Andrealphus: Bonds of Ice

 

Meet Marquis Andrealphus, the vain icy peacock brother of Stella and Stolas' shitty brother-in-law!

He has always been the favored sibling over Stella...something that Stella has resented from a young age. When Stolas, Andrealphus, Stella and Octavia are summoned to a royal soiree for the Goetia nobles, leave it to Hell and a messed up family to make shit happen.

Passion and flaming anger lay frozen under Goetia customs, just waiting to be thawed.

Special thanks to mtm1194 on Twitter for their idea of Andealphus being the favored brother and the secondary status of royal women.

“Stolas is the 36^th demon of the Ars Goetia, a great prince of Hell, a fallen angel and commands 26 legions of demons. He is depicted as a crowned owl with long legs or a raven. He teaches astronomy, history, and the knowledge of poisonous plants, herbs, and precious stones.”

 

“Andrealphus is the 65^th demon in the Ars Goetia. He is described as a great marquis with the appearance of a peacock who raises great noises and teaches cunning in astronomy, and when in human form, teaches geometry. He rules 30 demon legions and having the ability to turn any man into a bird. He also has the ability to make men subtle in things pertaining to mensuration.”

 

Stella’s magenta eyes roamed coldly over the profile pages of the Ars Goetia. The ancient text was not only used by magicians to summon demons…it also displayed their family members, their sigils, and their vast history.

 

History that, for some reason, seemed to leave her profile out. No description of her appeared in the Ars Goetia itself, save for a picture of her standing posed next to Stolas in wedding attire, the caption reading: “Prince Stolas marries Princess Stella.” Their smiles were ghostly and didn’t quite meet their eyes.

 

 

Slamming the book shut with an angry thump, Stella put the book aside on her vanity table. She added some polish to her beak, straightened the long white feathers of her hair and curled her long eyelashes. Her dress was pearly pink with a few ruffles and stars on it. The lower part of her dress was mostly white, the trim consisting of long swan-like feathers. Her gold crown glinted on her head. She scoffed at the slightly obscured torn flyer of a posed grinning Striker, which read “Wanted! Toughest Cowboy in Wrath – Hire me to make your enemies double dead! Only $66 souls or more. Includes free meeting at Hideaway Motel!”

 

“Little snake,” she muttered.

 

Perhaps the cowboy would’ve been cuter, had he been of higher class…and actually finished the job! Then again, the imp could easily be disposed of…unlike someone she knew all too well. From her perspective, Stolas basked in more wealth and praise every day. Sure, she did have a soft spot for her daughter and her husband…but one could only take being shoved into the shadows for so long.

 

She finished admiring herself in the mirror, barking at the imp butler to have her morning tea ready. Usually, she’d have her tea outside at a table by the Stolas fountain. However, feeling stressed and not desiring of any company just yet, Stella figured her chambers would be the next best thing. The butler briefly stumbled over a low hanging telephone cord before dashing off. Stella drummed her black gloved slender fingers impatiently on the large vanity table. Seven minutes later, the imp brought up the tray with a white teapot and a small round cup of tea. He placed it in front of her, arms shaking. Stella stared hard at the tea before her, and the imp gulped quietly.

 

“Butler…” she began, not even bothering to say his name.

 

Petrified in a long glowering glare from Stella’s eyes, the imp quickly remembered the sugar lumps…

 

And then he remembered that he had left them downstairs.

 

With a yell of rage, Stella picked up the butler and tossed him down the stairs. The butler cried out in pain as he tumbled down and landed on his butt, cloven hooves in the air. Battered but still able to move, the butler groaned as he stood up. He straightened his black and white outfit and tie, strolling off slowly as if to pretend nothing had happened. Stella stirred her tea and scoffed again. No one seemed to remember good old respect anymore. The imp limped back up the stairs, set aside two lumps of sugar and left quickly without another word. Stella plopped the cubes in, stirring with a dainty silver spoon.

 

The weekend with Octavia had been mediocre at best, tense at worst. Octavia, grumpier than ever that her parents were fighting and tethering on the edge of raw divorce, hadn’t bothered to show any enthusiasm when Stella suggested a resplendent shopping trip. Scoffs and protests at every fancy dress, jewelry piece and accessory that Stella waved fervently in front of her face. Not even Stella’s chilling chides to dress properly on pain of many deaths could trickle into the gothic darkness of Octavia’s unique teenage style.

 

“Women lucky enough to be in the Goetia family have specific rules they must follow. I’ve tried to teach them to you for years…”

 

“Fuck all your petty rules,” Octavia had replied, her eyes much more interested in the taxidermy book she had brought along with her. “I’m not interested in opera or tea parties, or ballroom dancing…and especially not a forced fucking marriage!”

 

“You have no idea how much I had to learn at your age,” Stella mentioned, though Octavia ignored her. “Being a princess, I had no choice but to be prim and proper nearly all the time. Yet here you go, trotting around in gothic getup and goggling over dead creatures. You may not be as bad as your father…”

 

Octavia scoffed, starting to talk over her. “Ugh, here we go again. Guess what, I don’t care. It’s Hell.”

 

“…but you could at least make more of an effort to not look so drabby in front of the other royals.” Stella barked, “Yes Octavia, it is Hell…where our image and survival are paramount!”

 

Octavia looked at her. “And you could at least make an effort not to scream at dad all the time…even when he does some strange shit sometimes. I mean, sabotaging his plant collection? It doesn’t help anyone.”

 

“Place would’ve looked better without them,” Stella said with a shrug. “But I only try to help you because any mistake we make can ruin our image. Stolas is already tainting it. You’d do well not to do the same.”

 

Octavia muttered, “Says the white bitch with her own pompous shitty family.”

 

“I heard that, Octavia!”

 

Octavia could only ponder back to when Stolas had taken her to Stylish Occult after Loo-Loo Land…only several months later to go off on his own to the Lust Ring…more than likely to meet that whore imp of his. Octavia felt like there was something that her parents weren’t telling her, something urgent that had occurred at the Harvest Moon Festival. It had made Stella brim with anger and Stolas obliviously concerned. Stolas had been isolated and depressed the moment Stella took Octavia away for the weekend. It was sort of a compromise, letting Octavia spend certain amounts of time with Stolas and Stella.

 

Not that the owl teen really looked forward to any of it. For as long as her parents kept their distances from each other, she figured it wouldn’t be too hard to steer clear of their babbling bullshit.

 

Usually.

 

The Goetia family was currently living together again after the weekend…and they were about to meet someone “new”…yet all too annoyingly familiar…

 

“Uncle Andrealphus,” Octavia sighed with a shiver. Stella and Stolas groaned.

 

Indeed, the vain, icy peacock marquis so happened to be Stolas’ shitty brother-in-law and Stella’s talented brother. He would be present at the upcoming Goetia meeting: The Goetia Gathering. It was one of those ball and banquet “we’re so holier than thou” events that every significant royal was required to attend. The main underlying reasons being politics and stable alliances…but the dancing could be fun, and the drinks were always a good bonus. It was held every ten years or so. Stolas received the invitation scroll, trying hard to resist the urge to shred the thing.

 

“Oh dear,” said Stolas in his royal accent. “Why do I always forget about those events?”

 

“You’re forgetful about lots of things,” Stella mentioned. “Like did you forget that sleeping with an imp is not only forbidden, but downright immoral, even in Hell?!”

 

“You don’t know him like I do! He is a talented individual who runs a company to kill people!”

 

“You better not have told anyone about how you let the grimoire slip into that imp’s fingers!” Stella chided, hands on her hips, hair feathers fluffed out in anger. “You know as well as I do that going into the living world is forbidden.”

 

“It was a good idea at the time…” Stolas began.

 

Stella’s voice then grew demonic. “What made you think that fucking him behind my back was a good idea?!”

 

Her eyes glowed red briefly. Octavia grumbled and hid her face. She wished she had brought her punk rock music to blast to.

