The sea blue serpent demon roared
and bared its sharp teeth…at a small size from inside a jar. After the monster
had gotten loose, Baxter had to shrink it with his shrink ray. He was warned by
Vaggie to “keep it in your lab or better yet, get rid of it.” Niffty admired
the beast inside the jar. “Can I pet it?”
“No,” said Baxter.
“Lophiiformes is my science experiment to test my Speed-Growth formula and to
have a monster to scare off any enemies who would dare stand against my
genius!”
“Don’t let it loose again,”
said Vaggie, rolling her eyes. “And Niffty, get back to work.”
Niffty stared intently at
Baxter, her face blushing before she snapped out of it and darted off to clean
more rooms.
Vaggie gave Sir Pentious one
stern glare, and he slithered off back to his quarters with the Egg Boiz. She sighed. “Why can’t you guys just behave
for once? It’s like trying to raise kids who are on drugs.”
“It’ll be alright, Vaggie,”
Charlie said, hopefully. “We got Baxter back safely from the desert.”
“But now he has more deadly
weapons he could use for who knows what! We can’t redeem anyone if they still
have weapons around!”
“Again, we need to defend
ourselves against the Vees and the angels,” Angel Dust deadpanned. “I’m
surprised all of us have survived each other so far.”
Vaggie then pondered in
thought. “Hmm…”
“So, you’re saying no
weapons at all?” Charlie asked. “That would be nice!”
“Sadly, not,” Vaggie
explained, holding out a hand. “I hate to admit, but Angel Dust is right.
Perhaps we need to figure out what kind of weapons could be used for defense
and get rid of the more destructive ones.”
“Easier said than done,” Angel
Dust mentioned. “Those inventors and other criminals will say ‘killing is for
self-defense,’ and get stuck in their ways. We can’t monitor them all the
time.”
“We need to keep the angelic
weapons at least,” said Husk. “They can be used to kill all kinds of demons,
even the powerful ones.”
“They can…kill angels, too,”
Vaggie spoke in a soft low voice. The Hazbin crew stared in stunned silence.
“Really?!” Charlie gasped.
“You mean the Exorcists aren’t indestructible?!”
“No, they’re not,” said
Vaggie. “Besides killing anyone, the weapons can also damage angels and scar
demons.”
“Is that how you lost your
eye?” Charlie asked, wide-eyed.
Vaggie stuttered nervously.
“Y-yeah, I got into a fight with another Sinner, and they used my Exorcist
spear to…ya know…” she lied, making a stabbing gesture toward her eye.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Vaggie,”
Charlie responded, hugging her briefly. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“Oh…uh…thought it would be
too traumatic for you to hear…”
“It’s alright,” said
Charlie. “It’s hard to survive in Hell, especially when you’re a lost Sinner
from Earth.”
“Rrrright,” Vaggie smiled
nervously, briefly putting her hands behind her back, feeling the stubs of
where her Exorcist angel wings once were.
“Thanks for telling me,” said
Charlie.
“Sure,” said Vaggie. “Just
try not to make any deals with Alastor or forget it after many more months.”
Charlie stood red in the
face, already losing her confidence.
Going back to the topic,
Charlie began. “I mean…I’m sure you could train them to just use weapons in
self-defense instead of, you know, pleasure in destruction and murder.”
“Wait, what about Alastor’s
dangerous powers?” Vaggie asked.
“Alastor’s magic is another
matter,” said Husk dejectedly. “Best to start with dealing with physical
weapons first.”
Charlie waved a hand. “I bet
we can help redeem these guys, one eliminated weapon at a time. I mean, they’re
in my hotel under our surveillance. What else could they possibly use the
weapons for?”
Charlie had just finished
speaking, when a video flashed on Angel Dust’s phone: “Introducing Hell’s
Weapon Expo World’s Fair! Sign Up Today!”
Vaggie glanced at Charlie,
both of the girls downcast. Vaggie began, “Guess that answers your question.
Shit just keeps getting worse, doesn’t it?” Vaggie growled in frustration as
Charlie’s eyes widened in concern and fear.
0 0 0
“Guys,” Angel Dust called.
“You might wanna see this.”
Baxter and Sir Pentious
glared daggers at each other as they walked into the parlor, but both came over
to Angel Dust, Vaggie, and Charlie.
Angel Dust showed the
advertisement video. A smiling Vox appeared on the screen. Next to him was a
picture of a slowly spinning globe that showed a large neon red pentagram.
“Greetings geniuses and
gunslingers of all ages! Looking for an opportunity to show off your egregious
exploits?! Come on over to Hell’s new Weapon’s Expo, located right here in
Pentagram City! Demonstrate your deadliest devices and prove your prowess in…”
Vox briefly lowered his
voice, his left eye making hypnotic motions, “…gory gains!” More images
showed a variety of weapons, guns, spears, swords, bombs, axes and more on the
screen. “Whoever wins the contest shall receive infernal eternal glory, an
angelic weapon of their choice and of course, tons of fucking money! But be
warned dear Sinners, for this contest shall be judged by Carmilla Carmine
herself, the top weapons dealer! Plus some other Overlords. Me? I’m just
hosting this thing, so keep those profits coming in! To make this extra spicy,
we’ll have contestants from all the Rings of Hell showcase their gadgets! So be
prepared for some cultural trading and sharing. Sign up today at the center of
the city near the clocktower and let’s dial up the chaotic fun! Applications
are due in a few days and the event will be seven unholy days of sin. First the
contest, then meet and greet, and then free weapon testing on your enemies! Be
there or be double dead, fuckers!” Vox laughed as upbeat futuristic music
played before the commercial ended.
Everyone stared wide-eyed
and in silence. Sir Pentious and Baxter then looked at each other and said at
the same time: “I’m gonna beat your loser ass!”
Angel Dust smirked. “Ya
know, you two have more in common than you think.”
“Shut up, spider!” they both
roared, before narrowing their eyes at each other again.
“I’ll make the best
inventions that Hell will ever see!” Sir Pentious bragged, hand over his chest.
The Egg Boiz cheered behind him. “It’ll be my best work since my time alive!”
The Piscine Machines stood
erect before Baxter. “I’d like to see you try, old fossil,” Baxter retorted.
“Everyone knows my IQ is superior than yours and my inventions are, too! Former
lab partner.”
“Nobody is gonna want to see
a girly fishy nobody,” Sir Pentious hissed. “And a smelly fish that
Frankenstein pooped out. You’re nothing more than a background character and an
Einstein wannabe.”
“Some words from a goofy
old-timey villain no one can take seriously! You’re the butt of all sex and
exploding jokes,” Baxter cackled.
“And you’re just a lunatic
who needs to be in an asylum!”
“I’ll shove those Egg Boiz
down your gullet you cock-sucking cobra cunt!”
“Anglerfish asshat!”
“Tyrannical troll!”
“Diabolical deranged dick!”
“Schoolboy sissy shit
scientist!”
“Here we go again,” Vaggie
groaned out loud, leaning her head back slightly and almost ripping out her
hair.
Charlie took a breath. “Is
it…too much to ask for you guys to stay here and…”
“’Talk about our feelings?’”
asked Sir Pentious with sarcasm at Charlie. “Not at all. I’d be happy to
talk…after I’ve won at the fair!”
“I see a 0% probability of
that happening! In fact, I’m going to get started, slowpoke!” Baxter stated.
“I’ll see you at the sign-up, sissy-suck-snake!”
“I hope not,
fishy-fuck-face!” Sir Pentious snapped. The two inventors turned their heads at
each other, arms folded, noses in the air and marched to their respective lairs.
Amid the tense silence,
Angel Dust added with a mischievous grin, “I’m planning on joining with Cherri
Bomb. I bet demons will love my guns just as much as my…” he grinned, “…parts
and fluffy things people think are tits.”
