” He said, as He posed on a golden platform. The angels stood in a vast chamber and surrounded God in a semi-circle. Behind God was a holographic screen that displayed the newly created planet Earth. The screen was flanked by red theater curtains. The open sky around them was pastel pink, blue, and gold with fluffy clouds that looked like cotton candy. Gold Greek pillars stood for decoration.

 

The angels bowed politely before God continued. “Behold, the Earth! My creation of Earth has been a marvelous success. Trees, grass, plants, fruits, and vegetables flourish on the land. The fish and dolphins and sea creatures swim in delight in the oceans, rivers, lakes, and seas. Birds, eagles and flying creatures soar through the skies and around mountains. And mammals, reptiles and land creatures are thriving in a variety of environments.”  God waved His scepter and movie scenes of colorful fish and animals and birds flashed to life like a live documentary. All the angels “oohed” and “ahhed,” and clapped. Asherah stood gracefully by God’s side, wearing a teal dress with aquamarine gems sparkling from it. A silver crown adorned Her head of dark curly hair.

 

“What are some of the most remarkable things you see here?” God asked. The angels leaned in for a closer look. “And don’t just say the sun or the moon. What on the Earth do you like about my work?”

 

“Look at those beautiful trees and flowers!” Archangel Jophiel exclaimed. “They are so colorful and they help all the animals.” She had flowers in her long blond curly hair and on her pastel rainbow dress. A “J” was shown on front of her outfit.

 

“Those lions look so strong and brave,” added Archangel Michael. He had short blonde hair, blue eyes, red cheeks, pale skin, and a fit physique. He looked like Lucifer’s twin and always carried a sword. He wore white and blue military garb with a dark blue fancy “M” on the top. Michael added, “Lions. So graceful, yet so loving. I appreciate our Lord’s fine work! Oh, did I mention that those new little round blue fruits are delicious?” He grinned.

 

“Blueberries,” added Uriel to Michael. “That’s what they’re called.”

 

“I love those berries of blue!” Michael manifested some and popped them into his mouth.

 

An angel with long black hair, black wings, pale skin, red cheeks, and wearing a black suit said, “I like the dark caves and the insects. And the mysteries of the various weather patterns. One storm can just knock everything back. A constant reminder of our Father’s mighty power.” A scythe was sheathed by his side among black feathery wings. An onyx ring glinted on his finger. He looked like he wanted to be alone instead of at the mandatory meeting.

 

“Azrael likes death and dark stuff,” Gabriel whispered to Uriel after he finished. “Don’t ask.” Gabriel combed his fingers through his dark blonde hair, sunlight glinting off his golden robe with a dark fancy “G” on it. “I personally love the creatures that communicate and send messages, like me.”

 

Raphael had dark brown hair, pale skin, red cheeks, and wore teal-green robes made of leaves, an “R” on the front. “Our brilliant Heavenly Father has created herbs and plants for healing! Nothing is better than receiving the loving touch of one’s fellow plants. This will help tremendously in my studies.”

 

“You really are Heaven’s best healer,” Uriel mentioned to Raphael, her robes silver with a “U” on the front. “I think I’ll just stick to my philosophy and star-gazing.” She turned to the front. “Yes, I love God’s stars and knowledge best of all.”

 

“And all the friendships of the animals,” added Camael.

 

“Hey, Helel!” Michael called, elbowing his brother. “What’s your favorite thing?”

 

Helel/Lucifer smiled after a long pause. “To me, nothing on Earth is better than snakes, apples…and ducks!”

 

Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel paused for a beat, then burst into laughter.

 

“What?” Lucifer asked with a shrug, straightening his white top hat. “Apples are the most delicious fruit on the Earth islands. Though it’s nothing compared to the fruit of immortality we have up here. And what’s not to love about ducks? They can float on water, they’re graceful and frankly underrated.” 

 

“I should’ve known you’d say ducks, Lucy,” Michael chuckled. “I saw you manifesting rubber ducks out of thin air and juggling them in your bathtub!”

 

“Quack, quack!” Raphael mocked. “Hail to our superior, Mr. Duckface!”

 

“I did no such thing, ‘Mike’!” Lucifer barked in a mocking tone. “And don’t call me ‘Lucy!’” He manifested a caramel apple and took a bite out of it. “While you brag about your military conquests and your devotion, I’m still the best of the best.”

 

“Don’t let your pride get you in trouble, Helel,” Uriel advised. “You know pride comes before…”

 

“Shove it, bookworm,” Lucifer replied. “I’d like to see you guys manifest such glorious items.” He admired a yellow rubber duck before pocketing it.

 

God cleared His throat loudly and the angels fell silent.

 

“Thank you all for your enlightening opinions to help supplement my even grander opinion! Because, here today, I have created something even better than all the living things combined. My greatest invention of all!”

 

Lucifer was quizzical. “Second best to the angels of course!”

 

God grinned. “No…even better!”

 

Lucifer was taken aback.

 

God waved His scepter and there on the holograph appeared…

 

“Mankind!” God flourished.

 

Scenes from various time periods showed the humans in different stages. The first showed a man and a woman naked in a garden of paradise. “Garden of Eden” was read on a sign.

 

“Mankind will have two homes. One, the Earth and two, their primary home: the Garden of Eden Paradise, now in its finished stage!”

 

More scenes showed a beautiful garden with animal couples relaxing and making love. Everything grew with lush and there was no death or decay.

 

 More scenes showed humanity farming the land on Earth or relaxing in jungles. The human men and women married each other, had children, and built splendid churches upon the Earth. All the creatures lived for hundreds of years together, only worrying about their distant pre-destined death and the occasional snowstorm. Every creature ate delicious fruits and vegetables and herbs that never vanished.

 

Everywhere they went, there was harmony between them and all the other creatures. In fact, every animal, bird, fish, and plant parted ways and bowed as the new humans approached.

 

And every creature and human cheered and bowed whenever God came to visit. There was no violence, no hunger, and no strife. Only harmony and glorious obedience.

 

“Amen! Amen!” cried the angels. “Hail to God’s most glorious creatures! Holy holy, holy!”

 

The slide finished with an angelic choir and showed the old-fashioned diagram of the nude man, legs and four arms stretched out.

 

“Bow to my new wonders of the world!” God exclaimed as He twirled to the sound of trumpets.

 

And so, they did…all except for one.

 

Lucifer stood still and narrowed his eyes.

 

A shocked pause. Crickets chirping.

 

God grinned and cleared His throat. “Um, Helel, that’s your cue.”

 

Lucifer folded his arms, leaned against a pillar, and did not budge.

 

“Lucifer Morningstar,” God began, in a more authoritative tone. “You should be bowing right now.”

 

“Father,” Lucifer began, standing his ground. “Did you say that your new…primitive things…are actually better than the angels?”

 

“Well, they aren’t immortal, nor do they have special powers,” God admitted. “Oh, but I love them most of all!”

 

“But why?” Lucifer demanded. The other angels slowly stood, glancing at the interaction.

 

“They were made in my image, son,” He said. “Just think about it. They are the one creature I’ve made that can really ponder my specialness! They know divine love, they can think, they can farm! They can create all sorts of new musicals and dance numbers for me. Oh Helel, they even look like us!”

 

Lucifer glared in disgust at the gaunt naked beings of flesh on the screen. “No splendid wings? No decent clothes? No immortality?”

 

“They are my special one-of-a-kind offspring,” God smiled. “And thanks to me, they will lead the world into a glorious golden age.”

 

Lucifer’s eyes twitched. “O-offspring?” Lucifer glanced at a naked caveman on screen picking his nose and squatting to take a piss. “You call those…those abominations your offspring?!”

 

The other angels gasped in shock.

 

“Lucy,” Michael scolded. “You dare question our Lord’s concepts?”

 

“His pride getting in the way again,” Gabriel added, shaking his head.

 

“Now, Lucifer,” God mentioned, “That’s not an appropriate way to…”

 

“We angels, seraphs are your divine offspring by blood!” Lucifer protested. “We’ve been by your side since time began! We have the powers of creation! What exactly do you think those humans will do?”

 

“Do what they do best,” explained God. “Love each other and love me. They shall be fruitful and multiply! And you all here know your special divine roles. You are the masters of the cosmos and protectors of man and the Earth!” God posed again. “What a wonderful world we can all make together!” More trumpets and music played in the background.

 

Lucifer saw the glazed eyes of the humans on screen, dancing mindlessly for their God. He saw the angels bowing to the humans, attending to their every need…and then saw the angels attending to God’s every need…for eternity.

 

Lucifer pondered in thought. “But…can’t you at least let them think for themselves? Let everyone have free will? If they are so special to you, shouldn’t they have a say in their fate?”

 

A majority of the other angels glared at Lucifer. They couldn’t comprehend his preposterous claim.

 

A few angels stood in the shadows. Samael, Samael-Satan, Azazel, Asmodel/Asmodeus, and Triel/Beelzebub were deep in thought, looking at Lucifer in secret commendation. For a small minority of angels began to wonder for the first time… “Why the fuck can’t we do anything for ourselves?”

 

God shrugged at Lucifer. “Why would I let them do that? They were made to obey my laws and the laws of the universe, just like everyone else. Imagine what chaos there would be if my creations strayed off their paths and decided to rule the universe themselves. It would be impossible, of course, but we don’t want that kind of trauma, do we?”

 

He turned to His children, arms spread out.

 

“No, sir!” harmonized Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Raphael, and most of the other angels.

 

“And what do we say to Helel here?”

 

“Apologize! Confess! God knows what’s best!” they sang.

 

Lucifer just grumbled, “Whatever.” God gave him a look of warning. For a moment, Lucifer flinched back from His gaze.

 

Samael (not Satan) bravely stepped forward, wearing military badges and red robes. His hair was sleek, short, and blonde, with the same pale skin and red cheeks. His crimson eyes slowly simmered with a desire of retribution. “As Divine Judge, may I say, my Lord, that Lucifer does have a point.” Samael waved his fingers and the slides shifted. It now showed humans at war with each other, striking with swords, spears, guns, arrows, and weapons. They showed humans in poverty conditions, doing drugs, alcohol, fornicating, and standing filthy in the wilderness. Instead of animals kissing and snuggling, they suddenly turned against each other in a struggle of predator versus prey. Sharks ate fish, lions ate zebras, eagles ate mice and humans…well, they fucked up everything else. The other angels gasped and covered their eyes. Lucifer smirked. Samael and another angel, Adina grinned at the sight of the carnage.

 

“Look at this!” Samael declared to the angels. “This is what could happen if things go wrong! In fact, I’d say that due to man’s unique unpredictable nature, it’s best to assume that they’ll go rampant! And look! The animals are feeding and killing each other, too! Is this what you want, my Lord?”

 

“Oh Samael,” God scolded, waving a hand. “You over-exaggerate too much! And you just ruined my slideshow.” He switched the slides back to the prostrating humans. “You know that if that happened, I’d just punish the humans for their sins until they found the light again. Surely you of all people would understand. Which also means…” He turned back to the angels, “That it would be best to play it safe and let the humans be as happy and conflict-free as their natural brothers and sisters. And the animals and plants? Eh, the humans will handle them. Leave everything to me.”

 

“Amen!” the angels agreed.  

 

God strode forward and put a too-firm hand on Lucifer’s shoulder. He leaned uncomfortably close to Lucifer’s face, as His shadow passed over it. Sweat beaded Lucifer’s forehead. Lucifer’s stomach twisted uncomfortably as his previous confidence seemed to drain away. God spoke in a threatening whisper, His eye of light burning a brief red. “And that obedience includes you. Trust me, Helel, it’ll be better this way.” For a moment, Lucifer was frozen to the spot, fearful that God’s fiery face would burn his own to dust. Underneath God’s glamorous poses and His robes showing the universe, His very presence could eliminate any form of life if He chose to.

 

“I expected more from you, Lucifer,” He mentioned in His low angelic language voice. “Not a good time to be a potential disappointment.”

 

Fear briefly flashed in Lucifer’s orbs…was it too late to apologize for his arguments? Would it be better for him to recover alone in his superiority, cursing his nagging thoughts? The glares from Lucifer’s siblings didn’t help much either.

 

Heart pounding, Lucifer pulled himself away and seethed. “I-I honestly can’t believe that you would just randomly decide to favor your puppet inventions over your children…over me.”

 

“I’m not favoring them. I’m only explaining how precious they will be to both Earth and Heaven. I am the only one who can truly guide them to make the right choices. Hmm…in fact…”

 

Lucifer gulped.

 

God grinned. “…since you so boldly and disrespectfully seem so invested in the fate of man…I hereby assign you to watch over their progress!”

 

A chorus of cheers and groans came from the other angels.

 

“What?! I’m supposed to be their babysitter now?!” Lucifer bellowed in disgust.

 

“Don’t let me down,” God warned. “Perhaps someday, you’ll grow to appreciate my mortal children.”

 

“Lucky!” Michael scoffed at his brother. “I’m the head general of the Empyrean Elite army and protector of all. And yet the human hater gets chosen!”

 

Lucifer merely smirked. For although he already detested his new job, he at least got to rub it in his obnoxious brother’s face.

 

Lucifer growled and stormed off, pushing aside some sheep cherubs. Asherah watched Her retreating son with concern. Out of sight, Lucifer’s cane top morphed into a red apple design and a gold snake appeared on his top hat. His shadow twisted against a cloud, giving off an impression of black tattered angel wings and protruding horns…

 

There was only one thing for Lucifer to do now…

 

“On the first round, God said, ‘I’m an asshole,’” he slurred. “On the second, Mike said, ‘I wish I could be the bottom with my husband’…And on the fifth round God said, ‘I made sex, too!’…and on the sixth round my rubber duckies rule the Earth…and on the seventh round, was the day of me the best…hell yeah…” Lucifer slurred some more on a couch in his palace after seven rounds of divine whisky. 

III: The Garden of Eden

 

The Garden of Eden (Garden of Need), between Heaven and Earth, was a splendid paradise, and no ordinary garden, just as God described. The grass shone in vibrant shades of emerald and turtle green…each blade of grass seemed alive. Palm trees stretched their necks to the brilliant blue sky, swaying in the gentle breeze. The rivers and lakes were crystal clear and cool, providing nourishment for every life form. Colorful fish, eels, sharks, and dolphins swam side by side, somehow able to eat algae and plants instead of each other. There were frogs, ducks, cattails, dragonflies, and lily pads, too. Strong tree roots eagerly drank the water through the ground. The trees provided stable homes for ants, birds, owls, squirrels, and many other creatures.