 

“H-How else was Blitz supposed to support his business?” Stolas stuttered. “I lent it to him, he returned it to me for me to do my duties. But now I have a duty…to protect him…and…” he spoke in a whisper off to the side, “Perhaps love him…”

 

“Loving a common stranger,” Stella huffed. “I don’t know how much Sin Gin or Beelzejuice you’ve been drinking, but you’re more of a goddamn embarrassment every day!”

 

Octavia narrowed her eyes. “Can we just get this shitty meeting done with?”

 

“Yes, let’s!” Stella piped up in agreement, anxious to change the subject. “I expect both of you to be on your best behavior. Octavia, your fanciest dress, your most confident, poised attitude and for Lucifer’s sake, no talk of taxidermy nor how miserable your life is!”

 

Octavia groaned.

 

Stella sighed. “Behave yourself and I’ll leave you be, with as much of your shitty things as you wish.”

 

“Fine by me,” Octavia deadpanned, as she headed upstairs to get ready.

 

“Do we really have to go and meet him?” Stolas asked. “Last time we met together, he nearly turned our butler into a bird!”

 

Stella turned to Stolas. “I know that Andrealphus is as much an asshole to you as he is to me. But please do not make things worse for us. For our family. We have to act the part…the Goetia kings will be supervising all of us like they always do at those meetings.”

 

“Okay, dear,” Stolas said.

 

Stella pointed a finger into his face. “One word about that imp…”

 

“He has a name, you know…”

 

“One word about your secret exploits…and you’ll wish that the cosmos you watch over will swallow up your soul. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, my love,” Stolas said, hands out in front of him. With a huff, Stella stomped off toward her room. Stolas looked apologetically at the exhausted imp butler who was standing nervously in the corner, holding a platter with a green beer bottle on it.

 

“Sometimes, I’d like to fuck all these crazy people,” Stolas muttered in annoyance. The butler imp grew red in the face, sweat running down.

 

Stolas spotted him and sighed. “Never mind.”

 

Stolas, dismissing the imp, then left to prepare, the butler hanging his head in disappointment a bit. 

 

 

0 0 0

Many years ago…

 

Little Stella and little Andrealphus were dashing around the palace hallways, chasing after a blue ball with yellow stars on them. Both children were white royal birds, Stella’s eyes magenta pink, Andrealphus’ eyes teal blue.

 

“I’ll get it first!” cried four-year-old Stella.

 

“No way! It’s mine!” laughed six-year-old Andrealphus, chasing close behind. Stella wore a white dress and a pink bowtie in her feathered hair, while Andrealphus wore blue overalls and slacks. His small white peacock tail nearly touched the floor.

 

They raced down the winding stairs, their giggles echoing off the walls. As the ball bounced, they both leaped into the air and landed on top of the ball and into each other. They rolled around with the ball until their backs met a large nearby potted plant. The pot wobbled dangerously until…

 

Plop!

 

Wet dirt spilled out of the pot, coating the kids from head to toe. The dirt littered the tiled marble floor. They looked at each other, then proceeded to laugh out loud.

 

“Crazy Andy!” laughed Stella. “You’re gonna get in so much trouble!”

 

“Stelly,” retorted Andrealphus, “Not before you do! I’ll nickname you ‘poop-face’ from now on!”

 

Stella blew raspberries at him and scooped up some dirt in her small hands.

 

“What’s going on out there?” called the voice of their mother. A towering figure wearing an icy blue dress and a gold crown walked in to see her children throwing dirt into each other’s faces, having the time of their lives. The mother was tall with the face of a swan and long white peacock feathers with navy blue spots. She was Lady Eis, a beautiful stern queen with ice powers. She had the beauty of a swan and a peacock combined but when provoked, her heart could freeze Hell’s lowest Circle.

 

“Lucifer’s balls!” Eis bellowed in fury, her eyes glowing red. “What have you two done?”

 

She picked them up with her hands. “You’re absolutely filthy! Young royals do not wrestle each other in mud like pigs!”

 

“Aww mom,” Stella said. “We were just having fun!”

 

“We’re sorry,” Andrealphus said. “We’ll clean it up.”

 

“You’d better. But clean yourselves up first. Your piano lessons shall begin shortly.”

 

0 0 0

 

“When will dad come back?” Andrealphus asked Eis, now eight years old.

 

“Boreas is busy meeting with the other princes and kings,” their mother said. She mentioned to a portrait of Boreas, a white peacock with deep blue eyes, a red military suit, a gold crown and a stern expression.

 

“We hardly get to see him,” Andrealphus complained.

 

“And when we do, he just grumbles at us when we try to play,” Stella said.

 

“Playing wildly is for peasants,” their mother said. “Now Stella, show me how well you can sing, sew, and balance.”

 

 

When Stella tried to sing the Goetia anthem in demonic Latin, she let out several screeches on accident; Andrealphus covering his ears. When she tried embroidery, she got several strings tangled, leaving a mess on the floor. The silks twisted this way and that as she tried to make a dress. And when she tried to walk straight and poised with books on her head, Andrealphus stuck out his foot, causing her to tumble forward with a crash.

 

“Hey Andy!” Stella cried out in anger. “What was that for?!”

 

“Looks like you need more practice, Stella,” chided Eis, shaking her head. “Your brother is already ahead of you in politics, greetings and ice magic.”

 

Stella tried hard to conjure an ice ball in her hand, but nothing happened.

 

“Come on, come on! Freeze! Ice!”

 

Andrealphus stood smug with his arms folded. “Yeah, sis, why don’t you have any ice powers yet?”

 

“How should I know?!”

 

“Sing and try again,” Eis ordered.

 

 

0 0 0

Andrealphus and Stella grew up fast…as fast as a hundred or so years went. They soon both became well versed in politics, demonic Latin, music, magic, and war strategies. They learned how to dance, eat properly at banquets and how to greet demons of many classes.

 

“Why doesn’t Andrealphus have to do so much work around here?” Stella asked as she cleaned the rooms for the nth time.

 

“Good girls are obedient, calm, and hard-working,” Eis reminded Stella. “You’ll need as much practice as you can if you want to bear a noble son someday.”

 

“But I won’t, mother!”

 

“Like you have any fucking choice.”

 

Boreas and Eis later watched in approval as Andrealphus created a ball of magic ice in his hand and shoot it at a nearby target in the palace gardens. When a green bumpy gardener demon accidentally ran into Andrealphus, he grew so startled that he stuck his hand forward and…

 

Zap!

 

Where the gardener once stood was now a frightened green bird that flapped away as fast as he could. Andrealphus stared at his hands in shock. Stella whimpered, taking a step back.

 

“I…I’m so sorry,” Andrealphus cried. “I didn’t mean…”

 

But to his surprise, both his parents clapped loudly and gasped.

 

“My my, Andrealphus!” praised his father. “You show more exceptional abilities each year!” He pulled his son in for a hug. “You will make the Goetia family line proud.” Andrealphus beamed with pride.

 

“But the gardener!” cried Stella. “What will happen to him?”

 

Eis waved a dismissive hand. “We can just hire another one. Now head back inside. The foyer and sitting room could use some cleaning.”

 

Eis proceeded to shove away a random lawn-mowing servant imp on her way back inside. Stella looked apologetically at the imp before following her mother.

 

0 0 0

 

 Stella’s childhood wasn’t all doom and gloom. For fun outings, their mother would take her and her brother to operas, shopping trips, fancy restaurants, theater shows, concerts and even to a beach on a yacht with red water and black sand. Stella would make sand castles out of black sand before Andrealphus would kick it down. In response, Stella would shove her brother deep into the red ocean waves. Other times, Stella and Andrealphus would laugh and even participate in horse-riding and fire croquet. Stella knew that her parents still loved her and wanted what was best for her…or what they thought was best for her. But from an early age, Stella was a rebel…only tempered down once she grew up.