“Absolutely not!” Vaggie cut
in, folding her arms. “If you’re staying at this hotel, you’re not going to run
off and kill people!”
“Relax, toots! I’m only
gonna show off my…guns if you will,” he winked. “No harming others, ya have my
word.”
“And you’ll come straight
back to the hotel?” Charlie asked.
“Absolutely! If I don’t have
work with Val.”
Charlie’s face fell.
“Ready to quit?” came
Alastor’s radio voice into Charlie’s ear. He grinned with red eyes.
“Nope,” Charlie folded her
arms. “We will…wait and see how things go.”
“You’re just letting two mad
inventors run amok?!” Vaggie inquired, incredulously.
Charlie turned to Vaggie.
“We just need to make sure they don’t use their weapons to kill anyone! Then
we’ll bring them back to the hotel once the contest is over!”
“But this whole thing is run
by Vox! You know he wants to bring this place down and create chaos!”
“Well…” Charlie explained.
“If this contest can help Baxter and Sir Pentious bond over similar interests…”
Sir Pentious and Baxter
slammed their doors at the same time…
Charlie smiled nervously. “…I’m
sure it’ll turn out better than we think. Hopefully.”
“Alastor, you’re not
thinking of participating in this bullshit too, are you?” Vaggie asked, eyebrow
raised.
Alastor laughed and shook
his head. “I could destroy all their little toys in an instant. It’s been quite
entertaining here already!”
“Tell me about it,” Vaggie
groaned.
“But for now, I’ll be off
hunting and eating venison in my room,” Alastor said, reminiscing. “Ah…my good
old bayou in New Orleans!”
“Can you make a portal to
Earth and stay there?” Vaggie asked.
“Nope, I enjoy you sinning
failures too much.”
Vaggie sighed and shrugged.
“Worth a try.”
Alastor hummed as he
vanished to his room in shadow.
“I’ll watch Baxter, you take
Sir Pentious,” Vaggie said. “Make sure they don’t kill each other or anyone
else.”
“Who’s gonna watch over me?”
Angel Dust asked, grinning at Husk. Husk sighed, a bottle in his pawed hand. “I
ain’t talkin’ to you.”
Niffty clapped her hands.
“Two bad boys! How exciting!”
“Wait…I thought you said…”
Charlie began.
“That snake is going back to
being bad!” Niffty snickered evilly, making Charlie squirm inside.
None of the Hazbins noticed
a few of Alastor’s shadow minions glancing at the doors of the inventors and
emitting supernatural sinister snickers.
0 0 0
Sir Pentious sat at his work
bench in his room. Before him on a table were a variety of tools, screws,
blowtorches, and blueprints. Sir Pentious had his goggles on over his eyes and
was using a blowtorch to meld some metal beams together. Extra space had been
added to his hotel room for his workshop.
“Wrench,” called Sir
Pentious, holding out a gloved hand. One of the Egg Boiz placed a wrench in his
hand.
“Screws,” he said. Another
Egg Boi placed screws in his hand. The room was full of banging, whirling,
fizzling, cranking and the grinding of steampunk gears.
“I shall make a grand
zeppelin, bigger and better than before! It’ll have double the weapons and
lasers. Even Alastor will think twice! When I make my grand entrance at the
fair, the crowd will surely adore me and my masterpieces!”
He pondered. “Hmm…should I
bring my Skinflayer 11,000? No, I’d better keep it here at the hotel…in case
bratty Baxter tries to sneak up on me. I know what I’ll call my vehicle of war…
the Soulslicer 20,000! Perfect!”
“Excellent, boss!” rooted
several Egg Boiz in the background. More eggs climbed onto an unfinished hunk
of machine parts, screwing in screws, hammering in nails, lifting gears, and putting
pipes into place. A few were testing parts of weapons, firing holes into the
wall. One Egg Boi stomped on a small fire, putting it out with a yelp. Another
Egg Boi in the corner was drooling over a poster of Sir Pentious dressed in a
blue military uniform with red eyes on the chest like badges.
“I’ll prove to Vox that I’m
NOT a failure! I’m the ultimate everlasting extraordinaire…the vilest of all
villains! He’ll be sorry he ever bossed me around!” Sir Pentious banged his
fist on the table and laughed. “I’ll
blast that fish-brain boy to bits with this!”
Frank the egg glanced around
and spotted something coming in from underneath the door.
“Uh…boss?”
“What is it?” Sir Pentious
snapped, not paying attention.
“S-something dark is coming
in the room!”
“No one can enter my secret
lair,” Sir Pentious proclaimed as a horned shadow minion of Alastor slithered
under the crack in the door and flew off to the side in an upper corner. Frank
pointed upward with shaking small black fingers. “It…it’s back, boss! I see
it!”
“Oh, quite your yapping and
get back to work!” Sir Pentious hissed at Frank before melding more metals
together. Frank shuddered as the grinning shadow floated down and behind the giant
machine. Before long, Sir Pentious stood up, wiping his face with his arm, and
staring proudly at a dark gray prototype of another zeppelin.
“Alright, let’s test this
baby out!” he called. The shadow minion unscrewed several screws and bent the
wires and pipes where the engines were. Frank jumped and yelled frantically but
was drowned out by the sounds of the other eggs hustling and bustling. Two eggs
opened up a window and two sat at the controls in the front interior of the war
machine.
Sir Pentious pressed a
button and the engine rumbled to life. Sir Pentious grinned as the Egg Boiz
steered the ship toward the window. Victory was his!
The engine suddenly rumbled
and sputtered, and black smoke puffed out of the engine holes.
“What the shit?!” Sir
Pentious cried out.
“It’s gonna blow, boss!”
cried Frank. Several Egg Boiz ran for cover. Sir Pentious leaped out of the way
before the back part of the zeppelin exploded with a smoky blast. Sir Pentious
screamed and curled into a ball on the ground as smoke filled the shaking room.
He stood up and coughed as the smoke cleared.
He slithered forward and
gasped. The back half of the vehicle was now burnt rubble and several windows
were broken. The two Egg Boiz who had been in the cockpit were now shell pieces
and yok.
“FUCK!” Sir Pentious roared.
“Now I have to start from scratch again! Who did this?!”
The Egg Boiz cowered and
stepped back. Sir Pentious glared at Frank who whimpered and lowered his small
black top hat. “I’ll have you scrambled for this!”
“S-sorry, boss, it wasn’t
me, I swear!”
Frank then stared at a piece
of paper that fell from the sky, pointing upward. Sir Pentious glanced at it
and snatched it from the smoky air. He peered closely and read a note: “Blow up
in your face, ha! -Baxter.”
Sir Pentious’ face turned
crimson red, and the eye on his gray top hat glowed an angry red as well.
“THAT FISH BOY IS SO DOUBLE
DEAD!”
From up in the air, having
dropped the note, the shadow minion laughed evilly before vanishing from the
room.
0 0 0
Baxter hummed as he got to
work in his laboratory. Cyan fluorescent lights hummed overhead. He grinned as
blue electricity zigzagged from one metal pole to another on a device in front
of him. “Oh ho, ho, that stupid serpent is gonna shit his scales when he sees
my greatest new invention!” Baxter examined a blueprint of a towering
transformer-like robot shaped like an anglerfish. In front of him, the tower of
metal was almost complete. It had six metal arms, two thick metal legs with
spikes on them and a metal head with a window where Baxter could sit and
control it. A nearby remote also allowed it to be on autopilot. In the robot’s
six arms were a variety of weapons.
“One gun shall fire my new
cactus juice substance and put the audience in a hallucinogenic stupor. One
will shoot mind-control rays, another, poisonous green goo from the Hell eels.
One will shoot angelic bullets...hopefully I’ll get enough. The next, deadly
blasts of electricity that make tasers seem like toys! Hahaha! The last
one…shit, I don’t know. Shit? Maybe it’ll just shoot out shit. Whatever works.”