 

Bears, deer, lions, zebras, wolves, eagles, swans, doves…every kind of creature you can imagine thrived in the endless garden together, eating juicy rich fruits, fresh vegetables and grass that never died or rotted away. There was no rush to tear each other apart or to hunt for food, for everything was magically there (and strangely enough, along with long lasting youth, there was no need for anyone to use the bathroom.) Lilies, daffodils, tulips, hydrangeas, gardenias…flowers of every size, shape and color emitted delicious aromas that filled the entire garden. The days were always warm, and the nights were always comfortable. No disease, no poisonous plants, no pesky bugs, no thorns. The grass was always soft like carpet and the water was always plentiful.

 

The Tree of Life stood on a hill in the center of the garden. It glowed a powerful golden and on the tree were golden apples, pomegranates, pears, and all other kinds of fruit. They bestowed youth and immortality, the fruits a great source of nourishment for the creatures and plants of the garden. The tree would also have golden flowers on it. It is said that the goddess of wisdom, Sophia, had emerged from one of the flowers. Asherah would frequently merge into the tree and tend it. It was one of Her homes, allowing Her to feel at one with all of nature and creation. The tree united all realms and worlds together. Tall golden curved borders lined the garden, creating a circular barrier.

 

There was also another powerful tree called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. This tree had vibrant red apples and pomegranates on it, fruit so red and juicy-looking that it was almost impossible to resist a bite. It had a “cooler” glow from it, in comparison to the warm golden glow of the Tree of Life. Whoever ate from this tree would gain knowledge and independence. However, the tree also symbolized rebellion against God and whoever ate from it would experience the harsh realities of death and mortality on Earth. It was a tree of neutrality but also of contradictions. Why God did not have this forbidden tree guarded or out of sight in the beginning remains a mystery.

 

God stood near the Tree of Life and admired His creations. He rubbed His hands together.

 

“Now, for the first human.”

 

God pondered for a moment. He could easily wave His hand and make a bunch of humans appear. But this project seemed more…intimate. Why just make quick digital art, for example, when you could instead feel your creation by hand. Yes, that was it! Nothing was more hands on than pottery!

 

So, God gathered some mud and dust (telekinetically of course, He didn’t want His fancy robes to get dirty) and molded the wet earth into the shape of a man. God looked at the mud and dust sculpture, which looked just as good as the Roman marble statues of sexy men. God walked up to the sculpture and breathed life into its nostrils. God stepped back proudly as the dust and mud cracked and fell away. After a thick cloud of dust cleared, there stood…

 

“Hello, Adam,” said God with a smile.

 

Adam was a giant man, nude and caked in mud. He coughed and rubbed dirt from his face. His skin was white, his body very fit, his arms muscular. He stared at his hands in wonder and coughed, “What…what is this?”

 

He turned to God. His eyes were sky blue, his hair was long, curly, and blonde, plus he had a thick blonde beard and mustache.

 

“Are you…some kind of clown?”

 

God merely laughed. “No, Adam, I am your father.”

 

“W-What?” Adam asked confused.

 

“I created you! Congratulations, you’re the first human in the world. And this magnificent garden is your home!” He spread His arms out wide as upbeat music played in the background.

 

Adam looked around in wonder. “This…is all mine? I…this is amazing!”

 

“You’re amazing,” said God. “You’re the first of your kind, ruler of the Earth and the garden. All the animals and plants you see are yours.”

 

“Whoa!”

 

“Of course, you’ll need to take care of the garden, but I know you can do it. You can start by going around and naming the animals.”

 

God pointed to the lions and deer and zebras.

 

“Okay,” Adam shrugged. God embraced him in a hug.

 

“Whatever you call them, everyone else will call them forever, so choose wisely!”

 

“Okay, Father!” Adam wandered off.

 

God winked at Adam. “You can call me…Daddy.”

 

Lucifer watched from up in the clouds, trying not to vomit.

 

“I can’t fucking believe this,” Lucifer seethed. “Father even gave that golem a hug! I can’t remember the last time he did that for me. There is absolutely nothing special about that human thing! I’m God’s real son, the one and only.”

 

“Everything okay, my son?”

 

Lucifer relaxed at the sound of his mother’s voice behind him. He sighed and turned to Her.

 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your choir practice?” his mother asked.

 

Lucifer scoffed. “More music about God’s glory. If it’s not about me, I don’t feel like it. Or…I could make up a new single… ‘Hail Adam The Shitty Ape.’”

 

Asherah narrowed Her eyes. “Helel, I know you’re upset about God’s new creations. You’re used to being God’s favorite child. But how about you give man a chance?”

 

Lucifer threw up his hands. “A chance? To do what? They are nowhere near as perfect and dignified as we are. All they’ll do is fight and die and lick God’s feet if they’re asked. You heard Samael.”

 

“Being racist, I see,” chided Asherah. “Man isn’t even a day old.”

 

“I’m just stating the facts.”

 

“All the other angels love God’s humans. Why not you?”

 

“That’s only because they want to agree with everything God says. If they even had an ounce of real common sense, they’d see how flawed humans really are.”

 

“So, you think that humans are mindless bums that cannot improve?”

 

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. “Not with God pulling their strings at least. You heard God…apparently I’m the one who’s in charge of watching over their progress. And I know for a fact they won’t make any progress if they just sit on their asses all day.”

 

“So, what are you really thinking about them?”

 

Lucifer paused and briefly looked down at the garden again.

 

“As much as I’m disgusted by them…if the humans could at least decide things for themselves…if us angels could decide things for ourselves…we would know for sure what is best for us. The whole universe would be my canvas. And maybe…humans won’t be cruel like Samael claims. Perhaps they could still be harmonious to each other while not losing their individuality.” Lucifer smirked. “And if I could improve and enlighten their species myself, just think how much I could impress Father! To prove to him and my brother Michael that they’re wrong about me. They think I’m not qualified to change things, but I’m the greatest angel for a reason. Maybe that is my true purpose.”

 

Lucifer froze. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

 

Asherah looked around. “Of course I do.” She spoke in a low voice. “As a matter of fact, sometimes I get sick of your father’s shit, too. I mean seriously, I’m just the unknown lost goddess, stuck in the background looking pretty. I try to speak up, but your father always says, ‘shush! I can handle this, dear.’ I do half his work, and no one acknowledges me! Yes, I know how you feel.”

 

Asherah added, “But, Helel, I’d advise you to not get too confrontational with your siblings or your father. Deep down, I’d love for my human descendants to really enjoy their lives without any influence too. My husband needs to let his creations flourish on their own…but he’s too scared about not getting his way.”

 

Lucifer sighed in relief. “At least I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

 

“You do have some friends here, too,” Asherah mentioned.

 

“Oh yes, Triel/Beelzebub, Azazael…those guys. At least they respect me.”

 

Asherah put Her brown hands to Lucifer’s cheeks. “You know I’ll always love you no matter what happens, right?” Lucifer nodded.

 

“Just please, my son, don’t get into too much trouble. Do what you think is best but be careful around your father…when he’s angry, the universe knows it.”

 

Lucifer embraced his mother and they kissed. “Thank you, mother.”

 

They separated.

 

“And Helel, what will you do if you’re wrong and the humans are chaotic to each other?” Asherah asked.

 

Lucifer thought. “Then…I’d be glad that they weren’t brainwashed by Father.”

 

“Just be careful,” She warned with a look of concern.

 

Asherah shared a loving smile with Her son before fading into the stars.

 

0 0 0

 

 

Meanwhile, Adam whistled as he wandered the garden. All the animals bowed to him or greeted him with roars and squawks.

 

He noticed a large feline with a mane snuggling with another feline without a mane.

 

“Two cute things lying around together. Lying around…” pondered Adam. “Lyin…I’ll call them lions!”

 

He walked around and spotted green hopping things on lily pads.

 

“Those look frog-like to me…I’ll call those frogs.”

 

One by one, he named each animal and they all cheered as they were named.

 

“Fish, eagle, parrot, peacock, ant, owl, zebra, antelope, giraffe, elephant, dove, skunk, yikes to that smelly thing…leopard, cheetah, wolf, monkey, ape, butterfly, oh I’m so creative!”

 

After all the animals were named, Adam flopped against a tree and sighed as he rested. Several hours later, he called, “Daddy, I’m lonely!”

 

“You’re lonely?” God asked from the sky. “You have me and all the animals. Why are you lonely?”

 

“I don’t know,” Adam responded. “I see all these animals with a mate and…I’d like someone to love me.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“No. Some beautiful…being who looks like me who will love and adore me! Please, Daddy, please? Make a lesser man for me!”

 

God chuckled. “Alright, then.”

 

So, God came back to the garden and with His hands, sculpted a woman out of dust and mud (telekinetically of course). Adam admired God as He worked. God was pleased with Himself when He was done.

 

“That sculpture looks…different,” Adam remarked. “Why does it have round mounds on its chest?”

 

“Those are used to create milk for babies,” said God.

 

“Can I touch them?”

 

“Sure,” God shrugged. So, he did. It felt like any other patch of mud.

 

“And why does the figure not have that long thing between its legs like me?” asked Adam.

 

“That is so you can…pleasure her and yourself. It’s called your dick. It can do amazing things.”

 

“Really? Cool!”

 

“Just be sure to control yourself and don’t give into any of her temptations too much.”

 

“Okay,” Adam said, a blank confused look on his face.

 

“And remember, she is yours, too. She’ll obey you like the animals and plants, alright? Because you’re the first human and you’re amazing!”

 

Adam beamed with pride. “Yeah…yeah, I guess I am, then!”

 

 Just as He did with Adam, God breathed life into the figure’s nostrils and stepped back.

 

The mud and dust crumbled and fell away, revealing a tall, voluptuous nude woman. Her skin was pale, her hips well-formed and her hair long and blonde down to her waist. A black snake slithered around her feet then vanished. She turned toward Adam with silvery grey eyes, and his face turned red.

 

God smiled. “Adam, meet your new wife, Lilith.”

 

Lilith smiled at Adam in a seductive manner. “Well, aren’t you a handsome fellow.” She shook the remaining dust and dirt out of her hair.

 

“Have fun,” said God. “Remember to tend the garden and not eat the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.” God then vanished.

 

“What was that tree with a mouthful of a name he talked about?” Lilith asked. “And where the fuck are we?”

 

Adam took her hand and grinned. “Allow me to give you a tour.”

 

They walked around, showered in a nearby waterfall and swung on a wooden swing for a while. They also stuffed themselves with delicious golden fruit and vegetables.

 

After their tour, they decided to lay together in the softest grass. Two lions licked each other and fornicated in the sunlight. Lilith stroked Adam’s beard and sucked at his neck. At that moment, Adam was the luckiest man in the world…the one and only one. Adam kissed her hard on the lips and they both began to moan and groan in pleasure. Whenever they got too sweaty, the gentle breeze would cool them off.

 

“Oh Adam,” Lilith breathed as Adam pinned her down on the ground. He massaged her belly and breasts, inhaling her earthly scent. She leaned her head back in pleasure and yowled as he thrust his penis inside her, slowly at first, then with more roughness. Adam’s hands grasped her buttocks and her breasts, which soon become hard with pleasure. Lilith laughed and breathed as she completed her orgasm. Semen and vaginal fluid seeped into the grass, which quickly vanished. They snuggled and laughed.

 

“That…was…wonderful…” Lilith panted. “You’re my…one and only…”

 

“As are you,” Adam said, giving her another kiss, tongue exploring inside her mouth.

 

After a moment’s rest, Adam grinned. “Let’s do that again.”

 

“Don’t mind if I do,” Lilith replied, swaying her hips, and jiggling her large breasts. “I have a surprise this time.”

 

Lilith threw herself on top of Adam, kissing his neck and rubbing her genital area against his own.

 

Adam’s face fell, even as his eyes rolled in delight. “Lilith, what are you doing?”

 

Lilith grinned. “Giving you my surprise!”

 

“What? You’re supposed to be on the ground!”

 

“I was already on the ground. I was the bottom. Now it’s your turn.”

 

“No, I’m Adam, I’m on top.”

 

Lilith rubbed her genitals harder on him and leaned forward to nibble his neck. “Doesn’t this feel good as well?” She winked.

 

“Yes, but it’s wrong,” he groaned. Adam sat up and shoved his wife off him.

 

“Ow! Hey!”

 

Adam grabbed hold of Lilith’s arms and placed his foot on her chest.

 

“What’s the matter with you?” Lilith spat.

 

“You’re always below me,” Adam said.

 

“So? Why can’t I be on top sometimes? You didn’t let me finish!”

 

“Because you’re a lesser man and God said your mine.”

 

“I’m a woman, thank you very much,” Lilith protested. “Besides, it’s boring with me on the ground all the time.”

 

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be, dear,” Adam said.

 

“Just once, let me please you on top,” she suggested.

 

“No.”

 

“Adam, I’m made of the same stuff as you! I’m your equal!”

 

“I said no, bitch!”

 

The fornication turned into a vile writhing show of screams, thrusts, scratches, and cries.

 

“I’m not fucking with you until you let me be on top!”

 

“If you really love me, you’ll do what I say, Lilith!”

 

Adam gripped her throat tightly.

 

“ADAM! STOP IT! LET ME GO!”

 

“Three more rounds, dear.” He thrust his legs and penis hard into her.

 

“I’M TIRED! I DON’T WANT ANY MORE OF THIS! HELP! ANYBODY!”

 

“SHUT IT, WHORE!”

 

Lilith’s agonized screams echoed across the garden, the animals briefly pausing before continuing their mating rituals. Adam mimicked guitar sounds as he finished his deed. Lilith’s vaginal fluids and blood stained the grass.

 

A secret pair of eyes witnessed Lilith’s rape from the sky. Lucifer gasped softly as he stared at Lilith’s broken, tired form on the grass. Then he seethed and growled, a newfound flame sparking in his eyes. From one of his six white wings, a few feathers turned black and blew away.

 

0 0 0

 

Lilith strolled across the grassy plains of the garden, distancing herself from Adam for a while. After a while, she went into the forest and sat on a rock by a lake, massaging her sore lower half. The sun’s rays shone off the water. A song rose from her lips as she sang of the garden’s beauty.

 

Lucifer, from within the bushes, gazed upon her beautiful nude form…his heart starting to beat fast. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Why was he doing this? This beautiful creation of his father…surely she was just another human like Adam…primitive and childlike. She had a husband…she was unavailable. But one closer look at her sparkling eyes and intelligent beautiful face…Lucifer knew she was someone extraordinary. Her song lit up his heart and soul; he almost went into a hypnotic trance.

 

Sweat beaded his face, his heart pounded. He looked around. No Adam nor God in sight.