 

“Always so perfect,” Stella grumbled, regarding her brother as an imp servant painted her nails and fixed her hair in her room. “Who gets blamed for every little mishap? Me. ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother, Stella? He’s already earned himself a good reputation at soirees and meetings.’ ‘Stella, you forgot to curtsey.’ Stella, why didn’t you advise the general to send the manticore army to the east side instead of the west side? The wrong soldiers ended up becoming their meal!’ ‘Aren’t you thinking about your marriage in a couple of years?’ Shit!”

 

Stella jumped out of the chair in anger, sending the imp servant stumbling backwards in shock.

 

“Watch your temper, young lady,” chided her mother. “Disobedient ladies get sent to convents...and the one around here happens to be ruled by the demon of punishments.”

 

“Run along, servant!” Eis barked to the cowering imp. 

 

At every royal Goetia banquet, the royal host sat down before everyone else. A young Stella had accidentally taken her seat to eat her food and was brutally punished for that. There were often ten or more dishes at one time: hell-crows in pies, boars, bats, birds, sea dragons, fish, manticore, steak, chicken and even on one rare occasion, the remains of a fallen exorcist.

 

Andrealphus would brag of his great adventures and how the ladies already started to fancy him. But whenever Stella tried to talk, her father chided, “Don’t interrupt.”

 

Like Andrealphus, Stella enjoyed dancing but not when she had to dance with many suitor demons. Although some nobles questioned Andrealphus’ feminine dress style, they still viewed him with admiration.

 

“Hmpth,” Stella scoffed. “At least I can do astronomy, magic, and sing decently enough.”

 

After another exhausting but fairly fun ballroom dance, Stella sewed a small hanging rug with her family’s sigil. The wool art showed her besting her brother in a swordfight.

 

“I wish could have my own Ars Goetia sigil someday,” Stella thought out loud. “Why should my brother get all the attention?”

 

 

0 0 0

 

One fateful day, Stella and Andrealphus, ages 12 and 14 (around 50 human years give or take) were listening in on their parent’s conversations at the Goetia Estate.

 

There was their father Boreas and their mother Eis. But several more people were there as well. A young pre-teen owl prince stood nervously in the background, looking just as apprehensive as Stella.

 

 

“As you can see,” Eis began, “From our last meeting, you know that I have two impeccable children. Andrealphus is the eldest, Stella the youngest. Just to confirm real quick, is it true that my estate is near some land you’d like to own?”

 

“Yes,” said a figure with a low gruff voice. “I’ll make sure you keep your portion of it. I desire some of the land north of here. But back to the main topic. My son Stolas is coming of age soon.” He mentioned to the young owl prince behind him.

 

Stolas’ father, Quasar had a dark gray face, red eyes and a stern presence. He wore lots of red and had a large gold crown on his head. “I’m hoping that Stolas is able to have a stable marriage and more responsibility. The fact that he’s still fascinated by imps like when he was little, disgusts me.”

 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” said Stolas’ kinder mother Nebula, who had a white face, brown feathery hair, red eyes and wore midnight blue. “A good ruler should treat his subjects with respect and dignity. I taught him well.”

 

“Not well enough,” Quasar grumbled to his wife. He turned to Boreas and Eis. “Perhaps your lovely daughter will help my son stay more in line. Prince Stolas has incredible skill in astronomy, herb identification and precious stones.”

 

“I can assure you, Lord Quasar, Stella is also well-taught,” explained Eis. “She has a knack for politics, singing and yes, astronomy too. Though sometimes her temper can be…a bit of an annoyance. Easily handled, though.”

 

Boreas spoke. “And Andrealphus has demonstrated his aptitude for astronomy, too but also ice magic, geometry, singing, war and uniquely, turning people into birds.”

 

Another woman noble queen, Asteria cleared her throat. “Lord Boreas, if I may speak. I came here with my husband Solis to bring you two gifts. First is this magic emerald ring that will enable you to summon any servant in the Seven Rings.”

 

Boreas admired the ring she gave him.

 

Solis then said, “Now the second one, my lord. Please allow me to offer my daughter’s hand to your son Andrealphus. Her name is Nova.”

 

“What does she have to offer?” Boreas asked.

 

“Well, she may not have ice powers just yet, but she is also gifted in divination, astronomy, and is quite wealthy. And don’t mess with her at lava surfing and alchemy. She’s been known to blow up several rooms she’s been in.”

 

Boreas chuckled. “Solis, despite our differences in powers, you’ve always been a loyal individual to me and the Goetia family. I was worried that Andrealphus would have to wait a couple years, but this is presenting itself as an ample opportunity. Yes, I accept as well.”

 

The men shook hands.

 

“Splendid,” Solis said as they exchanged money and more gifts. 

 

“As sister to the Goetia member Andrealphus, I think Stella will be a fine match for my son,” said Quasar. “Right, Nebula?”

 

Nebula looked more uncertain, but she relented, saying, “If it makes him and this family happy, then so be it.”

 

“If it means she’ll live a higher life as a princess, then I accept as well,” Boreas said. “I hope the union of our families will prove to be a great alliance for the Goetias. We’ll discuss bride dowries next time.”

 

“Anyone object to the marriage of my daughter to Stolas?” Eis asked to confirm. Stolas’ parents shook their heads.

 

“Then it would be my honor to offer Stella to your splendid prince son,” Boreas said. Stella and Stolas looked at each other awkwardly and sadly from across the room.

 

 

 

 

 

0 0 0

 

Stella, Andrealphus and Stolas protested their arranged marriages after the meeting ended. But their parents weren’t having it.

 

“Marrying a strange lady? Forget it!” Stolas cried. But Quasar grabbed his arm roughly and muttered, “You will marry that woman and that’s final, son! It is our chance to get in good graces with Marquis Andrealphus’ side of the family. I hope this finally teaches you that you can’t always play around and get what you want. And it’ll finally put your fantasies of being with common imps to an end.”

 

“Father, I refuse to treat imps like dirt the way you do!” Stolas yelled, breaking free of his hold. Quasar swore at him. “Sissy of a boy.”

 

“I’m sorry Stolas, but you still have to marry Stella,” Nebula mentioned sadly, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It has been the Goetian way for hundreds of years.”

 

“I’ll miss you, mom,” whimpered Stolas.

 

“I’ll miss you too, little StarFire,” said his mother, saying his childhood nickname. “I’ll visit as much as I can, when I don’t have duties of my own to attend to.”

 

Stolas and Nebula shared some tearful hugs before leaving the Estate with Quasar. 

 

0 0 0

 

“You are at marrying age,” said Eis to Stella. “All that you’ve learned so far have prepared you for this moment.”

 

“You really expect us to marry strangers we’ve never met?” Stella asked.

 

“And have kids with them? Gross!” Andrealphus flinched.

 

“We’re royalty! Why can’t we choose?” Stella asked indignantly.

 

“I did the same thing when I was your age,” Eis said. “As my mother did and so on.”

 

“It is your destiny to help our family be in good graces with Stolas’ family,” said Boreas. “You know how powerful they are. Stolas’ parents have wanted a candidate princess for a while now. There is no better opportunity like this.”

 

“The wedding ceremonies will take place the next full moon,” said Eis. “Best to be prepared. You’ll be living with them, but we can still come visit you.”

 

“You will bring honor to us all,” Eis said to her children, primarily to Stella. “And we’ll all expect worthy heirs from both of you!”

 

“Yes mother,” they both said, their eyes downcast and full of resignation.

 

0 0 0

 

Stolas and Stella stood together in their wedding attire at a Satanic church, the red goat minister reading from the Satanic Bible. Despite it being Hell, Stella still wore a traditional white wedding gown and veil. Stolas wore a black tuxedo with stars embedded in the black robe. Two gold pointed crowns were on their heads. King Bael and the nobles nodded in approval off to the side.