Klein grinned evilly
too…until his sensors caught something unusual. “Unknown presence detected,”
called his robot voice, a scanner popping out from its metal head. Baxter
glanced around. “You fool, I don’t see anyone. You locked the doors, didn’t
you?”
“Yes, master.”
“Then perhaps it’s a glitch
in your system.”
Alastor’s shadow minion
poured in through the crack in Baxter’s lab door, blending in with the
darkness.
“Negative. The presence
appears to be…non-physical.”
“Non-physical?” Baxter
scoffed, standing up and walking to the robot. “You know there are no
transparent ghosts in Hell!”
“Technically, you are a
ghost, master.”
“Technically, I don’t care! Now
if you’ll excuse me, I have to become the greatest most evil genius at the
expo! My masterpiece is almost…”
Baxter paused with surprised
cyan eyes as Alastor’s shadow minion pushed the robot forward with magic. The
towering invention moaned and groaned as it slowly tipped forward. Baxter
screamed and leaped out of the way just as the hunk of metal crashed down onto
the floor. Baxter stood up and seethed at the broken parts of his robot. He
then spotted a note that flew down to the ground. He picked it up and it read,
“Guess your project is now 100% defective! -Sir Pentious.”
“I’LL SKIN THAT SERPENT
ALIVE OR UNDEAD!”
Baxter screamed in rage as Alastor’s shadow
minion laughed again before vanishing.
0 0 0
Sir Pentious and Baxter
stormed into the parlor, almost wrestling each other to the ground. Baxter
stomped on Sir Pentious’ scales and the snake grabbed Baxter’s esca and yanked
it hard. Soon, they were yelling and rolling on the ground.
“Break it up!” Vaggie
bellowed as Charlie looked on in concern. Vaggie tore the two men off each
other. Charlie held down a seething Sir Pentious, while Vaggie held a bellowing
Baxter back. Alastor watched in the background with red glowing eyes and an
evil yellow grin. Niffty, Husk, and Angel Dust sat on the couch with popcorn in
their hands. The two men stood up, eyes blinking and glaring on their bodies as
they briefly turned into their more demonic forms.
“This sneaky old snake has
been messing around with my latest invention!” Baxter bellowed.
“Oh, shut up!” Sir Pentious
hissed. “I know you destroyed my zeppelin earlier in my workshop!”
“I don’t know what you’re
talking about! Old fart!”
“I don’t know what you’re
talking about! Neurotic juvenile!”
“Will both of ya shut the
fuck up and let’s go sign up already?!” Angel Dust cried. “The expo is startin’
in several hours!” He pointed outside to a line of demons heading to the
clocktower.
“No, Angel!” Vaggie and
Charlie protested at the same time, but Angel Dust was already out the door,
carrying his trusty collection of guns. Sir Pentious and Baxter raced back to
their lairs to finish their inventions. “Okay, then!” they both said. “We’ll be
back!”
Vaggie groaned in
frustration. “With the drugs and the weapons, Angel is never gonna redeem
himself!”
“Let’s focus on one problem
at a time,” Charlie encouraged her girlfriend, putting a hand on her
shoulder.
A few hours later, Sir
Pentious and Baxter raced out the door, their minions carrying their respective
inventions behind them underneath heavy-duty coverings. Sir Pentious gasped and
stumbled as he glanced down.
“Watch out, swine!” Sir
Pentious yelped as he nearly tripped on Angel Dust’s pet pig Fat Nuggets, who
was strutting in the lobby. The pig squeaked and ran back to Angel Dust’s room.
Sir Pentious slithered to catch up to the mad fish scientist, his Egg Boiz
chattering excitedly behind him. The inventors seethed at each other as they
made their way through the crowd of demons. They made it to the black podium
stand near the clocktower, where Vox stood with the sign-up papers in front of
him.
Vox revealed a grin of cyan
teeth. “Sir Pentious! Baxter! How lovely to see you two fine gentlemen today.”
“How do you know my name, TV
man?” barked Baxter as he scribbled his name and invention onto the paper.
“I know things,” Vox leaned
in. “Quite simple, really.” With one last flip of the bird to the serpent,
Baxter ran off with his invention, trying to find a spot away from the dense
crowds.
Then Vox sneered at Sir
Pentious. “So, the failure spy has come back to see me. Don’t expect any
praise.”
Sir Pentious looked off to
the side and wrote down his name and invention in the contestant slot for the
Pride Ring.
“What makes you think you
can win this expo, after you could barely follow through with your task?” Vox
asked, his eye moving in hypnotic circles.
Sir Pentious hissed,
standing up straighter. “You don’t know my strengths, you talking picture box!
When I reveal my most vile, diabolical device of doom, even you will shit your
pants!”
Vox scoffed. “I’d like to
see you try!”
“I’ve been in Hell for a
long time!”
“So long, I think your gears
are rusted,” Vox snickered.
“I’ll be the best inventor
there is, and nothing will stop me! Not that fish freak, not you, not that
stupid hotel pig of theirs.”
“Wait, pig you say?” Vox
asked, eyebrow raised.
“A pet owned by that spider
sex creep, Angel drug something.”
Vox paused and an evil gleam
sparked to life in his eyes. “Interesting. Whatever you say.”
Sir Pentious huffed as he
and his minions continued on toward the convention. Vox grinned evilly. “You’ve
actually been quite helpful this time, Pentious…”
Vox held up his phone and
tapped it with electricity from his finger.
“Vox?” came Velvette’s
voice.
“Hey Velvette, baby, I have
a little job for you…”
0 0 0
Charlie and Vaggie sat in
the parlor worrying about Angel, Sir Pentious, and Baxter.
Charlie put her face in her
hands. “They’re gonna cause more trouble with those weapons at the expo! I can’t
afford to lose my clients!”
“That’s it. We have to go
after them!” Vaggie said. “At least keep an eye on them.” Vaggie looked at
Husk. “Hey, lazy cat, you’re coming too!”
“Getting pulled into these
shitty adventures for crying out loud,” Husk groaned.
“What about Alastor?”
Charlie asked.
Vaggie watched as Alastor
leaned against the wall and smiled before fading into the shadows.
“Forget it,” Vaggie said.
“He only likes to watch us fight and fail.”
No one noticed a slender
figure outside dressed in black with a hood decorated with a pink <3 heart
at the top. The figure tossed a grappling hook, and it caught on the edge of a
slot where a window was. The figure climbed the rope and then pulled open the
window. She stood inside Angel Dust’s room, a menacing slender figure with
magenta glowing eyes and an evil grin. Fat Nuggets was drinking from a bowl of
water. A shadow hovered over the pig. The pig turned to the side with wide
surprised eyes.
A loud shrieking demonic
squeal rang through the hall. Niffty was finishing dusting a vase and then
froze.
“What was that?”
She darted over toward the
source of the sound. She arrived at Angel’s door, where it was decorated with
neon pink hearts and pictures of Angel Dust, Husk, and the girls. She opened
the door but could only see an open window and a figure running off into the
distance with something struggling in a sack.
Niffty raced down the stairs
and over to the girls, a worried expression on her face. “Charlie! Vaggie!”
“What is it, Niffty?” Vaggie
asked.
Niffty huffed. “I-I heard a
loud squeal and I think the pig is gone!”
“What pig?” asked Vaggie.
“One of Baxter’s monsters?”
“No! A pet! I think someone
stole it!”
Husk then sat up with wider
eyes. “Angel Dust’s pig?”
Niffty nodded.
Charlie gasped. “Oh no! Fat
Nuggets! I completely forgot about him!”
Vaggie stood up, holding her
spear. “How did someone get into the hotel?!”
She seethed. “I swear if Alastor is up to this…”
“We don’t know that,”
Charlie said. “Maybe…Fat Nuggets just ran away after Angel Dust!”