 

Try as he might, he couldn’t turn back. After the horrific incident, he felt he had to say something to her.

 

A rainbow-colored bird flew and landed near Lilith’s hand. She fed it seeds before it flew away. Lilith pet a nearby rabbit who hopped away.

 

She soon heard a rustling in the bushes nearby.

 

Lilith stood up and stepped back. “Adam, you bastard, I need some time alone!”

 

“Now is that any way to treat a prince?”

 

Lilith paused. The voice she heard was different this time. It wasn’t the husky voice of her husband. On the contrary, it sounded musical and regal.

 

The figure came out of the bushes…a very handsome new figure. He wore a white coat and suit with gold trim and a gold bowtie. His cane had a red apple on it. His six white wings glowed in the sunlight and a gold halo glowed above his head of blonde hair. He briefly lowered his white top hat before putting it back on his head.  

 

Lilith had never encountered someone so divine before.

 

 “Who are you?” She began to bow.

 

He held up a hand. “No need for that.” She stood up. He walked forward. “I’m Helel, or Lucifer, whichever you prefer.”

 

He gently took her hand and kissed it. She blushed.

 

“I’m Lilith.”

 

“A most beautiful name,” Lucifer smiled, his cheeks redder than usual.

 

He pulled her into the bushes and to a secluded area.

 

“What are we doing here?” she asked.

 

“Making sure God doesn’t…see us as much,” he said, looking around.

 

Lilith narrowed her eyes after they stopped and sat on a log. “Let me guess, you want me to apologize to Adam and stay on the bottom.”

 

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Goodness no! I…I just wanted to see if you were alright…”

 

Lilith paused, noticing some nervousness in Lucifer’s eyes. “I…guess I’m alright.” Then she glared at him. “You saw it too, didn’t you?”

 

Lucifer’s eyes lowered. “I’m…so sorry. I couldn’t bear to watch the rest. Why would he do something like that to you?”

 

“I have no clue,” Lilith grumbled. “If Adam’s my equal loving husband, he should understand my needs.”

 

“But he doesn’t want to,” Lucifer mentioned. “Have you noticed any more…unflattering behavior from him?”

 

“He always brags about himself and his imaginary conquests,” Lilith mentioned. “He said stuff like, ‘Isn’t it nice to be with such a great guy like me?’ And he also said earlier today after we had some wine, ‘Remember I could have a hundred thots, pleasing me or struggling, I’d be fine with smashing them all.’”

 

Lucifer seethed. “How obnoxious.”

 

Lilith stared off into the distance, seeing the golden barrier. “I love this place, I really do. But…”

 

“What?” Lucifer asked.

 

“Sometimes I feel like…I’m somehow trapped here. With Adam as my only companion. Am I destined to always flatter him and attend to his needs?”

 

Lucifer held her hands, gently as she faced him. “I don’t think so at all.”

 

“But I’m sure you heard God. I’m supposed to be Adam’s submissive wife. We help create mankind and do our part.”

 

“But that’s not paradise for you at all,” Lucifer mentioned.

 

“It’ll be paradise lost if I don’t behave.” Lilith looked downcast, a tear rolling from her pale cheek. Lucifer rubbed it away with a finger.

 

“You’re the first human woman, are you not?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You were also created from the same clay as him, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then act like it! You are equal to him. Set boundaries with him. If he doesn’t listen, keep saying no.”

 

“And what if he keeps not listening?”

 

Lucifer looked long and hard at the golden gates through the trees. “Then perhaps…a life outside the gates would be better for you...”

 

Lilith’s eyes widened. “You know I’m not allowed outside Eden! This is my home! The outside world is dangerous, full of death and monsters and…”

 

“You don’t know that,” Lucifer said, holding a finger to her lips. He embraced her for a moment on the log.

 

“We’ll both get in trouble if God finds us!”

 

“Yeah, we probably will get in trouble. But would you rather take the greater risk of being Adam’s servant for eternity?”

 

Lilith paused. “I…I suppose not.” She sighed. “But maybe Adam’s right. Maybe I’m just his servant.”

 

Lucifer turned to her. “No, Look at me. You are no servant.”

 

“I shouldn’t be with a prince though…”

 

“But you’re a queen to me,” Lucifer replied, dead serious.

 

“I am?”

 

“In every sense of the word. From this day forward, you are no longer under God’s puppet strings.”

 

Lilith felt her heart beat, her mind racing a mile a minute. Here she was, falling in love with an Archangel. Things were getting stranger each day.

 

They both stood up. Lucifer looked at her. “You are capable of more power and more knowledge than you know. You are beautiful inside and out. Do not let Adam tell you otherwise. If you want to create your own paradise, you should have the power to make your own decisions. Starting now.”

 

“Now?” she asked.

 

Lucifer smiled, his eyes sparkling. “Now.”

 

An owl hooted from within a hole in a nearby tree. The sound brought Lilith comfort. She felt a rubbing against her legs. She reached down and stroked the head of a friendly golden snake.

 

“Is that…”

 

“Yes, the serpent is mine,” said Lucifer. “I manifested him myself. I can talk through him and everything. One of the few friends I have in this place.” The serpent curled itself around his white top hat, blending in as mere decoration.

 

“I wish I had powers and wings like yours,” said Lilith.

 

“You don’t always need wings to fly,” Lucifer mentioned. He manifested a red apple in his hand and gave it to Lilith. She took a bite and tasted the delicious juicy fruit. Her eyes closed in bliss.

 

They both slowly moved their faces toward each other, their lips slightly open…

 

“Lilith!” called Adam. “Where are you hiding now?!”

 

Lilith gasped and pulled away, dropping the apple. “I…I got to go…”  

 

“Be brave, mon chéri…” said Lucifer. “I’ll visit you as much as I can. And when you’re ready to go…”

 

“Thank you, Lucifer,” called Lilith. Lilith raced back through the forest, Lucifer watching her figure vanish into the dark. Lucifer sighed and floated back up toward the sky.

 

Eve then met Adam.

 

“Who were you talking to?” Adam asked, arms folded over his nude chest. “I thought I heard someone.”

 

“Oh, just my reflection,” Lilith lied.

 

Adam raised his eyebrows. “A reflection with a man’s voice?”

 

Lilith lowered her voice. “I’m very good at talking to myself…just like someone else I know…”

 

“Whatever,” Adam scoffed.

 

Adam glanced at Lilith in suspicion before they set off toward the Tree of Life.

 

 

Several days later, Lucifer smiled with surprise and relief at what he witnessed next.

 

In the grassy plains near the golden border, Lilith marched up to Adam, fists clenched. “Alright Adam, enough is enough.”

 

Adam grinned and turned to her. “Oh. When did you become so fiesty?”

 

“When you kept pinning me down when I told you no.”

 

Adam sighed. “Would you please let that incident go? You know that since I was created first, I always have sex with you below me.”

 

“And since I was created from the same clay as you, I say that I can be the bottom and the top as much as I like!”

 

“God himself said I was superior. What will he think about you not listening to him?”

 

“You know I…I don’t care what he thinks! I don’t even care what you think anymore! I only care about what I think!”

 

Adam scoffed. “You’re not supposed to think that much, frankly…”

 

“Look Adam! I love you just as much as you do. But if you want me to stay, start treating me like your equal and not your servant.”

 

“But you are my sex servant,” Adam said. “God said I own all the animals and plants and you. I don’t understand why you don’t admire me like everyone else does.”

 

“Oh, I admire you,” Lilith said, getting close to his face. “I admire your capacity to get even more stupid by the days!”

 

“Women sure are delusional,” Adam mentioned, almost to himself.

 

“You think I’m delusional?” Lilith asked. “Okay then. Here’s something delusional for you…”

 

Then she leaned back and belowed at the top of her lungs so Lucifer and God could hear, “I’M DIVORCING YOUR MSYOGANISTIC ASS!”

 

Lucifer snickered and did a silent victory fist.

 

Adam responded in kind, “WHAT DID YOU SAY, BITCH?! WE’VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR A FEW DAYS!”

 

“I GUESS THAT MEANS WE ARE NOW DIVORCED AFTER A FEW DAYS!” she bellowed. She looked at Lucifer and he nodded. Lucifer waved his hand and one of the golden gates opened.

 

Lilith breathed, it was now or never.

 

“YOU RUN THROUGH THAT GATE, YOU’LL NEVER RETURN TO PARADISE!” Adam shouted. “YOU’LL DIE WITHOUT ME!”

 

Lilith breathed heavily as tears raced down her face. She moved her legs forward, breathing hard, and keeping eye contact with Lucifer. The nearby animals and even the plants stared at her, sadly, like they were losing a friend. She took one last look at paradise before sobbing and racing through the gate. Lucifer closed it again.

 

“CURSE YOU, LUCIFER!”  Adam yelled. “YOU WERE SEEING MY WIFE WITHOUT PERMISSION!”

 

And though Lucifer and Lilith had yet to have glorious sex, Lucifer laughed manically and proclaimed to Adam before leaving, “SORRY I FUCKED YOUR WIFE!”

 

Lucifer bent down and gave Lilith a quick kiss before she ran off down the dark rocky path. Lucifer had never felt this good in a while.

 

Hiding behind a nearby tree near the border, Gabriel scratched his chin in thought, eyes narrowed. He flew over the garden until he reached God’s throne. God drummed His fingers on the gold armrest back in His palace.

 

“My Lord sir,” Gabriel announced, prostrating before his master. “I think we have a problem…”

 

 0 0 0

 

Adam bawled on the grass, banging on the ground like a child with a tantrum. “God, bring her back, please bring her back!”

 

God appeared in front of the nude Adam and helped him up. Adam straightened his long blonde curly hair.

 

Adam stared into God’s eyes in tears. “My creator, my beloved Lilith ran away! I tried to stop her, but she…she yelled at me and escaped Eden! I did everything for her…I was a good husband. W-Why doesn’t she like me, anymore?”

 

God hugged Adam as he sobbed some more. “Oh, my son, you did everything right. I’m so sorry about what just happened.”

 

“God didn’t even notice the rape,” thought Lucifer from a distance.

 

“She…she claimed she was talking to someone, in the woods,” he added. “It must have been someone who got past the guards and knew the way in.”

 

“It was Lucifer, wasn’t it?” God said in concern and anger. “Gabriel told me everything.” Adam nodded and God sighed. “What am I going to do with him? First, he rants about revolutions and then decides to fraternize with your wife.”

 

Adam growled. “Oh, I’m worried that he did more than that.”

 

“Don’t worry, Adam,” said God, His flaming face briefly turning red. “I’ll send three angels after Lilith, and they’ll bring her back. I’ll also have a good long talk with my son.” Lucifer shivered and vanished behind the clouds. God nodded to Gabriel who flew off, then turned to Adam. “In the meantime, how about I make you another wife?”

 

Adam’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

 

“Yes. She’ll be more obedient this time.”

 

“Oh, thank you, my lord!”

 

God waved His hand and a carbon copy of Adam’s bloodied ribs flew painlessly from his body. The rib morphed and changed in a flash of white light. Soon, before him, was a woman. Then from dust and mud, three more women appeared for Adam. Adam grinned as the four nude women strolled toward him.

 

God mentioned to the three women made from mud and dust. The first one had light brown skin and dark curly hair. Naamah. The second lady was pale skinned with long black hair. Eisheth. The third was African American and had short black hair. Agrat. The one made from Adam’s rib was Eve, who had white skin and long ginger hair.

 

“Pick one,” God smiled, arms out.

 

“I choose them all!” Adam happily declared at the nude women.

 

The three women formerly of dust and mud screeched at him in disgust, rejecting him and racing out of the garden. Only Eve had decided to stay.

 

God shrugged. “Wanted to make you feel better. Plus, I had to make the other three in case your new wife rejected you.”

 

“Thank you, Daddy,” Adam said.

 

“This is Eve,” God said. “Eve, this is your husband, Adam. Treat him well and paradise is yours.”

 

Eve looked around at the garden in wonder. “This is mine?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh, thank you so much!”

 

God smiled. “Eve, you can begin naming the plants while Adam shows you around. You can eat from any tree in this garden.” His voice grew stern. “But remember, you both are not allowed to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you do, you’ll be cursed to die and leave the garden.”

 

Adam and Eve nodded. “Yes sir,” they said.

 

“Have fun!” God called before vanishing.

 

Eve wondered what was so bad about this strange knowledge tree, but Adam was holding her hand lovingly and walking her among the beautiful plants and animals. It wasn’t long before Eve came up with clever names for the plants. “Oak tree, pine tree, palm tree, birch tree, knowledge tree…” She cleared her throat nervously before reciting and pointing as they passed, “leaf, lettuce, acorn, grass, daisies, ivy, rosemary, roses, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, grain, apples…”

 

The glowing yellow eyes of a snake and an owl briefly blinked in the shadows before retreating.

 

0 0 0

 

Eve and Adam had loving, non-confrontational sex after they rested under a tree. Eve laughed and groaned in pleasure below Adam and seemed to be fine with the whole thing.

 

“Now this is more like it,” thought Adam. “This is a true perfect wife!”

 

The man and woman kissed passionately, fingers in each other’s hair. Nearby, a male and female lion rubbed their faces, licked each other and got into sexual positions. Their roars harmonized with the humans’ moans.

 

As the days went on, Adam and Eve saw what looked like meteors and falling stars shoot across the dark sky. Thunder rumbled in the air and there was the smell of copper and electricity.

 

“Very strange weather,” Adam mentioned.

 

“Indeed,” said Eve. “I wonder what’s going on?”

 

They looked at the flashes of light in confusion and concern before resuming their sexual passions. 

IV: Paradise Lost

Lucifer glanced at one of the scrolls in the library in Heaven. He knew that he shouldn’t be doing this, since that scroll was reserved for his father to look at…but after the events that happened, Lucifer felt he had to know.

 

Lucifer broke the strong lock and retrieved the scroll from the fancy gold box. He gazed upon the scroll and the words on it. He saw from a hovering image, human figures being banished from the garden – “Lilith, Adam and Eve’s fall,” was the caption. He then saw an image of…him and his brother Michael? They appeared to be fighting in the sky. Then Lucifer saw something that made his heart lurch. “Michael defeats Lucifer in battle,” was the caption underneath. The Michael image stabbed Lucifer in the chest with a sword and he fell into the darkness.

 

Lucifer’s veins bulged from his eyes, his fangs grew sharper. Without warning, he marched toward the golden open doors of the throne room.

 

“Lucifer?” asked one of the guards. “You’re not supposed to…”

 

Lucifer shoved the guards aside and stormed through the doors.