 

“By the power vested in me by Lord Satan and Lucifer, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

 

Stolas and Stella kissed each other and then stood hand in hand before their new family members. It was clear that along with Stella, Stolas wasn’t too thrilled with the arranged marriage. For one, he didn’t want the heavy responsibilities. Sure, Stella was pretty and well-versed in royal duties. But at the same time, he hardly got to know her well enough. Just because she was into astronomy and magic as well, didn’t mean they were the perfect pair. There was no real spark. Even their smiles felt slightly off.

 

Andrealphus and Stella soon hugged each other, saying their tearful goodbyes before departing with their new spouses.

 

“Good luck, Stelly,” Andrealphus said. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Andy,” Stella said. “Remind me to kick your ass in the next roulette competition.”

 

“I love you too, sis, but I can’t wait to see you double defeated next time,” Andrealphus mocked. He took Nova’s hand and left.

 

“Fucking snake,” Stella scoffed after Andrealphus’ back was turned.

 

Stolas and Stella only loved each other deeply as the years when on because of their beloved daughter. From the moment Via first appeared from her cracked white egg, both parents instantly fell in love. It was Octavia that enabled them to work together to care for her. Stolas provided comfort and fun while Stella was more stern with enforcing the same rules that had been drilled into her head.

 

‘If only Stolas hadn’t met that imp whore!’ Stella thought to herself. ‘My life would’ve been as perfect as a mediocre secondary royal status life can get! I have so many riches in Hell, but they’re not enough. I want more…no, I need more! I need more money, but more than that, I need more respect! Fuck I said “more” six times!’

 

0 0 0

 

Stolas later stood in an elegant dark red cape bordered at the top with a ring of white fur with black spots. He wore his usual black top hat with two sets of eyes on top. An elegant golden five-pointed crown was perched on top of his head. A nice red and black suit with the family emblem at the top right was underneath. As the crimson cape moved, an illusion of stars seemed to dance across it.

 

Octavia walked down the marble stairs.

 

 “Via, my lovely daughter, you look absolutely ravishing!” Stolas exclaimed.

 

Octavia wore a grumpy resigned expression, adorned in a magenta pink frilly Victorian dress with starry sparkles on the surface. She wore lipstick, mascara, star earrings, a crown, and even pink high heels. Her head of feathers had been brushed and straightened, her beck sharpened and shined. Her hands and talons had been cleaned and attended to. She stared in passive disgust at the additional bowtie in her hair.

 

Stella smiled with pride. “Now that’s the mark of a proper princess!” Octavia rolled her eyes, struggling to balance on her feet.

 

Stella wore a long dress of icy blue with swan-like feathers as part of the design. The dress descended into darker shades of blue toward the helm. She also wore a genuine white fox collar around her neck that was covered with eyes.

 

“Hypocrite,” thought Octavia. “Saying taxidermy is for creeps.”

 

“Alright then, let’s be off!” Stolas called as he led the way outside. The imp butler held open the limo door and the family members ducked their way inside. Out of sight, Octavia kicked off her heels and tossed them outside just before the limo door closed. With a soft rumble of the limo, the Goetia family drove off. With a wave of his hand, Stolas created a glowing portal that the limo sped through. The hole closed behind them, and the air grew hot.

 

0 0 0

 

Soon, they arrived at the magnificent Goetia Lemegeton Estate, not too far from the Pandamonium Palace. The Lemegeton Estate was made of the same black marble as Pandamonuim, though it looked like a dollhouse in comparison. The Goetias were at least thankful that they weren’t summoned to a war meeting with Lucifer at the Pandamonuim. The hellish red lava in the chasms below cast an eerie glow against the Estate. The sky was a dark shitty brown, sometimes shifting to blood red.

 

They drove off to the left and stopped. Two bulky gray gargoyle guards stood with black swords on either side of a black wrought iron gate. In the center of the gate was the gold symbol of King Solomon.

 

In demonic Latin, Stolas spoke a password. The eyes of the gargoyles glowed green, indicating that it was the correct one. The black gates creaked open and the butler drove them through down a winding path. Black roses were proudly displayed within the bushes around the grounds. Torches attached to the walls around the building flickered a variety of colors with a plaque undernath saying the color name: “Violent Violet,” “Mean Green,” “Hell-o Yellow,” “Dead Red,” “Stink Pink,” “Mold Gold,” “Slay Gray,” “Down Brown,” “Ack Black,” “Fright White” and “Screw Blue.” A small orange torch had a plaque that read: “Fuck it, nothing rhymes.”

 

Following the circular path, they spotted the black onyx fountain, which spurted red blood down into the basins. The top of the fountain had a statue of King Bael in all his glory. Bael was a towering figure with spider legs, a man’s body and three heads on top.

 

“A frog, a cat and a man,” Octavia remarked at the statue heads and giggled slightly. “Couldn’t Bael make up his mind on which head to choose?” Stolas snickered, too.

 

“No disrespect!” barked Stella. Though she later muttered under her breath, “Don’t know why we’re all fucking andromorphic animals to begin with.”

 

The limo pulled to a stop and the Goetias filed out. Stolas took the lead, holding Stella’s hand and Octavia trailing behind. They had done the same entrance and greetings for years. Stella did her usual passive queen wave with her gloved hand and Stolas excitedly greeted the other nobles as they arrived. Sensing long glares at her from a few older men, Octavia stood close to her parents as they walked up the stairs. A sign read “Goetia Soiree This Way!”

 

Two winged furies opened the ornate black double doors. Octavia couldn’t help but stare in wonder at the interior.

 

“It always looks so big on the inside,” Octavia thought, staring at the incredibly high ceiling. Like many grand enchanted buildings, the space inside was larger than how the exterior building appeared, making the demons feel like midgets.

 

Despite it being Hell, with lava bubbling outside, the theme of this event was winter. Dazzling ice snowflake sculptures hung from the ceiling among chandeliers made of both crystal and ice. In fact, soft snowflakes fell from a high ceiling as part of an enchantment. The white clothed tables and furniture were colored snow white, icy blue, and teal green, with hints of hellish red and orange here and there. The U-shaped banners that hung around the walls consisted of deadly icicles, giving the appearance of being in an icy cave fit for rich people. Blue wallpaper with white snowflakes on it covered the walls as well. Octavia enjoyed the many ice figures of swans, horses, snakes, owls, demons, and a few angels as well.

 

However, there were many things that Octavia didn’t enjoy.

 

All around the palace were more ice sculptures of various creatures: wendigos, chimeras, hydras, dragons, and, of course, demon royals. One showed a knight on a horse holding a decapitated head in his hand. Aside from the sculptures, the furniture also had an eeriness to them. One table in the center consisted of a hardened red demon body in a kneeling position. A nearby chair looked like a sitting demon, head back, screaming in pain. The armrest was actual demon arms, hardened and preserved. At first glance, it appeared like a statue, but Octavia figured that wasn’t the case. A few real demon heads coated in frost hung attached to the walls, small candles lit in their gaping mouths. 

 

Octavia shivered and flinched at the gruesome figures. “And they say my taxidermy is creepy,” she muttered.

 

King Bael stood by some ornate thrones with the other kings in front of stained-glass windows of red. There he was in all his glory, with a gold scepter in his hand. He had brown spidery legs, the lower half of a dark green frog and three heads: a cat on the right, a frog on the left and an elderly man’s face in the center. His eyes were demonic red, and his teeth were quite sharp. A gold crown rested on his human head of black hair. Bael looked on in amusement as pink succubi performed an erotic belly dance for the nobles.

 

Stolas, Stella and Octavia lined up with other nobles to bow to the kings in greeting. The pair in front of them moved off and they were soon in front of him.

 

“Prince Stolas,” Bael greeted, hands out as the Goetias bowed. Stella and Octavia did their curtsies. “It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. Cosmos still in working order?”