“That pig always stays at
the hotel and near Angel’s room,” said Husk. He glowered. “I’m afraid Nif may
be right.”
Everyone looked worried.
“Angel Dust’ll be
heart-broken!” Charlie cried. “We have to save his pet!”
“And stop those mad geniuses
from causing any more trouble!” Vaggie added. “Buckle up, Sinners, we’re going
to an expo.”
“You know Charlie’s not a
Sinner, right?” Husk said.
“I know that!” Vaggie
roared.
“Oooh, I can’t wait to see
some more bad boys!” Niffty giggled, twirling her sewing needle.
“Keep an eye on her, “Vaggie
said to Husk. Husk groaned as Niffty briefly tugged on one of Husk’s cat ears.
Vaggie glared at Klein and
several robot minions holding small tasers. “Robot, guard the hotel.”
“At your service, Vagatha,”
Klein replied, doing a robotic salute. “Bring back a victorious Master
Baxter!”
“No promises,” Vaggie called
as she, Charlie, Husk, and Niffty headed outside toward the convention.
0 0 0
Vox stood proudly in his
usual suit outfit, broadcasting his expo live on TVs throughout Hell. He
grinned as he saw more demons attending and his VoxTech views climbing every
minute.
“Helluva hello, filthy
demons of all ages! Welcome to Hell’s one of a kind weapons expo! We have a
horde of contestants from all over Hell’s Rings and we’re very excited to see
all their deadly weapons! But first, this expo is sponsored by VoxTech’s
Angelic Security, the ultimate protection app for any extermination! Buy and
upload today!”
The crowd cheered, already
hypnotized by Vox’s words. Vox pressed a button, and through electricity,
everyone was transported to a nearby park with more room for the show.
“Let’s meet today’s judges.
Give it up for our old guy Zestial!”
The elder black spider-like Overlord
demon wearing long black robes and wearing a tall black top hat gazed at the
crowd with several green eyes on a black spider-like face. He took his place at
a tall table with screens at the front to allow him to see the various
inventions. The table was covered with a white cloth stained with red and black
blood.
“Zeezi!”
A pink giant dinosaur
Overlord lady with wild colorful hair and a tail stomped over to her spot at
the judges’ table.
“The head judge Carmilla
Carmine herself!”
The angelic weapons dealer
strode forward to her spot at the center of the table. She was a slender woman
with sharp white angelic ballet shoes pointed like weapons. Her face was light
gray, and she wore a dark gray mask around her reddish eyes. One bang of her
hair was black. She had white hair and pointed horns on her head with thin
black stripes. Her hair ended in small curls near her black hoop earrings. Her
hands were giant and white with black nails. She wore long black leggings with
white crisscross designs, a black top and her dress ended in sharp pointed ends
like sword points. Her two daughters Odette and Clara wandered around, looking
at several other inventions and writing on their clipboards.
“And Carmilla’s secret
assistant, Charlie Carmine!”
Another woman took her spot
next to Carmilla. She had tall red high-heel boots decorated with barbed wire,
dark red pants, a red dress with dark red stripes on it and red goggles on her
head. She had long red hair and large red eyes with small black pupils. Her
skin was white, but her left hand was giant and red with a gear on it. Her arm
was made of molten lava and could shapeshift. She looked like a fusion of Sir
Pentious and Cherri Bomb, with an edgy steampunk look. Sir Pentious blushed
when he spotted her face.
“Yeah, I didn’t know she
existed either!” Vox admitted. “But she does the dirty
work of melding the weapons with angelic essence for Carmine and her daughters
to sell! Heard she died in the 1830s.”
Vox cleared his throat.
“And now…our contestants!
Please come forward!”
Epic warrior music blared
from the speakers as machines and electricity towered toward the city. The
audience applauded and stepped back to allow more room. Through various colored
portals in the red sky, demons descended downward with their diabolical
dangerous devices!
“Here comes the not-so
sloth, Sloth Ring!”
Floating gracefully from the
Sloth Ring were four demons with the heads of goat and sheep. The first one had
a pink goat’s head with a white candle with a pink flame on it. His name was
Hypno. The second was a sheep that looked at peace, with a candle of a teal
flame on her head: Zeezee. The third was a strong bull demon with long curved
horns and a blue flame: Morphi. The last was a white sheep with a lavender
candle on his head: Lulla. All four wore white doctor’s coats.
They landed on the ground
before the crowds.
“Greetings, fellow Prides,”
sang Hypno the leader. “We present our amazing invention sure to keep you
content…for a long time!”
Hypnos and Morphi held up a
long pink ray gun which read “Deep Sleep Dreams,” in light pink. “Fly high,
folks!” sang Lulla.
Zeezee pressed a button and
teal beams of hypnotic rays pulsed over toward the crowd. Many demons instantly
swayed and had drugged happy looks on their faces as distorted lullaby music
played.
“We have your favorite drugs
and substances flowing in our machine! We can mimic any drug of your choice!” sang
Hypnos. “Ecstasy, crack, meth, angel dust, you name it!” He mentioned to
the various glowing substances in the see-though veins of the device.
“Did somebody call me?!”
Angel Dust called out from the background.
With an evil grin on his
face, Hypnos pressed more buttons. Various colored rays shot out, causing the
demons nearest to the device to laugh uncontrollably, fight each other, fall
asleep, scream in agony, or drop dead completely.
There was a rather sleepy
round of applause as the judges examined their device, Carmine’s daughters
careful not to get too close.
“A sleep ray? Boring!” Sir
Pentious dramatized.
“Don’t get lazy! Cast your
votes now!” Vox began with a fake yawn. He cleared his throat.
“Don’t get too jealous, but
the Envy Ring is next!”
A gush of ocean water
spilled out from the purple portal and a triad of aquatic demons with many eyes
morphed before the audience. Three demons stood before them, one blue, one
green, and one teal. Their names were Shimmer, Glimmer, and Swimmer. Swimmer
was a teal female, Glimmer was a green female creature, and Shimmer was the
blue male leader. They were all slender with fish fins, eyes all over their
bodies and their arms like tentacles. They wore clothing made of fish scales.
Underwater otherworldly music played.
“Land-dwellers!”
sang Shimmer. “Prepare to meet your watery end!”
Shimmer held out a large golden
trident and pressed a button. The prongs extended and each turned into
different things. The first one morphed into a golden sword that shot out to
stab some demons before being retracted back into the device via a rope. The
second prong opened up to a hole that fired fish nets that electrocuted several
captured demons. The final metallic prong in the middle opened up and fired
acidic water onto more demons, melting them instantly. Swimmer grabbed a
struggling pink demon and held him in front of her partner. Glimmer held a
smaller blue gun to the demon’s face and open mouth that sucked out all the
water in the pink demon’s body, causing dehydration. The pink shriveled demon
dropped dead at their feet. More applause.
“Big deal,” Baxter scoffed.
“I’m the ultimate water creature!” He grinned and held his small sea serpent in
a jar.
“Water you waiting for? Cast
your votes!” Vox chuckled. “Time to
get aroused by the sexy folk from Lust!”
Seductive club music played
as a horde of pink succubi and incubi with small bat wings and BDSM clothing
descended down from the dark blue portal. The group was called XXXtreme, and
they had various names: Phallo, Booby, Clitora, Lubey, Vaga, among others. They
did seductive dancing around poles and displayed phallus shaped torpedoes,
cannons, and guns. One succubus fired a gun that shot out condoms and sex toys
that exploded. Another one of their weapons shot out acid semen and noxious
gas. And, of course, there were love potions.
“Oh, yeah, I’m gettin’ hot
already!” Vox chuckled.
“These performing inventors
are going for the green! Give it up for Greed!”