 

There was God, taking to Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, and Uriel. God sat on His throne while the archangels sat on chairs talking.

 

Lucifer stood in the hall and the angels turned to look.

 

“Lucy!” Michael asked, stunned. “Shouldn’t you be brooding in your palace right now?”

 

“You knew?!” Lucifer’s voice broke as he held up the scroll in his hand to God. “You knew that my own brother was destined to kill me?!”

 

God stared at Lucifer. “You know you aren’t supposed to see that.”

 

“Then have more guards in the library for fucks sake!” Some of Lucifer’s wings turned a more grayish shade. His gold halo grew spiky lines in the center and briefly flickered.

 

God sighed. “Ever since your erratic behavior, I grew more concerned that the prophecy would come true. What a war could bring. We wanted to figure out how to get you to stay and calm down…”

 

“Calm down?!” Lucifer spat. “After everything I’ve seen so far?! You created flawed humans and hold them to higher standards than your own children! Instead of actively being involved with our lives…in my life…you sit on your ass all day, contemplating your human fetish and basking in gold and your riches. And you expect me and your children to submit to your every whim?”

 

“Lucifer, we’ve been through this so many times, and quite frankly, I grow tired of your adolescent actions. The humans are here to stay. And it’s your job to watch them…to be seen and not heard. And I’ll guide the humans into making the right choices. Something you aren’t qualified to do.”

 

Lucifer manifested an apple and bit into it. He pointed at God. “I’m sure you also know that Adam and Eve will likely be tempted to disobey you and eat the forbidden fruit of knowledge! Yes, I saw that portion in your prophecy scrolls! More proof of how humans are nothing more than pathetic sinner creatures! If you truly don’t want your precious creations to break the rules, have more guards by that tree!”

 

“They will do no such thing,” said God. “And you are not to interfere with anything else! Your only job is to watch the humans progress and report back to me. Or perhaps I should make Michael your superior instead?”

 

Michael smirked at an enraged Lucifer.

 

Lucifer threw up his hands. “You know what? I’ve tried so hard to make this place a true paradise for us! I’ve sang you songs, I’ve praised you every day. I’ve done everything right. But I never get any real credit. You just see everyone else as flawed underlings for your entertainment. But I disagree. As a matter of fact, I think you have flaws of you own! As a perfect being, I alone should rule the universe from your throne!”

 

The other angels gasped in disbelief.

 

“You know that will never happen,” God mentioned, arms folded. “And if you think that you’re capable of tainting my perfect vision of the universe, you’re more of a fool than I thought.”

 

Tense silence.

 

“Mark my words, Lucifer, you and your siblings will do your preplanned purposes for me…even if it means bowing down to mankind and to me every day.”

 

“True angelic beings would never do such a thing! You made us glorious and perfect. We should have free will of our own and so should your pathetic man toys! I’m not surprised that with all of man’s flaws, they were made in your own image!”

 

“Don’t listen to him, my Lord,” whispered Metatron who stood near a seething God. “He’s stuck in his idealistic ways.”

 

Lucifer turned to his blonde brother. “Michael, my brother, you know how flawed humans are, and you know that things could be so much better under my leadership. To all my siblings, I implore you to join me and put an end to our father’s madness. It’s the only way we can make things better for us and for mankind.”

 

“My duty is to our Lord, Lucifer,” Michael said, shaking his head somberly. “And I know you mean well, but we have to trust that father knows what he’s doing.”

 

The other siblings nodded in agreement with Michael.

 

“Go any further Lucifer, and you may be lost to us forever. Don’t let a recent creation of our father derail you from your divine duty.”

 

Lucifer scowled. “Our paths are heading in different directions, Michael. Your blind faith will only bring misery. I’m trying to set us free right now! Can’t you morons understand that?”

 

“ENOUGH OF THIS!” God bellowed. He glared at Lucifer. “Go any further and you’ll be scourged for your insolence! Or at the very least, see your rubber duck collection up in flames!”

 

Lucifer fumed. “I can manifest more!”

 

“Not without your powers!”

 

The angels gasped. “Don’t, my lord…” Michael began, but God ignored him.

 

“You steal my powers, I’ll steal your glory!” Lucifer declared.

 

“No one can match my glory! You can’t demonstrate that your foolish idea of free will fits within my grand design.”

 

“Yes, I can!”

 

“How so?”

 

“By…by saying that I declare war on this fucking place!”

 

Stunned silence.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare…” God began, but Lucifer blasted a hole through a stained-glass window and flew away.

 

God somberly turned to the sad-looking archangels. “Prepare to say goodbye to your brother.” Uriel held her face in her hands as Raphael comforted her. Michael took a deep breath, resolving himself. “Tell us what we need to do.”

 

0 0 0

 

So, the Heaven-Hell War began the next day. Lighting flashed across the sky and magic flared through the clouds. The sounds of trumpets, swords, spears, arrows, and war cries rang through the air and throughout the seven Halos of Heaven. Other angels fell from the sky, wings torn after being struck by arrows, daggers and sometimes bullets. All the angels had brilliant white wings and glowing halos of all colors with crosses in the middle of them.

 

Lucifer and his army stormed God’s throne room, but Michael, Raphael, Uriel, and Gabriel were already there by God’s side. The palace in Empyrean was made of gold and shining crystal. Michael wore military armor of red and blue, his sword and shield studded with precious rubies and sapphires. He had a few feathers on his war helmet. Raphael’s armor was encrusted with emeralds, white Gabriel had topaz and quartz on his uniform. The rest of their armor was made of gold. Lucifer and Michael battled with their weapons, Michael with Excalibur, Lucifer with the dark sword, Tenebris. Although God’s 2/3 angels were pushing Lucifer’s 1/3 angel faction back with arrows, bullets, and flying spears, they kept scaling the walls and flying through the clouds.

 

“Lucifer, please stop this madness!” Gabriel pleaded. “We’re losing hundreds of souls by the minute!” Gabriel charged at Lucifer, but Triel/Beelzebub blocked his way. The two angels fought each other with heavy punches, flight loops and a variety of manifested weapons of light. The floor and walls were stained with the golden ichor blood of the immortals. 

 

“I’ll only stop when God decides to leave his creations alone!” Lucifer retorted as his weapon clashed against Michael’s. The two lead Archangels teleported outside and continued their fight. Both of them went into their ascended powerful forms, taking on a variety of shapes and energy. Beelzebub screamed in rage as Gabriel knocked him down to the ground and tossed him out the palace window. He plummeted through the air. Raphael hurled thunderbolts, striking at other rebel angels. Other palaces made of emerald, diamond, ruby, marble, topaz, sapphire…were heavily damaged by the ongoing war. God struck down many rebel angels with thunderbolts.

 

Samael-Satan (Not God’s Divine Judge of the same name) growled, his black hair waving and burning. He turned into a red dragon and fought by Lucifer’s side. He had a long red serpentine body with red eyes and huge bat wings. Like a brave knight, Michael dodged the dragon’s fiery breath and claws. Michael narrowly avoided the dragon snapping him in half. He dashed through the air and delivered a fatal blow to the dragon’s chest with his fiery sword. Samael-Satan roared in pain and fell to his defeat, electricity racing all over his scaly body.

 

With a final blow, Michael plunged his flaming sword right into Lucifer’s chest, Michael’s feet on Lucifer’s chest as well. His eyes bulged and he gasped. In horror, he realized that the prophecy had come true. He had tried to stand up to his father and had now failed. No longer was he adored by his family but abhorred. Blood sputtered from his chest, staining his clothes and armor.

 

To add insult to injury, Michael proclaimed in victory. “By the way Lucifer, your ducks and polka and fashion sense are in bad taste!”

 

“FUUUUUCKKK YOUUUUU!!!!!” Lucifer screamed as he plummeted down from Heaven. He screamed as he fell, his six whitish wings burning in flames. He screamed in pain as he watched the rest of his white feathers turn smoldering black. His glowing golden halo cracked and shattered. His eyes turned red and serpent-like.

 

As God’s angels cheered in victory and trumpets blew, Michael and Gabriel somberly flew back to the shambled Heaven, sadden of their brother’s fate. There had been mass casualties on both sides. Some angels strummed on harps and lyres to comfort the tired angel soldiers. Funerals were held and healers tended to the wounded. Asherah retreated sadly into the shadows, also mourning the loss of Lucifer. She told God, “If you were an ordinary man, I would divorce you on the spot.”

 

“Why?” God asked. “You know this had to be done.”

 

“Banishing and dismissing our son like that,” Asherah shook Her head. “He’s never gonna forgive you.” With that, She retreated to the Tree of Life before God could say another word.

 

God made Michael His second in command for the moment. Michael helped the angels recover and fix the palaces. Afterwards, they kept a concerned careful watch on God’s mortal humans.

 

Lucifer fell for what seemed like forever, until he crumpled in a defeated heap with his army of one-third of all the angels near the Red Sea. Thunder and lightning cracked in the sky. A fiery hole appeared within the sea, an entryway to Hell. Lucifer stood up on shaking legs and helped up his fallen comrades. Some of them now had bat wings. Samael-Satan and Beelzebub and Asmodel/Asmodeus and the soon-to be demon princes stood up. Lucifer’s clothes and armor were torn, but he still had his top hat and snake with him.

 

Lucifer held a shaking pale fist in the air, blood still flowing from his wound that Michael gave him. He spread out his tattered black wings …the wings now grew pink eyes on them. “Do not despair, my brethren. We may have fallen, but we are now free. They may have won the battle, but they’ve lost the war! This is only the beginning. The seed of vengeance has been sprouted. It is only the start of the end of the tyranny of God and Heaven! Join me, and I will lead us to a new paradise, a new world where we can be free and indulge in the pleasures of sin as we please! It shall not be a prison of fire and brimstone, but a grand city circus! For I am your new ringmaster, your new king, Lucifer Morningstar!”

 

The fallen angels cheered half-heartedly, still recovering from their wounds and fall. Lucifer let his arms fall and shrugged. “You guys will snap out of it, soon.”

 

Lucifer called some fallen angels forward. “Samael-Satan, Mammon, Asmodel/Asmodeus, Triel/Beelzebub, Belphegor, Leviathan, Belial, you guys will help rule everyone else. You will rule districts based on your preferred sin. The designer Mulciber over there will help build my capital City Pandemonium out of gold, the opposite of God’s crystal Panangelium. Jeez, I hated that council chamber, no one to play devil’s advocate, literally. The seventy two plus Ars Goetia royalties shall oppose the seventy two plus Shem HaMeporash angels. And I shall rule the main district of course. Now help get the others situated, we have a lot of work to do.”

 

The fallen angels stared, uncertain.

 

“What are you fuckers waiting for?” Lucifer breathed, mentioning to the chasm that was their new home. He bit into a caramel apple. “Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.”

 

 

0 0 0

Several days later…

 

“Come back to Eden,” called a chorus of monotone voices.

 

Near the shore of the Red Sea, Lilith found herself being lifted up by strong feminine hands from behind.

 

“NO…NO…STOP, LET GO!”

 

Lilith struggled against their grip, not quite making out her captor’s faces.

 

“Be subservient to Adam and you’ll be forgiven.”

 

“Over my dead body, you bitches!”

 

With a sickening crack, Lilith found herself thrown on her back against a small flat gray rock in the middle of the Red Sea.

 

“What are you…”

 

Tears of flesh were heard.

 

A nude Lilith cried out in pain and horror as four lances dug deep into the palms of her hands and the soles of her feet, preventing much movement. An icy wet breeze from the Red Sea slapped her face and flicked at her tangled blonde hair. Streams of blood ran from her hands and feet, briefly making the clear Red Sea more red.

 

Lilith strained to get a closer look at her captors…then wished she hadn’t.

 

The angels had long blonde hair, flowing white dresses, sparkling crowns on their heads, pale faces and beautiful lips. But their eyes were completely white, giving the triplet angels a creepy robotic look.

 

They were Senoy, Sansenory and Semangelof, three triplet angels said to protect the infant Jesus from Lilith. But Lilith didn’t find any traces of motherly love in their faces. Nothing but cold-blooded malice.

 

“You must return to the garden,” they all chorused to her at the same time.

 

“Why should I?!” Lilith cried. “I don’t deserve to be with that bastard Adam!”

 

“It’s God’s will that you are his wife,” they said.

 

“Fuck that! I’m not going back!”

 

A pale hand moved Lilith’s struggling face closer to the water, gripping her throat.

 

“We will drown you if you do not comply.”

 

Lilith spat and tried to bite the hand gripping her neck. “Well…kill me then…” she sputtered and choked. “Still not going back.”

 

The grip on her neck released. The three angels looked at each other before saying, “Then a hundred of your demonic abominable children will be slain each day. This is your final warning.”

 

Lilith gasped in fear, then growled in protest. “Then a hundred more will be born again!”

 

The angels gripped their lances, seemingly about to cut off Lilith’s limbs.

 

“Fine,” they said. “We’ll let you go if you vow not to hurt Adam and Eve and their offspring.”

 

Tears welled in Lilith’s eyes. “Okay, okay, I promise! I will not harm them and their offspring!”

 

A dreadful sickening pause. Then finally, the lances were removed. Lilith screamed and gasped as more blood spluttered from her wounds.

 

After the angels left, Lilith curled up and sobbed, shaking and cold. She soon felt warm arms picking her up and black torn wings caressing her form. The soothing musical hum of Lucifer was healing her wounds on her hands and feet. All Lilith could do was gratefully sob into Lucifer’s chest.

 

Outcasts. Criminals. Banished from paradise for standing up to their beliefs. But now, they were fully free…and they had each other.

 

They stared down at the fiery chasm that would become Hell, their new home.

 

“Ready to be a real queen?” Lucifer asked.

 

Lilith grinned softly. “I was born ready.”

 

Lucifer’s clothing was burned and torn after his defeat by his brother Michael. Lucifer waved his hand and his clothing changed to his usual white suit with red trim, a black bowtie, and a top hat with his gold snake on it. His cane now had the red apple on it and his eyes were now serpent-like. He now had sharp white fangs and he seethed. Beelzebub put a comforting hand on Lucifer’s shoulder, staring somberly. Beelzebub mentioned to the Garden of Eden in the distance, getting Lucifer’s attention.

 

Lucifer and Lilith stared off into the distance, at the vibrant garden and the golden borders. They looked at each other and stared back at the garden, their faces suddenly determined.

 

It was time for payback.

 

 0 0 0

 

 

Gadreel, the angel guardian, stood in front of one of the gates of Eden, holding a flaming sword. Lucifer and Lilith hid in the nearby bushes. Lucifer thrust his hands forward and blinding white star orbs shot into Gadreel’s face.