 

“As always, my lord,” Stolas said, rising up. “The constellations remain unchanged at least to human minds and there’ve only been 1,000 or so planetary explosions not too far away.” Stolas then gave his reports on the properties of his plants and herbs. He described the appetites of his Venus Fly Traps, the traits of wolfsbane, poison ivy and other deadly herbs he used on rivals. He finally gave Bael a gift in a box. Bael opened it and found golden rings with large emeralds, rubies and sapphires embedded in them. Bael put on the rings and admired them in approval.

 

“That’s good to hear,” Bael said to Stolas. “Your gift is quite exquisite. Your wife and daughter are lovely as well. I wish them all the best. Enjoy your evening, no uncouth sexual exploits, you hear?”

 

Stolas briefly froze on the spot, trying not to look too nervous. Bael just chuckled again. “Just messing with you.”

 

Stolas bowed again with a forced chuckle and led his family away.

 

“Now even he knows,” Stella seethed under her breath. “One of these days, your actions will get you into a lot of trouble.”

 

“Please try and relax, Stella,” Stolas said. “You dragged both of us to this event anyway.”

 

“Fine.”

 

But soon, Stella couldn’t relax.

 

“Oh fuck, it’s him,” she whispered to Stolas as she spotted a figure ahead.

 

Stolas saw him, too, eyes wide. “Quick, pretend that I’m dead!” he whispered back.

 

‘Oh, how I wish you were,’ Stella thought.

 

Octavia walked over and first heard the figure.

 

Great noisy vocals rang out not too far from the kings’ thrones. The notes echoed with arrogance and chimed with confidence. It sent chilly goosebumps down her feathers, more so than the enchanted winter cold.

 

There he was in all his vain glory: Marquis Andrealphus. He was sitting on an icy stool near an icy bar table. He was very tall with a pale white face, a teal beak, and narrow teal eyes. The bird-like facial features was where the similarities ended between him and Stolas. His hair was grayish white with long blue dots reminiscent of peacock spots. A faux teal scarf hung around his neck with a bright white snowflake design in the center. He wore what looked like a long gray dress with a teal and white striped design at the end. The teal and white design reminded Octavia of snowy mountains or icicles (based on pictures of the mythical Ninth Circle of Hell). His long tail had white feathers and the peacock blue spots. A matching pointed teal crown glinted on his head.

 

Several woman royals were around him, listening intently to his hauntingly beautiful song. They politely clapped when he had finished.

 

With slender white hands, he took a sip of blood red wine in an icy martini glass, sighing in satisfaction.

 

“Mmm…yesss…” he sighed, smacking his lips. He licked up a stray red drop on his chin. “A good glass of cold wine is refreshing after a good song, don’t you think?”

 

He kissed the women’s hands before they left. He placed down the glass and stood up when he saw Stolas and family.

 

“Ah!” he smiled. “Hello there, my fabulous baby sis!” He walked over to a glowering Stella. “Things going well with your estranged family, I hope? Having to play house overtime?”

 

He playfully stroked Stella’s feathers, much to her annoyance.

 

“Save your breath,” she scoffed. She turned to Stolas. “Andy over here has been stuffing his ass with dresses and drinks since the last time I saw him in person.”

 

Andrealphus scowled. “I told you not to call me that!”

 

“Doesn’t even know his name. Go figure.”

 

Andrealphus spread out his arms in a flourish. “You like the winter wonderland? I designed it myself, with approval from Ipos. Geometry, measurement, and ice magic are my specialties. As well as quality leadership.”

 

He pointed off in the distance. “And over there, you’ll find an ice sculpture of me made by…not me, but my lovely assistants.”

 

Andrealphus’ assistants flew over and did some finishing touches on the sculpture. They were, in fact, birds…courtesy of their master.

 

Andrealphus pecked playfully at them, and they flew away as fast as their little wings could carry them. He smiled as one bird landed on his finger. 

 

“Aesthetic avians,” he mused. “Sometimes they forget to keep their mouths shut at appropriate times, so I give them a chance to…” He chuckled… ”…spread their wings as it were.”

 

Andrealphus then smirked at Octavia. “Hello there my little niece. Not enjoying the party, my dear? Being a princess, I’m surprised you’re not dancing your little heart out and showing off your dainty curvaceous…”

 

Octavia flipped him the bird. “It’s a vice to see you too, Uncle Andrealphus.”

 

“Tut, tut,” Andrealphus sang. “I believe I saw you at an event once with your mother and father. A blatant attitude could get you into some…”

 

He shoved a more hideous looking demon into a thick icicle pillar… “…sticky situations.” The bumpy demon struggled to free himself from the ice.

 

Stolas crossed his arms, standing protectively in front of his daughter. “Really, brother-out-law of mine. You haven’t changed a bit. I mean, what’s up with your attire anyway? This is a formal gathering, not a drag queen convention.”

 

Andrealphus scoffed silently, brushing the insult aside. “For an owl, Stolas, you’re not really that wise at all. Because everything I wear is instantly fabulous.” He slicked back his hair and patted his scarf. “You still to this day, parade around in your old hat and boring red robes. If you were more like me, I would probably think you’re cute.”

 

Stolas turned beet red, despite himself. Stella glared at her husband as if silently saying, “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

 

“Where’s your taste in adventurous décor, Stolas? Clearly in the gutter.”

 

A few nobles glanced this way and that at Stolas, some turning away and whispering. Andrealphus noticed and a mischievous glint shone in his icy eyes.

 

“Oh, did I not show you my sexy faithful wife, Stolas?” Andrealphus asked. “How crass of me.”

 

A tall white swan-like owl with long feathered hair and a dress of purple and blue appeared. She had starry earrings and glinting pearl necklaces.

 

“Hello Nova,” Stella said blankly.

 

“Stella,” Nova nodded, equally immobile. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Our last visit with Andrealphus at Stolas’ tea party seemed so long ago.”

 

Nova briefly fidgeted with her white pearl necklaces.

 

‘Count yourself lucky that you at least got a talented husband,’ Stella thought to Nova as Stolas and Andrealphus bickered. ‘Pompous as he is.’

 

‘He flirts with other dames all the time,’ Nova replied back into Stella’s head. ‘It really doesn’t do that much good for me and my daughter. But steeping myself in my work is all I can do. Thankfully, tea and alcohol help a bunch. I’d rather have a fucking hangover than hear your brother brag of his latest conquest any day.’

 

Stella had to smile a bit. ‘Isn’t that the truth.’

 

‘I bet my bastard dad and wench mom wouldn’t be proud of my troubles with Stolas,’ Stella thought.

 

Stella then added to Nova, ‘At least Andy didn’t cheat on you behind your back…as far as you know, at least. But still, if he did, better it’d be another elite than an…’

 

Stella couldn’t even telepathically get the word “imp” out, it had disgusted her so.

 

“I know what you mean,” Nova said out loud. “Despicable creatures, the lot of them are. Especially that one who fell in the cake and…you know…”

 

“Shut it, I already know!”

 

Stella and Nova walked off to the side, where they talked out loud about the latest gossip, their marriages, and recent exciting executions. Then Nova changed the subject before leaving.

 

“I’ve heard the rumors, Stella,” said Nova. “Of Stolas and his…imp consort. If word gets out too much, Stolas will lose his position…and you’ll be taking much of the blame.”

 

“That’s what I fear,” Stella replied. “But mark my words, I will help make things right.”

 

“Do be careful. Remember, we are nothing more than wealthy dolls trapped in a royal cage.”

 

Nova and Stella gave each other knowing nods before heading back to their respective husbands.

 

Octavia noticed a white teenage girl with black spots decorating her tail feathers. She wore an ice teal dress with small ice shards as part of the design around the collar and trim of her dress. Her crown was made of ice and shaped like a snowflake. Glancing at her shiny nails, she looked just as unhappy to be at the event as Octavia. She and the owl teen shared a silent knowing look. Octavia had only seen her cousin in passing at an old tea party at the von Eldritch gardens back in the day.