Circus music blared as a
group of performers danced and flipped out of the green portal. Six demons
dressed like jesters came down to the ground: The Fearsome Freaks. One jester
wearing a striped skirt balanced on a ball, juggling rainbow bombs before
tossing them into the air. The bombs exploded into fireworks as the audience
cheered. A large shirtless tan male demon spun a pole into the air, the two
ends lit with green flames that gradually turned red. After spinning the pole,
he popped a flaming sword into his mouth before spitting it out at several
bystanders.
“We feed on Greed! We feed
on Greed! Glory is all we need!” sang the Greed contestants.
A third performer female
hollered war cries as she rode a demonic elephant covered with green armor, the
many-eyed gray beast trampling more screaming demons. She also fired a gun
accurately at several dummy targets as she balanced upside down. The fourth
performer threw angelic knives at targets with his eyes closed. The fifth spun
through the air, firing fiery bullets through the air in a spectacular dance.
The sixth one just stood under a green spotlight telling bad weapon jokes.
“What is Satan’s favorite
gun? A caliber 6.6.”
“Bravo, bravo!” Vox clapped
as the bloodstained performers bowed.
“Show-offs,” muttered Sir
Pentious.
Vox continued. “Sickenly
sweet with plenty to eat! Here comes Gluttony!”
Through the yellow-gold
portal came four muscular Hellhounds, who howled in triumph as they came down
to the ground as club music blasted in every direction.
“Let’s get this party
started, hooligans!” chorused the black Hellhound leader, who had
named his group the Hellhound Hooligans. Bael was the back hound leader, and he
carried a black electric guitar that shot out deadly electricity at demons
whenever he played it. All the Hellhounds wore colorful party clothes, boots,
jeans, and torn shirts.
“Taste the honey, fuckers!”
sang an excited tan Hellhound, Bella, who held a large cannon that fired
alcohol bottles of intoxicating honey at the crowd, who reached out for them in
excitement. The demons danced and dodged more attacks from the contestants,
including Beezi the white female Hellhound’s very explosive bomb pies and
poisonous pink cotton candy. Bubba the brown hound laughed and demonstrated her
flips and tricks, using an axe on a chain to swing at various demons.
“Don’t be late to the
party…vote now!” called Vox.
“They make me sick to my
stomach,” Baxter remarked.
“Y’all know the roughest,
toughest warriors in Hell, they’re all the rage in Wrath!” called
Vox.
There was a roaring of
cheers and western rock music as a dozen Wrath Ring imps charged from an orange
portal, riding on stallions with flaming manes. The Wrathful West Warlords were
one of the finest fighter groups and blacksmiths in all of Hell and it was easy
to see why. Two muscular imps wearing cowboy hats led from the front on
motorcycles, wearing spiked armor.
Following the two imps were
four other males who came toward the audience and showed off their angelic
weapons. One held two broad swords that had been forged in the volcanos in
Wrath. Another showed off a mace that shot out spikes as he swung it around. A
third imp drove a large black tank into the park and a fourth imp did a
presentation of various torture devices. A dozen more imps wearing cowboy hats,
knight armor, samurai armor or general uniforms, danced in a line as they
flaunted their well-crafted destructive tools. Maces, swords, knives, throwing
stars, cannons, katanas, cutlasses, revolvers, rifles, bombs…Wrath Ring had
every kind of weapon from all kinds of time periods at their disposal!
“Nothing beats classic war
anger!” said Vox. “Vote, vote, vote!”
“And finally, here come our
proud Sinner contestants from right here in Pride!”
As royal music with a circus
flair briefly played, the audience gasped in awe as the contestants were
announced.
“SIR PENTIOUS!”
“BAXTER!”
“ANGEL DUST!”
“CHERRI BOMB!”
“CRYMINI!”
“LOOPTY GOOPTY!”
“LYLE LIPTON!”
The seven Sinners came
forward, revealing their masterpiece inventions. They sang as their inventions
were analyzed and tested. Vox was enjoying all the chaos and calamity.
“Sinners! Cower before me!” Sir Pentious sang.
“When this day is done, you
all will adore me!
My new zeppelin is running
and here!
The Soulslayer 20,000 is
your new worst fear!”
The new zeppelin hovered in
the air; now black with the outer shell made of snake scales. The windows were
red, and the weapons extended from an opening in the front of the ship that
looked like a serpent’s mouth. There was even a large black hat structure that
was added on top of the ship with a round window at the top that allowed for
more surveillance. Sir Pentious laughed evilly as the Egg Boiz inside fired the
cannons. Several destructive blasts shot out from the extended cannons in the
zeppelin, razing parts of the city.
“Not so fast, fool of the
past!” Baxter fired back in song.
“For my day of glory is here
at last!
Brace yourselves for
Destructo Doombot,
Initiate the Baxter Blast!”
Baxter laughed manically and
pressed a button. A giant blue robot with slender flexible legs and six
weaponized arms towered onto the scene. The robot fired a wide range of blasts,
shooting acidic water onto the buildings.
Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and
Niffty raced as fast as they could toward the park. They narrowly avoided a
falling roof and a water splash several feet away. The asphalt street cracked
and crumbled before them.
“This is mayhem madness!”
Vaggie cried in song. “The city’s gonna blow! I knew we shouldn’t have let
them go! If we don’t get them back to the hotel…things will not end well!”
“I think we can still reason
with them, it’ll be fine,” Charlie sang back before her eyes
widened, “There’s not much time!”
“Stab! Stab! Stab!”
Niffty trilled in song.
“Vox doesn’t care for the
city at all. He’ll gladly grab at money and see us fall,”
Vaggie added in anger.
“Any ridicule from Vox…Sir
Pentious cannot take it. Just a little further…we can make it!” Charlie
huffed.
“All this running around,
I’ve had enough,” Husk growled.
“Bad boys so strong and
tough!” Niffty grinned.
Angel Dust posed with
several guns in his hands on stage. Vox scoffed.
“Another one bites the Angel
Dust!” Angel Dust grinned in song, striking a pose. “Bang,
bang!” He held a small gun and squeezed a button. A small flag came out of
the slot which read “Eat my dust.” Several of Angel Dust’s porn fans swooned
and cheered. “Come too close and get caught in my web.” One of his guns
fired a pink spider web, capturing several winged demons. “I can fuck hard
and fight hard,” he smirked. He grew six arms and fired his weapons all at
the same time, earning more cheers and claps from the crowd.
Cherri Bomb and Crymini
posed together, each holding a bomb in their hands. Cherri Bomb had white skin
and a single cyclops eye. She wore a pink tank top with xs on it, one of her
white shoulders revealed. She had torn black pants and tall pink high heel
boots. Her hair was blonde with pink highlights done in a ponytail. Crymini the
hyena Sinner grinned next to Cherri Bomb, her fur white and dark pink. Her eyes
were yellow with pink iris. She wore a spiky black collar, and a short pink
dress with a white skull on it. Her legs were spotted, one had black stripes
and one had pink spots. She also had a thick pink and white tail that matched
her thick long bangs of hair near her pointed ears.
“Dames of destruction,
relish in the arson,” Cherri Bomb began, tossing a pink bomb that
exploded into pink smoke in the sky. She brandished a small metal shooter that
fired sticks of dynamite into the distance that let out more explosions.
“Never afraid to make our
mark,” Crymini added in song, as she sprayed red graffiti onto a
nearby wall that read, “BAD BITCHEZ RULE THE WORLD!”
“Rebellious streak hotter
than Hell’s center,” Cherri Bomb grinned, doing spectacular flips,
and fighting poses. She and Angel Dust posed side by side and grinned.
“We say ‘bomb’s away,’ to
our blown-to-bits foes,” Crymini harmonized, using a torch like
a paintbrush to create flaming designs and words in different colors on the
ground: “ROCK YOUR SOCKS OFF!”