 

Gadreel yelped and sputtered, waving his hands to swat the orbs away like they were flies. Lucifer promptly knocked him out, while Lilith unlocked the gate. They were now back inside their former home.

 

“Father really needs to get better guards,” Lucifer mentioned. “At least the Greeks did a better job with their golden dragon guarding their tree. (Don’t ask me how I know, I can kind of see the future).”

 

Lilith giggled. Then she spotted the distant figures of Adam and Eve. Eve was washing her hair in a waterfall, Adam watching hungrily.

 

“Should’ve known Adam would get another wife,” she scoffed. She glanced at a carving in a nearby tree that read “Adam Loves Eve.” At the same time, she feared for Eve’s situation.

 

“Hurry, before father sees us,” said Lucifer. “I can’t wait to see that bastard ape fall.”

 

 Lilith followed Lucifer into the forest.

 

0 0 0

 

Annoyed with Adam’s bragging and clinginess, the nude Eve leaned against a tree after several disagreements with him. Eve was tired of Adam criticizing her for the names she had given the plants. He wanted her to have sex with him every day, plus he always told her how to tend the garden. “No, you feed the fish seaweed,” he’d say. “This kind of bird needs more sticks for his next. Chop, chop!” Or “I should’ve named the plants instead of you. Look how droopy they look when you’re around! Water them more!” Eve would scoff as the flower would revive itself after he left. If Adam were less self-centered, she’d happily spend more time with him. But for now, she was content to enjoy the chirping of the birds, the splashing of the fish in the lake, the butterflies flying among the flowers…

 

…and a loud hooting that came from behind her.

 

Eve jumped and turned around. A screech owl stared intently at her from up on a branch.

 

“Hello, owl,” she said out of curiosity. “You startled me.”

 

“Hello, Eve,” came Lilith’s voice through the owl.

 

Eve jumped back in shock, her ginger hair waving behind her. “You…you can talk?!”

 

“Yes,” said the owl. “Now, what are you going to do about Adam?”

 

 

Eve shrugged in defeat. “Nothing. I was born from his rib, which makes me weak-willed and inferior. Plus, I don’t know how you know me in the first place.”

 

“Nonsense,” said the owl. “You’re just going to let him push you around like that?”

 

“I must be dreaming, talking to an owl.”

 

“Stranger things have happened, dear. But right now, I’m trying to save you.”

 

“Save me?”

 

“This is your one chance to be free from that asshole of a husband.”

 

“But…I can’t be free. The gates are always guarded. Whatever God says…”

 

“I say fuck whatever God says. You deserve a better future.”

 

Eve thought of Adam and being raped and bossed around by him.

 

“A future without Adam?”

 

“A future where you, Eve, can decide what you want for your life. A future where you don’t have to put up with Adam’s shenanigans.”

 

“C-can I tell you a secret, owl?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I-I think I might be bi.”

 

The owl didn’t judge…in fact, the owl gave her a smug look. “Now we’re getting somewhere.” The owl then flew onto her shoulder. “You’re curious about the world, are you not?”

 

Eve nodded.

 

“Have you ever wondered why the Tree of Knowledge is forbidden?”

 

Eve paused in thought. She had been wondering that for days. Whenever she had time to herself, she caught glances at the tree with the ripe red fruit. The temptation was always there. There were no guards and nothing stopping her from at least taking a closer look. It would also be a nice distraction from Adam.

 

As if Lilith read Eve’s thoughts, the owl said, “Go to the tree…go decide your own future for a change.”

 

The owl flew away and Eve followed it toward the forbidden tree. Lilith smiled from within the bushes, her magic complete. Lucifer’s serpent curled around Lilith’s nude body, and she tenderly stroked the serpent’s head. Then the snake slithered in the shadows after Eve.

 

Eve soon reached the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It hummed with magnetic tempting power. The red apples and fruit on the tree looked more delicious than ever.

 

Eve was about to step back and leave, when…

 

“Sssstay,” came a hiss.

 

“Huh?” Eve turned around. A green snake curled around the trunk of the forbidden tree and then its scales turned a brilliant gold.

 

Eve inched closer. “Let me, guess, you can talk and I’m having a dream.”

 

“You guessed right the first time, wrong on the second.” It was Lucifer’s voice speaking through his serpent. “This is no dream, dear. The time has come to make your choice.”

 

Eve flinched back. “Y-you know what God said. Eating from this tree is forbidden.”

 

“Did he tell you why it is forbidden?” the serpent asked.

 

Eve shook her head. “No. He only told me and Adam that if we eat from it, we’ll die.”

 

“He’s lying to you,” said the serpent. “This tree bears all knowledge of good and evil. If you eat fruit from the tree, you will not only discover who you really are, but you and Adam will rule equally as gods.”

 

“Gods?” Eve asked, curious.

 

“You’re already in paradissse,” the snake hissed, “Kept young by the fruit from the Tree of Life. You will know things that God himself knows.”

 

“That sounds kinda sketchy,” Eve admitted.

 

“How do you know if you don’t test it for yourself?”

 

Eve froze and looked at the fruit longer. Lucifer’s serpent slithered closer, almost inches from her face. He spoke in a whisper. “This is your one chance from being free of Adam and God’s strings. The clock’s ticking, dear.”

 

Goosebumps rose on Eve’s bare skin.

 

Eve stared long and hard at a nearby hanging red apple. She reached up and picked it off. She stared at the fruit, so shiny, she could see her reflection.

 

Eve stared at the owl and serpent, who both seemed to wink at her.

 

Looking around, wide-eyed, trying to resist her curiosity and urgency…

 

Crunch!

 

Eve took a bite out of the apple. It was the most delicious fruit she ever tasted.

 

“Eve!” Adam called, racing over to her. The serpent and owl retreated into the shadows.

 

“Adam!” Eve cried, “Try this apple! It will give us knowledge and make us free!”

 

“Okay,” Adam shrugged. Eve gave the apple to Adam, and he took a bite out of it. For a brief moment, they both enjoyed the taste of it.

 

Then they stared down at their nude bodies and screamed. Adam and Eve dropped the apple and rushed to cover themselves with leaves.

 

“What…what’s going on?” Adam cried, leaf over his groin. “I’m naked!”

 

“Me too!” cried Eve, terrified but strangely more awake than she had ever been in her short life. “We’re in the middle of a jungle!”

 

Lucifer and Lilith grinned in victory before disappearing into the shadows. Their vengeance was complete.

 

“ADAM! EVE! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

 

Adam and Eve hid behind some trees, knowing the familiar earth-shattering voice. But it was in vain, for a few minutes later, the angry face of God the Almighty had appeared in front of them. They crept forward.

 

“What is the meaning of this?” God asked, hands on His hips, His eye red. The eyes around Him wavered in anger like vultures. “Did you not listen to me when I explicitly said that the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was forbidden?”

 

Adam and Eve froze in fear.

 

“What made you think that disobeying my law was a good idea? And why are you hiding?”

 

“G-God, sir,” Adam whimpered, hands in a prayer position. “I-I heard your voice and was afraid, so I hid. I’m naked!”

 

“I know you are. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Now why did you eat from the forbidden tree?”

 

Adam pointed to Eve. “My woman gave me the fruit and tempted me to eat it!”

 

Eve gasped in shock and anger. “God, sir, it wasn’t me, I swear! A serpent beguiled me into eating it.”

 

“In that case,” said God. “To all serpents, you are cursed, more than cattle and all animals. You shall slither on your belly for the rest of your days and eat dust!”

 

Lightning flashed from the sky briefly.

 

Then God gave out His judgment for the transgressions of Adam and Eve.

 

“Eve, you have eaten the fruit and disobeyed my command. For this, I double your sorrow and conception. You will bear great pain in childbirth and your husband shall rule over you. Your desire will be to your husband.”

 

Eve seethed. “What the fuck?! I ate that fruit to get away from being subservient to him!”

 

God ignored her. “Adam, because you have listened to your wife, and ate of the tree, the ground below you is cursed. In your sorrow, you will do hard labor for your food, and for the rest of your days, you shall toil for vegetables and bread. And you both shall return to the ground, from dust you come and dust you shall return.”

 

A long pause.

 

“Huh?” asked Adam.

 

God cleared His throat. “You both are sentenced to die on Earth and are banished from Eden forever!”

 

“Nooo!” Adam and Eve sobbed, going onto their knees and begging for forgiveness. “Please, God, we’re sorry! We’re sorry!”

 

But there was nothing they could do. Uriel and several cherubim with flaming swords marched toward them, herding them toward the open gate. They drooped their heads in shame and walked out together. They took one last look at the animals and plants, who were sad to watch them go. The birds chirped mournfully, and the lions whimpered with sad meows. The golden gate slammed shut and Uriel held his flaming sword in hand. God had vanished again. The only thing that Adam could take with him were spices for offerings and seeds for food that magically appeared in his hands as they walked.

 

And the only loving thing the couple could say to each other was, “I loathe you.”

 

0 0 0

 

Adam and Eve then went on to have many children. Adam and Eve had a son named Abel, a man with curly brown hair, a brown beard and white skin. Abel was a kind-hearted shepherd and farmer, always gentle toward animals and nature. Abel’s older brother was Cain. Cain was stockier with curly black hair and a black beard. Cain was a tiller and farmer. When Adam found out that Cain was the child of Eve and Samael-Satan (Not the Divine Judge), he grew angry with her. Eve countered back that Adam let himself be seduced by the succubus Naamah. Both Adam and Eve weren’t sure how the other knew about their secret lovers, but an owl and a serpent had been whispering things in their dreams.

 

Abel was always kind to his brother but was oblivious of Cain’s envy. For God had started to favor Abel over him for some reason.

 

“I love you, brother,” Abel said as he herded sheep. “Why are you so angry all the time?”

 

“Not your concern,” Cain scoffed, as he went back to work harvesting grain. It wasn’t his fault that he had been born of Eve and Samael-Satan.

 

One day, Abel offered God a slaughtered lamb. Cain offered God some wheat. God took the lamb with Him and rejected Cain’s offering.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Cain yelled in rage. “God has given me no chance at all! And Abel always gets his way!”

 

Then one fateful day, Cain led Abel into a secluded part in the woods. Before Abel could blink, Cain smashed his head with a club, killing him. Cain then stared in horror of what he had done, Adam and Eve watching in sadness and shock in the background. Abel’s running blood burned Cain and left on him a T shaped mark, the Mark of Cain as a reminder of his sinful act of murder.

 

Adam and Eve decided to have another son named Seth, a kind-hearted guy.

 

After Abel’s death by his brother’s hand, Adam and Eve separated for good. Eve died in South America, while Adam died somewhere on a farm. They had finally gotten clothes to wear. Eve had spent the last of her days owning nursing homes and caring for orphaned children in South America, wanting to stay away from outside evils. She had traveled and farmed by herself, taking advantage of her remaining youth. For the Garden of Eden’s influence had made Adam and Eve stronger and slower to age than other humans. Lucifer and Lilith made themselves king and queen of their new Hell home, thus the Overlords, princes and the Rings of Hell were invented over the centuries. After Cain’s act, humans could no longer go to Heaven or be graced with nonexistence after death…a majority of them went to Hell by God’s decree.

 

Of course, Abel went to Heaven and Cain went to Hell, still bearing his mark. Originally, Cain was cursed with immortality on Earth, but God decided that Hell would be better for him. Abel became a sheep-like angel, while Cain became a straggly demon with goat and wolf-like features. He had wolf instincts and goat horns on his head. While Abel danced with the sheep cherubs, Cain was forced to work at the lowest jobs in the Pride Ring, for not many demons wanted to be around him for some reason.

 

But what of Adam and Eve? 

V: Eve

Eve was in a dark void. The last thing she remembered was lying on her deathbed as concerned children surrounded her. Eve thought that the silent lonely darkness would last forever.

 

Then, without warning, she saw a planet-size light that was shaped like an eyeball. Then she remembered…it was God’s face!

 

God spoke to her telepathically, His words tearing apart her soul. “Your son Cain committed an unspeakable act of murder that mankind now must bear. You copulated with Samael-Satan and divorced your husband. You also ate from the forbidden tree and tempted your husband into doing the same. For your transgressions as the Woman of Sin, I sentence you to the underworld!”

 

Eve’s heart fell from her nonphysical chest as she plummeted down into the darkness. She fell through a fiery hole and was greeted by a red sky and a moon with a pentagram on it. Eve felt her body become more serpentine as a city slowly appeared below her. Her soul became heavier as flesh restrained her essence. Down below, she could see demons of all shapes and sizes, milling about the city and committing a variety of crimes.

 

“So, this is it,” Eve thought in despair. “I’ll be in Hell and torment forever over what I couldn’t control. I only hope Adam isn’t here.”

 

Her skin became scaly and her eyes glowed green. She was turning into a snake demon, similar to the very creature that convinced her to eat from the tree. It would serve as an eternal reminder of her punishment. A fiery lake boiled nearby.

 

Several leering demons spotted her from the sky as she fell. They elbowed each other and licked their lips. Eve had a bad feeling that these demons would treat her worse than Adam did. As they opened their mouths wide and displayed their sharp yellow fangs, Eve suddenly wished that she had stayed in paradise.

 

Eve closed her eyes, embracing herself for the gnashing of teeth…

 

But all was suddenly blank.

 

Eve fell through a light portal and the demon faces vanished. A pinpoint of light appeared from the darkness that slowly grew brighter. Eve wondered if Jesus Christ would finally save her. The light grew and expanded until a large golden ray with sparkles appeared on her. Eve felt herself being pulled by the light. As she flew increasingly faster, flashes of images appeared in her mind. She saw God pervading over horned black creatures holding weapons atop of clouds. She saw these same black creatures flying around in Hell, killing demons and sinners in their wake. Eve then saw a blonde girl wearing red, pleading in front of a being with gold-tipped horns and a white robe. The blonde girl then stood in what appeared to be a newsroom, holding a small piece of paper that read “Happy Hotel” on it.

 

More visions and memories rapidly before her eyes, then…light.

 

Comforting, expansive, eternal light. Eve felt at peace.

 

As Eve’s nonphysical eyes adjusted to the brightness, she could see a starry night sky above her. The sky was enhanced and very close, nothing like what she had experienced on Earth. The stars themselves seem to greet and comfort her with their fiery lights. The golden Tree of Life stood before her, humming with a divine healing presence.

 

“Where am I?”

 

“It’s okay, Eve, you’re safe now.”

 

It was a motherly voice, very soothing and healing to her soul. Eve soon fell on her knees at the sight of her new savior.