 

“Ah Melody, my special little snowflake,” Andrealphus mused, glancing over at the teen girl.

 

“Come now, my fabulous family,” said Andrealphus in a mocking tone with a clap of his hands, “it’s time for the royal buffet! I’m very much looking forward to talking some more.”

 

0 0 0

 

Dinner, was indeed, very exquisite. King Bael snapped his fingers and a portal appeared. The guests applauded when a winged figure came through. Standing proudly wearing a white chef’s hat, was the tan griffin-like Nisroch, Hell’s cuisine master and the personal chef to the rulers of Gluttony.

 

“Dinner is served!” he squawked. “Fresh from the Tree of Life and homemade in Gluttony!”

 

He wore a white shirt and loincloth, with a curved blade in his hand. He opened more portals and a horde of imps rushed inside, carrying platters of fine food and drink. Small black candles in holders were at the center of each table with small black flames.

 

The kings sat at a grand round red clothed table as the imps served them first. From first to last they served the Kings, Dukes, Princes, Marquises, Earls, the old Knight and finally the Presidents and their families. The ranked demons each sat at their own table. Andrealphus briefly looked enviously at Stolas when he sat with the other princes. Stella and Octavia sat next to Stolas at their assigned round table. Talks of politics and recent events spread through the air. Many demons swore and laughed as they described their exploits of making humans fall in love, teaching divinatory arts to them and stealing souls in Hell and on Earth.

 

“My 66 estates in the east still appear to be in fine order,” Bael mentioned. “But of course, I would’ve loved to remain the first king for a while longer. Lucifer took over and gained primary control of the Pride Ring. I do still have influential power though, despite the Goetia hierarchy and territories often separate from Pride and main society. Rather nice.”

 

King Balam appeared with three heads, a bull, a man, and a ram. He was dark blue in color and wore a fancy suit.

 

“Aren’t you related to Lord Asmodeus?” asked Belial. “Or his twin?”

 

Balam scowled. “Just because I have the same kinds of heads doesn’t mean I’m related. Though we are all related in sone way but not, you know…physically…”

 

Belial smirked. “How would Asmodeus ponder that sentence, I wonder?”

 

Vine, a King with a lion head and a snake curled around his hand was describing how he fooled other demons into thinking there was ancient treasure in a cave, then proceeded to drown them in a tempest he created.

 

“Did Lord Lucifer approve of this?” asked King Paimon, a camel-like demon.

 

“You always were too obedient to him,” remarked King Zagan, a bull-faced griffin who proceeded to turn his water into wine with a wave of his hand.

 

The food itself was works of art…if you counted the gruesome aspects. The finest hellish cuisine fit for any demon and monster was there. Heads of hell-boars, human hearts, squid and marine life from the Envy oceans and ambrosia honey from the bee rulers of Gluttony. Devil’s food cake, fish eggs, ice scream, poison berry souffles, and other desserts were included. Plus, there was, of course, an abundance of alcohol: Sin Gin, Beelzejuice, Bloody Marys with real blood, Satan 666 Sparkling, Mammon Greed Mead, Lucifer Apple Cider Spiked, Wrath Whisky, and Fear Beer, among many others. 

 

Andrealphus tried to make small talk at his table of Marquises, but the owl-headed Andras was sowing discord and arguments.

 

“I told you, Sabnock, not to cast your deadly spells on my legions! First you knock down my castle walls, and then you infect my soldier’s wounds with worms! Fuck!”

 

“I did no such thing!” said the strong knight. “I only made one demon mildly sick because he was sent by you to pester me nonstop!”

 

“Why I oughta burn the whole lot of you just for the sake of it!” Andras declared.

 

“Try it and watch your owl head get sliced off by Lucifer himself!”

 

Andrealphus shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 

“So, Sitri,” said Stolas to a leopard prince, trying to make conversation. “How are things going in your world?”

 

The leopard folded his griffin wings back, a few ladies with snakes for hair on either side of him. “Fabulous, Stolas. Just last week, I was visiting Asmodeus and he offered to let me have Fizzarolli for a fun night! I had no idea that Fizzarolli could provide such service with his tentacles, but then again, even as a noble, you learn new stuff every day.” He sighed in contentment and snickered. One of the women’s snakes hissed in annoyance.

 

“Sitri, please, not at the table,” said Vassago, a kinder demon.

 

“Vassago, still a softie as always,” remarked Prince Ipos, a demon with a great bird head, a long neck and a lion’s mane. “By the way, Stolas, how are your relatives, Malphas, Camio, and Raum?”

 

“I told you,” said Stolas, “just because I’m an owl and they’re all crows and Andrealphus is a peacock, doesn’t mean were necessarily related!”

 

Orobas snickered with a horse neigh. “Aren’t you though? So many people think Andrealphus is Stolas’ brother! How ridiculous. I know relations can get confusing in such a vast Goetia family but come on. Get a dictionary, learn philosophy and family definitions.”

 

“Stolas, Raum, Camio and Malphas should all start a bird crow convention!” Ipos mentioned.

 

“Yeah, and trick Andrealphus into having more than usual bird servants around,” laughed Sitri. “If you ever get a chance to glimpse his body, Stolas, describe in good detail for me, yes?”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Stolas said with a slight stutter.

 

“Sorry, we can’t help it,” said Prince Seir. “Ever since the rumors started…well… you’re pretty fun to tease anyway.”

 

Stella remained stone silent as she forcefully sliced a human heart in half on her plate without looking at it. Octavia nibbled nervously on white mice. Orobas doused his meat with “Diabl-O-Shit!” pepper hot sauce. After eating it, he proceeded to breathe fire, wheeze in pain and pass out for a few minutes. The other princes started agape. Then Orobas woke up and added some more sauce.

 

“Don’t worry, Stolas,” said Vassago. “We’ll help make sure you aren’t replaced anytime soon in case things go to Hell. Or more to Hell. Hell-er. Something, whatever.”

 

Stolas somberly sipped his red wine, imagining Blitzo’s face in the liquid. More than ever, he wanted to be with Blitzo, make amends, help himself not feel like some lonely inadequate individual.

 

‘Just get through tonight,’ Stolas told himself. ‘And every other boring somber day after…’

 

0 0 0

 

After dinner was over, classical music mixed with hellish screams played as the nobles found partners to dance with. Off to the side, demons in black tuxedos played violins, trumpets, a harp, and a grand piano, all colored icy blue and decorated with small white eyes. Duke Amdusias himself, a white unicorn with claws, was the conductor. A resigned Octavia waltzed with other noble men as the kings watched from their thrones. The dance floor was made of ice but was enchanted so that none of the guests could slip. Stella was thankful that she had at least trained Octavia enough to get through all the dances and greeting steps. Though that didn’t stop Octavia from glaring at her suitors and staring at her feet during the dance.

 

Andrealphus stood between Stolas and Stella, watching the show.

 

“What a bedazzling performance,” he smiled. “Look, there’s Melody over there!”

 

Melody was dancing with demons in suits one by one, looking uncomfortable and bored, despite her forced smile. Nova stared passively at the scene, which was all too familiar to her.

 

“Goetia Princes and Marquises, you’re up!” called King Paimon.

 

Andrealphus stepped back and snickered. Sharing tense looks, Stolas and Stella moved closer sideways and walked stiffly onto the dance floor. Stolas could feel all eyes on him, daring him to make a wrong move.

 

Andrealphus moved in sync with Nova as “Devil’s Trill” was played by the orchestra. The song felt like an eternity.  Claps were heard as Andrealphus gracefully spun Nova around, moving back closer together. Left to right, front to back they moved in time to the music as if they had practiced intensely for a few days before the event. Aside from a few stumbles, the audience was impressed with their performance.