Sir Pentious blushed in
secret as Cherri Bomb threw one final bomb behind her that exploded in pink
smoke. He had never seen a woman so tough, so rambunctious…and so beautiful
before…at least not during his time in Hell. Cherri Bomb had spunk and despite
being an annoying rival…Sir Pentious couldn’t help but feel there was something
more…
At the same time Crymini and
Cherri Bomb finished, two rival Sinner inventors rolled and spiraled onto the
scene. The two men glared at each other, but still seemed to work together, if
not to prove themselves better than everyone else.
“I am Loopty Goopty,
dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!”
A tall slender demon
arrived, riding on a spiral of black metal loops, almost as if they were
extensions of himself. He wore tall lime green boots and a black suit with a
green color on his waist and a green upward spiral on the chest. He had a red
cape and red gloves on his hands. He had wavy tall red horns on his head, red
skin, a long nose, and a cliche villain black mustache. He also had a black top
hat with a green rim and green hypnotic goggles over his eyes.
Lyle Lipton rolled into
action, wearing a green suit with a red undershirt, black sleeves, and green
gloves. He revealed a grin of piano teeth and a wavy white mustache obscured
part of his light green face. He wore a small black top hat with a red rim and
red hypnotic goggles. The lower half of him was black with red stripes…he had
no legs but could roll fast to get around.
“I am Lyle Lipton, experimenter
of the poor and inventor of endless youth!”
The two Sinners posed in
front of their zeppelin ship.
“Look at my loops!”
sang the eccentric Loopty Goopty, reaching his hand to swing himself from
building to building. He danced and spun in his own spirals before coming back
to the ground.
“React to my rolls!” added
Lyle Lipton as he crashed through walls unharmed with his speedy rolling body. “Face
the music, demons! I have achieved supervillain strength!”
“We shall bring glory to
ourselves and be heralded as your vile saviors!”
Loopy Goopy added, arms extended, grabbing demons and squeezing them. “For
we are dead but cannot die!”
“So that makes you like
Frankenstein,” Lyle Lipton said to him. “An eccentric
loopy zombie.”
Loopty Goopty paused and
turned to him. “Says you, piano man! You got owned by a piano and now
you roll in your own ego.”
“At least I didn’t get
killed by my own invention!” Lyle Lipton fired back.
“Oh, the heat is on, folks!”
Vox
called as he relished their arguments. “Let’s see what the judges have to
say.”
The judges first looked at
the Sloth Ring inventions combined with the votes.
“Good for drug parties,
otherwise…nay,” Zestial remarked.
“SUPER COOL!” remarked the
dinosaur Overlord.
“Needs more gore,” Charlie
Carmine remarked.
Carmilla Carmine said, “Okay
inventions but I sense a rather…lazy effort.”
“On to Envy!”
called Vox.
“I thinketh the design
creative but too confined to water,” Zestial said.
“A GOLDEN TRIDENT WITH
WEAPONS INSIDE? WHAT A FINTASTIC CLASSIC!” exclaimed the dinosaur, banging her
fists on the table.
“Eh, not bad,” said Charlie
Carmine.
“No angelic power and a
half-assed display of bravado,” remarked Carmilla Carmine in disapproval.
“Lust!”
called Vox.
“Eweth,” Zestial remarked
with a disgusted look.
“AROUSING AND DEADLY! I LOVE
IT!” smiled the dinosaur.
“Kinda pathetic. Not
steampunk enough,” remarked Charlie Carmine.
“Yeah…no,” said a disgusted
Carmilla Carmine. “Save your tools for the bedroom.”
“Greed!” Vox
continued.
“A circus performance doth
not equal true brutality. Maketh more war-like,” Zestial commented.
“CIRCUS PERFORMANCE WAS
DYNAMIC AND WILD! ENCORE, ENCORE!” stomped the dinosaur lady.
“Indeed, very creative,”
said Charlie Carmine, “But still not my favorite style.”
“Like clowns playing with
toys and lacking cold strategy,” Carmilla Carmine scoffed.
“Gluttony!”
“A shooter that fires drugs,
food, and alcohol…a fruitless child’s toy on the battlefield,” said Zestial.
“Thou should be ashamed.”
“WHOO! PARTY WEAPONS AND
INCREDIBLE BOMBS! DO MORE!” cheered the dinosaur Overlord.
“Boring,” said Charlie
Carmine. “Needs more sharpness and less blinding colors. Though…I would like
that recipe for the rotten candy.”
“Juvenile and ill-crafted,”
said Carmilla Carmine.
“Wrath!”
“Me thinketh thou imps put
on a spectacular show. A classic example of the grace, brutality, and
effectiveness of war and thine culture,” remarked a pleased Zestial.
“YES! YES! CAN I JUST SAY
YES!” beamed the dinosaur Overlord.
“Are you really approving
everything?” asked a skeptical Charlie Carmine. “But yes, I very much approve
their work.”
“Very impressive, fine craftsmanship,”
Carmilla Carmine said in approval for the first time. “Just tone down the
wrath…a lot.”
The board read:
Sloth: 12
Envy: 13
Lust: 8
Greed: 16
Gluttony: 10
Wrath: 20
“And…Pride!” announced
Vox.
Sir Pentious and Baxter were
tied. Loopty Goopty was in third place, Lyle Lipton was in fourth, Cherri Bomb
was fifth, and Crymini was in sixth.
And then…
“The porn star is out,”
Carmilla Carmine remarked, glancing down after Odette came up to her.
“What? Why?!” Angel Dust
asked angrily as boos were heard.
“This is a weapons expo, not
a porn show.”
“I gotta show off my stuff
at some point. Look how good I am at fightin’!”
“You do have great skill,
but I’ve seen better.”
Angel Dust slumped and
walked off the stage just as Charlie, Vaggie, Husk, and Niffty reached him.
Angel Dust fumed after he
spotted the small piece of paper that was in front of Carmilla Carmine that
hadn’t been there before. On it was Vaggie’s handwriting: “I’m just after the
prize money. – Angel Dust.” Vaggie had told Odette about a “really important
customer inquiring about fighting techniques. Here is the number.”
Angel Dust wasn’t happy.
“Bitch!” he spat at Vaggie.
“You made Carmilla drop me out!”
“We have to get you back to
the hotel,” Vaggie said. “You could’ve used that money for more drugs! Or who
knows how mad you’ve have gotten if you had stayed longer.”
“That prize money could’ve
helped me pay off my debts to Val!”
“Well, thank goodness you’re
okay!” Charlie said, wanting to change the subject.
Angel Dust glared. “What you
ya mean, ‘thank goodness?!’ None of these people know true talent when they see
it.”
“I told you that entering
the contest was a bad idea,” Vaggie reprimanded. “Killing is not allowed for
you anymore!”
Angel Dust shrugged, hands
out. “I didn’t kill anyone! I swear!” Angel Dust glanced back at two wounded
demons he had shot earlier. “Well maybe a little…”
“Hotel. Now,” Vaggie glared,
pulling him along.
“Wait,” said Charlie.
“Baxter and Sir Pentious!”
“What about ‘em?” Angel Dust
asked.
“Look,” said Husk, pointing
to the stage. Niffty had popcorn in her hands with an excited grin.
“The final feud is on,
folks!” Vox announced. “After Wrath coming in second, we are down to our two
finalists! Mad Inventor Sir Pentious and Mad Scientist Baxter!”
(“I’m The Sinner Winner!”
song)
The two men pushed buttons
on their own remotes and their battle inventions rumbled to life in the
distance.
The crowd cheered and voted
some more as the two Sinners glared daggers, put on their goggles, and began to
clash. They were each lifted up by their minions, rising into the air. Like
boys in battle suits, they comically exchanged punches and insults. The Egg
Boiz stumbled and held each other’s hands, also trying to support their master.
Several Egg Boiz broke the glass of a few Piscines, causing the biotic fish to
spill out. But more Egg Boiz got cracked from metallic punches from the robots.