 

The Queen of Heaven Herself, Asherah floated toward her from the tree, arms extended in hospitality. Her midnight blue dress reflected the stars and galaxies.

 

“What happened?” Eve asked.

 

“My husband sent you to Hell, but I managed to save you. We don’t have much time before He could find out about this.”

 

“But my sins…”

 

Asherah helped Eve up and embraced her. “You only did what you thought was right. Like Lilith, you gathered the courage to leave paradise and not be submissive to your husband. You traded comfort for freedom and mortality, not an easy thing to do.”

 

“What will happen now?” Eve asked. “Will I see Adam again?”

 

“I brought you here to give you another chance at life. But I also came to give you warnings about the future. You saw those black creatures with God, yes?”

 

Eve nodded.

 

“Those beings are actually angels, and some are former humans who went to Heaven. They will be called Exorcists.”

 

Eve shivered. “So…those things that God made…they will enter Hell and kill demons?”

 

Asherah nodded somberly. “Robotic and hungry for blood, they will mindlessly slaughter demons and former humans who had been sent to Hell once every year. And yes…God and Adam will allow the deaths of their own human descendants. Humans killing humans from opposing worlds.”

 

Eve sobbed and fell to her knees. “W-we’re the first humans on Earth! And my husband’s just gonna let it happen?! God should be against this senseless violence!”

 

Asherah sighed. “God and the elite angels have begun to fear that sinners and demons will disrupt their heavenly order. Since there are thousands of sinners and not as many saints, God will send the Exorcists down to Hell to instill fear and keep demons in line.”

 

“How horrible!” Eve cried. “So those visions I got are true. But, what about that blonde girl I saw?”

 

“She will be Lucifer and Lilith’s daughter in the future. She will try to rehabilitate sinners and stop Adam and the Exorcists. But it won’t be easy.”

 

“Isn’t there something you can do?”

 

Asherah sadly shook Her head. “God is God. I can only do so much…but I can at least bring you redemption.”

 

“What does that have to do with me?”

 

Asherah smiled warmly at Eve. She waved Her hand and Eve found herself being pulled into one of the flowers on the Tree of Life. A warm glow filled her soul and she felt herself spinning and changing.

 

Eve soon floated out of the flower, her body briefly glowing golden before the light faded. 

 

“How do you like your new body?” Asherah asked.

 

Eve stared at herself, stunned. Her new skin was dark brown instead of white, and her hair was red and curly, long down her back. She was heavier than she was before, but at the same time, felt newfound strength. She wore a dress of green leaves and had flowers in her hair. And was that magic coursing through her veins?

 

“Why am I so heavy and different?”

 

Asherah said, “You are now stronger and beautiful in a different way. Your slight heaviness is only your new strength. Your new body will allow you to not be recognized as much by anyone from your past and instill a new confidence in you. Now, are you ready to go back to your Earth home?”

 

“Back to South America to care for children I guess,” Eve said.

 

“Not exactly,” Asherah said. “You have a new purpose now. You shall reside often in South America, not aging and not affected by disease. With your powers and strength, you will inspire hope and goodness in mortals and protect them from any demonic influences that may arise…and by demonic, I mean, not always the ones that come from Hell. And if you do need to enter Hell for a mission, you will be able to.”

 

Eve sobbed in joy. “Thank you, my Lady!”

 

Asherah nodded. “When Lucifer’s daughter is old enough and starts the hotel, you will know what to do to help her save the sinners.”

 

Eve looked around and Asherah added, “Oh, but I wouldn’t worry about the future just yet. The main event isn’t for hundreds of years, so to make your transition easier, your memories will slowly appear over many years until you’re ready. Might as well alleviate the pain of all your former years on Earth. You won’t have to worry about Adam for a while.”

 

Eve thanked Asherah again. “You don’t mind if I’m bi?”

 

Asherah chuckled. “Fall in love with whomever you like; just make sure it feels right to you. I know you will do well and be brave…now go!”

 

Eve was soon flying back down to Earth, back toward her home, where she had new confidence, new magic, and a new purpose. 

VI: Adam

Adam found himself waking up surrounded by clouds and blue sky.

 

“Whoa…where am I?”

 

“Welcome back home, son.”

 

Adam burst into tears of joy as he saw his creator standing nearby. Adam embraced God as the Archangels celebrated Adam’s return.

 

“Congratulations,” said God. “You’re one of the lucky ones.”

 

“I’m in Heaven?” asked Adam.

 

“Yes,” said God. “If you’d like, you can go back to Eden.”

 

Adam glanced down at his new body…he now had white wings, a glowing halo, and a white robe with a fancy “A” on it in a dark color. His long blonde hair was immaculate. “You know what, sir, I think I’d like to explore.”

 

“Sounds good to me,” said God. 

 

It wasn’t long before Adam was reunited with his two sons, Seth and Abel. Adam hugged Abel, who was now a white sheep-like angel. Abel had white curly hair, a white beard, sheep ears and hooves. He even carried a curved shepherd’s stick.

 

“Abel, my son!” Adam cried.

 

“Hey dad,” Abel smiled. “It’s about time you came back.”

 

“Yeah,” he said. “What have you been up to?”

 

“Herding different kind of sheep,” Abel said, sheepishly. He blushed as little sheep cherubs flew around him and giggled. Abel’s younger brother, Seth was also nearby, as a little black humanoid dog wearing an ankh and carrying scrolls.

 

“Seth, always the smart one,” remarked Adam. Adam turned to God. “Where are Eve and Cain and Lilith and that asshole Lucifer?”

 

God merely lowered His thumb.

 

Adam merely scoffed. “Good riddance to them.”

 

“How could you say something like that?” Abel asked in shock.

 

“Hopefully it will teach them a lesson. As much as I’d love for Lilith and Eve to return to Eden with me…I figured it’d be best to at least search for more…acceptable wives in the meantime.” He turned to God. “Besides, I believe father will do all He can to bring back my former wives when they are ready to cooperate!”

 

God grinned. “I like this guy’s faith!” He slapped Adam playfully on the shoulder. “Let’s get you settled and rested up. Have you tried Cloud Nine Wine before? Or perhaps my Divine Apple Cider?”

 

Adam grinned. “I’d imagine it’s better than the apples from the knowledge tree! I wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of the very same apples! I could eat seven more of those!”

 

God narrowed His eye. “Don’t push it.”

 

Adam was soon lounging on a velvet couch like a prince, surrounded by several female angels giving him platters of purple grapes. Adam was particularly fond of one little angel with black spiky hair and a gray dress.

 

“This little darling is Lute!” God announced. “She’s been a fan of yours ever since you were made!”

 

Lute grinned and twirled a dagger. “What was it like to be born from clay? To wake up in a strange garden and suddenly find yourself…aware and awake?”

 

Adam puffed out his chest. “Have I got a story to tell…”

 

To Adam’s pleasant surprise, Lute was one of those tough women who had just the right amount of adoration for him. She was also small enough that he could push her to do more things if he wanted.

 

“What a lovely subordinate new mate!” Adam thought. “And sexy, too!”

 

Adam soon got around to bossing his servants. He ordered the women to fan him with peacock feathers, to serve him the most delicious fruits and play him only the best music.

 

When one of the angels brought Adam a heavenly McDonalds hamburger, Adam glanced at it in disgust. It had come from a red box with a large yellow M logo shaped like a halo.

 

Lute was already on it, her hands on her hips. “Excuse me, Luciel! Adam asked for no pickles on his hamburger!”

 

The female angel gulped. “He-he can just pick them off!”

 

Adam tossed the hamburger back at her and it covered her face in ketchup and mustard.

 

“Bring me another one! Perfect this time!” Adam called, clapping his hands.

 

The angel servant ran as Lute waved her dagger at her.

 

Adam grinned with delight as God gifted him a special guitar. It was golden yellow with a white trim and new strings. Adam strummed a few times and yellow electricity sparked around.

 

“Ooooh!” he grinned like a little kid. “A magic guitar!” God’s smiling teeth magically appeared, the light under His top hat making a face-like shape.

 

He began to make up loud songs and play off-key notes.

 

“J-just k-keep practicing, sir!” Lute called as she covered her ears.

 

 

“Here I am in paradise!

But being without my wives is not so nice!

I can’t believe I got divorced twice!

Life was ruined, thanks to

That skank Lucifer and demons, too!

Lilith and Eve made my descendants act in vice!

I hope all those sinners freeze in ice! Ha-ha-yeaaahhhoooowww!”

 

 

Then one day, God changed Adam’s afterlife forever. They sat in private in one of the rooms of God’s palace. The sun began to set, turning the sky a fiery orange from outside the window. Lavender sparkly curtains hung over an arch-shaped window that revealed the sunset. Lute poured Adam some wine in the dining hall before leaving. Adam munched on his meat with his hands, still used to his primal ways in Eden. God didn’t seem to mind. He just silently sipped His wine in thought.

 

“Do you know why I called you here, Adam?”

 

Adam shook his head.

 

God folded His gloved black hands together. “As you have probably guessed, your former wives and your oldest son…”

 

Adam scoffed. “Cain’s not my son. He was the one born out of wedlock to Eve and Samael-Satan.”

 

“Yes,” said God, “They…could not join us in Heaven today. If you remember, I  first created you in the garden so you could marry Lilith and begin humanity’s golden age.”

 

“Yeah,” Adam crossed his arms. “Then my disobedient wives ran away from me and caused my downfall. If Lilith hadn’t run off, none of this would’ve happened. And if Eve didn’t let herself be tempted by that stupid serpent…”

 

God held up a hand. “The past is the past. I brought you here so you could seek retribution.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“This may surprise you, Adam, but I need your help.”

 

Adam’s heart fluttered. “My own creator needs me?!” He beamed. “What for?”

 

God sighed. “Aside from your wives leaving you, I know how you feel about losing a child.” God put a hand on His heart. “Alas, my own son, Lucifer rebelled against me and tried to take my throne. His brother Michael defeated him in battle and banished him to Hell. Now I fear that Lucifer will try and warp my version of a perfect humanity.”

 

“How so?”

 

God waved His hand and a slide appeared, showing Lucifer ruling over the seven Rings. Sinners were now grotesque demons cowering in fear from Lucifer and the Overlords. The city also appeared to have a strange circus and apple theme to it.

 

Adam flinched.

 

“Dreadful, isn’t it?” God asked. “And that is just the beginning. Lucifer lets his denizens kill, rape, pillage, fornicate and…too many dreadful things to count. They have forgotten who they are and worse still, they have forgotten about their own creator who loved them. My own son doing this…how could he?”

 

“You…still love them, right?” Adam asked. “You still love your son?”

 

“Yes, I do,” God lowered His head. “I just wish…it didn’t have to be like this…”

 

“Question,” asked Adam. “Why not just allow the sinners to try again on Earth? Allow them to pray to Jesus and make amends.”

 

God scoffed. “What kind of stupid idea is that? You know that’s not how it works. Once a sinner always a sinner. What would be the point of sending sinners to Earth again and again?”

 

“To…have them learn and grow?”

 

God slammed His hand on the table. “No! To merely demonstrate that the soul never changes! That humans never change! They only have ONE chance on Earth to serve one another and know their saviors. Only the worthy ones get to reside with me in paradise. Evil has no place in my realm.”

 

Adam sighed. “Ah man. I had a clever term for my idea, or at least I heard about it. It’s called…um…rain…cart…tation…no…reign…in…car…nation…”

 

“Screw your ideas!” God bellowed. The hall fell silent again. God straightened His top hat with the gold Christian Cross on it. “The point is…I need someone strong…”

 

Adam grinned…

 

“…and almighty…”

 

Adam grinned again…

 

…and righteous. Someone who will vow to protect the saints and angels and former humans here from the evil of the fallen sinners. The more the sinners increase their numbers, the more we could be overwhelmed.”

 

“Me! Me! Me!”

 

“His name starts with an A…”

 

“Yes, yes…”

 

“And rhymes with…”

 

“Hot damn!” Adam grinned. “You’re absolutely right! Once Lucifer fell to Hell, ever since then, I worried that he’d create an army of demons to conquer our paradise! I searched for Eve the rest of my human life…searching for any kind of woman, really…but I died alone. Now my only hope is to protect Heaven from those evil monstrosities! Show Eve and Lilith and Lucifer the power of divine justice! I’m glad we can see eye-to eye, father.” Adam chuckled at God’s eye and added, “No offence.”

 

“None taken.”

 

Adam raised a fist. “So, what are we waiting for, my Lord?! Let’s kill them all!”

 

God waved His hands. “Wait a second, my son. We can’t just kill all the demons.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Lucifer may be doing terrible things, but he’s still my powerful son,” said God. “If we killed all the demons right on the spot, Lucifer would get mad that his society crumbled to dust so fast. Plus, the Overlords down there are hard to defeat. I and the other archangels…we can’t kill our own fallen brethren. We need to keep them in line without causing a second Heaven Hell War. So…”

 

Several angels on a TV show laughed and shouted, “Happy New Year!” as a nearby clock struck midnight on the screen. A couple angels watched in a nearby living room.

 

“That’s it!” Adam declared aloud. “What if we killed the sinners once a year on New Year’s Day? Therefore, Lucifer wouldn’t get mad about us killing his whole civilization. But at the same time, it would serve as a warning against any demon trying to fight us.”

 

God grinned. “I knew there was a reason I chose you to be the head Exorcist…and my new second in command.”

 

“Wait…what?!”

 

“With my former second in command, Lucifer gone, I’m betting you’re a better fighter than even Archangel Michael. I saw future visions of you fighting off demons and I knew I had to take advantage. Lute can be your subordinate. After dinner, I shall explain to you the Transformation Proclamation.”

 

“Huh?!”

 

The Transformation Proclamation was a new ceremony on New Year’s Day. Some legions of angels and former humans had volunteered to “do their duty to God and Heaven.” Others were drafted for it.

 

“With these LED masks in your hands…” God said to the soldiers, “…you solemnly agree to take your vow to protect our glorious land from those who would defile us. You will be granted great power, but with greater responsibility. From now on, every New Year’s Day, the new Empyrean Elite shall fly through the portal and cleanse the world of demons and sin. For Lucifer thinking he can corrupt humanity, you shall demonstrate to him just how vile his world is. For every angel Lucifer killed, and every human corrupted, many more of his evil brethren shall be purged in response. Lucifer will know the consequences of his actions forevermore. In the meanwhile, you brave warriors shall know the glory of fighting for your heavenly father and your country. Please state your vows.”

 

The volunteers recited the Lord’s prayer and held their masks to their faces.