 

Andrealphus basked in the praise and spotlight, catching a stray black rose in his beck. Nova smiled back at him, though there was no real spark in her ice blue eyes.

 

Stolas and Stella on the other hand, radiated clumsiness and deep-seated anger. Each step they took in the waltz was almost a stomp, Stella’s hands gripping Stolas’ shoulders too tightly. More than once, Stolas tripped over his long red robe, nearly bringing Stella down with him. Plastered fake smiles appeared on their faces as if to say, “The stumbles are part of the show!”

 

Andrealphus circled around them vulture-like, his wife in his arms, grinning at Stolas.

 

“Oh dear, Stolas. Not as poised as you were before.” He chuckled. “I can only imagine the reaction your poor beautiful wife had when she found out…” He let out a fake gasp, “…sleeping with a common scum imp! How scandalous, even for you.”

 

“You know nothing about me and my wife,” Stolas seethed as he veered away from him.

 

“Oh, but I do,” Andrealphus added as he skated gracefully toward them, dragging Nova along. The music covered their words. 

 

“Rumors spread fast, Stolas. Imagine my surprise when I heard that your imp pet of yours stole your own grimoire to enter the living world! I can only imagine the trouble you’d be in if the humans ever found out…”

 

“No one knows about our existence, save for cowardly magicians who summon us like they have done for centuries,” Stolas replied.

 

“Chaos…panic…the upheaval of the living world as you know it, Stolas,” Stella barked, as she twirled around in his arms. “And you let the imp use the book for what? An immoral despicable fuck-fest behind my back! Going to a motel and almost throwing away your very legacy.”

 

“You don’t understand,” Stolas said. “I made sure I got the book back. Blitz was only doing me a favor and I helped him with his company. A win-win.”

 

“Neglecting your duties…your family…and especially your wife!” Stella cracked slightly, hiding tears. “Do I mean nothing to you? Does our daughter mean nothing?”

 

“I’ve cared more for Octavia than you have done for the past several years!” Stolas argued. “What do you ever do? Scream and complain and prattle on about traditions that’ve been outdated for centuries.”

 

“Fidelity rules and etiquette still thrives,” Stella said, moving in a circle as trumpets played.  “You decide to ignore them and go frolicking off with strangers.”

 

“Any kind of strangers tickle your fancy?” Andrealphus asked with a teasing wink. Stolas grew red again.

 

“Fuck off!” Stella seethed between her teeth as the loud music still played.

 

“Blitz has a good heart, despite all that he has had to endure,” Stolas said. “He brings something more to my life. If he were a royal, you may have liked him, but for me, it makes no difference.”

 

Stella spun in a slow circle as Stolas finished the dance as best as he could.

 

 “I love you dearly Stella…but if you truly care for me…”

 

A long pause. Both eyes shining and reflecting the light. The music slowed to a more somber tempo.

 

Stolas sighed. “Just let me be myself.”

 

Their dancing slowed. Stolas looked at Stella, holding her head with his hand.

 

“We can still fix all this…for Via at least. Please, Stella…”

 

Stella’s face softened a bit, a hidden longing in her eyes.

 

Out of sight, concealed within snowy fog, a devious Andrealphus shoved Stolas from behind.

 

“Whoa!” he cried out, tumbling forward. He landed on top of Stella who also fell to the ground. Both yelled out as the crowd gasped and leered.

 

“Oh dear,” Andrealphus said with a convincing look of concern on his face as the fog cleared. “They must’ve slipped.”

 

The kings shook their heads and a few nobles laughed out loud. Stolas stood up on his long shaky owl legs. He straightened his robe and retrieved his black top hat and crown. Octavia face-palmed as she walked over to her parents.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Stolas began. “Someone shoved me.” He glared at Andrealphus. But Andrealphus looked so innocent in that moment that even Stella gave him the benefit of the doubt.

 

“Enough of your lies!” she cried, shoving him off her.

 

“Nice ass and curves, non-canon Goetia lady!” called a fancy demon nearby when he briefly got a peek under her dress. She proceeded to kick his face with her heels before staggering up and clutching her head and waist.

 

“How can I truly be myself…” Stella asked Stolas, “…if I have no choice to begin with?”

 

 Stella felt the crowd’s eyes on her, too. They judged her every move, every expression. “There go the Goetias,” their eyes said, “Stolas the cheating prick, Stella the yelling housewife bitch and Octavia, the improper goth prude.”

 

“Dance with me, lovebird,” slurred two men from behind Octavia. Octavia turned around and landed some sideways kicks at them. The demons flew backwards and crashed into a table of ice sculpture displays. Ice shards shattered and spread in every direction, the guests flinching.

 

“Bitch!” they yelled as they struggled to stand up.

 

“Watch yourself, Stolas,” Bael warned the prince. “Aside from your disastrous antics tonight, you’d best keep your troublesome family under control!”

 

“I’ve had enough of this hellhole,” Octavia spat, addressing the crowd around her. “Control is all you guys care about. We are all still a family. Maybe think of your kids for once instead of how much land you conquered or how many whores you screwed in Lust. Fuck you to all those who have tried to degrade my father. Especially you, Uncle! Dad may be a strange pervert at times…but…I sure as Hell love him all the same.”

 

She turned and weakly smiled at Stolas.

 

Wide-eyed Stolas cried tears of stunned joy but was able to refrain himself from rushing into hugging her. “Oh Via!”

 

“Everything’s all your fault, Stolas!” Stella spat, straightening her feathers. Her cheeks fumed red with embarrassment.

 

“Andrealphus started it!” Stolas roared.

 

“Are you even listening to me?!”

 

 “Oh, my handsome Stolas,” Andrealphus trilled with a swish of his scarf. “While you’re at it, please embarrass yourself further and give my imp servants a fun time.” He made sexual motions with his hands. “I’ll arrive and it’ll soon be a fun time…for the birds!”

 

While Stella was distracted being angry at Stolas, Andrealphus pointed his finger at Octavia. The blast missed her by mere inches. In shock, Stolas roared and raced toward Andrealphus, fists clenched. A red aura flared against teal as the two Goetia birds had a stare down. A few Goetias got out cell phones to film the impending fight but were snatched away and shattered by furies above.

 

“I believe we’ve seen enough,” Paimon put up a hand. Their powers died down. Both did apologetic bows to the kings.

 

Bael cleared his throat and spoke in a voice cold as ice. “Stolas…you may take your leave with your family. Enjoy your evening. Know that rank greatly depends on attitude.”

 

King Bael then turned to one of the nobles. “Keep an eye on Stolas,” he muttered. He glanced at a demon next to him. “And Satanica, you’re in all ways, fired.”

 

Bael threw the screaming demon through a glass window and landed with a splash in the searing hot lava outside. The window repaired itself.

 

Without another word, Stolas led Stella and Octavia home, hiding humiliation with too-wide smiles and graceful waves out the door. Andrealphus smirked in victory as he watched them go, slowly sipping another glass of bloody wine.

 

 

 

 

 

0 0 0

Nobody spoke as they drove down the winding pathway, and past a sign that read, “Thank you for cumming! See you as required in a few years if you’re not double dead!”

 

Stolas waved his hand and they drove through the gate and the portal. They soon arrived back at the mansion. The imp butler held the door for them. Stolas strolled silently out, Stella shoved the butler away and Octavia stomped behind.

 

“Listen…about Blitz…” Stolas began. But Octavia wasn’t having it.

 

“I don’t wanna hear it, dad! I hate this! I hate all of you!” she yelled to her parents. “We were a fucking laughingstock and I wasted so much time there! Either find a way to end this madness you’ve both caused or stay outta my life!”

 

“Octavia, wait!” Stolas called, but Octavia raced up the stairs and slammed the door. Sobs were heard from the other side. Without warning, Stella broke several more of Stolas’ plants nearby and stormed off to her room.