Sir Pentious and Baxter
circled each other as the crowd watched. Sir Pentious briefly hypnotized
Baxter, causing him to stumble and nearly lose his balance. But one shock from
one of Baxter’s robots tazed the snake in the tail, allowing Baxter to snap out
of the trance. In the background, the zeppelin and Baxter’s Destructo robot
also fought each other. The giant robot tried to crush the warship in its metal
hand, but a rapid barrage of bullets briefly blinded the giant Baxter-lookalike
robot.
“I’m the Sinner Winner!” Sir
Pentious and Baxter sang at the same time in a duel, seething.
“You may think you’re hot
shit, but you’re just a beginner!”
“I’ll wipe the floor with
your fishy face!” Sir Pentious hissed.
“Your slow brain cannot
match my pace!” Baxter retorted.
“Cower before my steampunk
splendor!” Sir Pentious grinned, gears grinding behind him. Charlie
Carmine grinned in approval.
“Watch your confidence get
mixed in a blender!” Baxter scoffed, shaking a flask of teal
liquid that fizzed with steam. Carmilla Carmine facepalmed at the idiocy of Vox
and the contest.
“Without my work, yours
wouldn’t exist!” Sir Pentious sang.
“Mine is a recognizable
improvement, I insist!” cackled Baxter.
“You weren’t even in the
first season!”
“I enjoy being alone for a
reason!”
“I should fire you again for
treason!”
“In your body, I’ll add a
lethal lesion!”
They both sang at the same
time.
“I’m the Sinner Winner!”
“I’m the Sinner Winner!”
“You may think you’re hot
shit, but you’re just a beginner!”
“You may think you’re hot
shit, but you’re just a beginner!”
“I’ll make sure the ass
anglerfish drowns once again!”
“I’ll make sure the sissy shit snake gets
roasted alive!”
“All will bow in my coils!”
“All will be my lab
subjects!”
“And now I say, farewell
mother…”
And now I say lebewohl you
piece of…”
“STOP!” Charlie, Vaggie,
Husk, and Niffty shouted at the same time. Charlie briefly flared in her
demonic form before reverting back.
Baxter and Sir Pentious
paused as Vox himself stepped onto the stage, slowly clapping.
At long last, both of their
inventions groaned, fizzled, and collapsed at the same time. The zeppelin
crashed and exploded to the ground in green smoke, while the robot slammed to
the ground in an explosion of metal and teal light. Many demons flew backward
from the force of the explosions. Charlie and the others ducked for cover,
rising only when the smoke had cleared.
Baxter and Sir Pentious both
slumped in disappointment and frustration as their minions gently lowered them
to the ground and scampered off. They brushed themselves off and breathed hard.
“D-did I win?” Sir Pentious
asked with a nervous grin.
“Congratulations to both of
you!” Vox grinned, arms out. “That was an amazing performance! So incredible
that I now have 6.6 billion views on VoxTube. Now, to determine the final
winner. Sir Pentious…”
Sir Pentious gulped.
“Since you’re the oldest,
you have the privilege of coming forward for your demonstration. I have
examined one of your weapons and it appears to have transmutation powers?”
“Yes,” said Sir Pentious as
Vox gave him his small gray gun with various settings on it. “It can turn
things into monsters without having to grow them in a tank,” Sir
Pentious smirked at Baxter. “But I have yet to make some modifications…”
“Too late for that,” said
Vox. “Now’s the time to prove your worth! If you can successfully demonstrate
the effectiveness of your weapon, you win the contest!”
Sir Pentious beamed, his
eyes wide with tears. “Really?”
Vox nodded. “And gain my
approval back! And win lots of money! And brag in Baxter’s face!” Baxter folded
his arms.
Sir Pentious had an evil
smirk on his face. His dream was coming true at last!
“But if you lose, well…I guess I’ll have to
ask Baxter to do it instead!”
Baxter grinned, but Sir
Pentious folded his arms. “He won’t even get a chance!” Sir Pentious loaded his
gun. “Let’s get started!”
“Whether it works or not, at
least you can say you tried,” Vox said. “Yes,” said Sir Pentious, aiming the
gun. Velvette appeared and pushed a cart forward with a cloth on it to Sir
Pentious.
“I present to you…your test
subject!” Vox grinned. “Begin!”
Velvette removed the cloth
and underneath it was…
“FAT NUGGETS?!” Angel Dust
cried in shock.
Sure enough, the pet pig was
struggling and squealing on the table as his hooves were restrained by small
chains.
“SIR PENTIOUS, DON’T!”
Charlie yelled.
Sir Pentious looked taken
aback. “The swine pet?” He pointed a finger. “So, it was you who stole the pig
from the hotel!”
“All thanks to you
mentioning it,” Vox smirked. Sir Pentious lowered his eyes as Vaggie and Angel
Dust burned holes in his soul with their stares.
“Go ahead, snake man…turn
this runt into a monster and you’ll be back to true Overlord status!”
“B-but I could kill him!”
“Who cares? You’ll still be
rewarded no matter what, I promise!” persuaded Vox.
“Sir Pentious, don’t shoot,”
Charlie pleaded.
“You kill my pet and I’ll
make sure you’re double dead!” Angel Dust snarled at the snake, tears in his
eyes. He aimed his gun at Vox, but Vox held up a hand. “Wouldn’t do good for
Hell’s hottest porn star to strike an Overlord. Especially if my sexy buddy Val
found out, heh?”
Angel Dust wavered, hands shaking
on his weapon. He was at a standstill. If he were to attack Vox, Velvette could
roast his beloved pet to bacon. Vox also grinned at the Hazbin crew. “So nice
of you lowly has-beens to join us!”
“Stop trying to mock us and
my hotel!” Charlie bared her teeth. “As the princess, I demand you to let Fat
Nuggets go!” Vaggie gave her a proud look.
“No one in Hell listens to
royalty,” Vox purred in a low voice, moving a menacing electric gloved finger
toward Fat Nuggets. “One step and he’s toast.”
Sir Pentious’ eyes darted
around, sweat beading his face. Velvette kicked one of his Egg Boiz for good
measure.
“He’s trying to divide us so
the hotel fails!” Charlie called. “You already said, ‘sorry.’ Now it’s time to
act for the good of your friends!”
“We’re not friends,” Baxter
stated.
“Stop ruining it!” Vaggie
barked.
It was all up to Sir
Pentious now.
Vox grinned. “You have no
friends to begin with! So…what’s it gonna be, Sir Pentious? Wanna be the vilest
villain you were destined to be? Or will you always be a good for nothing joke
of a failure?”
The tension built as his
hands shook holding the weapon. He stared into Angel Dust’s angry eyes,
Charlie’s pleading ones, Vox’s hypnotic orbs…and the innocent sweet eyes of Fat
Nuggets who gave him a somber look.
“I…I…”
Sir Pentious inched forward,
closer and closer and closer…
“I think I’m gonna slip!”
He stumbled on his tail and
fell forward onto the table. Velvette gasped as Sir Pentious nearly fell on top
of Fat Nuggets. Sir Pentious and the wheeled cart rolled forward past Velvette
and off the stage. Velvette fired rounds from her gun, but the bullets bounced
off Sir Pentious harmlessly. Sir Pentious gave Baxter a look, pointing at the
chains. Baxter nodded and fired a few blasts from a gun, breaking apart the
chains and freeing the frightened Fat Nuggets.
“FUCK!” Vox roared as Sir
Pentious held the pig close in his arms and raced over toward Angel Dust. More
bullet blasts caused Sir Pentious to slow down, making him nearly drop the pig.
Vaggie pointed her spear at Velvette, who had tried to grab Sir Pentious from
behind. Sir Pentious tossed the pig to Angel Dust just as Vox tackled him to
the ground. The crowd cheered and chanted, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Fat Nuggets
nuzzled into Angel Dust’s white fur and the spider demon sighed in relief.