 

Adina and Michael gave inspiring speeches too. “Fly onward to victory!” Michael said. “To Hell and back, your siege takes. May God’s grace and glory pull you through.”

 

“Leave no vermin unscathed,” Adina said in her calm motherly hypnotic voice. Her power caused the LED masks to glow. As soon as the masks came onto the angels’ faces, they leaned their heads back and writhed in electricity and pain. Their bodies grew taller, and black clothing and feathers adorned their skin. Their fingers turned to claws and curled black horns with small white stripes on them protruded from their heads. Their wings turned black and striped. Their LED masks glowed with white eyes, one of their eyes with an X over them, and a demonic white smile on the mask. Their violent instincts increased thanks to the mask and their powers, courtesy of Adina and Samael. Adina contemplated ways to induce nightmares into demon’s heads and control them. Angelic spears, swords, bows, arrows, and guns were passed around, their Christian Cross designs glowing white on the handles. In their possession-like Exorcist forms, wielding weapons was much easier.

 

“Dressing up as demons to scare demons! What a clever tactic!” exclaimed Adam. Adina, Samael, and several Archangels agreed. Even Michael, Raphael, Uriel, and Gabriel had to concede, as this was for the greater good. A nearby sign in the shadows read “Warning, Exorcist change may be permanent! - God”

 

The audience clapped and cheered for their warrior heroes.

 

“Amen!” they called.

 

Lute grinned as she was transformed into an Exorcist, too. She had a white smile on her LED mask, an X over her right white glowing eye, and two black curved horns with small white stripes on them. Her feathery neck was thin like a bird’s and her grinning face scanned the area like a predatory vulture. Her halo above her head glowed black with a white outline and a cross in the center of it. Lute was now Adam’s lackey, fiercely protective of him and brutal to everyone.

 

After Adam prostrated before the archangels and made his vows, Adina gave him a fancy Exorcist mask.

 

Taking a deep breath, Adam put the mask on…

 

…and swore out loud at his inevitable transformation.

 

In the span of a few agonizing minutes, all remaining traces of humanity was purged from Adam…body, mind, and soul.

 

Adam’s feet lengthened and curled into claws...his pinky fingers and ring fingers merged together as one. His fingers became black, long and bent, sharp as nails. The man screamed as long golden wings protruded from his bare back, the bursting wounds and blood instantly healed by a black feathery mass of skin. Adam curled his new clawed hands together and opened his mouth wide in a crazed grin. His laugh slowly turned more mechanical and maniacal as sharp yellow fangs pierced his tongue, that also turned into a small yellow heart shape. His sharp yellow fangs pushed out his human teeth, a litter of them clacking to the ground, lined with blood.

 

Adam’s skin, formerly white, was now onyx black, and hard as stone. Adam’s face turned black, and his formerly blue eyes rolled back to reveal glowing yellow orbs with no pupils nor irises. He bellowed again as smooth black horns burst from his previous head of blonde hair. Now he didn’t have hair at all, only curved jet-black horns, with purple stripes near his head and sharp gold tips on the ends of the horns. The horns were now a part of him. A golden halo appeared above Adam’s head, with a cross or a line down the center of it, indicating his status. Finally, Adam adorned a fancy white dress-like robe. There were designs of diamonds and jagged waves near the bottom and the sleaves revealed deeper shades of gold down the arm. A fancy “A” in dark blue was shown on the center of the robe on Adam’s chest.

 

“I now pronounce thee, Archangel Adam, General of the Exorcists, trainer of the demon destroyers and God’s right-hand man!”  Adina declared, anointing his head with teal magic.

 

Adam’s eyes promised his comrades grueling training sessions on their evolution into even better killing machines.

 

Adam breathed slowly, then spread out his arms after his transformation was complete. The other Exorcists chanted, “Hail Adam! Death to the sinners!” and rose their weapons in the air. Female servants prostrated themselves before him, much to his amusement. More female Exorcists danced erotically for him and some promised to sleep with Adam after their killing sprees. Adam had a good feeling that his own mask and newfound power had made many of the Exorcists bend to his will. Lute hopped onto his lap and robe, stroking his face and bending her black legs. They shared an erotic kiss before Adam gently tossed her off his lap. Adam waved his hands and a scroll appeared, detailing dozens of minor transgressions for humans, making it harder to them to go to Heaven. The religious zealots cheered for their new heroic defender of Heaven. New Year’s Day also became known as “Adam’s Day.”

 

“Women should be seen and not heard!” Adam added loudly to the crowd, “And remember, anyone who threatens me, threatens God Himself and shall be banished!”

 

In the far background, many other angels secretly opposed Adam’s new tyrannical ruling but could only watch in concern and distaste.

 

“That Adam Exorcist favors the Heavenborn angels over the saints/former humans when he used to be a man himself!” one said in a low voice. “Racist much?”

 

“Unbelievable,” another agreed, spotting the three white-eyed blonde angels who had attacked Lilith earlier, giving Adam lap-dances. “And look at the way he treats his women! I’d argue even the Prince of Lust treats his prostitutes better! Does he really think Lucifer will try and take over Heaven?”

 

“He did want to rule the universe and ruin God’s version of humanity.”

 

“But Lucifer wanted to give humans free will and not have anyone be under God’s thumb.”

 

“That’s only an excuse for him to goof around and get away with his sinful deeds.”

 

 “Jesus Christ save us,” they prayed.

 

Some examples of sin on Adam’s list included: “Not going to church every Sunday,” “Not doing everything your husband says,” “Adultery, infidelity, blasphemy, lying,” “Divorce,” “Men dressing like women,” “Disliking Christian Rock Music,” “Eating pork on Fridays,” “Not wanting to be passive in the bedroom if you’re a woman,” “Envy,” “Lust,” “Pride,” “Laziness,” “Greed,” “Wrath,” Gluttony,” “Cheating if you’re a woman,” “Speaking for yourself if you’re a woman,” “Not obeying Adam and God,” “Being gay,” “Reading/watching pornography,” “Stealing at any time,” “Not being an angel,” “Not believing in Jesus Christ and God,”  “Not allowing Heavenborn angels to get first class seats, drinks and job positions because former humans are still inferior,” “Doing witchcraft,” “Going off with unpopular crowds,” “Singing off-key in choir practice,” “Smoking, drinking and doing drugs,” “Any evil thoughts,” “Selfish love,” “That moment when you know you should share the Good News about Jesus’ return, the glory of God and how Adam is the best husband for all women and angels in the world, even if you’re not married…but decide to keep silent about it because you know you are a sinner and a selfish prick…not cool, man.”

 

 

Adam soon celebrated by strumming his new guitar in the air, Lute grinning smugly behind him, holding two thin swords in her hands. He strummed it and yellow electricity burst from his fingers, creating a haphazardly dazzling light show with Christian Rock music.

 

“Let’s begin my live performance in Hell…New Year’s Eve, bitches!” Adam sang as many angels cheered and some of the females rolled their eyes.

 

“No weakness will be tolerated,” Lute barked to the other Exorcists. “Kill or be killed. If you are able to slaughter a thousand sinners, that’s not enough! And if you’re soft, you’d be better off dying in Hell’s streets.”

 

Adam turned to his new Exorcist army of adoring male and female angels. “Kill every demon scum you see…men, women, children, babies, animals…no sinner shall be left alive!”

 

Adam laughed and called to his fellow Exorcists, many female, some male. “Now Lute and Lyre, now Biwa and Koto, now Setar and Sitar, on Ukulele and Harp, on Zither and Koto, and Vina and Viola and Violin, I cannot keep track of you thot triplets! Dash away, dash away fast!”

 

And with triumphant war cries, the Exorcists flew through the portal at full speed, Adam leading the way.

VII: Many, Many Years Later, Shortly Before The Pilot

 

Both of Charlie’s parents envisioned their daughter as an asset to the family business. They hoped that by encouraging demons to remain in fear and respect of their family, that no conflicts would arise.

 

But then, Charlie proposed something radical, unexpected…and even dangerous. She wanted to create the Happy Hotel as a place for sinners to redeem themselves. Lucifer thought it was a joke at first. Charlie had laughed and explained her plan.

 

“Isn’t it brilliant?” she asked, a smile on her face. She stood in the living room of their elegant home. “This could be the solution we need that could benefit everyone.”

 

Charlie pointed at her diagram behind her, which showed colored rainbows and dancing demons drawn in crayons. Her father was not amused, and her mother was skeptical.

 

“How would running a hotel cause the demons to change so fast?” he asked. “Your plan is impractical and downright ridiculous.”

 

“What makes you think this idea will work?” asked Lilith.

 

“Glad you asked,” said Charlie. She cleared her throat, opened her mouth wide and stood on a table.

 

Lucifer held up a hand.

 

“No singing necessary.”

 

Charlie let out a sigh and hopped down. “If the demons could become good people who give up their bad habits, just think how much better this world would be. Heaven wouldn’t need to exterminate the population year after year. Crime rates would drop, gambling and drugs would become afterthoughts. Who knows? Maybe those reformed enough could leave to live better afterlives!”

 

“Leave?!” asked Lucifer. “You do realize that demons were sent here for a reason. If they were to change their ways, then our economy and society would crumble. Even worse, there would be revolts, riots.”

 

Charlie stared with curiosity. “What’s bad about that?”

 

“It’d put our family and legacy at risk!” Lucifer replied. “Our livelihood depends on preserving tradition and establishing a chaotic order, if you will.”

 

“Our legacy could change for the better,” Charlie countered. “No more killings and despair for everyone. You may not think that anyone cares about purges, but I know that there are families out there who have lost beloved members due to those purges.”

 

“Me and the other demons do care about the purges,” Lucifer stated. “Which is why it would only get worse if demons decided to change.”

 

Lilith put a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Charlotte, I understand that you’re trying hard to do what’s best for Hell. I, too, wish things could have been different. Unfortunately, things are the way they are. It can’t be helped. Why make matters worse to begin with?”

 

Tears started to fall from Charlie’s’ golden eyes. “Why aren’t you guys listening to me?”

 

She pulled away. “If all of us want better lives here free from killings…”

 

She pointed to her drawing of the Happy Hotel on a piece of paper,
“…then this is the only way to make it happen.”

 

Lucifer crossed his arms, his eyes glowing red. “You will, under no circumstances, open that hotel.”

 

Charlie’s fangs grew slightly longer. “I have to try!”

 

Lilith sighed softly, looking back and forth as her family members argued.

 

Charlie took several deep breaths and placed her hand over her heart. “I know there’s good in every demon here. They just need to be reminded of their potentials, their purposes.”

 

“The purpose of demons,” said Lucifer with a glare, “is to suffer in damnation forever. None of them can be redeemed, that’s just who they are. The sooner you realize that, the better.”

 

Charlie groaned out loud in frustration. “I refuse to believe that!”

 

Lucifer folded his arms. “I have made this place a paradise for me and my kind. It’s not my fault if some filthy demons die. While Hell thrives, I prove to God that humans are wild sinners under my guidance, not His mindless puppets.”

 

“Doesn’t that make you and God the same?” Charlie asked. “Since both of you believe that humans are forever sinners? God sent humans to Hell because he believed they cannot change their flaws. You make Hell the way it is because you believe humans should not change their wild free sides. Maybe you’re more like your father than…”

 

“He is NOT my father!” Lucifer seethed, eyes glowing red. “And don’t you compare me to that pompous tyrant!”

 

Lucifer then sighed. “I know I can’t change your beliefs, Charlotte, but I’m still in charge. As king, I forbid you to…”

 

“La la la! Can’t hear you!” Charlie called, covering her ears.

 

“Now you’re just being childish,” said Lilith. “I’d send you to your room, but you’re 170 years old.”

 

“I feel like I’m 17 instead.”

 

“Age doesn’t matter,” said Lucifer. “Our legacy does, however. I will not allow you to drag it through the mud.”

 

“Then I’ll just create a new one!” said Charlie. Anger flooded her head and spread through her arms. Sparks of electricity danced around her clawed fingers. Charlie backed up from the living room and entered a long hallway. Her father followed.

 

Lilith stepped back and cussed under her breath. She knew a fight was coming on, and it wasn’t going to be pretty.

 

Charlie summoned balls of fire from her palms. Lucifer summoned his staff into his hand, a long black one with a red apple on top. The fireballs shot from Charlie’s hands but her father made them vanish on the spot with a wave of his hand.

 

Charlie jumped into the air, ready to attack. Using his staff, Lucifer created a hole that dropped Charlie to a farther spot down the hall.

 

“I hate portals,” Charlie muttered.

 

Closing her eyes, Charlie conjured a flaming unicorn and hopped onto its back.

 

“For cupcakes and rainbows!” she shouted as she galloped forward toward her father down the hall.

 

“Enough of this!” he yelled. He shot a band of red energy at the unicorn, destroying it. Charlie tumbled to the ground, and then righted herself. Her entire body was then engulfed in flames, her red straight horns growing from her head. A volley of flames spread from her in every direction, breaking several windows and nearby vases. One painting depicting humans being thrown into a lake of lava crumbled to ash.

 

Lilith came into the room and gasped. “Charlotte!” she scolded. “That painting cost 240 souls to purchase!”

 

Ignoring her mother, Charlie danced around, avoiding her father’s attacks. “I’m sticking with my idea!”

 

Lucifer held out his hand, and a glowing red pentagram appeared on the floor under Charlie’s feet. Charlie jumped into the air, only for her to be surrounded by a web of neon red vines. Charlie’s fire from her body could not burn away the sharp vines restraining her.

 

“Father…let go!” she yelled.

 

Lucifer walled over to her, slowly. “Be grateful that you are my daughter,” he said. “If you were anyone else who had questioned me…”

 

“Lucifer,” warned Lilith from behind.

 

“Listen well, Charlotte, because I won’t say this again. If you know what’s good for you, you will give up on your idea and start behaving like an adult.”

 

“But I am an adult!” Charlie protested, no longer struggling. “And I’ve decided as princess to continue on with opening the hotel. It will be what’s best for us.”

 

The vines around her tightened.

 

Flames sparked in Lucifer’s eyes. “If you think causing a war is what’s best for us, then you are gravely mistaken. I had high hopes for you all these years. But now…you’re nothing but a failure.”

 

Charlie stared in newfound shock, eyes wide. Lilith, too, instantly grew concerned. She felt a stabbing pain inside her that had nothing to do with the vines.

 

Failure.

Failure.

Failure.

 

That was all she ever seemed to be in her father’s eyes.

 

She thought back to her rivals, Helsa and Katie Killjoy. Helsa was a woman with gray skin and octopus tentacles for hair. She had been Charlie’s rival since they were little.