 

‘Alone again,’ thought Stolas. ‘Everything really is my fault.’

 

 

0 0 0

 

Sometime close to midnight, in a more comfortable pink fluffy bathrobe, Stella dialed a number on her pink rotary phone. She picked it up and it was silent a few times.

 

“Please let this work,” she said.

 

Then…

 

“Hello?”

 

“Andy ass?”

 

“Sissy sis!” Andrealphus chirped, holding an ice rotary phone to his ear. The peacock sat on his satin kingly bed in his chambers, the walls teal and frosted around him. He wore teal pjs with blue snowflakes and geometry symbols on them, plus a matching nightcap. Hanging on the ceiling were life-size bronze and gold spheres, clocks, dials, rulers, and other moving shapes. Peacock feathers decorated a large ornate mirror that Andrealphus liked to stare deeply into. A few robots and calculators lay on another desk. The lights in the walls were glowing teal crystals that served as lamps. Andrealphus’ sigil was decorated all around his palace as well.

 

“You’re still awake, too?” he asked her. “I’ve been feeling quite a buzz after those delicious drinks at the soiree. And may I say that family fiasco of yours was quite the banshee’s knees!”

 

“Stuff it,” she spat. “Aside from apologizing for that…annoying incident, I’m here to talk business.”

 

“Sis,” Andrealphus joked. “That’ll cost you 100,000 souls or so. Per hour. Even you don’t have that much.”

 

Stella growled. Not even Striker was this obnoxious. But if Striker couldn’t do the deed…well she had to improvise.

 

“I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors going around about my husband. About his despicable escapades with that cum-stained imp pet of his. Yes, it is true. Now a royal fucking with a common imp is scandalous enough. But get this…he let the imp use our…Stolas’ own grimoire to enter the human world! How do I know this?”

 

Stella scoffed. “It may surprise Stolas, but he’s not the only one who can read and watch the cosmos. I know all the spells just as well as he does. And the cosmos predict that if he keeps up his antics, he’ll bring himself to a fall! But not only dishonor to himself…but to his whole family!”

 

“Dishonor on you, dishonor on him, dishonor on your hell-cow!” Andrealphus sang. “Our parents saw your dishonorable traits from the get-go!”

 

“The fuck, brother? We don’t own any cows.”

 

“That hell-cow that jumped over the Pentagram moon? The one I stole from you and ate instead? You don’t remember?”

 

Stella narrowed her eyes before memories flashed before her. “Oooh! I always wondered where the Goetia holy bovine went off too! That cow was going to be Stolas’ and my wedding anniversary steak two hundred years ago! You fucking snake!”

 

Andrealphus cracked up laughing before taking some calming breaths. 

 

“Back to the topic!” Stella barked. “I cannot let him drag our family name in the mud. I cannot allow him to keep muddling around with imps, with him still getting admiration from many of the nobles.”

 

“Don’t you get enough?” he asked. “You are very pretty. And as to why Stolas prefers imps over you…hehehehe, whose fault do you think that is, hm?”

 

Stella’s eyes glowed a malicious magenta. “That’s the fucking problem, you see?! You may not have noticed, but so many attendants last night were focusing on me. Like they were blaming me for Stolas’ behaviors! At the very worst, Stolas would be temporarily suspended from the Goetia family. But if they have no use for the “less” powerful wife and the kid…well, out to the curb with them.”

 

“Hahahaha! You really are a delusional owl aren’t you!” Andrealphus mused.

 

“I’m technically a swan and no, I know what goes on behind closed doors. At least, from what I’ve experienced before.”

 

“Yawn, yawn, yawn, I’m off to bed now babe…” He lowered the phone.

 

“Wait! Do you want Stolas out of the way or not?!”

 

There was a pause. Andrealphus slowly moved the ice phone back up to his ear.

 

“Mhm, I’m listening, sis.”

 

“Don’t think I’m stupid. I know envy when I see it. Every time you look at Stolas I see desire to…”

 

Andrealphus made some exaggerated sexual moans and noises. Stella cleared her throat.

 

“Not like that! It’d better not be that! One imp is already one too many assholes around here! You’ve wanted the higher rank of prince ever since our families first joined together!”

 

“Ever the smart one,” Andrealphus mused. “Pray tell, what would you like me to do? Fuck him up?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Really? Marvelous! Although he’s your husband, I can easily bring some condoms and make compromises…”

 

“Not what you’re thinking, you fucking feminine bastard, I want him dead!”

 

“Oooohhh…” he pondered. A grin of mischief and excitement appeared on his face. “Getting even more interesting. I’ll see what angelic weapons I can get a hold of. Don’t be surprised if I require a little extra money from you.”

 

“Understood.”

 

“Ok then, so say you’ll proceed to frame me for the incident as some sort of revenge? Or prank? Not happening, hun. How do I know to trust you?”

 

“Because we’ll make it so it appears like a tragic accident. Blame it on the imps and hellhounds instead. I don’t care who you have to go through or how you kill the cheating prick, just make it happen!”

 

“What’s in it for me?”

 

“Stolas’ position, obviously. And his money. And I’ll pay you handsomely as well.”

 

“And?” Andrealphus asked, anticipating a final way to seal the deal.

 

Stella rolled her eyes and sighed at what she had to say next. “I’ll admire you at all your shows, blame myself if we get caught. I’ll suck your freaking dick if I have to, okay?!”

 

Andrealphus was pleased. “Whoa! You really are that desperate huh? Going as low as incest then? Heheh. You’re just asking to get canned, hypocrite.”

 

Stella seethed as Andrealphus continued.

 

 “Hmm. Even if I were to get in trouble, I wouldn’t lose too much. And now that I think of it, with my skills in astronomy and measurement, I would already be an ideal candidate for Stolas’ position. The lords were already discussing potential replacements last night. Hehehehe!”

 

Stella smiled. “So, are you in?”

 

Andrealphus glowed an icy teal, a sinister grin on his face. “Of course.”

 

Stella added, “I warn you. If you fail, I’ll find somebody else and tell all the nobles how you secretly like drag shows, gay bars, ice BDSM and your not-so-secret fantasies about my husband.”

 

Andrealphus looked taken aback. “Wait what? You wouldn’t, how do you…”

 

“Yes, I would, brother. I know what goes on, even when I don’t see you often. That would be pretty humiliating for you, wouldn’t it? Especially if Nova knew. Not to mention having your bird servants and a few nobles turned back so they can describe all the tortures you put them through. I heard one of them loves to harness his fire powers. You’d be the perfect target!”

 

Andrealphus growled. “Fine, wench. But remember your part of the deal if I succeed. All the money, your husband’s position, you and Nova lying right beside me within my icy splendid room…”

 

“I get it! It’s a deal, then.”

 

Stella added. “Oh, and you may have to deal with the imp pet of Stolas’. His name’s Blitz or Blitzo or something. Leads a crew Stolas mentions as I.M.P.?”

 

“Don’t worry about them, dear,” Andrealphus chuckled, his voice silky as smooth ice. “I’ll make sure they are easily disposed of.”

 

They both chuckled evilly for a few moments before Andrealphus let out a hiccup. “Gotta go. Goodnight, Swan Princess.”

 

“Goodnight, Jack-off Frost.” She laced her voice with sarcasm. “Do show me how I can suck your pea-cock soon!”

 

“What? Hey…!” Andrealphus protested before they both slammed their phones down at the same time in satisfaction.

 

Stella sighed deeply and grinned in her mirror, feeling better than she had all day. She glanced at the Striker flyer and the small portrait of her and Andrealphus arm in arm off to the side. If Andrealphus got to Stolas first, then she could dispose of Striker or have him kill Blitzo. If Striker finished it first…well she’d get to laugh in her brother’s face, saying “You snooze you lose, now buy me some booze.”

 

“You two bastards better finish the job!” she muttered.