Vox had Sir Pentious in a
chokehold, but Baxter aimed one of his weapons at him.
“Back off, I say!”
Vox chuckled as he stood up.
“Trying to save your own rival now?”
“The only one who can kill
him…is me!” Baxter spat as Charlie helped Sir Pentious up. She and Vaggie
supported him, his arms on their shoulders as the Egg Boiz lifted his lower
serpent body.
Vox stood up. He and Velvette soon found
themselves outnumbered by the Hazbins. Carmilla Carmine also looked at him in
disapproval. Vox stared nervously at the cameras. “Sorry about this
interruption, folks! Due to unplanned circumstances, I officially declare the
winner of this weapons expo to be…ME!”
Vox posed as the golden VoxTech
Angelic Security logo appeared on the screen. “Because let’s face it, the
greatest weapon of all is the one used on the mind, ears, and eyes…the most
subtle weapon of all! Magnificent media! Horray for me!”
Many demons cheered while
several others booed. Cherri Bomb and Crymini took a selfie together, posing as
explosions and flames flashed in the background. Crymini had managed to snatch
some of the prize money. They labeled their Voxtagram photo with
#BestWeaponsExpoEver. The brave demons who avoided the chaos exchanged tools
and inventions. Some took selfies with the various scientists and inventors,
grinning when they got their creations signed by them.
“YOU FRAUD!” yelled Lyle
Lipton and Loopty Goopy to Vox. “You stole our victory!” Vox mentioned for one
of his managers to stop the Hazbins. Vox fled the scene in a flash of
electricity, leaving Velvette to run to her pink and purple fancy car on foot.
She zoomed away, barely escaping the enraged inventors.
“Take that, shark fiend!”
Baxter shouted as one of Vox’s managers rushed at him with a taser.
Baxter hit the manager with
his cactus juice ray, making him drop the taser. He began dancing like a
chicken and saying everything he hated about Vox…live on TV. “Vox wants Alastor
to notice him!” “Voot Floop cereal is overrated!” (No one ever saw him again
after that.)
“Let’s get outta here!”
called Angel Dust, holding Fat Nuggets in his arms.
“What happened, Sir
Pentious?” asked Charlie.
“I…uh…sorta tripped…on
purpose.”
Husk grinned. “Clever trick,
kid. Wasn’t expecting that from you.”
Charlie gave Sir Pentious a
hug and he winced a bit. “I knew you had a good heart!”
There was a sudden roar and
a shaking of the ground. The Hazbins slowly looked up. Demons screamed and
scrambled away as Baxter’s blue sea monster towered over them. The monster let
out a thunderous screech and promptly crunched a screaming demon in its mouth.
“BAXTER!” Vaggie raged.
“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
THAT SO MANY EXPLOSIONS WOULD ALLOWIT TO ESCAPE FROM THE JAR?” he yelled over
the noise.
“SHRINK IT BEFORE IT DEVOURS
US ALL!” Charlie yelped, stepping back.
But then Niffty jumped up
and down. “I HAVE A GREAT IDEA!”
“What, Niffty?” Husk asked.
The Hazbins soon found
themselves screaming and riding on the scaly back of the many-eyed monster as
it slithered back to the hotel.
“THIS IS FUCKING INSANE,
NIFFTY!” Charlie cried, holding on for dear life.
Baxter was using his pulsing
esca to guide the beast as much as he could. Husk, Vaggie, a hurt Sir Pentious,
and Charlie screamed as they bobbled up and down, nearly falling off. “WHEEE!”
cried Niffty in excitement as Baxter cackled at the front near the monster’s
head. Baxter hollered, “I KNEW MY INVENTIONS WOULD COME IN HANDY!”
The Egg Boiz got to work
stitching up Sir Pentious’ wounds, while the Piscine Machines helped keep the
serpent calm, using telepathic communication through their escas.
“Angel,” Sir Pentious said,
in a softer voice. “I don’t expect you to forgive me after my spying on you and
almost losing your pig…”
Angel Dust shot him an angry
look.
“…but I sincerely apologize
for my selfish behavior. No more showing off weapons from now on…”
Vaggie smiled.
“…at least in public.”
Vaggie’s face briefly fell
but she shrugged. She figured that Sir Pentious would continue to improve.
“I’m proud of you,
Pentious,” Charlie said.
“I’m a loser,” he said,
dejectedly.
“No, you’re not,” she comforted.
“You saved Fat Nuggets and hopefully learned your lesson with Baxter. Plus, you
stood your ground against Vox. That was amazing!” Vaggie nodded in approval as
well.
Baxter and Sir Pentious
folded their arms, but they no longer argued.
“Hey, why’d you save Sir
Pentious from Vox?” asked Husk to Baxter.
“Vox just made me mad,”
Baxter claimed. “I don’t care about Sir Pentious.”
“Perhaps you admit I have
some prowess,” said Sir Pentious.
Baxter scratched his neck.
“Well…yeah…that was pretty clever what you did to save the pig.”
Sir Pentious beamed.
“Well, both of you
technically lost the expo contest…” Vaggie said.
“I think it was a tie,” said
Charlie, trying to cheer them up.
Baxter sighed. “Well since
we both lost our inventions and perhaps our lives…perhaps I will refrain from
quarrelling with you.”
“Same,” said Sir Pentious.
Charlie smiled.
“But that doesn’t mean we’re
friends!” Baxter spat.
“Wholeheartedly agree with
you!” Sir Pentious snapped.
“Wonderful, Baxter! You’re
improving also!” Charlie exclaimed.
“Finally something you two
can agree on,” remarked Husk.
Vaggie sighed, glancing at
Charlie’s hopeful eyes again. “If you guys promise not to leave the hotel or
cause any more trouble, you may stay.”
Baxter and Sir Pentious
smiled.
“But you both have to do
your part to clean and defend the hotel. Plus the redemption part.”
“I shall do my very best!” declared
Sir Pentious.
“And shrink this beast for
good when we get back,” ordered Vaggie to Baxter.
Baxter sighed. “Okay. I’ll
do my part too…as long as I don’t have to participate in Charlie’s superficial
social sessions too much. Or Angel Dust’s sleazy acts.”
“It’s a deal,” said Vaggie.
Niffty raced down the beast’s
side and snatched a pink smoothie from a pair of demons at a table. She climbed
back up, the bottom of the glass in her mouth before scouting closer to Baxter.
“You know…I’ve been interested in more of your inventions.” She held out her
smoothie to him. “Can you… tell me more?”
Baxter looked at the
smoothie. “Where did you get that?!”
“Want some?” Niffty slurped
from one of the straws.
“Yuck! Who knows who ate
it!”
“We’ll be great friends,
someday, I just know it! You’re just so…slippery.” She giggled.
“Niffty,” groaned Husk as
the beast headed back to the hotel as the sun set.
Vox sat in his studio again,
Velvette behind him, screens glowing in the dark.
Vox furrowed his eyebrows. “I was so close to
getting my views to be the highest in all of Hell! I almost brought that hotel
down, would’ve been hilarious to see Angel Dust heartbroken! I knew I should’ve
slaughtered that swine when I had the chance!” He slammed a fist. He narrowed
his eyes as he saw the news: “Drama At Hell’s Weapon’s Expo! Vox’s Embarrassing
Secrets?! Plus, Snake And Fish, Who Would You Smash?”
“Well, we still have plenty
of tricks up our sleeves,” said Velvette. “Hell will eventually belong to us
completely…it’ll just take time.”
“I’ll make sure no Sinners
will ever be redeemed in that dump. No one will ever leave Hell, especially
from me. When I’m through with that little princess and her rag tag bitches,
every Sinner in Pentagram City will be hanging on to every word I say for
eternity!”
Vox grinned evilly, his eyes
glowing red and his teeth glowing cyan in the darkness.
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