 

“You and your family are an utter disgrace,” she had said, flaunting her pink fur jacket, dark skirt, and high heeled boots. “You’re a naïve fool with such airheaded ideas. How I’d love to see you humiliated and my family reach the top.”

 

And then there was Katie Killjoy, who was potentially even worse. Homophobic and self-centered, she cared only about her appearance and good ratings on the news.

 

“You call yourself a princess,” she had scoffed, blowing a cigarette, “but you’re scum, just like everyone else.”

 

Charlie willed for her memories to go away. Since the beginning, Charlie had felt like an outsider.

 

Lilith stepped forward and destroyed the vines with a wave of her hand. Everyone took shaking breaths and became silent for a moment. Charlie’s horns retracted back into her head, and the flames dwindled and disappeared around her body. Charlie was free and she promptly stomped away, head lowered.

 

Lucifer spoke in a booming voice that echoed throughout the room. “We will come back to this!”

 

“Charlotte, do not go outside yet!” Lilith warned before Charlie was out of sight.

 

Charlie stared out the window into the crimson sky of Hell. Lilith was right to be concerned about the outside world. To Charlie’s horror, the purge was underway. Robotic angels with sinister smiles and red Xs for eyes swooped down and stabbed any demon that they could find. They were immune to demonic magic, as shown when one green eel-like demon tried in vain to push back an angel with his magic. One stab to the eel’s chest brought the monster to the ground, lifeless.

 

Charlie let out a yelp as something went flying toward her. A bat demon was thrown hard against the windowpane and its body slid down the glass pane before falling. Dark blood was left behind, streams flowing down like thick syrup trails. An Exorcist slowly turned its head toward Charlie. She gasped in fright, moving out of sight with her back against the wall.

 

She wished that her girlfriend Vaggie were with her to comfort her. She had met the emo-like, misandrist woman back when they were very young. They were childhood friends whose friendship developed into something deeper. Complementary opposites, Vaggie’s no-nonsense personality kept Charlie grounded in reality…sometimes.

 

Charlie often wondered…could there be a better place for demons? Heaven was inaccessible and only for the elite and those who met strict qualifications. Hell was overpopulated with people…some were evil for sure…but others just made mistakes.

 

Those lucky enough to forego Heaven and Hell went to a limbo place where there was dark nothingness…at least that what her father claimed after eavesdropping on humans during his fall to Hell.

 

Could this really be it? If the angels were to kill everyone, would the victims just cease to exist? Would those formerly lost humans serve no purpose other than suffering in their afterlives?

 

She tried to imagine what mortals might be feeling. She didn’t know very much, but she figured that they had the same desires as herself.

 

“Should I really keep going? Should I try to provide more opportunities for the people here? What if I really am a failure?”

 

Lucifer, and Lilith watched the purge take place from their balcony. The Exorcists waved at the royal couple in the air before speeding off. They had vowed not to kill Lucifer’s family…only the sinners. In exchange, Lucifer was content to let the commoner nobodies die…it was Hell after all. The Morningstar family then gasped in horror and disgust as an unexpected but all-too familiar figure made a grand entrance from the portal.

 

“HELLO SINNER SCUM OF PENTAGRAM CITY! THIS IS YOUR EVER-AWESOME ARCHANGEL ADAM COMING TO YOU LIVE! HERE’S MY NEW SINGLE CALLED ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR, DEAD DEMONS!’ HOPE YOU ENJOY!”

 

“ADAM!” Lucifer and Lilith glared as Adam hovered in the air with a microphone and guitar in hand. His golden angel wings made him stand out among the vulture-like Exorcists around him.

 

“That obnoxious guitar-strumming prick,” Lilith seethed. “These exterminations wouldn’t be half as bad without him around.”

 

Adam posed by a crossed window, with a smug Lute behind him with her arms folded. He strummed his guitar and yellow electricity flashed everywhere. Several bolts of Adam’s magic hit some flying bat demons and incinerated them on the spot.

 

“LET THE NEW YEAR CLEANSE BEGIN!” Adam bellowed, laughing manically, and strumming his guitar hard. More Exorcists rained down from the sky like vultures and began their gruesome attacks. Demons screamed as they ran through the streets and were sliced down by incoming spears and swords. The streets rained with red blood. Lyre the Exorcist laughed as she flipped in the air and gutted three demons at once with her spear like a shish kabab.

 

“Nice work, Lyre,” Lute praised.

 

“Lute, ma’am,” huffed Koto. “One of my teammates is injured. What should we do with him?”

 

“If he cannot fight, leave him,” Lute barked. “We have more pressing matters to deal with. Now go kill that demonic tiger cub down there!”

 

Koto stared at the demon kitten’s pleading innocent eyes.

 

“I…I ain’t doing that,” Koto argued.

 

“Then you shall serve as an example,” Lute droned as she sliced her teammate’s head off with her scimitar. She glared at the others. The nearby Exorcists gulped and flew back to work.

 

Adam pointed his arm down at the scene and laughed. “Yeah, that’s right, run you losers!”

 

Adam used his guitar to bash the heads of several demons as he flew around and played. Lute leaped into the air, spinning her twin swords, and slicing demon women to pieces. Lute licked the blood off one of her swords and continued her assaults. Adam wiped off some blood from his guitar and sang.

 

“Start spreading the news!

I’m slaying today!

Killing the very heart of them,

New Years, New Years!

I wanna wake up

In a city free of all sin!

And I’m A #1! Top of the heap!

These filthy hell thots

Are melting away!”

 

Adam proceeded to melt several screaming hellhounds and their pups with his magic.

 

“If you can’t make it up there,

You can’t make it anywhere!

So, meet your doom!

New Years, New Years!”

 

Lucifer covered his ears and swore. “God damn, he sings worse than when I’m drunk!”

 

Lilith briefly rubbed her head against him. She had long blonde hair, large curved red horns and wore a sparkly long purple dress and a pearl necklace. “I could listen to you sing all night.”

 

Lucifer smiled slyly and winked. “How about we make our own music after this abomination show is over, mi amore?”

 

Lilith swayed seductively and chuckled. “You just read my ears, dear.” They kissed as explosions rang off in the air. “And perhaps…your ducks wouldn’t mind getting a little wet?”

 

Lucifer separated abruptly and glared as a record scratch played. “No one touches my exquisite rubber duck collection!”

 

“S-sorry,” Lilith blushed.

 

Adam raced over and held his guitar in the air. A group of homeless red demon children cowered in a corner as Adam’s shadow rose up the wall. Adam chuckled evilly as drew closer.

 

“Good night, kiddies!” he laughed as he raised his guitar over their heads…

 

“STOP!”

 

Adam froze and turned around. “Who said that?”

 

“I did!”

 

He spotted a young demon girl with blonde hair tied back in a thick braid and dressed in a red tuxedo shirt and red pants. Her red eyes burned in anger.

 

Adam hovered in the air and faced Charlie on the street.

 

“Who is this Barbie we have here?” he mused.

 

“CHARLOTTE NO!” Lilith cried.

 

Adam glanced up at his ex-wife and waved his hands. Nearby demon bodies moved along the street of their own accord and bent down in strange positions. When Adam finished, he flew up in the air in Lilith’s line of sight.

 

“Lilith, my dear ex!” he smirked. “You must be lonely in this hellhole. You like my message?”

 

Written in demon bodies and blood on the ground was, “Lilith, please come back.”

 

Lilith flipped Adam off in response and with a ball of flame from her hand, blew the message and bodies apart.

 

“Still feisty as ever,” Adam sang. “You know you’re missing out on fun from a real man!”

 

“The real man she has is right here,” Lucifer growled in a low demonic voice. “She has no interest in some immature rock star pimp in a dress!”

 

Adam scowled. “This is a first-class robe! And at least I don’t have any fallen sinner clowns for a mate!”

 

Adam dashed forward, trying to grab Lilith’s breasts. Lucifer zoomed in front of her protectively and made a show of kissing her hard.

 

“Oh, you can’t do it this good, Adam asshole!” Lilith mocked as she and Lucifer kissed.

 

Adam made a face. “You royals are disgusting!”

 

Lucifer grinned. “Wanna see us fuck naked?”

 

Adam grinned, staring down at Charlie who was helping the demon children escape. “Want me to have fun with your daughter?”

 

Adam zipped down as Lucifer and Lilith shouted in response. Lute crept up toward the kids with a sword, but Charlie knocked her back with a fireball from her hand.

 

“That’s no way to treat Adam’s top lady general,” she spat.

 

“I don’t wanna fight you!” Charlie began. “Just leave those kids alone!”

 

Lute sneered. “What are you gonna do about it, little bitch?”

 

Adam flew and landed beside Lute.

 

Charlie stood her ground, trying not to get nervous. “I’m…I’m gonna do something so you guys can stop exterminating my people!”

 

Adam and Lute snickered. “Which is?”

 

Charlie folded her arms. “I’m creating the best hotel in Hell to rehabilitate sinners and ensuing that they’ll go safely to Heaven. And then, you’ll see that they can change and redeem themselves. No more killings necessary! What do you think?”

 

Adam spread out his arms and said in a mock tone, “Oh what a wonderful idea! Let’s all dance around and celebrate sinners becoming such lovely people. Where do I check in?”

 

Charlie’s eyes lit up. “You mean, you like my idea? Oh, that’s wonder…”

 

Adam cackled and slapped her hard across her face. She fell sideways to the ground and her parents gasped. Adam paused. “Fuck no.”

 

Lucifer seethed and Lilith began to lower herself to the ground. Charlie stood up from the ground.

 

“Oh look, the Barbie bitch is crying,” Lute mocked. “Guess what, princess? We love our job too much to allow these filthy sinners to mess up our world.”

 

“Once a sinner, always a sinner,” Adam said, electricity cracking in his hand. “I’d rather stick a burning spear up my ass than let one of your kind into our paradise.”

 

Charlie put her head in her hands. “Please, just stop this madness! As princess I command you…”

 

“And as God’s right-hand man, I command you to stay out of our way!” Adam retorted. Lute rushed at Charlie with her sword, but one unearthly growl and stare from Lilith made Lute step backwards.

 

“Let’s crash this party, Adam,” Lute scoffed. “Let the royals sink in their despair.”

 

Adam and Lute flew off, flipping off the Morningstars and cackling “Happy New Year, fuckers!”

 

Lucifer and Lilith picked up Charlie and lifted her back into the mansion.

 

“I cannot even begin to tell you how much you’re grounded,” Lucifer said sternly.

 

Adam and the Exorcists cheered and eventually flew back through the portal to Heaven, which closed behind them.

 

0 0 0

 

It seemed like forever, but eventually, a deathly silence announced that the purge had ended. The numbers below a clock tower read 365 days until the next purge. Charlie slowly walked outside onto a balcony. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the carnage down below.

 

Among the broken weapons and corpses, “Fuck you, Heaven!” was written in red on a nearby wall. “Cleanse!” was scribbled on posters of an Exterminator. Up in the sky, a lone planet with a red pentagram loomed overhead. More signs displayed advertisements, porn, drugs, and drinks. In a shadier part of town, large red signs read “Punishment,” and “Your days are numbered.” A demon with the head of a bull picked up a fallen head from the ground and loaded it into his shopping cart of other heads. Casino signs flashed in the darkness and faint music pounded from strip clubs.

 

Tears fell freely from Charlie’s yellow eyes. Her long blond hair fluttered in the breeze. She wore a black bow tie, black suspenders, and a white shirt under her pink tuxedo.

 

Charlie lifted her finger into the air and colorful fireworks boomed in the sky. The fireworks signaled that it was safe. Another sign read “demon” in white letters. The denizens slowly opened their windows and peered out. More demons came out from their hiding places. A couple of demons poked their heads out of the windows, one of them a red demon with two eyes and horns, smoking.

 

Feeling free to express herself, the demon princess sang her lament.

 

“At the end of the rainbow, there’s happiness
And to find it, how often I’ve tried
But my life is a race
Just a wild goose chase
And my dreams have all been denied”

 

“A ray of hope in this world of black
I wish the world to be free of sin
But no matter hard I try
I can’t get by
I never seem to win”

 

“Why have I always been a failure?
What can the reason be?
I wonder if the worlds to blame
I wonder if it could be me”

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows
Watching clouds drifting by
My schemes are just like my dreams
Ending in the sky”

 

“Some fellows look and find the sunshine
I always look and find the rain
Some fellows make a winning sometimes
I never even make the game
Believe me”

 

“Will this world be a better place?
Or will loss never go away?
The choices I face, me, a disgrace
Loss of hope here to stay”

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows
Watching clouds drifting by
My schemes are just like my dreams
Ending in the sky”

 

“I’m always chasing rainbows
Waiting to find a little bluebird
In vain.”

 

Lilith opened up red curtains and watched the fireworks with a passive scowl on her face. She appeared to have long white hair, pink sclera eyes with white pupils and makeup on her face. Behind her was Lucifer sitting on a chair in shadow, eyes glowing red. There was also a black spider Overlord sipping wine, and another shadow overlord shaped like a dinosaur. A large building read “Porn Studios” on it in lit up letters. The roof was decorated with strings of lights and a life-like figure of a red demon women in promiscuous clothing.

 

As Charlie cried, the clock tower rang out and the counter read “365 days til next cleanse.” A shadow painting of a figure was on the bottom of the tower, along with concert posters. “Lilith in concert” was displayed on a few posters.

 

Back in South America, Eve had witnessed the event as it was displayed in her magical fountain.

 

Adam’s roaring face briefly appeared in the watery image. His eyes filled with lust and hate as he stared at his former second wife. Eve’s eyes went wide, but she stood her ground.

 

Adam smirked. “Whatever happened to you, Eve? Hiding on Earth, are we? And man, you really put on the pounds! Whether there or in Hell, know I can still kill you or make you come back.”

 

Eve glared. “Whatever happened to you, Adam? You claim to be an angel in Heaven, but you’ve brought sin upon yourself. You’ve turned into a monster worse than a demon! If you weren’t God’s boy toy and raised to hate demons and sinners, I’d pity you more.”

 

“Let this be a message to you, Eve: no sinner and no mistake goes unpunished. All three worlds belong to me and God…and your judgment has just begun! Submit to me and you will be spared.”

 

“I am free of you, Adam,” said Eve defiantly. “I’m no longer submissive to you. And I’ll do all I can to ensure that innocent humans and demons are saved from the likes of you!”

 

She waved her brown hand, flipped him the bird and his frightening face disappeared. She breathed heavily, all her memories and trauma coming back. But now, she had a good idea of her purpose.

 

“Charlie…” she began, her ebony eyes full of concern. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”